How to take dating profile photos for women over 50?

March 22, 2022 9:12 AM

A friend who is a straight woman in her 50s has asked me to take some photos of her for her online dating profile. What are people looking for in age 50+ profile photos? What should I aim to produce? How can I take care of my friend in the process?

My friend has also offered to reciprocate by taking profile pictures for me (a man in his 30s). If anyone has any thoughts I’d welcome comments on this too.

posted by d288478 to Human Relations (18 answers total)

I don't think there's one answer to this. I think profile photos are more about the personality of the person and what they are hoping to communicate or project. For example, is she looking for a casual or long-term relationship (or something else?) Is she interested in dating men of a certain age? What are her hobbies and where does she like to spend her time?

There's no set "this is what people in their 50s want to see in dating profile photos" idea. I think it's more about taking a flattering photo which showcases her personality, her interests, and certain physical traits (if she is wanting to highlight those).
posted by bearette at 9:31 AM on March 22, 2022

Realmatchmakermaria on TikTok offers basic guidance on what pics every profile should have. In other videos she encourages people to wear flattering, bright colors.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:34 AM on March 22, 2022 [3 favorites]

I read a long time ago that women who show themselves participating in a sport get more responses.
posted by FencingGal at 9:43 AM on March 22, 2022 [2 favorites]

It's tricky, because everyone has different tastes - your goal isn't to please everyone, it's to please the people you imagine you might click with. Personally, back when I was on the apps, I didn't like pictures that were too formal/staged/professional - rightly or wrongly, I assumed those people would be overly formal/rigid in real life, and I'm a fairly informal person. So, I put up a mix of informal photos I had from recent years of doing activities that are meaningful, or with friends (obviously you should both feel okay about dipping into pre-pandemic photos if needed). I really liked it when people included photos of themselves with friends - not only does it indicate that they are likely not a psychopath, but it helps give a sense of what their social context is (and therefore, what sort of social life I might be entering into should I end up dating them).

Of course, there is nothing wrong with being a formal person! If that's who you are and who you want to attract, go for it - but I'd still try to include at least one photo with friends + one hobby/activity photo.
posted by coffeecat at 10:02 AM on March 22, 2022 [1 favorite]

I'm a bit younger than your friend, and I see men's profiles, not women's, but I would say that you both need, at the very least, two kinds of photos: one smiling or otherwise looking happy, showing your face, unobscured by sunglasses or a hat (regular glasses if she wears them are fine); and one that shows your whole body.

The face one shouldn't be a head shot or look super professional (those often just seem outdated, though I suppose it's okay to have one of those in the mix? I don't love it, for reasons coffeecat articulated well). Get dressed as if you're going on a first date. And the thing about hats and sunglasses: sometimes men in particular only have photos of them outside, wearing sunglasses, and it's hard to really tell what they actually look like. And please do smile. So many men don't smile for photos.

As for the body one: this isn't about showing skin, but just about showing people your general size and shape. I have heard that sometimes there is an assumption that if people don't show anything but their head in dating app photos, they are hiding something (and I've gone on a date with someone where I realized why they didn't have one of these photos).

A photo doing an activity is great (this doesn't have to be a brand new photo, but one you already both have). Show some of your personality and life.
posted by bluedaisy at 10:32 AM on March 22, 2022 [6 favorites]

Put stuff in the photos that people can start a conversation with! having a built-in visual object for people to ask about or comment on is hugely helpful for getting people over the hump of getting conversations started. in front of a bookshelf is a good one for banter, or with some random momento that someone can open with a question about, etc. you get the idea. This is universal advice.
posted by wowenthusiast at 11:52 AM on March 22, 2022 [1 favorite]

Photos don't have to be super-professional. As said above, be sure to have a clear face shot, and a full-body shot of some kind (an activity photo works well for this). Other pictures (never too many) should have some kind of hook for someone to ask questions.

