How do you manage your time?
November 25, 2021 9:10 AM Subscribe
Hey, busy Mefites. How do you organise your work and life calendars? I am busy and overly scheduled all the time, and it's exhausting. I thought it would be good to see how other busy people structure their lives, to see if there's anything I could be doing better.
I'm busy all the time. Work is hectic, but apart from work, I also have to attend to basic life admin as well as social things, and I end up with a calendar that is jam-packed with commitments and very little free time.
I work long hours, my job is very intense and demanding, and I have a long commute. I have managed to negotiate HARD for a day a week working at home. I spend my time outside work either doing errands or doing other life stuff like exercise classes and socialising. I honestly don't think I DO that much with my life but I seem to be busy all the time, attending to things like going to the post office to return a parcel or cleaning the house or doing financial admin for my family. I also try to go to yoga classes a couple of times a week and I try to keep up with my friends. I live alone and have no real support network, so maintaining my social relationships is a necessity as well as something I like doing.
I'm not complaining; I'm grateful for my friends and to have multiple reasons to get out of bed and out of the house. So, what's the problem?
Firstly I feel tired after such overly scheduled days. I stay up too late at night because it's my only free unstructured time, and then I feel tired again the next day, it's a vicious cycle.
Secondly I have very little flexibility when it comes to anything 'popping up'. I can't do anything spontaneous and this is annoying. It also annoys my friends - 'Unicorn chaser is so busy you have to schedule things with them months in advance' is a common complaint.
Thirdly, and this is a little vague - I feel like I am so busy with day to day stuff but I'm not really DOING anything big with my life? Because I'm so busy keeping up with the day to day, I rarely have time to think about the bigger picture and where I would like to be and what I should be doing to get there. Which of course AskMe can't necessarily help me with, I realise.
There's also this mild sense of inferiority, like: other people manage families, children, pets, and I'm run off my feet just managing myself.
So I thought it could be a useful exercise to understand how other people organise their time outside work. Do you keep a day a week sacrosanct from all obligations? Do you let chores or other things fall by the wayside? How do you manage things that just 'pop up'? How do you find time to yourself to just BE?
I'm busy all the time. Work is hectic, but apart from work, I also have to attend to basic life admin as well as social things, and I end up with a calendar that is jam-packed with commitments and very little free time.
I work long hours, my job is very intense and demanding, and I have a long commute. I have managed to negotiate HARD for a day a week working at home. I spend my time outside work either doing errands or doing other life stuff like exercise classes and socialising. I honestly don't think I DO that much with my life but I seem to be busy all the time, attending to things like going to the post office to return a parcel or cleaning the house or doing financial admin for my family. I also try to go to yoga classes a couple of times a week and I try to keep up with my friends. I live alone and have no real support network, so maintaining my social relationships is a necessity as well as something I like doing.
I'm not complaining; I'm grateful for my friends and to have multiple reasons to get out of bed and out of the house. So, what's the problem?
Firstly I feel tired after such overly scheduled days. I stay up too late at night because it's my only free unstructured time, and then I feel tired again the next day, it's a vicious cycle.
Secondly I have very little flexibility when it comes to anything 'popping up'. I can't do anything spontaneous and this is annoying. It also annoys my friends - 'Unicorn chaser is so busy you have to schedule things with them months in advance' is a common complaint.
Thirdly, and this is a little vague - I feel like I am so busy with day to day stuff but I'm not really DOING anything big with my life? Because I'm so busy keeping up with the day to day, I rarely have time to think about the bigger picture and where I would like to be and what I should be doing to get there. Which of course AskMe can't necessarily help me with, I realise.
There's also this mild sense of inferiority, like: other people manage families, children, pets, and I'm run off my feet just managing myself.
So I thought it could be a useful exercise to understand how other people organise their time outside work. Do you keep a day a week sacrosanct from all obligations? Do you let chores or other things fall by the wayside? How do you manage things that just 'pop up'? How do you find time to yourself to just BE?
Yes, I've had a house cleaner come weekly for around 5 years now, and it's very expensive, but it's the single best thing to affect my day to day life. It's not just about the time it takes to clean your house, and the fact that you no longer have to take that time, but also that my house is cleaner, on average, than it was when I cleaned. It makes me more comfortable in my house, makes my relationship easier because we don't argue over domestic chores as much, and frees up my evenings and weekends.
