Toddlers: what’s normal?
June 5, 2021 9:14 AM Subscribe
Hi friends! My husband and I have one toddler, one baby, and not much of a sense of what toddler behavior is normal. That makes it hard for us to know how to react when our toddler behaves in ways that worry us. So we thought we would poll this brain trust. How worried should we be that our toddler lies on the couch for hours sucking her thumb?
When we ask her what’s going on, she says she’s tired, and won’t say she is unhappy, but we’re not sure whether we can believe her claim to feel happy because she may just be telling us what she thinks we want to hear (plus, she’s a toddler). She doesn’t act like this all the time (and can be energetic, playful, cheerful, and loving... and of course also demanding, whiny, and angry). I’m more in the camp of “she’s a person, and people have moods.” My husband is more worried because of how long she spends this way (an hour or more at a time). She’s had these couch sessions off and on over a few weeks.
Can others with toddler experience help us calibrate whether this is in the range of normal kid behavior or whether we should we worried and doing something beyond our usual attempts to validate her feelings, engage with her, and be loving parents? I also welcome ideas of what we should do.
When we ask her what’s going on, she says she’s tired, and won’t say she is unhappy, but we’re not sure whether we can believe her claim to feel happy because she may just be telling us what she thinks we want to hear (plus, she’s a toddler). She doesn’t act like this all the time (and can be energetic, playful, cheerful, and loving... and of course also demanding, whiny, and angry). I’m more in the camp of “she’s a person, and people have moods.” My husband is more worried because of how long she spends this way (an hour or more at a time). She’s had these couch sessions off and on over a few weeks.
Can others with toddler experience help us calibrate whether this is in the range of normal kid behavior or whether we should we worried and doing something beyond our usual attempts to validate her feelings, engage with her, and be loving parents? I also welcome ideas of what we should do.
Does she do this in addition to regular naps? Does she do this on (or after) particularly busy and/or difficult days? If this becomes a daily activity, particularly in addition to naps, it could be cause for concern, but if it’s a sometimes thing, I’d lean toward healthy physical/emotional regulation.
Also, bananacabana’s suggestion that it could be constipation-related is a good one.
posted by epj at 9:55 AM on June 5, 2021
Also, bananacabana’s suggestion that it could be constipation-related is a good one.
posted by epj at 9:55 AM on June 5, 2021
How are her energy levels overall? Is she drinking enough fluids? What does her sleep schedule look like?
Could she be feeling down and out bc of attention baby is getting? Is she getting one and one time with you guys (especially mom)?
If she's very tired all of a sudden, i might ask a pediatrician to check her blood sugar and stuff, an hour of just lying there does seem like a pretty long time for a toddler imo
posted by speakeasy at 9:57 AM on June 5, 2021 [4 favorites]
Could she be feeling down and out bc of attention baby is getting? Is she getting one and one time with you guys (especially mom)?
If she's very tired all of a sudden, i might ask a pediatrician to check her blood sugar and stuff, an hour of just lying there does seem like a pretty long time for a toddler imo
posted by speakeasy at 9:57 AM on June 5, 2021 [4 favorites]
I have one 5.5 year old and 3 much younger brothers who I saw grow up and I would classify this as unusual but not necessarily abnormal.
Does she seem unwell to you? I might track it for 2 weeks (I would record all sleep and low energy times, plus what she is eating and pees and poos, maybe screen times as well) and then discuss with your pediatrician. I would want to rule out serious things like leukemia or type I diabetes, though other less serious physical causes could be in play (such as the constipation mentioned [so common], or food sensitivities or getting new molars), or you just might have a kid who is not getting quite enough sleep or who needs to have extra thoughtful internal processing and rest time. I also think kids get weird sleep and energy patterns around the summer solstice.
posted by vunder at 9:59 AM on June 5, 2021 [2 favorites]
Does she seem unwell to you? I might track it for 2 weeks (I would record all sleep and low energy times, plus what she is eating and pees and poos, maybe screen times as well) and then discuss with your pediatrician. I would want to rule out serious things like leukemia or type I diabetes, though other less serious physical causes could be in play (such as the constipation mentioned [so common], or food sensitivities or getting new molars), or you just might have a kid who is not getting quite enough sleep or who needs to have extra thoughtful internal processing and rest time. I also think kids get weird sleep and energy patterns around the summer solstice.
posted by vunder at 9:59 AM on June 5, 2021 [2 favorites]
Has she dropped her nap? Many kids still need "quiet time" during the day even if they aren't sleeping.
posted by muddgirl at 10:29 AM on June 5, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by muddgirl at 10:29 AM on June 5, 2021 [7 favorites]
My kid is all grown, but I occasionally read Janet Lansbury. I suspect she's resting and might need a little more sleep. if she drinks enough to have pee no darker than apple juice, she's hydrated. If her poop is not hard, she's probably not constipated, though constipation did affect my kid's behavior. If she's usually pretty energetic, talks, plays, she's probably fine. But it is always okay to call the doctor's office to discuss your child's health and behavior.
posted by theora55 at 10:39 AM on June 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by theora55 at 10:39 AM on June 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
Can you follow up with more info on her sleep patterns? It sounds like she needs more sleep. If you're sure she's sleeping enough, then it sounds unusual enough to me to be worth chatting with her pediatrician.
posted by slidell at 1:38 PM on June 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by slidell at 1:38 PM on June 5, 2021 [1 favorite]
Yes I'd vote for tired too. My kids needed far more sleep after the baby stage, usually around 12-13 hours from ages 2 to 5. This can be easy to forget when you're in chaotic baby sleep mode
posted by tillsbury at 2:38 PM on June 5, 2021
posted by tillsbury at 2:38 PM on June 5, 2021
My experience has been that most adults (myself included) way overestimate what is normal and expected behavior for kids of various ages. I often have to remind myself: 'They're younger than you think they are' (developmentally speaking).
There's a series of books that I really like by Louise Bates Ames. They describe what's typical for each age with tips on how to handle certain behaviors etc, one book per year. Slim books, they're super-quick reads. Here's Your Two-Year-Old. Despite being written in the 80s, they seemed pretty remarkably au courant.
posted by Text TK at 6:17 PM on June 7, 2021
There's a series of books that I really like by Louise Bates Ames. They describe what's typical for each age with tips on how to handle certain behaviors etc, one book per year. Slim books, they're super-quick reads. Here's Your Two-Year-Old. Despite being written in the 80s, they seemed pretty remarkably au courant.
posted by Text TK at 6:17 PM on June 7, 2021
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It totally may just be a mood thing/a her thing. But especially if it’s new, it’s probably worth a pediatrician call or visit to rule out some physical cause.
posted by bananacabana at 9:20 AM on June 5, 2021 [6 favorites]