You can have sunglasses, just not on your main profile pic. You can have multiple people in a pic, again, just not on your main profile pic. Main profile pic should be just your face, clear and unobscured, positioned above the text of your profile.

I've always included a formal work photo to show that I'm someone stable with a job. (Who knows if this works or not?) It sets me apart from the pics of guys posing with a fish.

Stay away from selfies in the car. There are millions of those pics out there, and they're rarely flattering. Surely, you can find a brick wall to stand in front of.

A goofball pic says that you're fun, easygoing, and willing to make fun of yourself.

All pics should be recent and digital. Scanned-in photos are a dead giveaway that they're not current.

As ever, let your profile do the work.
posted by Capt. Renault at 12:42 PM on March 22, 2022

I think spontaneous-posed photos are the real winner in dating profiles. Ideal scenario: I’m hanging out with my friends, I’m wearing an outfit I like, and we walk past a cool {plant/wall/street lamp}, I hand my phone to a friend and say “take a picture of me”. They snap 3-5 shots in 10-15 seconds, and then we keep going about our day. If one of us has a Vision for the picture, we may re-set and do another quick burs before moving on.

If you can, set things up for doing an activity you both enjoy, but have a goal of taking 3-5 mini-sets of photos while you’re together. Put the emphasis on the *other* experience, so the focus of you day isn’t “profile photos”, and it will take the pressure off both of you.

Alternately, playact like you’re Instagram Influencers for an afternoon, and take *tons* of photos of yourselves and each other. Most of them will suck for one reason or another, but they’re digital and can just be deleted! Never spend more than 60 seconds trying to perfect any one set-up. Keep moving around (or doing different things) to have maximum options for the lighting and angle to be just right. This technique can help you ignore/get past the awkwardness of being in front of the camera, if only in the limited context of taking pictures.

For best results, give yourselves 4+ “sessions” of getting together with the “side goal” of profile pictures. This will help with a variety of outfits/locations/activities, and even honing your techniques for posing and framing pictures.
posted by itesser at 12:54 PM on March 22, 2022 [3 favorites]

Everyone looks better with a little soft light on their face, coming from in front and below. The older we get, the more that kind of lighting can help soften the effects of aging.

I recently shot some interview footage of a naturally good-looking 50-year-old woman, but we both agreed that she looked so much better on camera when I set a soft light in that position. I was in a hurry, so it was fairly improvised -- a cheap clamp light with a warm white 60-watt-equivalent CFL bulb, and a piece of white paper taped to the front of the reflector -- but it worked great. You could even get a similar effect with a small table lamp that has a white or off-white shade, probably. A diffused flash could work too, for stills.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 2:22 PM on March 22, 2022 [4 favorites]

I should have mentioned that a reflector -- even a piece of white paper or posterboard -- can accomplish the same effect if you're shooting outdoors in daylight. But you might need another person to hold it in the right place.
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 2:33 PM on March 22, 2022

It's fortunately been quite a while since I inhabited the dark world of dating sites and I don't ever plan to be there again. What I did find during my time in that world is that I appreciated honest photos that showed what someone actually looked like. Of course, we all want to put our best face forward, but don't forget the goal is to actually meet someone in person and they're going to be, at best, dubious if you look nothing like your carefully staged and artfully lit photos.

Having said that, the main profile photo is often the first thing that catches someone's eye, so do take a lot of care in selecting that photo. A good head-shot with a plain background works pretty well in that respect, but definitely include some 'action' shots that reflect your personality and include at least one full-body shot. Again, there's no point in trying to hide what you think might be an unattractive feature when the goal is to meet up with someone at some point. As a male who was trawling dating sites in his 50's, I appreciated someone being honest enough and sufficiently at ease with their age to show what they really look like. I was always dubious of someone stating they were 50+ with a bunch of photos that were obviously of someone much younger or were obviously all professional shots.