If you can afford it, there's nothing better. Same goes for yard work and laundry. I started with a service, got to know and like the lady that came most often, and when she decided to leave the agency, I just employed her directly. I make a point to be friendly so I can have a relationship with the cleaner, but then I get the heck out and let her work, she doesn't need me hovering.
I wonder if you'd be well-served to also schedule specific time for spontaneity. It sounds weird, but if you can ensure that anything you do, say, Friday and Tuesday nights are things you could drop, you can make it known that hey, Unicorn Chaser is busy, but if you make plans on Tuesday or Friday, they'll probably be there.
posted by Pacrand at 10:00 AM on November 25, 2021 [5 favorites]
If you can afford it, there's nothing better. Same goes for yard work and laundry. I started with a service, got to know and like the lady that came most often, and when she decided to leave the agency, I just employed her directly. I make a point to be friendly so I can have a relationship with the cleaner, but then I get the heck out and let her work, she doesn't need me hovering.
I wonder if you'd be well-served to also schedule specific time for spontaneity. It sounds weird, but if you can ensure that anything you do, say, Friday and Tuesday nights are things you could drop, you can make it known that hey, Unicorn Chaser is busy, but if you make plans on Tuesday or Friday, they'll probably be there.
posted by Pacrand at 10:00 AM on November 25, 2021 [5 favorites]
You must schedule downtime. It is just as important as any other activity you do. Block time out on your calendar every week to literally stare at the wall (or read or watch TV or whatever, but the point is something RELAXING that requires neither brain effort nor pants), and respect it.
posted by phunniemee at 10:34 AM on November 25, 2021 [11 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 10:34 AM on November 25, 2021 [11 favorites]
I work full time (currently on campus two days a week), am priestess of a small religious witchcraft coven (which involves both the actual stuff we do together and all the planning. So much planning and keeping ahead of the prep...) and I write and self-publish fantasy romance novels on a regular basis.
I also learned that I am a person that needs to do the stuff that really matters to me every day or I don't do it: my personal daily practice, reading, walking, and writing are these things for me. (Plus of course, taking meds, having food and drink, and getting enough sleep.)
I also don't schedule anything with anyone else on Sundays if I can avoid it - that's my day for catching up, doing a large chunk of project time, and getting ready for the next week.
I've also got chronic health stuff that has meant for the past decade that I've kept my life to 'stuff that involves me being somewhere other than work at a specific time' to one weekday night thing and one weekend thing. (That includes all social stuff, but also medical appointments, car oil changes, etc.)
In practice, that's meant about one thing with friends a week in person, plus building a social network that's got a lot of online stuff (not social media loose connections, though I do those too, but a smaller group of people I've known for ages, chat with daily.) I've also picked up roleplaying again during the pandemic after ages of not doing it, and that's filling a lovely gap without me needing to leave the house. (All of my games involve people in other parts of the country from me and they're all via networks of friends.)
(People who don't get that I can't do a ton of in-person stuff don't stay in my close friend circle. Many of them I'm fine with seeing if we're at the same event, but I'm not going to make extra time in my life for them if they don't get this about me.)
What helps me:
- Be ruthless about simplifying the stuff I don't care about a lot. My clothing all needs minimal attention (and these days, I'm sending it out: I don't have laundry in my apartment).
- Stack the planning time benefits: I do meal planning and basically do a batch cook recipe on Sunday evening plus soup or sandwich fixings to cover lunches, plus a few frozen or pantry meals for variety. (Right now, I grocery shop for myself twice a month and get a delivery order at 10 day intervals, so planning is also important to make sure I get the stuff I need.) I've found that 30 minutes of planning twice a month vastly saves me time on work days, when I just have to reheat something without paying much attention to it.
- Stack things where I can: I am sort of not thrilled about the time walking takes, but I feel better when I do it and I listen to podcasts while doing that (and cleaning). Depending on what's going on in gaming I might be doing mindless stuff like sorting computer files during my character's down time.
- Figuring out how to manage my home so that the cleaning doesn't take forever most of the time (5ish minutes most nights, an hour or so a week for a deeper clean, and occasional binges of a week where I spend an hour every day deep cleaning stuff, often combined with some vacation time.)
I send my laundry out these days rather than give up a couple of weekend hours to the laundromat. I've had a cleaning service in the past, and it was a huge help, and I may pick that up again.
