Job offer, but I'm terrified... how do I embrace it?
June 16, 2021 7:28 PM Subscribe
I was offered a new job today, the position is quite a substantial step up from my current position. I'm excited and relieved that I was able to find a new job, but with the step up... oh man, I'm just afraid of the responsibility that comes with it (I'm a manager now!!)? How do I just... embrace it and go forward and stop being so terrified? Basically, I'm afraid of being awful in the new role and fucking this up!
So, despite my last few questions... basically asking for permission to not job search. I got my shit together and applied to quite a few jobs, had a number of interviews, and was offered a position (library manager at a small library)!! Yay! I am especially relieved because I've been working part-time for the last 7 months in a role I'm just *over*.
The new role scares me sooooo much, though!!! I haven't officially accepted it, but I am 99.8% sure I will. There are so many good things about the job. First, the pay is much better than my current position. It's in libraries, so it's not AMAZING, but it's better than what I am currently making (I can finally buy a new car now without feeling "guilty" about using too much of my savings, for example). It's relatively CLOSE to where I currently live (and where my mother lives). Honestly, it's a position that will give me lots of good experience (I think). The only downside is the commute -- right now it's 50-ish minutes one-way, but I am going to commute during the summer & fall and see how it goes. I'll probably move closer come winter.
Everyone I know professionally thinks that this opportunity is GREAT for me. My references were enthusiastic. An unofficial mentor encouraged me to apply, saying that she thinks it'd be perfect for me. Everyone is happy for me. Everyone thinks I'll be great... I guess.. except for myself...
Being like... the MANAGER of people TERRIFIES me? Being IN CHARGE OF EVERYTHING (well, the library board is, but still) also terrifies me!! It feels like SOOOOOO much responsibility compared to the current positions I've had. Which is what I've wished for, but EEK. I am absolutely terrified that I will somehow fuck this up and be AWFUL!!!
What if I am an awful manager? What if... I am bad at networking? All these what if's!!! How do I embrace this new position and start on a good foot? Where do I begin?
So, despite my last few questions... basically asking for permission to not job search. I got my shit together and applied to quite a few jobs, had a number of interviews, and was offered a position (library manager at a small library)!! Yay! I am especially relieved because I've been working part-time for the last 7 months in a role I'm just *over*.
The new role scares me sooooo much, though!!! I haven't officially accepted it, but I am 99.8% sure I will. There are so many good things about the job. First, the pay is much better than my current position. It's in libraries, so it's not AMAZING, but it's better than what I am currently making (I can finally buy a new car now without feeling "guilty" about using too much of my savings, for example). It's relatively CLOSE to where I currently live (and where my mother lives). Honestly, it's a position that will give me lots of good experience (I think). The only downside is the commute -- right now it's 50-ish minutes one-way, but I am going to commute during the summer & fall and see how it goes. I'll probably move closer come winter.
Everyone I know professionally thinks that this opportunity is GREAT for me. My references were enthusiastic. An unofficial mentor encouraged me to apply, saying that she thinks it'd be perfect for me. Everyone is happy for me. Everyone thinks I'll be great... I guess.. except for myself...
Being like... the MANAGER of people TERRIFIES me? Being IN CHARGE OF EVERYTHING (well, the library board is, but still) also terrifies me!! It feels like SOOOOOO much responsibility compared to the current positions I've had. Which is what I've wished for, but EEK. I am absolutely terrified that I will somehow fuck this up and be AWFUL!!!
What if I am an awful manager? What if... I am bad at networking? All these what if's!!! How do I embrace this new position and start on a good foot? Where do I begin?
Just say yes. Congrats!
Although it may apply less to your industry, try Managing to Change the World.
posted by warriorqueen at 8:00 PM on June 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
Although it may apply less to your industry, try Managing to Change the World.
posted by warriorqueen at 8:00 PM on June 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
Everyone is terrified when they first become a manager. Everyone. Luckily, feeling scared has no bearing on your actual ability to be successful as a manager.
Actively listen, take your time, build relationships, find mentors, learn everything you can. The job sounds like a great opportunity for you!
posted by stellaluna at 8:14 PM on June 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
Actively listen, take your time, build relationships, find mentors, learn everything you can. The job sounds like a great opportunity for you!
posted by stellaluna at 8:14 PM on June 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm an academic librarian currently experiencing some management changes due to retirements/interim planning. The person who I am probably going to be reporting to is taking the time to actively talk to me about my domain knowledge, get a sense of what has worked well in the past and what needs to change, and setting up a lot of meetings to discuss future changes with both my coworker and I in a small group and also on an individual basis. These are all things that are building trust, and I co-sign everything said above!
