ELI5: Divorce in New York

January 31, 2020 3:00 PM

Things I, and my ex, are bad at: paperwork, multi-step problems, and bureaucracy. However, I'm ready to get this done! DIY? Lawyer? ...Paralegal?

I feel like this should be simple, but I also don't have any idea what I'm talking about. (YANML)

The situation:
+ Marriage certificate obtained in NYC
+ Not married for long
+ No kids
+ No property—except for a car I bought after we separated (on an auto loan)
+ He likely has some savings, and I have some student loan debt (I do *not* want his savings, nor do I want him responsible for my debt)
+ Separated since about last October, minus a few weeks I had to move back into the shared (rented) apartment to find a sub-letter
+ Property and pets have been split, and we have our own places
+ I have since moved out of NYC, but still reside in New York State

Really, everything is physically back to the way it was before the marriage, and it's just paperwork. We don't have a ton of money to spend, and don't feel that this situation warrants a big fee?

But a lawyer seems expensive and... possibly scammy?

I could also use LegalZoom, which seems about as difficult as doing taxes online, but I'm anxious that I'd screw it up. Something like accidentally making him responsible for my debt, or filing incorrectly and dragging out the whole process.

Because it seems so simple, I kind of feel like we could maybe just hire a paralegal to file and make sure the correct boxes are ticked? I don't know if that's a Thing or not.

So, are "cheap" lawyers, like in the link above, a scam? Worth it to DIY, or bad idea? Or should we just pony up for thousands of dollars for a top-rated lawyer, or is that overboard for our particular circumstance?

Thanks in advance.

posted by anonymous to Law & Government (10 answers total)

We had a similar situation to you, filed ourselves using online info + help desk at the courthouse. We got the notary wording wrong once, so had to correct some paperwork, but they told us exactly what was wrong and it was an easy to correct and refile (at no extra charge). Go for it!
posted by valeries at 3:42 PM on January 31, 2020 [2 favorites]

It looks like New York has some information online to help you do the divorce yourself. It's worth at least browsing the website.
posted by bluedaisy at 3:46 PM on January 31, 2020 [1 favorite]

I used legalZoom, and predictably we messed it up a couple of times and it ended up taking a couple of years, And this was for an amicable divorce. We struggled with it because we are both space cadets. If you are organized and good at following detailed instructions, LegalZoom is fine. Point of info: we were married in NYC but because one of us was resident in PA we filed there because it was easier.
posted by Morpeth at 3:49 PM on January 31, 2020

I used the info bluedaisy linked to. I don't know. I was motivated. This motivation reinforced my focus and attention to detail. Perhaps motivation and the desire not to spend money can do the same for you. Like valeries, I missed one small detail at one point, but the help desk at the courthouse was very helpful, and I was able to get things done in about a year.
posted by oflinkey at 4:13 PM on January 31, 2020 [1 favorite]

An article by Deborah Copaken called "The DIY Divorce" appeared in The Atlantic last year. Googling turns up various criticisms of it, such as this one, which point out that the New-York-based author actually had a lawyer friend available to advise her so it wasn't strictly DIY.
posted by XMLicious at 4:39 PM on January 31, 2020

Uncontested divorce in NY is simple enough that they train law students to do it pro bono. However, if you're anxious about doing it right--which is not unreasonable, given the number of aspects of your life marriage formally affects--the obvious thing is to hire a professional to handle it. It's not at all common for paralegals to operate on their own; they're meant to operate in support of attorneys. So professional here means "lawyer." I don't think you need a top-rated lawyer, just one that doesn't give you a bad vibe.

Sorry that things didn't work out for you two.
posted by praemunire at 7:49 PM on January 31, 2020

I used The New Start Project in almost identical circumstances. They will file the paperwork for you, and then you just wait for the decree to come through. They have a sliding scale from $100-500. It was such a relief to just hand it off to them and made the legal part the easiest part of the divorce.
posted by (Over) Thinking at 11:32 AM on February 1, 2020

You can get a lawyer (MeFi Wiki), even just for a consultation, to find out more about the process. "He likely has some savings" may be a hitch in the process despite your completely understandable feelings of wanting this to be simple. It may not be a matter of "accidentally" making him responsible for your debt, and more about whether he is obscuring his actual resources (NY Courts) from you. A lawyer in your jurisdiction can explain why or whether that matters in your specific situation, i.e. why do you get the debt and he gets the assets if the law (Womenslaw.org) says that's not necessarily how it works (NY Courts)? And are you entitled to (possibly temporary) spousal maintenance (NY Courts)?

It sounds like you need legal advice to help understand the process and then to review the packet of forms that need to be filled out, served, and filed. It doesn't have to be prohibitively expensive, and you can shop around (MeFi Wiki) until you find a local attorney that you are comfortable with and offers you a reasonable rate. A lawyer should be able to help you get your papers filed right the first time, and to understand what you may or may not be giving up with a settlement, so you can make informed choices about how to proceed.
posted by katra at 12:29 PM on February 1, 2020

I also did it myself in NYS using the paperwork available online. All things considered, it was relatively easy.
posted by metasarah at 10:01 AM on February 3, 2020

Yeah, you are in an ideal position to do a DIY divorce without a lawyer—very easy in New York, using the info at the link bluedaisy posted. You'll need to find a notary, pay fees and photocopies, and go back and forth to the courthouse a few times. It will sneak up on you emotionally, and it is not bureaucracy-free, but I truly cannot think why you'd need a lawyer. Feel free to Memail, I went through this 5–6 years ago.
posted by babelfish at 5:19 PM on February 6, 2020