- Planning ahead in general: The coven stuff gets scheduled in 6 month chunks (partly so people can arrange their work schedules and childcare plans), but it also means I know exactly what is coming up for me and what I need to prep.
If I need to schedule something else in, I know it basically needs to be Wednesday or Saturday right now. (Maybe Friday) because the other days already have commitments on them of various kinds. If I'm getting a grocery delivery, it needs to be a WFH day (the person who does mine only does weekday days).
- Think ahead about how to make progress on bigger projects. For me that's writing time, which means both regular writing time (daily) but also editing, marketing, keeping up with the authorial website and wiki, etc. That fits in my project time during the week and is the reason I keep Sundays free. Knowing I have time set aside (with some flex) helps me get those things done.
What weekly stuff looks like for me right now
Every day: morning personal practice, take a walk (during the work week, this is usually a mid-morning or lunch break thing), read for 30 minutes (usually right after work), write (usually 9pm to bedtime around 11/11:30)
The 'project' time listed below is often writing related (admin/marketing/etc. stuff) but might also be planning for coven discussions/classes, the couple of hours a month I do admin work for a friend, my personal witchy stuff, etc.
Monday: Work from home (with walk), read, dinner, write, gaming
Tuesday: Work from home (with walk), read, dinner, either write + game or an hour of a project then writing.
Wednesday: Work from home (with walk), read, dinner, project for an hour, writing
Thursday: Work in the office, commute home, read, dinner, do my weekly financial stuff, write
Friday: Work in the office, commute home, maybe a call with a friend, read, dinner, project, write
Saturday: If it's a coven day, that's most of the time between 11 and 4ish. I don't expect myself to be very productive before or after, but after I'll read, have dinner, and write. If it's not a coven day, I usually do more cleaning than usual (mopping floors, organising sometime, scrubbing the shower), and spend the afternoon doing longer editing work. I also do my planning for the next week on Saturdays, which takes half an hour and lets me figure out which days next week are extra busy or that I need to have things ready for.
Sunday: I spend the morning on my personal witchy study (usually 2 hours), have lunch and a walk, and then spend the afternoon doing focused editing or stuff that needs a couple of hours at once. I cook a big batch of something and read, and then some project time and writing in the evening.
posted by jenettsilver at 10:36 AM on November 25, 2021 [13 favorites]
I also learned that I am a person that needs to do the stuff that really matters to me every day or I don't do it: my personal daily practice, reading, walking, and writing are these things for me. (Plus of course, taking meds, having food and drink, and getting enough sleep.)
I also don't schedule anything with anyone else on Sundays if I can avoid it - that's my day for catching up, doing a large chunk of project time, and getting ready for the next week.
I've also got chronic health stuff that has meant for the past decade that I've kept my life to 'stuff that involves me being somewhere other than work at a specific time' to one weekday night thing and one weekend thing. (That includes all social stuff, but also medical appointments, car oil changes, etc.)
In practice, that's meant about one thing with friends a week in person, plus building a social network that's got a lot of online stuff (not social media loose connections, though I do those too, but a smaller group of people I've known for ages, chat with daily.) I've also picked up roleplaying again during the pandemic after ages of not doing it, and that's filling a lovely gap without me needing to leave the house. (All of my games involve people in other parts of the country from me and they're all via networks of friends.)
(People who don't get that I can't do a ton of in-person stuff don't stay in my close friend circle. Many of them I'm fine with seeing if we're at the same event, but I'm not going to make extra time in my life for them if they don't get this about me.)
What helps me:
- Be ruthless about simplifying the stuff I don't care about a lot. My clothing all needs minimal attention (and these days, I'm sending it out: I don't have laundry in my apartment).
- Stack the planning time benefits: I do meal planning and basically do a batch cook recipe on Sunday evening plus soup or sandwich fixings to cover lunches, plus a few frozen or pantry meals for variety. (Right now, I grocery shop for myself twice a month and get a delivery order at 10 day intervals, so planning is also important to make sure I get the stuff I need.) I've found that 30 minutes of planning twice a month vastly saves me time on work days, when I just have to reheat something without paying much attention to it.
- Stack things where I can: I am sort of not thrilled about the time walking takes, but I feel better when I do it and I listen to podcasts while doing that (and cleaning). Depending on what's going on in gaming I might be doing mindless stuff like sorting computer files during my character's down time.