Also congratulations - I followed your earlier questions. You should feel very proud of yourself!
posted by mostly vowels at 8:27 PM on June 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
Also congratulations - I followed your earlier questions. You should feel very proud of yourself!
posted by mostly vowels at 8:27 PM on June 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
Congrats and I'm so excited for you, whatever you decide. I'm almost through my first year as a manager, in a very different situation than you but yeah, being scared is super normal and not (IMO) a sign you should turn it down given the balance of everything you've described.
What I did starting out: read a lot of past AskMes where managers are talking about their jobs, picked up some books and podcasts, read a bunch of opinions on how to approach specific parts of the job. Read a lot of AskMes from people talking about things they loved or hated about past managers. I also set up time to talk to other managers I knew to get their advice--this can also be a nice way to brush up or expand your network. If you want to DM me, I'm happy to send you the links I put together. I didn't take all the advice, obv, but it did help me feel like I had an idea where I wanted to start.
posted by jameaterblues at 8:56 PM on June 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
What I did starting out: read a lot of past AskMes where managers are talking about their jobs, picked up some books and podcasts, read a bunch of opinions on how to approach specific parts of the job. Read a lot of AskMes from people talking about things they loved or hated about past managers. I also set up time to talk to other managers I knew to get their advice--this can also be a nice way to brush up or expand your network. If you want to DM me, I'm happy to send you the links I put together. I didn't take all the advice, obv, but it did help me feel like I had an idea where I wanted to start.
posted by jameaterblues at 8:56 PM on June 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
One of the best qualities a manager can have is not being 100% sure they ought to be in charge of other people! That helps you appreciate, respect, and listen to the people who report to you, and set them up for success, because the easier it is for them to succeed independently the less you'll have to manage. And that, in turn, helps reduce the "oh no I'm in charge of everything" feeling because you've created a circumstance in which you're the final authority but not the ONLY authority, because you trust the people working under you. Everyone's least favorite manager is the one who thinks they're better or smarter than you because they're higher up the org chart, and you're in no danger there!
posted by babelfish at 9:01 PM on June 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by babelfish at 9:01 PM on June 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
I hate changing jobs, even when I want to do it.
Things people have shared with me that helped. The first couple of months might feel rough as you adjust, but after that everything gets easier so hang in. They hired you because they want you to do the job well. When you first get there, you'll find all sorts of weird practices that you want to change; write them down and then reflect on them after 6 months in post when you'll have better perspective on which you should/could actively try to change. Reflective journaling and learning can help with transitions.
My own advice is to make friends with peers (however that works best for you) and to just trust that what you bring is good enough. Like many others here, I read Ask a Manager for ideas on managing people.
posted by plonkee at 12:17 AM on June 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
Things people have shared with me that helped. The first couple of months might feel rough as you adjust, but after that everything gets easier so hang in. They hired you because they want you to do the job well. When you first get there, you'll find all sorts of weird practices that you want to change; write them down and then reflect on them after 6 months in post when you'll have better perspective on which you should/could actively try to change. Reflective journaling and learning can help with transitions.
My own advice is to make friends with peers (however that works best for you) and to just trust that what you bring is good enough. Like many others here, I read Ask a Manager for ideas on managing people.
posted by plonkee at 12:17 AM on June 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
Just to add to the chorus - I'm sure you'll do fine. The fact you're a bit anxious about it is very normal and can give you some energy to learn what you need to do in the new role.
One personal tip: managing can often feel quite unsettling to start with if you're used to a job where you are given tasks and complete them. Problems flow up to you, and often things can't be finished neatly or completely - they just have to be, well, managed. Once you settle into it, you will get a sense of how you are adding value from your staff and your board, but it will probably take some time to readjust your mindset.
posted by crocomancer at 3:23 AM on June 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
One personal tip: managing can often feel quite unsettling to start with if you're used to a job where you are given tasks and complete them. Problems flow up to you, and often things can't be finished neatly or completely - they just have to be, well, managed. Once you settle into it, you will get a sense of how you are adding value from your staff and your board, but it will probably take some time to readjust your mindset.
posted by crocomancer at 3:23 AM on June 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
One thing to remember: you’re going to make mistakes. Not because you’re in the wrong job but because mistakes are inherent to learning. Find some people who are ahead of you in their careers who you respect and admire and meet with them regularly to talk about challenges and successes. That will help you make the most of your experiences and keep things in perspective.
