Falling asleep makes me panic
August 26, 2019 2:28 PM Subscribe
Since the beginning of the summer sometimes falling asleep triggers panic. This is terrible. Has this ever happened to you?
Since the beginning of June I've developed a sleep and anxiety problem sort of out of the blue. In general in my life I have not been much troubled with anxiety, I'm on the more chill end of the spectrum.
I have had some claustrophobic panic attacks, but until lately they were very far apart in very understandable situations (MRI and such) and, importantly, easy to avoid by not going into closet-or coffin-like spaces.
So here's what happened: I went to bed one night and discovered my upper left arm hurt in a way that made it impossible to fall asleep in my accustomed side sleeping position. Even the other side proved painful because of the stretch of the arm hanging, no arrangement of pillow hugging helped. Naturally I tried sleeping on my back, not a usual position for me. That worked to alleviate my arm pain, but I never sleep that way and I couldn't sleep. No real biggie, like almost everyone else I've had some insomnia in my life. But somewhere in the night, with tossing and turning, and getting more and more exhausted and getting worried that I would not sleep at all and be very tired at work the next day, some real panicky anxiety crept in.....and I thought "hey, this is that feeling from claustrophobia! What are you doing here?! I never feel this way except for claustrophobia! NOT COOL!"
So I spent the night slipping in and out of dozing and pain and increasingly intense anxiety. Over the course of the next week the arm pain continued and the panicky anxiety kept creeping in until by the weekend, a Saturday and a Sunday I spent two nights that I can only describe as nightmarish. I was so exhausted that it was almost impossible to stay awake unless actually standing,but every time I would start to fall asleep I would be jerked awake with blaring panic, the primary symptom of which was the emotion of desperate need for escape....I had to escape the thing that was making me feel this way.....but the thing that was making me feel this was falling asleep and when not experiencing the emotion of escape I was experiencing overwhelming desire to fall asleep....well you can see it was a bad situation.
The only saving grace was that I could still sleep during the day so I wasn't quiiiite losing my mind with sleep deprivation, but I was already finding my thoughts trending along the lines of "well if I can't make this stop I'll have to kill myself, I can't live like this, it will be very sad, but I'll just have to kill myself"
The third night, a Monday, I approached sleep with some apprehension as you might imagine, though not as much as was warranted really. Strangely I still had a big helping of optimism that this was some passing weirdness and maybe it wouldn't happen tonight, but as soon as I closed my eyes, there was the terrible panic waiting for me. "Enough!" I said "I'm taking a Klonopin." "What Klonopin??" you might ask. I had been prescribed a small number of Klonopin tablets because of the claustrophobia, but hadn't really even though of them because I'd never taken one before and they were "just for emergencies". I finally realized I had an emergency on my hands.
At first I thought it was a whole lot of nothing. I wondered "How does anybody become addicted to these things? I feel nothing, not high, not drugged, not altered".....and then I fell asleep without panic for the first time in days, boom 8 hours.
That must have broken some kind of cycle because for the next few nights I was able to fall asleep normally. "Yay!" I thought, "there I fixed it!" But the panic came back a few nights later and I took another Klonopin. "Yay! I fixed it! " I thought.
This has basically been the whole summer and I've seen my GP, a panic specialist therapist, my gynecologist, my endocrinologist, a physical therapist (for the arm) and have an appointment with a shoulder specialist (for the arm).
Besides taking the Klonopin (which seriously I think kept me from being hospitalized) the most effective strategy has been "don't fear the fear" or "embrace the panic" which I read about in several books about anxiety, where I try not to be freaked out by the onset of the fight or flight response and get interested in the sensations "hmm, what is this feeling? this is just the feeling that an adrenaline surge gives me." There are times I have really been able to do this and felt the panic subside and been able to fall asleep.
But the panic comes when I am tired and all I want to do is fall asleep and am not at a moment of mental strength, so I can't always summon the emotional grit it takes to feel the overwhelming emotion of "ESCAPE THIS FEELING!" and not reach for the pill I am pretty sure will allow me to escape it.
I think I'm getting about as much exercise as I can....I work on my feet 8 hours a day and go swimming for 30 minutes after that and do stretching after that.