- Figuring out how to manage my home so that the cleaning doesn't take forever most of the time (5ish minutes most nights, an hour or so a week for a deeper clean, and occasional binges of a week where I spend an hour every day deep cleaning stuff, often combined with some vacation time.)
I send my laundry out these days rather than give up a couple of weekend hours to the laundromat. I've had a cleaning service in the past, and it was a huge help, and I may pick that up again.
- Planning ahead in general: The coven stuff gets scheduled in 6 month chunks (partly so people can arrange their work schedules and childcare plans), but it also means I know exactly what is coming up for me and what I need to prep.
If I need to schedule something else in, I know it basically needs to be Wednesday or Saturday right now. (Maybe Friday) because the other days already have commitments on them of various kinds. If I'm getting a grocery delivery, it needs to be a WFH day (the person who does mine only does weekday days).
- Think ahead about how to make progress on bigger projects. For me that's writing time, which means both regular writing time (daily) but also editing, marketing, keeping up with the authorial website and wiki, etc. That fits in my project time during the week and is the reason I keep Sundays free. Knowing I have time set aside (with some flex) helps me get those things done.
What weekly stuff looks like for me right now
Every day: morning personal practice, take a walk (during the work week, this is usually a mid-morning or lunch break thing), read for 30 minutes (usually right after work), write (usually 9pm to bedtime around 11/11:30)
The 'project' time listed below is often writing related (admin/marketing/etc. stuff) but might also be planning for coven discussions/classes, the couple of hours a month I do admin work for a friend, my personal witchy stuff, etc.
Monday: Work from home (with walk), read, dinner, write, gaming
Tuesday: Work from home (with walk), read, dinner, either write + game or an hour of a project then writing.
Wednesday: Work from home (with walk), read, dinner, project for an hour, writing
Thursday: Work in the office, commute home, read, dinner, do my weekly financial stuff, write
Friday: Work in the office, commute home, maybe a call with a friend, read, dinner, project, write
Saturday: If it's a coven day, that's most of the time between 11 and 4ish. I don't expect myself to be very productive before or after, but after I'll read, have dinner, and write. If it's not a coven day, I usually do more cleaning than usual (mopping floors, organising sometime, scrubbing the shower), and spend the afternoon doing longer editing work. I also do my planning for the next week on Saturdays, which takes half an hour and lets me figure out which days next week are extra busy or that I need to have things ready for.
Sunday: I spend the morning on my personal witchy study (usually 2 hours), have lunch and a walk, and then spend the afternoon doing focused editing or stuff that needs a couple of hours at once. I cook a big batch of something and read, and then some project time and writing in the evening.
posted by jenettsilver at 10:36 AM on November 25, 2021 [13 favorites]
After feeling for a long time that I was running and running and never get everything done that I wanted or needed, I recently took a step back to think more holistically about how I want to spend my time. I do better with a little structure, so I allocated a percentage of hours in the week to 5 categories: work, domestic affairs, unstructured leisure (reading, movies, naps), enrichment (volunteering, hobbies, socializing), and sleep/wellness.
I choose the things that are most important in each category to do that week, recognizing that I can never do all of the possible things. So if I allocated five hours to domestic, I can do some laundry and some cleaning and get groceries; if I outsource one of those things, I can do something else in that category. But that category does not get to steal time from rest or exercise or social time. Likewise, if a friend calls up with a last minute thing, I only have to choose from a limited set of things to give up - a movie or reading time, but not every other thing in the world I have to do. Makes decisions much easier for me.
It’s early days but this does seem to be easing my anxiety about never getting everything done. I can remind myself that I have made thoughtful choices about what is important to me. The to do list is never ending, my time and energy are not.
posted by tinymojo at 11:03 AM on November 25, 2021 [14 favorites]
I choose the things that are most important in each category to do that week, recognizing that I can never do all of the possible things. So if I allocated five hours to domestic, I can do some laundry and some cleaning and get groceries; if I outsource one of those things, I can do something else in that category. But that category does not get to steal time from rest or exercise or social time. Likewise, if a friend calls up with a last minute thing, I only have to choose from a limited set of things to give up - a movie or reading time, but not every other thing in the world I have to do. Makes decisions much easier for me.
It’s early days but this does seem to be easing my anxiety about never getting everything done. I can remind myself that I have made thoughtful choices about what is important to me. The to do list is never ending, my time and energy are not.
posted by tinymojo at 11:03 AM on November 25, 2021 [14 favorites]
I like my jobs and volunteer gig, and I don't want to cut back, even though that would probably be more sensible. So I use money to buy time.
