My probably unnecessary "anxious new kitten mom" post
December 16, 2019 1:29 PM Subscribe
We just adopted a pair of sister kittens yesterday who are 15 weeks old. We have them set up in the bathroom with litter, food, beds, and some toys. I know it will take them awhile to feel comfortable and it can't be rushed. I was just wondering if I screwed up by putting them in a room that has a natural hiding place - they have been camped out behind an interior door.
I just read an article that says you shouldn't set them up in a room that has hiding places to force them to get comfy. Oops.
I know they have been out of their hiding place because this morning there were little litter trails all around the beds and food and everything. I have been spending a couple of minutes at a time chilling in there on the floor, reading my phone and trying not to look at them. But every time I'm in there, they're hiding behind the door. Even writing this question I'm asking myself, what do you expect? Of course they're hiding! This is probably an over-anxious question but I just want to make sure I'm setting them up for success.
Should I not spend time in there? Spend more time in there? Do exactly what I'm doing? Do something else? Take a chill pill?
I just read an article that says you shouldn't set them up in a room that has hiding places to force them to get comfy. Oops.
I know they have been out of their hiding place because this morning there were little litter trails all around the beds and food and everything. I have been spending a couple of minutes at a time chilling in there on the floor, reading my phone and trying not to look at them. But every time I'm in there, they're hiding behind the door. Even writing this question I'm asking myself, what do you expect? Of course they're hiding! This is probably an over-anxious question but I just want to make sure I'm setting them up for success.
Should I not spend time in there? Spend more time in there? Do exactly what I'm doing? Do something else? Take a chill pill?
Ramp up the time you spend each time. So a couple minutes now, add another minute or so next time, etc. And yes - read to them! Quietly, of course.
And if you're not feeding them any wet food, it would be a good time to start. You might find that they can't resist coming out when they smell the food. If they do that, stay in the room! No sudden movements, talk to them quietly.
Once they start getting used to you, you can try playing with them. And when they're comfortable with you, let them start exploring the rest of their new home.
They'll adjust, don't worry.
posted by cooker girl at 1:43 PM on December 16, 2019 [6 favorites]
And if you're not feeding them any wet food, it would be a good time to start. You might find that they can't resist coming out when they smell the food. If they do that, stay in the room! No sudden movements, talk to them quietly.
Once they start getting used to you, you can try playing with them. And when they're comfortable with you, let them start exploring the rest of their new home.
They'll adjust, don't worry.
posted by cooker girl at 1:43 PM on December 16, 2019 [6 favorites]
No chill pill, but maybe have a cup of chamomile or other soothing tea. You're doing it right and they'll be fine. Giving them places to hide is a good thing – let them come to feel secure in their hiding place and they'll feel more confident venturing out from it.
You might just hang out in the same room with them to give them more opportunity to get used to your presence. Don't try to interact with them, but if you sit on the floor and read a book or something, they'll probably start coming by to check you out a bit.
posted by Lexica at 1:43 PM on December 16, 2019 [3 favorites]
You might just hang out in the same room with them to give them more opportunity to get used to your presence. Don't try to interact with them, but if you sit on the floor and read a book or something, they'll probably start coming by to check you out a bit.
posted by Lexica at 1:43 PM on December 16, 2019 [3 favorites]
Increase the amount of time you're in there. You can also leave some things that smell like you in there, like a hoodie or a pillow from your bed, that you use to hang out on, and then when you're not there they can come investigate the object and get used to your smell. I bet though that if you just chill in there for like an hour they'll emerge and come check you out. Leave some other soft things in there to start to smell like them and once they're confident with you in their little space you can take the soft things out and spread them nearby so as they begin to explore the next room they'll have touchstones that say "this is also where you belong."
It sounds like you're doing everything right and just need to convince your brain about the passage of time - a typical affliction when presented with kittens.
posted by Mizu at 1:52 PM on December 16, 2019 [9 favorites]
It sounds like you're doing everything right and just need to convince your brain about the passage of time - a typical affliction when presented with kittens.
posted by Mizu at 1:52 PM on December 16, 2019 [9 favorites]
If it's completely silent in there, maybe set up a something outside the door that's playing something soft.