You’ve got this!
posted by spindrifter at 3:26 AM on June 17, 2021
You’ve got this!
posted by spindrifter at 3:26 AM on June 17, 2021
Organizations generally aren’t in the habit of hiring people they find incompetent. That you got a job offer indicates you’ll probably be able to meet their expectations. And if not, that’s their problem more than yours. Congratulations!
posted by kevinbelt at 4:46 AM on June 17, 2021
posted by kevinbelt at 4:46 AM on June 17, 2021
First, they hired you knowing full well you haven't been a manger yet. So they see the potential in you, and are confident that you will grow into the job. They don't expect you to come in knowing all the answers, but to use your skills and judgement to adapt to changes and challenges as they emerge.
Don't sabotage yourself by trying to make an enormous library-changing impact right out of the starting gate. Spend at least the first month, if not the first 3-6 months, learning about everything. Learning about the workplace, your reports, your peers, your manager, the workflow, the culture, who does what, who knows what, how "things are done", what is working and what isn't. Ask, ask, ask, and listen, listen, listen. Approach everyone admitting that you have lots to learn; they will be much more generous and open, and will feel respected. Lots of new managers try to make Great Important Changes in their first few weeks to try to demonstrate that they have leadership and brains, and to assert some authority, and it usually does not work well. Be very engaged, but also patient.
Related to the above, realize that as a manager your success is no longer about your ability to do things (or at least not only that). Your focus should rather be your team's success; helping each of your people succeed in their jobs. That means starting each day not with "What do I need to do today?" but with "Who can I help or support today? What problem do I need to learn more about? What obstacle can I remove for my team?" That sort of thing. I think that change in mind frame can be one of the biggest challenges when transitioning to managing people for the first time. Put their interests ahead of yours, and you'll grow into a great manager, and your team will think so too.
You'll do great! You will fuck up at times too, but everyone does. Just own it. There is truth to "fake it till you make it". Not faking it to those around you in a grand fraudulent sense, but making tiny leaps of faith in yourself every day, until you grow into it. It's faking it to yourself. You can't learn to ride a bike until you manage to convince yourself, for at least an instance, that you can balance without a foot on the ground. Then it happens. And I'm starting to sound like some motivational self-help book, so I will stop now.
posted by Kabanos at 6:07 AM on June 17, 2021 [7 favorites]
Don't sabotage yourself by trying to make an enormous library-changing impact right out of the starting gate. Spend at least the first month, if not the first 3-6 months, learning about everything. Learning about the workplace, your reports, your peers, your manager, the workflow, the culture, who does what, who knows what, how "things are done", what is working and what isn't. Ask, ask, ask, and listen, listen, listen. Approach everyone admitting that you have lots to learn; they will be much more generous and open, and will feel respected. Lots of new managers try to make Great Important Changes in their first few weeks to try to demonstrate that they have leadership and brains, and to assert some authority, and it usually does not work well. Be very engaged, but also patient.
Related to the above, realize that as a manager your success is no longer about your ability to do things (or at least not only that). Your focus should rather be your team's success; helping each of your people succeed in their jobs. That means starting each day not with "What do I need to do today?" but with "Who can I help or support today? What problem do I need to learn more about? What obstacle can I remove for my team?" That sort of thing. I think that change in mind frame can be one of the biggest challenges when transitioning to managing people for the first time. Put their interests ahead of yours, and you'll grow into a great manager, and your team will think so too.
You'll do great! You will fuck up at times too, but everyone does. Just own it. There is truth to "fake it till you make it". Not faking it to those around you in a grand fraudulent sense, but making tiny leaps of faith in yourself every day, until you grow into it. It's faking it to yourself. You can't learn to ride a bike until you manage to convince yourself, for at least an instance, that you can balance without a foot on the ground. Then it happens. And I'm starting to sound like some motivational self-help book, so I will stop now.
posted by Kabanos at 6:07 AM on June 17, 2021 [7 favorites]
I think in the library world specifically there may be resources to help you develop as a leader. Maybe your professional society would have some good reading recommendations?
Mostly this comment is an excuse to say a big YAY, though. I remember your earlier career posts to AskMe and I am excited for you!
posted by eirias at 6:51 AM on June 17, 2021
Mostly this comment is an excuse to say a big YAY, though. I remember your earlier career posts to AskMe and I am excited for you!
posted by eirias at 6:51 AM on June 17, 2021
Congratulations!
Take a breath and remember we’re all making it up as we go. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Take the job, especially given what you’ve written about your current job in the past. It will probably be fine, but if it isn’t, there will still be other jobs!
posted by Alterscape at 7:45 AM on June 17, 2021
Take a breath and remember we’re all making it up as we go. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Take the job, especially given what you’ve written about your current job in the past. It will probably be fine, but if it isn’t, there will still be other jobs!
posted by Alterscape at 7:45 AM on June 17, 2021
Congratulations! It can make such a difference in your life to have a little more breathing room in terms of your finances.
