How to stop procrastinating at creativity-on-demand?
November 12, 2019 11:02 PM Subscribe
I am a professional actor. About 3-5 times a week, I have to prepare and self-tape an audition. I procrastinate TREMENDOUSLY and feel miserable every single time. Please help!
Five random times each week, I get emailed some scenes. Each time, I have a turnaround of 12-72 hours to return a competent audition, and here is what I have to do:
1. Find a time when my toddler is SILENTLY occupied by another person AND there is natural light outside. This alone can be a Sisyphean task.
2. For film/TV, I need to: print the material and think about my approach. Mark up the script with notes, memorize the scenes. Find a helper to read opposite me. Do my hair/makeup/wardrobe, dig out and set up my tripod, camera, lights, mic, backdrop and test the lighting and sound a million times. Do about 20 takes of the material (with a competent helper who's patient enough to manage me flubbing a line or the dog wrecking a take or whatever!), then finally email it in.
3. For animation, I need to: read the material, YouTube the voice references they've provided, decide my approach. Make silent my home. Hide in my cluttered closet and record myself running the scenes, listen back a bunch of times. Record a perfect take. Repeat for 2-6 loud, high-energy characters per show. Label files and email it all in. Animation is not as logistically difficult as on-camera, as it needs fewer gadgets and I don't have to do makeup or lighting... but because it's done alone, it can be even harder because there's no reader to be accountable to, or get an energy boost from, and animation characters are often SUPER high energy. It can be hard to get my energy there alone and feel confident that my work is funny!
Acting is a silly fun career, I know, but AUDITIONING IS SO HARD. I'm having a hard time just in life in general right now, too- I have a toddler, an ill parent, very little childcare help. Throw in low iron, mild seasonal depression, random hormonal swings that are making me feel tired, unmotivated, and anxious. I'm also a perfectionist and probably have ADD. Plus I've recently quit caffeine and I'm working from home, so it can be VERY hard to ramp my energy up enough to create a heightened reality.
And because the work is judged on subjective criteria, I really struggle with the fact that it's impossible to actually BE DONE, it just has to GET done. Like if Take 15 is good enough, wouldn't Take 30 be even better? The enormity of doing something that, in my distorted thinking, * could somehow be perfect if only.... * means it is so unappealing to ever start, if that makes sense.
I've tried to remove some of the speed bumps to these processes- for instance, I bought a fancy iPhone and use that to record, instead of a proper camera/mic, because it's technically MUCH easier (even though it doesn't look or sound as good). And I never edit my takes, even though I could improve my product if I did. I could try leaving some of my gear set out to reduce the setup time, but I have a toddler and a small home. I'm also planning to upgrade my lighting gear to lessen the time pressure of having adequate daylight. And for really important projects, I hire someone to coach, read & tape me professionally, which is AMAZING but costs $70 a pop so I can't do it every time.
I love acting, but auditioning IS HARD... however, it's the bulk of my job, and if I don't do it well and promptly, I don't book work.
SO: What can I do to reframe how I think about it, make it easier, and get it done with less struggle?? I'm really having a hard time and beating myself up for failing at my clown college of a career! Ugh, thanks!
Five random times each week, I get emailed some scenes. Each time, I have a turnaround of 12-72 hours to return a competent audition, and here is what I have to do:
1. Find a time when my toddler is SILENTLY occupied by another person AND there is natural light outside. This alone can be a Sisyphean task.
2. For film/TV, I need to: print the material and think about my approach. Mark up the script with notes, memorize the scenes. Find a helper to read opposite me. Do my hair/makeup/wardrobe, dig out and set up my tripod, camera, lights, mic, backdrop and test the lighting and sound a million times. Do about 20 takes of the material (with a competent helper who's patient enough to manage me flubbing a line or the dog wrecking a take or whatever!), then finally email it in.
3. For animation, I need to: read the material, YouTube the voice references they've provided, decide my approach. Make silent my home. Hide in my cluttered closet and record myself running the scenes, listen back a bunch of times. Record a perfect take. Repeat for 2-6 loud, high-energy characters per show. Label files and email it all in. Animation is not as logistically difficult as on-camera, as it needs fewer gadgets and I don't have to do makeup or lighting... but because it's done alone, it can be even harder because there's no reader to be accountable to, or get an energy boost from, and animation characters are often SUPER high energy. It can be hard to get my energy there alone and feel confident that my work is funny!