Having said all that, it's very true that men are often much more judgemental about a potential partner's appearance than women, so you don't need to be brutally honest and should do your best to present your friend as well as possible, at least for that main photo.
posted by dg at 2:54 PM on March 22, 2022 [1 favorite]

A goofball pic says that you're fun, easygoing, and willing to make fun of yourself.

I think this point about setting the right general tone is a good idea. I'm a cis het woman about your friend's age and for me (happily partnered but if I were going in this direction) I'd want a decent well-lit headshot, a decent full body shot and a few other pictures that kind of set the tone for things I like to do.

I think sometimes people will include, for example, a picture of them dressed up in a nice outfit but they're not really someone who likes doing that, they just looked good in this shot at a special event. I'd try to lean on pictures that put your best foot forward within the context of you doing something you enjoy. So a better shot for a hiker would be someone outdoors and in hiking gear even if you looked a little muddy or sweaty. Someone at a baseball game for someone who was a sports enthusiast even if the sun is a little in your eyes. Someone in the kitchen baking even if your hands are covered in flour. Something where you could say "If you hung out with me, I'd sometimes look like this" as opposed to "If you hung out with me I would only look like this if one of my best friends was getting married." Especially true with pets or kids in your life. If they're central in your life, put them in a photo.

For men my only request has always been "Show what your real hair looks like." I think there can be a lot of awkwardness around thinning hair but I'd rather see that (my guy has thinning hair, and did when I met him, and he's cute af) then a bunch of picture of a guy in a baseball cap and have to wonder. And show the facial hair that you currently have.
posted by jessamyn at 3:00 PM on March 22, 2022 [7 favorites]

Nthing the full face shot without sunglasses while smiling, and the full body shot (sport can be good, but not if you're not sporty). Those are the two that matter
posted by tillsbury at 3:49 PM on March 22, 2022

Just…a candid that shows a human expression, one you actually make in the course of being a human!

So many of us unconsciously make our selfie face and pose with the angles we think are flattering, and then the real-life face looks nothing like the posed faced. Also the posed faces tend to look stern or creepy or like some generic idea of sexy, and they’re so common that natural expressions are actually much more attention-grabbing. For women: don’t try to look sexy. For men: don’t try to look tough or cool.
posted by kapers at 7:19 PM on March 22, 2022 [2 favorites]

I'm closer to your age than your friend's, but here are my thoughts:

YES:
- Well lit, bright colors
- Action shots (e.g. if you like cooking, have a photo of you cooking)
- At least one photo with friends so I know you're minimally un-creepy enough to have some kind of social circle (but don't make all the photos with multiple people, because then it's hard to know which one you are)
- For straight guys, a pic with a dog or cat. It doesn't have to be yours.
- Something interesting to start a conversation around (an unusual landscape? A piece of art?)

NO:
- Selfies of any kind. Absolutely not
- Low-res photos
- Work headshots (like, what you put on your badge)
- For straight guys, I find flexing shots super cheesy, like when you pose with an expensive car or show off an expensive watch or you're sitting on a yacht with a champagne bucket
posted by airmail at 6:50 AM on March 23, 2022

I've helped several friends do dating-profile photos, working basically to their specifications. Bit younger than your friend, but there seem to be some general guidelines for "app" photos. Here's what I gathered from my experiences over the last few years:

• The photos should be good, but they shouldn't scream "professional". You don't want to lead with a headshot or anything that looks like it's been worked on. I purposely did all the photos with an iPhone, even though I have access to "real" cameras, because I figured it was easier than trying to fake a cameraphone photo in Lightroom after the fact. (Though the quality gap between cameraphones and DSLRs has narrowed considerably in the last couple years, and AI-assist "portrait mode" now creates the look of a short-DOF photo with a fast, professional lens... so I think there's more room now to do some retouching and blur the background to keep the viewer's attention focused on the subject.)
• Natural light is good, natural light with a matte reflector, or standing on a light-colored surface (beach sand, whatever) can also work. The morning or evening "golden hour" when the sun is usually less direct tends to be particularly flattering.
• There's a sweet spot for formal vs. informal clothing that I admit to having a hard time with. You don't want to go too formal unless the photo is at an event where that level of formality is obviously expected (e.g. wedding candids), because people might find that off-putting and/or intimidating. You don't want to go too casual, in case it reads as sloppy. My friends decided to go for activity-specific apparel to sort of punt on this issue and avoid setting an expectation either way.
• You want the background to create a sense of place, but you don't want it to be too visually "busy" or distracting. If you want to use a photo that has a busy background, you can consider some light desaturation, de-contrasting, or exposure reduction of the background to make the eye stay focused on the subject. But make the change you think looks good, then go a bit less, to keep it subtle.
• At least one or two of the photos needs to crop down well so it can be used as a thumbnail. Don't take it as a head-and-shoulders shot in the camera, but compose it so that it can be cropped that way in the app. Make sure whatever camera you use has enough resolution, and that you have enough light to avoid sensor noise, so this can be done cleanly.
• No makeup, unless you/they are really good at makeup, such that it doesn't look like they're wearing makeup. I don't make the rules.
• Any retouching needs to be basically invisible. Not, like, forensically undetectable, but it can't look like a magazine shoot where everything has obviously been airbrushed to oblivion. Fixing minor wardrobe malfunctions (cameltoe, VPL) or the occasional zit or missed shaving spot seems in-bounds. I stayed away from the temptation to play with the Clone/Repair and Liquify tools to remove wrinkles or do "digital liposuction" since those seemed like they could lead to awkwardness when meeting someone in person.

In the case of my friends, we did some "outdoorsy" photos that looked like they were hiking, taken at a scenic lookout point in the early evening. They even did a couple of push-ups right before, so that they had a healthy flush / "glow" about them, but weren't actually, you know, sweaty. They were wearing fairly high-end technical clothing of the sort that you'd recognize if you were into that sort of thing, but we avoided actually including any logos/labels so that it didn't seem like an overt "yo check out my $500 Patagonia jacket, peasant!" If you're gonna flex, make it understated.

None of my friends were looking for casual sex / flings so we made a conscious decision not to show any overt cleavage or bathing suit shots. No shirtless gym pics either. Apparently these can be interpreted as signs that someone is looking for something casual/physical, according to my friends. But a full-body shot giving an idea of the person's overall silhouette is sort of a requirement, I've gathered.

Showcasing activities, especially social ones, is a plus. My friends were split on whether it was okay or a faux pas to include overt alcohol consumption—apparently this is a "party person" signifier, at least to the younger demographic. (I have read that for women, showing that you enjoy beer actually increases response rates.) We took a couple photos that were identifiable as being at a winery (if you know what a winery looks like, so it's sort of a dog whistle), but without any actual wine in the photos.

Animals are good, just not in every photo. We got some good ones of people playing tug-of-war with my dog, cropped so that the dog is sort of incidental to the image.

I think the most important rule, though, is to find out what the person is looking to communicate or 'sell' about themselves to a potential partner. Do they want to emphasize that they're outdoorsy (like, "take me on a hike for our first date"), vs. do they like to travel ("ask me about places I've been to"). And of course, if there are things they want to emphasize about their appearance that they're proud of, I'd work that in.
posted by Kadin2048 at 10:55 AM on March 23, 2022 [2 favorites]

No makeup, unless you/they are really good at makeup

If you don't normally wear makeup, sure, but if you do... should you quickly wipe off your face before taking any shots? What about wedding candids?
posted by airmail at 12:38 PM on March 23, 2022 [1 favorite]

…Yeah, no, your usual makeup is fine, if you usually wear makeup. I think some non-makeup-users have misconceptions about how makeup works.
posted by armeowda at 4:27 PM on March 23, 2022