It's only been a day :)
posted by amtho at 2:07 PM on December 16, 2019 [1 favorite]
It's only been a day :)
posted by amtho at 2:07 PM on December 16, 2019 [1 favorite]
....I could really use a kitten photo about now....
posted by amtho at 2:13 PM on December 16, 2019 [16 favorites]
posted by amtho at 2:13 PM on December 16, 2019 [16 favorites]
They will be fine. I actually thought I had lost a kitten once when I put him in a room with too many hiding places, but he had managed to hide behind the books on a very crammed bookshelf.
Anyway, consider putting a blanket, flannel shirt or other item that belongs to you in their space. They will probably check it out, cozy up together for a nap and get used to your scent.
posted by GeorgieYeats at 2:15 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
Anyway, consider putting a blanket, flannel shirt or other item that belongs to you in their space. They will probably check it out, cozy up together for a nap and get used to your scent.
posted by GeorgieYeats at 2:15 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Please see kitten tax attached! (Not sure but I think her original name of Genevieve will be fitting!)
posted by bleep at 2:17 PM on December 16, 2019 [11 favorites]
posted by bleep at 2:17 PM on December 16, 2019 [11 favorites]
Not just kittens - we adopted two older cats about a year ago and initially kept them in a bedroom containing a bookcase with a tiny gap underneath it, from which neither emerged for a couple of days. They were coming out to eat and toilet, but not when there was any other living being within a half-mile radius. I spent time in there with them every day, as did Mr MMDP, blindly offering treats and head rubs under the bookcase. Eventually what brought them out was the use of a fishing rod-style cat toy, which they followed out from underneath.
It took several days before they didn't immediately vanish when we looked in the room, several weeks before they didn't disappear when they heard or smelled the other cat or the dog and several months before the older cat started wandering round the house. The younger one will still mostly stay upstairs, but both are happy and relaxed.
Which is all to say it will take some time and patient sitting around with them, but persevere and they will gain confidence. Probably much more quickly than the older cats I describe above, because kittens! Who play! And gallop around!!
posted by Martha My Dear Prudence at 2:56 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
It took several days before they didn't immediately vanish when we looked in the room, several weeks before they didn't disappear when they heard or smelled the other cat or the dog and several months before the older cat started wandering round the house. The younger one will still mostly stay upstairs, but both are happy and relaxed.
Which is all to say it will take some time and patient sitting around with them, but persevere and they will gain confidence. Probably much more quickly than the older cats I describe above, because kittens! Who play! And gallop around!!
posted by Martha My Dear Prudence at 2:56 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
Giving them a few days to adjust to the smells and sounds of a new place won’t hurt them. Once they have thoroughly explored the larger space if they continue to hide it may be time to remove the hiding place.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:57 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:57 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
Yeah, they're fine! I like string toys for interacting with scared kittens (don't leave them alone with the string though). Maybe at the open end of that door, or under it, and see if one of them takes the bait?
posted by mersen at 3:01 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by mersen at 3:01 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
I adopted a three year old cat who spent a few weeks hiding under my bed, only emerging while I was sleeping/at work to eat and use the litter box. I didn't try to coax him out, but I would talk to him and sing while I was home so he knew I was there.
Then, he suddenly decided I was cool. After that, he was almost like a puppy, following me from room to room, and waiting by the door when I arrived home.
Sometimes cats just take a bit of time to feel safe, both with the space and with the people. You should definitely spend more time in there with them, not pushing for them to interact with you, to give them a chance to see that you're a safe person. Reading on your phone is great.
Don't stare at them when they eventually come out from behind the door. If you make eye contact, give them a nice slow blink and then look away to show them that you're not a threat.
posted by burntflowers at 3:32 PM on December 16, 2019 [6 favorites]
Then, he suddenly decided I was cool. After that, he was almost like a puppy, following me from room to room, and waiting by the door when I arrived home.
