Gift Registry for Birthday
February 28, 2022 2:56 PM Subscribe
How common are gift registries for birthdays? I just got sent a link from a friend having a 50th, and it's the first time I've encountered something like this for a birthday.
Wow. I have never heard of such a thing (and am in the demographic where practically everyone I know has had at least a 50th). This seems appallingly crass to me.
posted by HotToddy at 4:19 PM on February 28, 2022 [14 favorites]
posted by HotToddy at 4:19 PM on February 28, 2022 [14 favorites]
Gift registries are an abomination in any situation (just my opinion, naturally), much less for a birthday. If faced with a gift registry, I would simply give a cash gift instead. I've never, ever heard of such a thing for a birthday though.
posted by dg at 4:22 PM on February 28, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by dg at 4:22 PM on February 28, 2022 [4 favorites]
This is not a thing I have been subjected to.
As far as why someone might think it's okay, lots of grown-ups like to ask their friends and family for all sorts of preselected things that cost money in the name of celebrating another year with them.*
It really doesn't strike me as any ruder than verbally asking for the $$$$$$$ specific thing(s) you want or inviting people to spend $$$$$$$$$$$ at a restaurant or bar to celebrate your adult birthday.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 4:41 PM on February 28, 2022 [3 favorites]
As far as why someone might think it's okay, lots of grown-ups like to ask their friends and family for all sorts of preselected things that cost money in the name of celebrating another year with them.*
It really doesn't strike me as any ruder than verbally asking for the $$$$$$$ specific thing(s) you want or inviting people to spend $$$$$$$$$$$ at a restaurant or bar to celebrate your adult birthday.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 4:41 PM on February 28, 2022 [3 favorites]
Not a gift registry per se, but my mom is still a big gift giver for our birthdays and Christmas even now that we're adults, so we all keep ongoing Amazon wishlists of gifts we might like. My mom asks us to update them every year so she can get us things we want rather than risking it. It includes things from outside Amazon as well.
I would never send my wishlist to someone unbidden, though - it only goes to the immediate family members who specifically ask for it. Sending a registry out in advance feels a bit tacky.
posted by majesty_snowbird at 5:42 PM on February 28, 2022 [4 favorites]
I would never send my wishlist to someone unbidden, though - it only goes to the immediate family members who specifically ask for it. Sending a registry out in advance feels a bit tacky.
posted by majesty_snowbird at 5:42 PM on February 28, 2022 [4 favorites]
Asking for gifts is tacky. Asking for birthday presents after you reach adulthood (and I'm being generous here; I really think it's more like after you're 6) is as tacky as it gets. Sending out a registry? I have no words.
posted by Dolley at 6:37 PM on February 28, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by Dolley at 6:37 PM on February 28, 2022 [5 favorites]
I've never encountered one for a birthday, but I don't see what's wrong with it, especially for a 50th. It means all the usual awkwardness of gift giving and receiving can be side stepped (peak guess culture!). Especially if you're in a situation where you are faced with family wanting to give unwanted, expensive gifts.
posted by Zumbador at 7:01 PM on February 28, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by Zumbador at 7:01 PM on February 28, 2022 [3 favorites]
I think it's very unusual and would probably be put off by that. I know people who have done the "in lieu of presents for my birthday please give to my favorite animal shelter" but that's entirely different.
posted by oneirodynia at 7:39 PM on February 28, 2022
posted by oneirodynia at 7:39 PM on February 28, 2022
I'm kinda surprised by the responses as their is a completely other side of looking at it.
For those who like giving gifts that the other person wants and will enjoy a registry is a great option. One is not obligated to buy from it, or even give a gift. It's just an option. What's the big deal?
It seems like people's responses may say more about them than the actual registry. *shrug*
posted by Mr. Papagiorgio at 7:53 PM on February 28, 2022 [5 favorites]
For those who like giving gifts that the other person wants and will enjoy a registry is a great option. One is not obligated to buy from it, or even give a gift. It's just an option. What's the big deal?
It seems like people's responses may say more about them than the actual registry. *shrug*
posted by Mr. Papagiorgio at 7:53 PM on February 28, 2022 [5 favorites]
Most of my friends are not the sort of people who would willingly be into this, but ehhhhhh I can super-easily imagine how extended family could make this a lifesaver.
posted by desuetude at 10:16 PM on February 28, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by desuetude at 10:16 PM on February 28, 2022 [2 favorites]
As someone who is recently past 50 I find myself trying to get rid of stuff, not acquire more.
posted by brookeb at 10:59 PM on February 28, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by brookeb at 10:59 PM on February 28, 2022 [2 favorites]
I would say “registries” (not just a general list on Amazon as mentioned above) are generally limited to some transitional stage of life where people may need to buy a lot of things at once- getting married was once proxy for setting up a home together, having a baby (even subsequent babies don’t usually mean a shower, and if they do it’s a “sprinkle.”) perhaps high school graduation. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a registry outside of these formats.