Housecleaning has already been mentioned. Day to day, I basically just keep up with dishes (via countertop dishwasher), cat chores (e.g. litter boxes, and honestly, they use more dishes than I do), and maybe weekly vacuuming to keep the cat hair under control. Pretty much anything else can wait for my housecleaner. Living alone helps here, because I directly control how much mess I make. I do things like wipe up any spills immediately, because a) I always have, and b) I don't want ants, a real danger in California. My brain doesn't process this as doing chores, and it takes about 5 seconds if you do it in the moment.
I rarely cook. On days I go to campus, I usually get takeout for lunch, and at home I stock stuff like bagged salads, frozen meals, adult lunchables, veggies that are easy for snacking, etc. Sometimes I'll do things like order a family size taco kit from a local restaurant and eat that basically all week. I don't meal plan; I just have stuff I can grab on a whim.
I have a laundry guy that does wash and fold, with pickup and dropoff. It's a dream.
I try to commute by bike. This gets me a decent amount of exercise, so I don't feel a need to plan for separate exercise classes.
I do reserve a day a week that is just for myself, with no plans made in advance. I sleep in, putter around the house, do family nap time with my cats, and generally do whatever I feel like. I might text/call/video chat with close friends and family, screw around on the internet or watch TV, etc., but I don't plan anything specific. Might do an actual outing in the afternoon, but only if I am eager to do it. I very intentionally do not do work stuff on that day, with maybe 5-6 exceptions per year.
Finally, I have just a few close friends that I make plans with, so there aren't many people vying for my limited socialization time.
posted by ktkt at 11:28 AM on November 25, 2021 [1 favorite]
Housecleaning has already been mentioned. Day to day, I basically just keep up with dishes (via countertop dishwasher), cat chores (e.g. litter boxes, and honestly, they use more dishes than I do), and maybe weekly vacuuming to keep the cat hair under control. Pretty much anything else can wait for my housecleaner. Living alone helps here, because I directly control how much mess I make. I do things like wipe up any spills immediately, because a) I always have, and b) I don't want ants, a real danger in California. My brain doesn't process this as doing chores, and it takes about 5 seconds if you do it in the moment.
I rarely cook. On days I go to campus, I usually get takeout for lunch, and at home I stock stuff like bagged salads, frozen meals, adult lunchables, veggies that are easy for snacking, etc. Sometimes I'll do things like order a family size taco kit from a local restaurant and eat that basically all week. I don't meal plan; I just have stuff I can grab on a whim.
I have a laundry guy that does wash and fold, with pickup and dropoff. It's a dream.
I try to commute by bike. This gets me a decent amount of exercise, so I don't feel a need to plan for separate exercise classes.
I do reserve a day a week that is just for myself, with no plans made in advance. I sleep in, putter around the house, do family nap time with my cats, and generally do whatever I feel like. I might text/call/video chat with close friends and family, screw around on the internet or watch TV, etc., but I don't plan anything specific. Might do an actual outing in the afternoon, but only if I am eager to do it. I very intentionally do not do work stuff on that day, with maybe 5-6 exceptions per year.
Finally, I have just a few close friends that I make plans with, so there aren't many people vying for my limited socialization time.
posted by ktkt at 11:28 AM on November 25, 2021 [1 favorite]
I left my job with a 40 minute commute for one with a 10 minute commute. Now I'm at one that's closer to 20 minutes but it has a later start time and more flexibility so it somewhat balances out.
I know not everyone can do that but getting back an hour a day was one the biggest improvements to my life. In my case that way close to an extra day over the course of a month and is worth investigating IMO
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 11:33 AM on November 25, 2021
I know not everyone can do that but getting back an hour a day was one the biggest improvements to my life. In my case that way close to an extra day over the course of a month and is worth investigating IMO
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 11:33 AM on November 25, 2021
Secondly I have very little flexibility when it comes to anything 'popping up'. I can't do anything spontaneous and this is annoying. It also annoys my friends - 'Unicorn chaser is so busy you have to schedule things with them months in advance' is a common complaint.
If the spontaneous stuff happens at certain days/times, like Saturday afternoons, can you just pre-emptively book that time off for whatever spontaneous thing you get invited to? If no invite happens then you can just use it as bonus time for something else.