Acting is a silly fun career, I know, but AUDITIONING IS SO HARD. I'm having a hard time just in life in general right now, too- I have a toddler, an ill parent, very little childcare help. Throw in low iron, mild seasonal depression, random hormonal swings that are making me feel tired, unmotivated, and anxious. I'm also a perfectionist and probably have ADD. Plus I've recently quit caffeine and I'm working from home, so it can be VERY hard to ramp my energy up enough to create a heightened reality.
And because the work is judged on subjective criteria, I really struggle with the fact that it's impossible to actually BE DONE, it just has to GET done. Like if Take 15 is good enough, wouldn't Take 30 be even better? The enormity of doing something that, in my distorted thinking, * could somehow be perfect if only.... * means it is so unappealing to ever start, if that makes sense.
I've tried to remove some of the speed bumps to these processes- for instance, I bought a fancy iPhone and use that to record, instead of a proper camera/mic, because it's technically MUCH easier (even though it doesn't look or sound as good). And I never edit my takes, even though I could improve my product if I did. I could try leaving some of my gear set out to reduce the setup time, but I have a toddler and a small home. I'm also planning to upgrade my lighting gear to lessen the time pressure of having adequate daylight. And for really important projects, I hire someone to coach, read & tape me professionally, which is AMAZING but costs $70 a pop so I can't do it every time.
I love acting, but auditioning IS HARD... however, it's the bulk of my job, and if I don't do it well and promptly, I don't book work.
SO: What can I do to reframe how I think about it, make it easier, and get it done with less struggle?? I'm really having a hard time and beating myself up for failing at my clown college of a career! Ugh, thanks!
Could you leave some equipment set up if you did it at a standing setup?
posted by amtho at 12:37 AM on November 13, 2019
posted by amtho at 12:37 AM on November 13, 2019
What a lot of things to line up! and yeah your career is hard, professional work, never apologize for it.
It's taken me ages to get to this point but almost all the time people really love my work (I'm sure people love your practice too), I'm only learning this in the last couple of years that I don't have to endlessly iterate and refine. Learning to stay loose and flexible is a big thing and more important than being perfect.
I still feel uncertain but less uncertain, a certain amount of uncertainly is probably good but all things in moderation
posted by unearthed at 1:23 AM on November 13, 2019
It's taken me ages to get to this point but almost all the time people really love my work (I'm sure people love your practice too), I'm only learning this in the last couple of years that I don't have to endlessly iterate and refine. Learning to stay loose and flexible is a big thing and more important than being perfect.
I still feel uncertain but less uncertain, a certain amount of uncertainly is probably good but all things in moderation
posted by unearthed at 1:23 AM on November 13, 2019
Things that have helped me in similar situations:
- keeping in mind that perfect is the enemy of good
- putting the task on a to-do list along with laundry and other mundane stuff, to de-amplify it
- giving myself a specific limit or number of tries (e.g. maximum of 3 unflubbed recordings, then use the best of the three)
- attaching it to a reward once it's done: hot shower, ice cream, a walk around the block, etc.
- integrating a very abbreviated version into daily practice. I try to sing at least 10 minutes a day at home so that when I need to learn proper songs for choir, it just feels like an expansion of something that's already part of my routine. Maybe that would look like recording a 10-second bit of an essay or short story every day.
posted by pendrift at 3:15 AM on November 13, 2019 [8 favorites]
- keeping in mind that perfect is the enemy of good
- putting the task on a to-do list along with laundry and other mundane stuff, to de-amplify it
- giving myself a specific limit or number of tries (e.g. maximum of 3 unflubbed recordings, then use the best of the three)
- attaching it to a reward once it's done: hot shower, ice cream, a walk around the block, etc.
- integrating a very abbreviated version into daily practice. I try to sing at least 10 minutes a day at home so that when I need to learn proper songs for choir, it just feels like an expansion of something that's already part of my routine. Maybe that would look like recording a 10-second bit of an essay or short story every day.
posted by pendrift at 3:15 AM on November 13, 2019 [8 favorites]
It doesn't sound to me like you're procrastinating at the creative part. It sounds like you have an exhausting situation where just to get to the point where you have to do the hard work, you have to do a ton of other hard work, that most people only do once and then reap the benefits of, with a little maintenance.
