Why would an estranged sibling make contact as part of estate planning?
October 31, 2019 12:28 PM Subscribe
My elderly mom's estranged sister contacted her after 30 years of not talking. Why?
My elderly mom's sister, with whom she hasn't spoken since the late-1980s, made contact recently through her estate planner. They met, with the planner present, and unlike during the 1970s and 1980s, her sister didn't act like a terrible and emotionally abusive person. Throughout the meeting, they didn't talk about anything specific regarding property, wills, etc..
Her sister doesn't have any other living family. Other than the (remote) possibility that she truly wants to mend things, why exactly would they arrange the meeting? My mom left not exactly knowing, and the whole thing has been bothering me. My mom sold her sister her half of her parent's home when they passed away years ago, and her sister still lives in it. Could it be that the estate planner could use the meeting as confirmation of the estrangement so that she can more effectively cut my mom out of the will? Or is there some other standard estate planning purpose for a meeting like this? The whole thing is taking place in the state of Minnesota in the US if that matters.
My elderly mom's sister, with whom she hasn't spoken since the late-1980s, made contact recently through her estate planner. They met, with the planner present, and unlike during the 1970s and 1980s, her sister didn't act like a terrible and emotionally abusive person. Throughout the meeting, they didn't talk about anything specific regarding property, wills, etc..
Her sister doesn't have any other living family. Other than the (remote) possibility that she truly wants to mend things, why exactly would they arrange the meeting? My mom left not exactly knowing, and the whole thing has been bothering me. My mom sold her sister her half of her parent's home when they passed away years ago, and her sister still lives in it. Could it be that the estate planner could use the meeting as confirmation of the estrangement so that she can more effectively cut my mom out of the will? Or is there some other standard estate planning purpose for a meeting like this? The whole thing is taking place in the state of Minnesota in the US if that matters.
Does the sister have a life interest in anything under the parents' will that might pass to your mom?
Is the sister herself married, does she have kids? In the absence of living spouses, children, or parents, in many states the next to inherit when a person dies without a will are siblings.
posted by praemunire at 12:39 PM on October 31, 2019
Is the sister herself married, does she have kids? In the absence of living spouses, children, or parents, in many states the next to inherit when a person dies without a will are siblings.
posted by praemunire at 12:39 PM on October 31, 2019
Response by poster: praemunire, she was never married and doesn't have any kids. She only has one sibling.
posted by umbú at 12:40 PM on October 31, 2019
posted by umbú at 12:40 PM on October 31, 2019
they didn't talk about anything specific regarding property, wills, etc.
Sooo ... what did they talk about at the meeting?
Could it be that the estate planner could use the meeting as confirmation of the estrangement so that she can more effectively cut my mom out of the will?
No, this is not a thing. There's no requirement that your mother be included in her sister's will.
I'd suggest that you and your mother just pick up the phone and have a chat with the sister about all this.
posted by JimN2TAW at 12:42 PM on October 31, 2019 [2 favorites]
Sooo ... what did they talk about at the meeting?
Could it be that the estate planner could use the meeting as confirmation of the estrangement so that she can more effectively cut my mom out of the will?
No, this is not a thing. There's no requirement that your mother be included in her sister's will.
I'd suggest that you and your mother just pick up the phone and have a chat with the sister about all this.
posted by JimN2TAW at 12:42 PM on October 31, 2019 [2 favorites]
did they talk about you? possibly the sister wanted to see about leaving you something, if you sounded like the kind of person she'd want to leave something to?
if she has no kids and no other siblings and her parents are dead, then your mom and your mom's children are her default potential heirs, unless she directs otherwise. If she doesn't want to leave your mom anything, she'd need to specify that her estate go elsewhere (a friend or charity or whatever.)
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:44 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
if she has no kids and no other siblings and her parents are dead, then your mom and your mom's children are her default potential heirs, unless she directs otherwise. If she doesn't want to leave your mom anything, she'd need to specify that her estate go elsewhere (a friend or charity or whatever.)
posted by fingersandtoes at 12:44 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
She may be considering that her life is nearly over and wanted to have at least some contact with her only living family member. This may be a form of making amends,
posted by scruss at 12:45 PM on October 31, 2019 [26 favorites]
posted by scruss at 12:45 PM on October 31, 2019 [26 favorites]
It may be that your aunt has made some decision about what she wants to do with her estate (give it all to your mom, give it all to someone/something else, or some combination of these) and wanted to meet with your mom to see if her feelings about it change when they're face to face. I don't think you're going to know for sure until either your aunt says something about it or she dies and you find out what the will says.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:46 PM on October 31, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:46 PM on October 31, 2019 [12 favorites]
I mean also if your mom is her closest living relative, your mom would in the ordinary way of things be called on to make medical and end-of-life decisions in the absence of other planning. Would be nice to be on speaking terms with the person making those decisions.
posted by mskyle at 12:50 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by mskyle at 12:50 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
Perhaps you are discounting the possibility that your mom’s sister just wanted to see your mom again and due to her own issues wanted to set up this formal meeting rather than call and say “I miss you” or “I’m sorry about how I acted all those years ago.” Maybe her estate planner is someone she trusts as a safe third party / mediator or otherwise depends on.