I try to commute by bike. This gets me a decent amount of exercise, so I don't feel a need to plan for separate exercise classes.
I've been doing this recently and it gives a good baseline for activity.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:59 PM on November 25, 2021 [2 favorites]
If the spontaneous stuff happens at certain days/times, like Saturday afternoons, can you just pre-emptively book that time off for whatever spontaneous thing you get invited to? If no invite happens then you can just use it as bonus time for something else.
I try to commute by bike. This gets me a decent amount of exercise, so I don't feel a need to plan for separate exercise classes.
I've been doing this recently and it gives a good baseline for activity.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:59 PM on November 25, 2021 [2 favorites]
I never run errands anymore. Everything is delivered to me.
People may judge, but "hello" free time!
posted by Toddles at 7:03 PM on November 25, 2021 [4 favorites]
People may judge, but "hello" free time!
posted by Toddles at 7:03 PM on November 25, 2021 [4 favorites]
close to an extra day over the course of a month
I should reword this because I got back almost 24 hours a month, which is really more like 2 or 3 business days' worth of awake time. Anyway, that commute adds up quick.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 10:17 PM on November 25, 2021
I should reword this because I got back almost 24 hours a month, which is really more like 2 or 3 business days' worth of awake time. Anyway, that commute adds up quick.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 10:17 PM on November 25, 2021
"I stay up too late at night because it's my only free unstructured time" This is Revenge Bedtime Procrastination and the cure is to... have more unstructured time. Unstructured time is not a second tier need that comes after you have done all the planned things. In fact it needs its own place in the schedule with equal or higher priority to your other priorities. And that unstructured time is where big picture thinking can naturally manifest. Go for a walk, sit at the beach, ride a bike, lie on the couch with a bowl of something crunchy, whatever, let your mind wander. Make plans and then abandon the plan and do something else.
"other people manage families, children, pets, and I'm run off my feet just managing myself." In my observation, other people are variously one or more of: not doing all the other things you do; half-arsing those things; selectively presenting themselves on social media; supported by other people in their family or paid help/services. And they may be suffering this same feeling of "just managing" that you are, except it is unacceptable to reveal this in some parts of our culture so you don't know about it. So you can do the same: do fewer things, half-arse the lesser things, fake things, pay for or ask for help.
I have, over the years, used Getting Things Done, various organisers paper and electronic, and currently manage with a calendar and a bullet journal. But. Now I'm in my 50s I feel my energy levels declining a bit, and I have realised I cannot do All The Things and in particular, in multitasking I don't work on the things that matter most to me as much as I want. So I've cut back my working hours, deliberately, to spare my energies for other stuff I want to do more.
Finally, you sound like a person who really wants to excel at stuff, and I am here to tell you that excellence is incompatible with doing all the things. Excellence is more easily achieved if you can do mostly just one thing, a lot, and having rest and recovery. It might help to think about what you are willing to let go and what your most important things really are.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 12:17 AM on November 26, 2021 [15 favorites]
"other people manage families, children, pets, and I'm run off my feet just managing myself." In my observation, other people are variously one or more of: not doing all the other things you do; half-arsing those things; selectively presenting themselves on social media; supported by other people in their family or paid help/services. And they may be suffering this same feeling of "just managing" that you are, except it is unacceptable to reveal this in some parts of our culture so you don't know about it. So you can do the same: do fewer things, half-arse the lesser things, fake things, pay for or ask for help.
I have, over the years, used Getting Things Done, various organisers paper and electronic, and currently manage with a calendar and a bullet journal. But. Now I'm in my 50s I feel my energy levels declining a bit, and I have realised I cannot do All The Things and in particular, in multitasking I don't work on the things that matter most to me as much as I want. So I've cut back my working hours, deliberately, to spare my energies for other stuff I want to do more.
Finally, you sound like a person who really wants to excel at stuff, and I am here to tell you that excellence is incompatible with doing all the things. Excellence is more easily achieved if you can do mostly just one thing, a lot, and having rest and recovery. It might help to think about what you are willing to let go and what your most important things really are.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 12:17 AM on November 26, 2021 [15 favorites]
I relate to this struggle in many ways. What has been a gamechanger for me these last many months is a process called Monday Hour One. I was taught this method by another coach and now advocate this to my friends and clients (where it makes sense to do so of course — I'm not just randomly pushing productivity processes on people).
tldr: I'd start with a project list to take inventory of all the things in your head and make decisions about them. Then follow a more structured process at the weekly/daily level to manage the doing of the work.