Sometimes cats just take a bit of time to feel safe, both with the space and with the people. You should definitely spend more time in there with them, not pushing for them to interact with you, to give them a chance to see that you're a safe person. Reading on your phone is great.
Don't stare at them when they eventually come out from behind the door. If you make eye contact, give them a nice slow blink and then look away to show them that you're not a threat.
posted by burntflowers at 3:32 PM on December 16, 2019 [6 favorites]
If there are no other cats or pets to make them think they are invading another creatures territory you probably have about two months to go before they own the entire house, and have forced you to redecorate due to the way they leap from the bookcase to the mantelpiece and run along it before swarming up the curtains...
Enjoy your kittens. The decision to give them a hiding place versus an exposed room is like the decision to try a catnip mouse versus a feather at the end of a string. This is where you get to enjoy getting to know the cats and learning their personalities. You're not going to traumatize them by letting them hide behind a door and you wouldn't be traumatizing them if there wasn't a door for them to hide behind.
posted by Jane the Brown at 3:58 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
Enjoy your kittens. The decision to give them a hiding place versus an exposed room is like the decision to try a catnip mouse versus a feather at the end of a string. This is where you get to enjoy getting to know the cats and learning their personalities. You're not going to traumatize them by letting them hide behind a door and you wouldn't be traumatizing them if there wasn't a door for them to hide behind.
posted by Jane the Brown at 3:58 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
From their perspective, they've got each other, they've got a safe place to hide, they've got food... this is probably a pretty good deal! They'll explore more as they get curious and figure out you're not going to eat them.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:25 PM on December 16, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:25 PM on December 16, 2019 [7 favorites]
When we adopted our two cats, the Nature's Miracle Calming Spray stuff worked wonders at getting them to come out from under the bed and explore their new home.
posted by sarcasticah at 5:30 PM on December 16, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by sarcasticah at 5:30 PM on December 16, 2019 [1 favorite]
My two recent idiots spent nearly a month hidden in the narrow space behind my bed, and now stroll around the apartment beating up/demanding pets from everyone. The longest I’ve had was a feral adult cat who took six months, well-fostered kittens take a couple of days to two weeks to get totally comfy. Spend more time in there and leave the door open for access to the litter box, they will be happy purrballs soon.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 5:30 PM on December 16, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 5:30 PM on December 16, 2019 [3 favorites]
Add a radio talk station. Normal level just to make it familiar.
posted by Freedomboy at 5:52 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Freedomboy at 5:52 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
Keep the toilet lid down. Can they turn on the hot water -- and if so, can you reduce the hot water temperature if it is not right for children and pets? Are there any poisonous substances they can get into?
If they are not getting into the wrong cabinets or playing with objects in the light sockets, then you are good to go.
Let the kitties explore for a few days in their new larger domicile (the bathroom). Spend a little time with them, but don't get excited about it.
String toys are good. Let them chase a string or pointer light over your legs, around your back, and over your legs again. Don't be surprised if chasing includes light nips or scratches. Give a few scritches under the chin and behind the ears. Talk sweetly and let them know you care.
You have a pet bed, but is there room for a carrier with the door removed? That can be a safe haven.
Problems in letting them out of the bathroom, so address these issues first:
The possibility of escaping from the house. Other rooms are not a problem, unless you have strong ideas about cats in the kitchen, etc. Start as you mean to continue.
Other pets or people who could bother them. Some communities have fireworks during the holidays, which could be disturbing.
Dangerous places or substances, especially during the holidays:
Poisonous plants and substances associated with the holidays. Foods that are not compatible with cats.
Fire and scalding liquids. Heating elements.
Electrocution, such as decoration wiring.
Suffocation and choking, such as wrapping paper, plastic wrap, and tinsel. Plain paper bags and boxes are good, but many holiday gift bags are not.