The creative work IS the work. All the setup around it? Is not the work. Is it possible you're minimizing what you bring to it and feel like you have to do a whole bunch of extraneous other stuff to make it look like you're "really working"? Creative work IS REALLY WORK. It's really hard. It requires bringing your whole self to it and feeling all the feels and then feeling all of the feels about those feels and then the feels you have when you see how (or how it did not) connect to your audience. It's HARD. It's VALUABLE. So give yourself permission to let that be the main course and the most important part.
If you don't have room in your home to have a constant setup, with a printer, lighting, etc, do you have the budget to rent a studio that has these things, and get childcare? It really sounds to me like something has to give, either space wise, or financial wise.
I also may be reading into this but I'm wondering if you are getting enough support from your network and/or partner and/or friends. Do you have people minimizing your work and your passion? Or are you not asking for the help and support you need because you don't believe in yourself? If I had to boil it down, it really sounds to me like there is something fuzzy in your prioritization and you're not putting something at the top that *really needs to go at the top*. If you spend some time thinking about why - and being honest with yourself about it - you might have the breakthrough you need to be really clear on how to prioritize.
Also +1 to make space in your daily routine that you can expand on. A friend of mine calls this "the creative hearth". Even if you have no auditions in a week, just tidying your audition space, or working on your setup, or doing evergreen research, whatever it is, for a short time, will help you make and keep the space for it.
I type all of this at you as I'm going through something similar right now. What has helped me is to pick a thing on the list that has to go in favor of making space in my life for this creative work. I feel guilty typing it because I didn't want to cut this, but I picked morning workouts. Instead of trying to fit creative work in, I get up in the morning and I write during the time I would have been working out. Is my core a bit weaker? Yep. Do I have a little less energy? Yep. So I try to take a longer walk and do planks and even get a workout in after work if I can. But I am constantly looking for something else to give so I can get those workouts back into my schedule. But for once, I wanted to give myself the gift of prioritizing my creative spirit and work over everything that the world wants from me.
posted by pazazygeek at 3:40 AM on November 13, 2019 [6 favorites]
The creative work IS the work. All the setup around it? Is not the work. Is it possible you're minimizing what you bring to it and feel like you have to do a whole bunch of extraneous other stuff to make it look like you're "really working"? Creative work IS REALLY WORK. It's really hard. It requires bringing your whole self to it and feeling all the feels and then feeling all of the feels about those feels and then the feels you have when you see how (or how it did not) connect to your audience. It's HARD. It's VALUABLE. So give yourself permission to let that be the main course and the most important part.
If you don't have room in your home to have a constant setup, with a printer, lighting, etc, do you have the budget to rent a studio that has these things, and get childcare? It really sounds to me like something has to give, either space wise, or financial wise.
I also may be reading into this but I'm wondering if you are getting enough support from your network and/or partner and/or friends. Do you have people minimizing your work and your passion? Or are you not asking for the help and support you need because you don't believe in yourself? If I had to boil it down, it really sounds to me like there is something fuzzy in your prioritization and you're not putting something at the top that *really needs to go at the top*. If you spend some time thinking about why - and being honest with yourself about it - you might have the breakthrough you need to be really clear on how to prioritize.
Also +1 to make space in your daily routine that you can expand on. A friend of mine calls this "the creative hearth". Even if you have no auditions in a week, just tidying your audition space, or working on your setup, or doing evergreen research, whatever it is, for a short time, will help you make and keep the space for it.
I type all of this at you as I'm going through something similar right now. What has helped me is to pick a thing on the list that has to go in favor of making space in my life for this creative work. I feel guilty typing it because I didn't want to cut this, but I picked morning workouts. Instead of trying to fit creative work in, I get up in the morning and I write during the time I would have been working out. Is my core a bit weaker? Yep. Do I have a little less energy? Yep. So I try to take a longer walk and do planks and even get a workout in after work if I can. But I am constantly looking for something else to give so I can get those workouts back into my schedule. But for once, I wanted to give myself the gift of prioritizing my creative spirit and work over everything that the world wants from me.
posted by pazazygeek at 3:40 AM on November 13, 2019 [6 favorites]
pazazygeek says it beautifully in their fourth paragraph, and I hope it feels like we're all listening and caring rather than feeling like a pile-on – I'm gonna join the chorus of folks talking about how much self-dismissal can affect this.