For productivity on a weekly, daily cadence, the Monday Hour One process is loosely as follows:
However, I would also recommend that before you start this process, you take a project/activity inventory. To do this, you get a sheet of paper, spreadsheet, whatever. Then write down every single project that is taking up space in your head. Big or small, unfinished, not started, work or fun, whatever. If it's taking up rent, it goes on the list. You'll randomly think of more projects later, so this list is a living document, not a one time thing really.
Next, for each project, decide if you are going to Do, Dump, Delegate, or Delay the item. This is really important! There is no room for wallowing, you must make a decision. The wallowing is what's been happening for a while now, in your head. Am I really going to finish this book, or do I just like the idea of it? Do I actually want to do this thing I agreed to or do I feel obligated to because I've always done it? Could somebody else do this errand for me, because I sure as heck haven't done it for three weeks already!
Doing this project list will radically change your perspective, clear your mind, and show you just how much was going on in there, unorganised and free to run wild. Do you have 10 projects and activities on the go? 20? 50? Making a decision with each one frees you up to think about other things. It feels qualitatively different when everything has it's place. You don't need to keep X project top of mind if you've made the decision to Delay it. And you certainly don't ever need to worry about it again if you've decided to let that dream go, i.e., Dump it.
For every project or activity that you've decided to Do or Delay, come up with a compelling reason for why it's on your list. If you can't come up with a compelling reason, you should not do this thing. You should immediately dump it. Sometimes our reasons are things like, “I should do my taxes because it keeps me out of trouble with the government.” But that's not very compelling, is it? At least not compelling enough to motivate you to do it when you see it as a task on your Monday Hour One calendar. So how about, “I want to do my taxes, because it makes me feel like a professional who is on top of my game.” That's waay more motivating!
With your project list drafted, ask yourself how many things you're actively working on at once. Is it too many? What's urgent? What's energising? Is the balance right? What could I get help with?
Lastly, a quick thought about values. When I first started this, I couldn't imagine a world where this could possibly work. I'm a rebel! An independent thinker! I love unstructured free time! I also love organisation. Productivity. Time to think. My coach at the time challenged me on this: How might planning my time — all my time — be a rebellious act? If your values can truly never conflict (they can't!), how could following a structured process give me space to think, to be MORE productive by doing less, to have long stretches of 'me time' AND to do all the social activities and tasks that I want?
I create these answers for myself, week after week, always improving.
posted by iamkimiam at 2:17 AM on November 26, 2021 [18 favorites]
tldr: I'd start with a project list to take inventory of all the things in your head and make decisions about them. Then follow a more structured process at the weekly/daily level to manage the doing of the work.
For productivity on a weekly, daily cadence, the Monday Hour One process is loosely as follows:
- ➡️ At the start of your week (doesn't have to be a Monday), write the results that you want to have by the end of the week.
- ➡️ Write down every task that you’ll need to do to create those results.
- ➡️ Choose how much time to give each task — you'll get better at estimating over time, as well as see where any perfectionism or procrastination time sinks are popping up.
- ➡️ Put each task on your calendar — I like to color code items, which makes it easy to see what's a task, what's a meeting, what's a me-time/self-care activity, etc. I can quickly glance where my energy drains and replenishments are.
- ➡️ Follow through on your calendared time blocks, and watch your thoughts as you go — what's easy to show up for, what's hard, what items do you keep wanting to push around and why?
However, I would also recommend that before you start this process, you take a project/activity inventory. To do this, you get a sheet of paper, spreadsheet, whatever. Then write down every single project that is taking up space in your head. Big or small, unfinished, not started, work or fun, whatever. If it's taking up rent, it goes on the list. You'll randomly think of more projects later, so this list is a living document, not a one time thing really.
Next, for each project, decide if you are going to Do, Dump, Delegate, or Delay the item. This is really important! There is no room for wallowing, you must make a decision. The wallowing is what's been happening for a while now, in your head. Am I really going to finish this book, or do I just like the idea of it? Do I actually want to do this thing I agreed to or do I feel obligated to because I've always done it? Could somebody else do this errand for me, because I sure as heck haven't done it for three weeks already!