Heights and crushing injuries, again associated with trees, garlands, and other decorations.
Sharp or fragile objects, such as knocking objects to the ground.
Not to be a Grinch about it, but this season is about kitty care. The little rug tigers are pretty resilient. Check with the previous caretakers about any concerns.
And congratulations! Lots of purrs and sweet biscuit making for the New Year -- yay!
posted by TrishaU at 8:06 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
If they are not getting into the wrong cabinets or playing with objects in the light sockets, then you are good to go.
Let the kitties explore for a few days in their new larger domicile (the bathroom). Spend a little time with them, but don't get excited about it.
String toys are good. Let them chase a string or pointer light over your legs, around your back, and over your legs again. Don't be surprised if chasing includes light nips or scratches. Give a few scritches under the chin and behind the ears. Talk sweetly and let them know you care.
You have a pet bed, but is there room for a carrier with the door removed? That can be a safe haven.
Problems in letting them out of the bathroom, so address these issues first:
The possibility of escaping from the house. Other rooms are not a problem, unless you have strong ideas about cats in the kitchen, etc. Start as you mean to continue.
Other pets or people who could bother them. Some communities have fireworks during the holidays, which could be disturbing.
Dangerous places or substances, especially during the holidays:
Poisonous plants and substances associated with the holidays. Foods that are not compatible with cats.
Fire and scalding liquids. Heating elements.
Electrocution, such as decoration wiring.
Suffocation and choking, such as wrapping paper, plastic wrap, and tinsel. Plain paper bags and boxes are good, but many holiday gift bags are not.
Heights and crushing injuries, again associated with trees, garlands, and other decorations.
Sharp or fragile objects, such as knocking objects to the ground.
Not to be a Grinch about it, but this season is about kitty care. The little rug tigers are pretty resilient. Check with the previous caretakers about any concerns.
And congratulations! Lots of purrs and sweet biscuit making for the New Year -- yay!
posted by TrishaU at 8:06 PM on December 16, 2019 [2 favorites]
Saint Genevieve! Saint Genevieve! It's Guinevere -- remember me? Julie Andrews singing "The Simple Joys of Maidenhood" from Camelot.
posted by TrishaU at 8:14 PM on December 16, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by TrishaU at 8:14 PM on December 16, 2019 [1 favorite]
When I got a pair of kittens (litter of a feral cat), there wasn't a good enclosed space to keep them in. Only one bedroom and bathroom and they definitely had fleas (tapeworms too it turned out). They spent the first night shoved underneath the kitchen wire shelving (sooo tiny). Then sometime in the night they scuttled into the living room, found the couch and spent the next day squished into a flat narrow box. Only sign of their existence was periodically scuffling of cardboard. They now pile on top of me every morning and purr me awake.
You are doing great. The kittens are doing great.
posted by spamandkimchi at 8:14 AM on December 17, 2019 [1 favorite]
You are doing great. The kittens are doing great.
posted by spamandkimchi at 8:14 AM on December 17, 2019 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you everyone for putting my mind at ease! I love these mysterious little squirrels!
posted by bleep at 10:29 AM on December 17, 2019
posted by bleep at 10:29 AM on December 17, 2019
Your kittens will be fine. You will all be OK. They're in a new place, so their instincts are telling them to seek out a safe place to hide. Behind the door is now their "base." Once they know they're safe there, and the room starts to feel familiar, they will begin to explore and play.
My little black cat Mystery was named that by the shelter folks because she was always hiding in the secluded part of her cage. When I got her home and put her in the guest room/office, she hid under the desk. Then she did the most cartoonish you-don't-see-me crawl across the room to the covered litter box, where she stayed for about 12 hours.
During this time, I didn't disturb her or try to get her out. I think she needed to know she could hide and be safe without interference. I spent time in the room, just sitting reading, and I'd occasionally make eye contact and give her a slow blink, but no more than that.
