Lying for fun and profit: Summer camp edition
March 3, 2022 12:32 PM Subscribe
A summer camp I'm applying to wants private medical information about my child just to get on the wait list. Should I lie?
My child obtained a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder a few years ago, pursuant to some struggles with classroom behavior. Most of these have now resolved and they're doing very well in school and extracurriculars. (These were the "sit down and shut up" sort of behavior issues, not violence, eloping, or anything of that sort.) The only support that is sometimes useful in school is a wiggle seat. If you met Child now, you'd say "nerd" and move on. We did not disclose to summer camp last year and never heard a single word of complaint.
Anyway, this summer, Child wants to try a new strategy of a different camp every week, so my other sock and I have spent the last few weeks getting on wait lists and so forth. We have been unnerved at how many of these places demand disclosure of every single diagnosis. It feels eerily like "the system" has found a way to make The Permanent Record a real thing. I might be willing to have a conversation with a human being in which I said "Child had a rough couple months in 2019, but they're kicking ass now," but I am really reticent to stick potentially damaging, context-free PHI into some web form when there's technically not even a spot open. Assume I'm not too concerned about my immortal soul: is there some compelling practical reason that we shouldn't just lie?
My child obtained a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder a few years ago, pursuant to some struggles with classroom behavior. Most of these have now resolved and they're doing very well in school and extracurriculars. (These were the "sit down and shut up" sort of behavior issues, not violence, eloping, or anything of that sort.) The only support that is sometimes useful in school is a wiggle seat. If you met Child now, you'd say "nerd" and move on. We did not disclose to summer camp last year and never heard a single word of complaint.
Anyway, this summer, Child wants to try a new strategy of a different camp every week, so my other sock and I have spent the last few weeks getting on wait lists and so forth. We have been unnerved at how many of these places demand disclosure of every single diagnosis. It feels eerily like "the system" has found a way to make The Permanent Record a real thing. I might be willing to have a conversation with a human being in which I said "Child had a rough couple months in 2019, but they're kicking ass now," but I am really reticent to stick potentially damaging, context-free PHI into some web form when there's technically not even a spot open. Assume I'm not too concerned about my immortal soul: is there some compelling practical reason that we shouldn't just lie?
Goodness no! You really don't have to disclose anything you don't want to, especially went it comes to your kids' health history.
That said, I have an autistic kid and I disclose. It's no big secret, there's nothing wrong with being autistic and camp counselors are usually too busy being overwhelmed by the kids to single any one kid out and mark them as 'different.'
But I really follow a need-to-know policy. Every so often my kid's school asks me to sign a release of medical records to them, for no particular reason, and I always refuse because my kid is entitled to her privacy.
posted by stowaway at 1:07 PM on March 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
That said, I have an autistic kid and I disclose. It's no big secret, there's nothing wrong with being autistic and camp counselors are usually too busy being overwhelmed by the kids to single any one kid out and mark them as 'different.'
But I really follow a need-to-know policy. Every so often my kid's school asks me to sign a release of medical records to them, for no particular reason, and I always refuse because my kid is entitled to her privacy.
posted by stowaway at 1:07 PM on March 3, 2022 [9 favorites]
They only need to know enough to ensure your child is safe. Don't tell them anything beyond what they need to know. There's no moral obligation on you to tell them any more than that and any obligation you have is to your child and what's best for them. Tell them what you feel comfortable telling them and not a thing more. I'm like 99% sure you won't go to hell for this.
posted by dg at 1:21 PM on March 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by dg at 1:21 PM on March 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
If your child was diagnosed due to classroom behavior issues a few years ago, they are now old enough to be in on the discussion of "do you want the summer camp to know you are autistic." My son (now 19) was diagnosed when he was 6 and he has always chosen to be open about it. I'm not saying that they should be the only decision maker, there may be consequences to disclosure in your area that they're not aware of, but it's never too soon to start implementing a "nothing about us without us" policy.
posted by Daily Alice at 1:23 PM on March 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
posted by Daily Alice at 1:23 PM on March 3, 2022 [8 favorites]
Response by poster: Thank you all for answers so far.