I believe in some states, your mother would inherit the house if your sister died without any will or arrangements. But given that she has an estate planner, there’s no rational reason for the sister to worry that your mother would somehow get the house (she can easily make arrangements to leave it to someone else).
posted by sallybrown at 1:02 PM on October 31, 2019 [7 favorites]
I believe in some states, your mother would inherit the house if your sister died without any will or arrangements. But given that she has an estate planner, there’s no rational reason for the sister to worry that your mother would somehow get the house (she can easily make arrangements to leave it to someone else).
posted by sallybrown at 1:02 PM on October 31, 2019 [7 favorites]
Sure we can speculate; maybe not very accurately!
Maybe sister is afraid of your mom but wanted to see her one last time. Maybe sister wants to fuck with your heads. Maybe sister is carefully and coldly dipping her toe into the deep and scary pool of reconciliation. Maybe sister was fishing for your mom to apologize and beg forgiveness. Maybe sister doesn’t really know herself what she was hoping for.
posted by SaltySalticid at 1:26 PM on October 31, 2019 [22 favorites]
Maybe sister is afraid of your mom but wanted to see her one last time. Maybe sister wants to fuck with your heads. Maybe sister is carefully and coldly dipping her toe into the deep and scary pool of reconciliation. Maybe sister was fishing for your mom to apologize and beg forgiveness. Maybe sister doesn’t really know herself what she was hoping for.
posted by SaltySalticid at 1:26 PM on October 31, 2019 [22 favorites]
Once upon a time, my father sold off his part of the family farm to my two aunts (his siblings). Not long ago I got the envelope of legalese that my aunts were selling off the farm and I (along with my sister and all other four of my cousins) had the opportunity to match the sell price and buy the farm. That was still left over from my grandfather's will. It might be the case that even though she sold her interest in the house... in the end, she and her children might just have to have the opportunity to buy the house at market price (maybe auction or bidding or whatnot) just to adhere to the terms of her parent's will concerning the property. This meeting may have just been a sort of confirmation of "yes, this is my sister" or a prelude to something else. Who knows?
posted by zengargoyle at 2:02 PM on October 31, 2019
posted by zengargoyle at 2:02 PM on October 31, 2019
Given the estate planner’s presence, I’m guessing the sister is drawing-up plans for when she passes. As for why the meeting...one last look?
posted by Thorzdad at 2:11 PM on October 31, 2019
posted by Thorzdad at 2:11 PM on October 31, 2019
Forgive my ignorance if I’m wrong here, but is there not some sort of stipulation at least in some states that a potential inheritor can contest the will and claim to be forgotten if they are not mentioned at all? My understanding is that sometimes people specifically mention and disinherit people in their will, or specifically mention but only leave $1.00 or something, to make it very clear the potential inheritor was not forgotten, but purposefully stiffed. It’s a plot point in Better Call Saul when his brother leaves him $5,000.00 and the lawyers claim it is to make his will “incontestable” because it is clear the brother was not forgotten entirely, or something. Hopefully someone else can chime in on this
posted by stockpuppet at 2:14 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by stockpuppet at 2:14 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
My random guess: your mom's sister is planning her estate. Her estate planner said "Hey if you do nothing your sister is your next of kin, which would be relevant in a number of random different situations" Sister may have said "Oh but I haven't spoken to her in forty years..." and estate planner says "Well would you like to, I can help arrange that" and they did.
Could it be that the estate planner could use the meeting as confirmation of the estrangement so that she can more effectively cut my mom out of the will?
No. There's no will to be cut out of. I guess there's some edge-case situation where there are stipulations about your aunt's share of the house in the event of her death, or as stockpuppet says above, but it's pretty unlikely.
posted by jessamyn at 2:15 PM on October 31, 2019 [5 favorites]
Could it be that the estate planner could use the meeting as confirmation of the estrangement so that she can more effectively cut my mom out of the will?
No. There's no will to be cut out of. I guess there's some edge-case situation where there are stipulations about your aunt's share of the house in the event of her death, or as stockpuppet says above, but it's pretty unlikely.
posted by jessamyn at 2:15 PM on October 31, 2019 [5 favorites]
did they talk about you? possibly the sister wanted to see about leaving you something
Speaking as a childless uncle this sounds very possible to me. I may find a particular sibling to be a total ass, but those are my parents' grandkids we're talking about.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:32 PM on October 31, 2019 [10 favorites]
Speaking as a childless uncle this sounds very possible to me. I may find a particular sibling to be a total ass, but those are my parents' grandkids we're talking about.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:32 PM on October 31, 2019 [10 favorites]
From the estate planning lawyer's perspective, whatever the client wants to do with an estranged sibling - exclude her, include her - can be accomplished without the sibling meeting with the lawyer and client.
So this more likely was a personal request on the part of the client.
posted by megatherium at 5:31 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
So this more likely was a personal request on the part of the client.
posted by megatherium at 5:31 PM on October 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
If she is writing a will, she has no requirement to leave her sister anything. Most of the rules about inheritance apply to minor children, spouses, or situations where there is no will.
posted by soelo at 12:39 PM on October 31, 2019 [11 favorites]