She's now a loving and playful lap-cat who knows she owns the house. But I think she has more confidence because at the start, I let her hide as long as she wanted to and choose for herself when to come out.
Best of luck with your new family members! In a couple days you'll all be playing happy games of kill-the-string.
posted by Pallas Athena at 10:42 AM on December 17, 2019
My little black cat Mystery was named that by the shelter folks because she was always hiding in the secluded part of her cage. When I got her home and put her in the guest room/office, she hid under the desk. Then she did the most cartoonish you-don't-see-me crawl across the room to the covered litter box, where she stayed for about 12 hours.
During this time, I didn't disturb her or try to get her out. I think she needed to know she could hide and be safe without interference. I spent time in the room, just sitting reading, and I'd occasionally make eye contact and give her a slow blink, but no more than that.
She's now a loving and playful lap-cat who knows she owns the house. But I think she has more confidence because at the start, I let her hide as long as she wanted to and choose for herself when to come out.
Best of luck with your new family members! In a couple days you'll all be playing happy games of kill-the-string.
posted by Pallas Athena at 10:42 AM on December 17, 2019
Response by poster: Um ok this is embarrassing, someone around here who shall remain nameless insisted on taking them out of the bathroom before they were ready and now they're under the bed. Should I try to get them out? They're under there in such a way as I can get them if I have to but it's going to be another traumatizing debacle and they definitely don't trust me. Their bathroom is attached to this bedroom so they can get back on their own I think? But they've been under there for a few hours. I did get them to eat some wet food. I'm so sad and embarrassed I let this happen.
posted by bleep at 6:42 PM on December 17, 2019
posted by bleep at 6:42 PM on December 17, 2019
I recommend just letting them hang out where they are. Spend time in the room if you want, or not. If they haven't come out by the time you go to bed, once you fall asleep they'll be able to go back to the bathroom if they want to.
It'll be fine. They'll be fine. Please reassure yourself that this is perfectly normal for this stage of accustoming a cat to a new home.
(Also, if it's helpful, please tell your anxiety-brain to chill out because it's talking nonsense and is outvoted. ❤️)
posted by Lexica at 7:30 PM on December 17, 2019 [1 favorite]
It'll be fine. They'll be fine. Please reassure yourself that this is perfectly normal for this stage of accustoming a cat to a new home.
(Also, if it's helpful, please tell your anxiety-brain to chill out because it's talking nonsense and is outvoted. ❤️)
posted by Lexica at 7:30 PM on December 17, 2019 [1 favorite]
Listen. Little cats, like little humans, are resilient and insanely curious. You have not broken the cats.
Just tell everyone in this household to leave them the f-- alone, asap. Give the kitties a safe opportunity and time to explore and they will explore.
You are now the kitties' guardian which means sternly herding all the curious humans away (repeatedly, if you must) and letting the cats get on with catting.
PATIENCE, HUMANS. Muster it, and you will be richly rewarded.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:07 AM on December 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
Just tell everyone in this household to leave them the f-- alone, asap. Give the kitties a safe opportunity and time to explore and they will explore.
You are now the kitties' guardian which means sternly herding all the curious humans away (repeatedly, if you must) and letting the cats get on with catting.
PATIENCE, HUMANS. Muster it, and you will be richly rewarded.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:07 AM on December 18, 2019 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: I really needed to hear I didn't break the cats 😭
posted by bleep at 10:14 AM on December 18, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by bleep at 10:14 AM on December 18, 2019 [4 favorites]
If your cats were not ready to start exploring the apartment they would have stayed huddled behind the door in the bathroom. The fact that they chose a new hiding place is a sign that they had started to want to explore.
posted by Jane the Brown at 3:02 PM on December 22, 2019
posted by Jane the Brown at 3:02 PM on December 22, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
You are doing everything right and they will come out when they're good and ready.
I vote "take a chill pill".
Some people say you can read to them to get them used to your voice. So, I don't know, read Metafilter to them?
posted by Omnomnom at 1:36 PM on December 16, 2019 [19 favorites]