To Daily Alice's good point (since this might come up again), I am beyond sure that Child will want no part of disclosure. The atmosphere at school leading up to the diagnosis was their life's first great trauma, and the degree of shame they've internalized around it is honestly kind of scary, and could fuel its own Ask. The last time it came up was maybe six months ago -- they'd had a conflict with a teacher where I thought disclosure might be useful, so I asked Child if it would be okay, and a huge meltdown ensued. We didn't disclose, and the relationship with the teacher was repaired on its own -- full marks and all praise in that class at report card time.
I know there's some serious unpicking of this trauma that we'll have to do as she grows up, and we're trying gently (leaving autie-positive stuff around the house, e.g.), but I don't think uncredentialed camp randos should be driving the timeline, so I'm glad to have the permission of the internet to make them mind their own beeswax.
posted by sockrilegious at 1:48 PM on March 3, 2022 [5 favorites]
To Daily Alice's good point (since this might come up again), I am beyond sure that Child will want no part of disclosure. The atmosphere at school leading up to the diagnosis was their life's first great trauma, and the degree of shame they've internalized around it is honestly kind of scary, and could fuel its own Ask. The last time it came up was maybe six months ago -- they'd had a conflict with a teacher where I thought disclosure might be useful, so I asked Child if it would be okay, and a huge meltdown ensued. We didn't disclose, and the relationship with the teacher was repaired on its own -- full marks and all praise in that class at report card time.
I know there's some serious unpicking of this trauma that we'll have to do as she grows up, and we're trying gently (leaving autie-positive stuff around the house, e.g.), but I don't think uncredentialed camp randos should be driving the timeline, so I'm glad to have the permission of the internet to make them mind their own beeswax.
posted by sockrilegious at 1:48 PM on March 3, 2022 [5 favorites]
I would ask her if it's okay to skip telling the camp or if she would prefer you told the camp - framing that as the second choice so she feels okay saying no, I don't want any accommodations given that she has been really upset about disclosing before, and re-assuring her that she is a) controlling disclosure and b) informed about the camp's questions - so she trusts you to check in with her.
My kid has been pretty okay about her diagnosis and necessary disclosures at school and doctors, but as she turns into a teen, that is slowly changing - it is tough!
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 3:30 PM on March 3, 2022
My kid has been pretty okay about her diagnosis and necessary disclosures at school and doctors, but as she turns into a teen, that is slowly changing - it is tough!
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 3:30 PM on March 3, 2022
Caveat: I have no ideas what the form actually looks like or what info you can really enter (check boxes vs short answer).
Having been a counselor at camps, it is to share some info. I would approach along the lines of ADA accommodations- you don’t need to tell them your medical history, but you do need to tell them the accommodations that are needed. So would your child need a warning before loud noises, a special kind of care if overwhelmed, a special chair in the dining hall or the ability to get up often? (Honestly, I have no clue, fill in as appropriate) no need to disclose one’s’ whole life, but also make it a bit easier for the teenager who might be caring for your kid
posted by raccoon409 at 4:38 PM on March 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
Having been a counselor at camps, it is to share some info. I would approach along the lines of ADA accommodations- you don’t need to tell them your medical history, but you do need to tell them the accommodations that are needed. So would your child need a warning before loud noises, a special kind of care if overwhelmed, a special chair in the dining hall or the ability to get up often? (Honestly, I have no clue, fill in as appropriate) no need to disclose one’s’ whole life, but also make it a bit easier for the teenager who might be caring for your kid
posted by raccoon409 at 4:38 PM on March 3, 2022 [3 favorites]
I've been filling out a lot of these forms lately. I interpret those forms as asking if there is any accommodation your child will need - i.e. epipen, medicine, quiet time etc. If not, then I would not put anything down.
posted by Toddles at 9:50 PM on March 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Toddles at 9:50 PM on March 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
I run summer day camps and the only things we need for our wait lists are name, age (for planning), and contact info. However, I can think of two or three reasons for that on a form. One is for planning, especially if there need to be assistive devices in place or kids who need closer to 1:1 supports so the camp has to staff up or train. Two is that it’s administrative in that they aren’t confident there will be good communication if you join “late,” so they want all the relevant information on the form up front. (We build our allergy lists early but have a daily check; we didn’t always have that in place, especially if a camper switched weeks.)