I moved to a management position just a few years ago, and felt this way as well. It sounds like the positive, excited kind of jitters to me. Remember that there are certain aspects of the job that you'll just have to learn as you go along. I've found that there is gratification to be found in being empowered to make (at least slightly) more far-reaching decisions regarding an institution.
posted by umbú at 7:56 AM on June 17, 2021
I moved to a management position just a few years ago, and felt this way as well. It sounds like the positive, excited kind of jitters to me. Remember that there are certain aspects of the job that you'll just have to learn as you go along. I've found that there is gratification to be found in being empowered to make (at least slightly) more far-reaching decisions regarding an institution.
posted by umbú at 7:56 AM on June 17, 2021
It seems to me like you would have to work pretty hard to be a worse manager than many (most) who are currently in circulation. So take comfort in that - even if you suck, you're probably not worse than most.
posted by some loser at 8:10 AM on June 17, 2021
posted by some loser at 8:10 AM on June 17, 2021
There's a lot of good resources out there on managing, which I'll guess as a librarian you can find better than I can link ...
Here are the two most powerful phrases I've learned to use as a manager:
"What do you need?" (or, do you have what you need?) and
"Tell me about ...." when I need to talk about something. I don't start by talking about that something, I start by asking them that question.
People really respond to these.
I feel like I tried to avoid being The Manager for a long time. Realize that people actually need you to play that role.
posted by Dashy at 10:02 AM on June 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
Here are the two most powerful phrases I've learned to use as a manager:
"What do you need?" (or, do you have what you need?) and
"Tell me about ...." when I need to talk about something. I don't start by talking about that something, I start by asking them that question.
People really respond to these.
I feel like I tried to avoid being The Manager for a long time. Realize that people actually need you to play that role.
posted by Dashy at 10:02 AM on June 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
Psst...we're all faking it. Join the crowd!
posted by mono blanco at 10:08 AM on June 17, 2021
posted by mono blanco at 10:08 AM on June 17, 2021
It's actually a lot better to be terrified and anxious as a new manager than it is to go into it thinking that you're all that. You are going to have a large impact on your direct reports' lives. It's good that you take it seriously.
Here is what I would suggest, as a former new manager:
Learn the organization, not just the mission statement and strategic goals (although those are important). What is its history? What makes it tick? Who are the key players? Who succeeds here and why? Be a human sponge - soak up the culture, the history, what's worked, and what hasn't.
Learn your team. Who are they? Why are they there? What do they like about their job? What don't they like? I'm not suggesting you ask them this, BTW, but that you spend some time getting to know them over the next few months. Dashy's phrases up above are great.
Learn your role. What problems were you brought in to solve? What aspects of your job do you feels good about, right away? Where might you need some coaching?
Also, consider good managers that you've had. What have they done that's inspired you or that you really liked? Figure out how to do that your way.
Honestly, though, a good chunk of leadership is just showing up, listening, being available, and problem-solving - or helping your team figure out the solutions to problems.
Your questions already show you have a great attitude. You'll be fine.
posted by dancing_angel at 3:20 PM on June 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
Here is what I would suggest, as a former new manager:
Learn the organization, not just the mission statement and strategic goals (although those are important). What is its history? What makes it tick? Who are the key players? Who succeeds here and why? Be a human sponge - soak up the culture, the history, what's worked, and what hasn't.
Learn your team. Who are they? Why are they there? What do they like about their job? What don't they like? I'm not suggesting you ask them this, BTW, but that you spend some time getting to know them over the next few months. Dashy's phrases up above are great.
Learn your role. What problems were you brought in to solve? What aspects of your job do you feels good about, right away? Where might you need some coaching?
Also, consider good managers that you've had. What have they done that's inspired you or that you really liked? Figure out how to do that your way.
Honestly, though, a good chunk of leadership is just showing up, listening, being available, and problem-solving - or helping your team figure out the solutions to problems.
Your questions already show you have a great attitude. You'll be fine.
posted by dancing_angel at 3:20 PM on June 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
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The best thing you can do as a new manager is talk openly with your reports. Learn what they do--let them show you. Explain your vision to them. Listen when they share their struggles. Ask them what they need from you. Be honest when you don't know something. Be open with your boss about your own struggles and what you need. Don't be afraid to ask for guidance. Edit and amplify the needs of your team so that upper management can get you the resources you need.
I'm in HR and the people who don't like their managers are the ones who don't talk. A manager who tries to communicate actively and openly can grow. A manager who is closed off (either because they're scared or overconfident or whatever) is going to watch their team wither and die.
posted by phunniemee at 7:36 PM on June 16, 2021 [7 favorites]