Maybe enough people have treated your work as a fun silly career that you feel you have to think that way about it. But you know, and I know as a fellow arts worker, there's no such thing as a freelance arts worker who doesn't spend most of their waking hours on practical labor that has nothing to do with Inspiration or fun or play (unless they're independently wealthy... the elephant in all our rooms).
I want to point out the obstacles you describe (especially connected with parenting and your other caretaking) are practical, real, and in some cases not under your control – so it also could be useful to question your self-label of procrastination. That is to say: when it takes you a long time to accomplish something, although there may be an element of procrastination, think twice about labeling that delay as all your fault.
You're doing hard, detail-driven, competitive, emotionally demanding work on top of layers of other, completely differently emotionally demanding work. (There will be people who can't see that work for what it is – don't let them define you.)
posted by kalapierson at 10:33 AM on November 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
Maybe enough people have treated your work as a fun silly career that you feel you have to think that way about it. But you know, and I know as a fellow arts worker, there's no such thing as a freelance arts worker who doesn't spend most of their waking hours on practical labor that has nothing to do with Inspiration or fun or play (unless they're independently wealthy... the elephant in all our rooms).
I want to point out the obstacles you describe (especially connected with parenting and your other caretaking) are practical, real, and in some cases not under your control – so it also could be useful to question your self-label of procrastination. That is to say: when it takes you a long time to accomplish something, although there may be an element of procrastination, think twice about labeling that delay as all your fault.
You're doing hard, detail-driven, competitive, emotionally demanding work on top of layers of other, completely differently emotionally demanding work. (There will be people who can't see that work for what it is – don't let them define you.)
posted by kalapierson at 10:33 AM on November 13, 2019 [1 favorite]
So wait... to actually do the thing you need the support/cooperation of one to three other people, one of whom is a toddler? Even in the most ideal circumstances, working from home with a toddler is extremely difficult, and you have the fun bonus variety pack of additional challenges.
Could you create a home office in a back yard shed (that is off limits to other family members)? Can you enlist neighborhood youths to assist with child/ camera wrangling?
Also, in this internet stranger’s humble opinion... it’s really cool 😎 that you are a professional actor... let alone have a career that you otherwise love.
I think you might want also want to put on a metaphorical small business owner’s / free lancer’s hat more often. It’s going to take money to make money. Perhaps not all of the smaller opportunities are worth pursuing.
posted by oceano at 4:33 PM on November 13, 2019
Could you create a home office in a back yard shed (that is off limits to other family members)? Can you enlist neighborhood youths to assist with child/ camera wrangling?
Also, in this internet stranger’s humble opinion... it’s really cool 😎 that you are a professional actor... let alone have a career that you otherwise love.
I think you might want also want to put on a metaphorical small business owner’s / free lancer’s hat more often. It’s going to take money to make money. Perhaps not all of the smaller opportunities are worth pursuing.
posted by oceano at 4:33 PM on November 13, 2019
If you’re in a major acting city, I’d encourage you to go to a self tape studio. That eliminates the set up and needing to find a partner. It’s also usually an allotted time slot so you can’t do the zillion takes. If you have someone who can watch the baby, that also eliminates the noise.
And reach out to fellow actors for Skype sessions to practice. The reaching out is the hardest part but I find if you’re willing to return the favor, there’s usually options.
posted by Pretty Good Talker at 11:21 PM on November 13, 2019
And reach out to fellow actors for Skype sessions to practice. The reaching out is the hardest part but I find if you’re willing to return the favor, there’s usually options.
posted by Pretty Good Talker at 11:21 PM on November 13, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
Next, I can be a perfectionist too, and I recently learned how that can contribute to procrastination. You want it to be perfect, but it can’t be (you’re not in a studio, and you are making do), but it’s hard to let it not be perfect. But if you procrastinate, then you have to accept something less than perfect because there wasn’t time to make it better. So you’re building out your excuse.
I think maybe accepting something slightly less than perfect from the outset might help you get past this. But I also think that acknowledging that this is your career and you take it seriously will help too. Do you feel some guilt about pursuing a career some might regard as frivolous? It sounds to me that you are working hard at home and professionally. Give yourself some real credit for that.
posted by bluedaisy at 11:48 PM on November 12, 2019 [15 favorites]