I’m in my thirties but my friends and I don’t really giv ebirthday gifts all that often outside of the few that I’m very close to. So I can’t imagine creating a registry where essentially 3 people would buy me something, but perhaps that’s just me.
posted by raccoon409 at 12:24 AM on March 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
I’m in my thirties but my friends and I don’t really giv ebirthday gifts all that often outside of the few that I’m very close to. So I can’t imagine creating a registry where essentially 3 people would buy me something, but perhaps that’s just me.
posted by raccoon409 at 12:24 AM on March 1, 2022 [2 favorites]
Gift registries are a nice way to help people get you the things you want or need instead of a bunch of stuff that ends up being a job to return, because you already have a vacuum cleaner, or whatever. This feels very "ask vs guess" to me -- ask people probably feel like a gift list would be welcome, guess people are upset about it.
If I'm in a situation where people are expected or generally do give gifts I will make a gift list and let them have at it. I can imagine one's 50th being a big enough occasion that it might be helpful.
Strange? Possibly. But keep in mind that single people, or people who don't have families for whatever reason (estrangement, etc) don't often get gifts for any reason, but often are shouldering expenses on their own that others have the opportunity to share. So if this person NEEDS new towels, or whatever, and they've registered for them, just get the towels. There is no great moral victory in avoiding giving someone what they want or need.
posted by Medieval Maven at 5:41 AM on March 1, 2022 [6 favorites]
If I'm in a situation where people are expected or generally do give gifts I will make a gift list and let them have at it. I can imagine one's 50th being a big enough occasion that it might be helpful.
Strange? Possibly. But keep in mind that single people, or people who don't have families for whatever reason (estrangement, etc) don't often get gifts for any reason, but often are shouldering expenses on their own that others have the opportunity to share. So if this person NEEDS new towels, or whatever, and they've registered for them, just get the towels. There is no great moral victory in avoiding giving someone what they want or need.
posted by Medieval Maven at 5:41 AM on March 1, 2022 [6 favorites]
If the birthday person is unmarried and has splashed out lovingly for years on others' shower, wedding, baby presents, then I can understand.
posted by travertina at 5:42 AM on March 1, 2022 [7 favorites]
posted by travertina at 5:42 AM on March 1, 2022 [7 favorites]
Echoing travertina. I'm not married and don't have kids and never intend to. I've spent thousands of dollars over the years on wedding travel, bridesmaid's dresses, baby presents, throwing showers, etc. I fully intend to treat my next milestone birthday like a wedding.
posted by anotheraccount at 9:41 AM on March 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by anotheraccount at 9:41 AM on March 1, 2022 [1 favorite]
Never heard of this, as a just over 50 in the midwestern US person, with friends in multiple states around the same age. For those of us who actually buy presents for each other, shared Amazon wishlists do the job, along with the fact that we've known each other long enough that our gift-buying skills don't suck. Also, mostly we lean towards "experiences" as birthday gifts - dinner in a nice restaurant, fancy/interesting foods we can't get locally, travel, museum visits, concerts, etc. - rather than more stuff.
I mean, I could see how this might make some sense for a hyper-organized person with lots of friends who doesn't want to get 3 fancy coffee grinders or whatever, but I wouldn't think this is common, and I think there's a general sense that getting things for your birthday is a bit . . . juvenile, maybe? outside of immediate family members.
But I wouldn't be, like, shocked and horrified and drop someone as a friend if they did this.
posted by soundguy99 at 11:02 AM on March 1, 2022
I mean, I could see how this might make some sense for a hyper-organized person with lots of friends who doesn't want to get 3 fancy coffee grinders or whatever, but I wouldn't think this is common, and I think there's a general sense that getting things for your birthday is a bit . . . juvenile, maybe? outside of immediate family members.
But I wouldn't be, like, shocked and horrified and drop someone as a friend if they did this.
posted by soundguy99 at 11:02 AM on March 1, 2022
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I was invited to a 50th birthday party several years ago and invitees were asked to sign-up to bring some of the birthday haver's favorite foods. And her preferred recipes for the items were included. I was somewhat shocked by the request, but hey, when else do people get to really say what they want?
posted by shesbookish at 3:00 PM on February 28, 2022