Doing this project list will radically change your perspective, clear your mind, and show you just how much was going on in there, unorganised and free to run wild. Do you have 10 projects and activities on the go? 20? 50? Making a decision with each one frees you up to think about other things. It feels qualitatively different when everything has it's place. You don't need to keep X project top of mind if you've made the decision to Delay it. And you certainly don't ever need to worry about it again if you've decided to let that dream go, i.e., Dump it.
For every project or activity that you've decided to Do or Delay, come up with a compelling reason for why it's on your list. If you can't come up with a compelling reason, you should not do this thing. You should immediately dump it. Sometimes our reasons are things like, “I should do my taxes because it keeps me out of trouble with the government.” But that's not very compelling, is it? At least not compelling enough to motivate you to do it when you see it as a task on your Monday Hour One calendar. So how about, “I want to do my taxes, because it makes me feel like a professional who is on top of my game.” That's waay more motivating!
With your project list drafted, ask yourself how many things you're actively working on at once. Is it too many? What's urgent? What's energising? Is the balance right? What could I get help with?
Lastly, a quick thought about values. When I first started this, I couldn't imagine a world where this could possibly work. I'm a rebel! An independent thinker! I love unstructured free time! I also love organisation. Productivity. Time to think. My coach at the time challenged me on this: How might planning my time — all my time — be a rebellious act? If your values can truly never conflict (they can't!), how could following a structured process give me space to think, to be MORE productive by doing less, to have long stretches of 'me time' AND to do all the social activities and tasks that I want?
I create these answers for myself, week after week, always improving.
posted by iamkimiam at 2:17 AM on November 26, 2021 [18 favorites]
I'm not sure if this is allowed on AskMe these days, so I've put this in a separate comment here… I've created two free and easy templates for the Project List and the Monday Hour One process that I just described in the comment above. Give them a go, make 'em yours!
posted by iamkimiam at 2:19 AM on November 26, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by iamkimiam at 2:19 AM on November 26, 2021 [9 favorites]
I try to feel more at peace with never having it all done! I know people at several career and income levels and we all feel like we’re a mess. I think that’s just how life is.
I try to block my time so I do similar tasks together- I do invoices & pay bills all at once approximately one day a month, save up errands and do then all on the same run. I do laundry late at night when I’m too tired for much else.
I pay someone else to clean and do my easy laundry (kids’ clothing and towels).
I don’t exercise because I don’t enjoy it and it makes me tired.
Taking a chewable Vitamin B12 a few times a week gives me a little energy burst that day.
I find cooking and cleaning the kitchen to be huge time sucks and not that rewarding, so I buy pre-cooked frozen food from the grocery store or from a local small catering company so I just have to re-heat it and add a salad or fruit. And I eat lots of oatmeal, home charcuterie plates, and simple produce- stuff that makes little mess and takes little time. I’d rather spend time on career and socializing and not as much home making.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 3:31 AM on November 26, 2021 [1 favorite]
I try to block my time so I do similar tasks together- I do invoices & pay bills all at once approximately one day a month, save up errands and do then all on the same run. I do laundry late at night when I’m too tired for much else.
I pay someone else to clean and do my easy laundry (kids’ clothing and towels).
I don’t exercise because I don’t enjoy it and it makes me tired.
Taking a chewable Vitamin B12 a few times a week gives me a little energy burst that day.
I find cooking and cleaning the kitchen to be huge time sucks and not that rewarding, so I buy pre-cooked frozen food from the grocery store or from a local small catering company so I just have to re-heat it and add a salad or fruit. And I eat lots of oatmeal, home charcuterie plates, and simple produce- stuff that makes little mess and takes little time. I’d rather spend time on career and socializing and not as much home making.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 3:31 AM on November 26, 2021 [1 favorite]
Are you worried that if you won't schedule things you won't do things? Like you might just loaf around like a lump and that would be terrible. Because (first off that wouldn't be so terrible, but also) it might be good to cultivate things you like and can do spontaneously, like "go for a hike" or "go to the farmer's market and chitchat with the vendors" or whatever. Separating "have structure" from "do stuff" might let you feel less over scheduled.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:19 AM on November 26, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:19 AM on November 26, 2021 [3 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
My brother-in-law is physically capable of mowing his big lawn and other yard work but he decided early on that it was worth the money to hire a lawn service so he could use those hours on his garden.
posted by Constance Mirabella at 9:28 AM on November 25, 2021 [1 favorite]