The third reason I can think of is discriminatory, so let’s hope it’s not that.
Anyways…as the person that runs the staff training and has to make sure a temporary, young adult team helps your kid have a safe, secure, and happy time, I’d put what would help your child the most, and assume it’s really just the camper form. We don’t care about the label (unless it’s something we need to communicate to a paramedic.) We *do* care about giving ourselves time to train your kid’s particular leaders in meeting their needs, and my experience with kids on the spectrum is that varies so much anyway, it helps to drill into specifics. So I’d focus on that.
I think your concern is probably coming from a place of experience with crazy systems and discrimination and I respect that. On the other end of it though, I’ll just share that we have had parents send young kids to our sports oriented camp and not tell us about asthma or anaphylactic allergies and we’ve had a scary experience or two. I’d guess any PLEASE TELL US has grown out of that kind of experience, not a permanent record or nosy neighbour thing. Any caring camp anyway.
posted by warriorqueen at 4:22 AM on March 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
The third reason I can think of is discriminatory, so let’s hope it’s not that.
Anyways…as the person that runs the staff training and has to make sure a temporary, young adult team helps your kid have a safe, secure, and happy time, I’d put what would help your child the most, and assume it’s really just the camper form. We don’t care about the label (unless it’s something we need to communicate to a paramedic.) We *do* care about giving ourselves time to train your kid’s particular leaders in meeting their needs, and my experience with kids on the spectrum is that varies so much anyway, it helps to drill into specifics. So I’d focus on that.
I think your concern is probably coming from a place of experience with crazy systems and discrimination and I respect that. On the other end of it though, I’ll just share that we have had parents send young kids to our sports oriented camp and not tell us about asthma or anaphylactic allergies and we’ve had a scary experience or two. I’d guess any PLEASE TELL US has grown out of that kind of experience, not a permanent record or nosy neighbour thing. Any caring camp anyway.
posted by warriorqueen at 4:22 AM on March 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
No, I would not disclose, unless you think your child needs accomodations.
My kid also has an autism diagnosis spurred primarily by behavioral difficulties that have since resolved. I will probably disclose to camps this year (because he still has triggers that staff need to look out for) but in your situation, definitely not.
Sadly, summer camps sometimes seem to feel they have license to discriminate. I've seen "special needs" camps basically outright say in their materials "autism with behaviors need not apply." So I definitely would not disclose a history of autism with "behaviors" unless you need accomodations.
On the other hand, kudos to camps like Steve and Kates that ask functional questions ("how easily does your child make friends?") and are extremely welcoming.
posted by haptic_avenger at 6:29 AM on March 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
My kid also has an autism diagnosis spurred primarily by behavioral difficulties that have since resolved. I will probably disclose to camps this year (because he still has triggers that staff need to look out for) but in your situation, definitely not.
Sadly, summer camps sometimes seem to feel they have license to discriminate. I've seen "special needs" camps basically outright say in their materials "autism with behaviors need not apply." So I definitely would not disclose a history of autism with "behaviors" unless you need accomodations.
On the other hand, kudos to camps like Steve and Kates that ask functional questions ("how easily does your child make friends?") and are extremely welcoming.
posted by haptic_avenger at 6:29 AM on March 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
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If you child needs some specific supports, tell them. But if your child needs absolutely nothing different from all the other kids, you have this corner of the Internet's permission to say "n/a".
posted by Winnie the Proust at 12:59 PM on March 3, 2022 [16 favorites]