Overall the situation is improving, with good nights outnumbering bad ones, and I think I'm heading in the right direction, but all I'm doing with all those doctors etc. is coming up with strategies to try. None of the doctors have experienced this problem though, so I thought I'd throw it out to the internet and crowdsource for more strategies, thoughts, support, commiseration, what have you. Let me know what you think. (But really nothing about deep breathing is going to help. That was my first strategy and now just thinking "take a deep breath" fills me with anxiety. I ruined deep breathing. Though if you have a way to un-ruin it, please do let me know).
Since the beginning of June I've developed a sleep and anxiety problem sort of out of the blue. In general in my life I have not been much troubled with anxiety, I'm on the more chill end of the spectrum.
I have had some claustrophobic panic attacks, but until lately they were very far apart in very understandable situations (MRI and such) and, importantly, easy to avoid by not going into closet-or coffin-like spaces.
So here's what happened: I went to bed one night and discovered my upper left arm hurt in a way that made it impossible to fall asleep in my accustomed side sleeping position. Even the other side proved painful because of the stretch of the arm hanging, no arrangement of pillow hugging helped. Naturally I tried sleeping on my back, not a usual position for me. That worked to alleviate my arm pain, but I never sleep that way and I couldn't sleep. No real biggie, like almost everyone else I've had some insomnia in my life. But somewhere in the night, with tossing and turning, and getting more and more exhausted and getting worried that I would not sleep at all and be very tired at work the next day, some real panicky anxiety crept in.....and I thought "hey, this is that feeling from claustrophobia! What are you doing here?! I never feel this way except for claustrophobia! NOT COOL!"
So I spent the night slipping in and out of dozing and pain and increasingly intense anxiety. Over the course of the next week the arm pain continued and the panicky anxiety kept creeping in until by the weekend, a Saturday and a Sunday I spent two nights that I can only describe as nightmarish. I was so exhausted that it was almost impossible to stay awake unless actually standing,but every time I would start to fall asleep I would be jerked awake with blaring panic, the primary symptom of which was the emotion of desperate need for escape....I had to escape the thing that was making me feel this way.....but the thing that was making me feel this was falling asleep and when not experiencing the emotion of escape I was experiencing overwhelming desire to fall asleep....well you can see it was a bad situation.
The only saving grace was that I could still sleep during the day so I wasn't quiiiite losing my mind with sleep deprivation, but I was already finding my thoughts trending along the lines of "well if I can't make this stop I'll have to kill myself, I can't live like this, it will be very sad, but I'll just have to kill myself"
The third night, a Monday, I approached sleep with some apprehension as you might imagine, though not as much as was warranted really. Strangely I still had a big helping of optimism that this was some passing weirdness and maybe it wouldn't happen tonight, but as soon as I closed my eyes, there was the terrible panic waiting for me. "Enough!" I said "I'm taking a Klonopin." "What Klonopin??" you might ask. I had been prescribed a small number of Klonopin tablets because of the claustrophobia, but hadn't really even though of them because I'd never taken one before and they were "just for emergencies". I finally realized I had an emergency on my hands.
At first I thought it was a whole lot of nothing. I wondered "How does anybody become addicted to these things? I feel nothing, not high, not drugged, not altered".....and then I fell asleep without panic for the first time in days, boom 8 hours.
That must have broken some kind of cycle because for the next few nights I was able to fall asleep normally. "Yay!" I thought, "there I fixed it!" But the panic came back a few nights later and I took another Klonopin. "Yay! I fixed it! " I thought.
This has basically been the whole summer and I've seen my GP, a panic specialist therapist, my gynecologist, my endocrinologist, a physical therapist (for the arm) and have an appointment with a shoulder specialist (for the arm).
Besides taking the Klonopin (which seriously I think kept me from being hospitalized) the most effective strategy has been "don't fear the fear" or "embrace the panic" which I read about in several books about anxiety, where I try not to be freaked out by the onset of the fight or flight response and get interested in the sensations "hmm, what is this feeling? this is just the feeling that an adrenaline surge gives me." There are times I have really been able to do this and felt the panic subside and been able to fall asleep.
But the panic comes when I am tired and all I want to do is fall asleep and am not at a moment of mental strength, so I can't always summon the emotional grit it takes to feel the overwhelming emotion of "ESCAPE THIS FEELING!" and not reach for the pill I am pretty sure will allow me to escape it.
I think I'm getting about as much exercise as I can....I work on my feet 8 hours a day and go swimming for 30 minutes after that and do stretching after that.
Overall the situation is improving, with good nights outnumbering bad ones, and I think I'm heading in the right direction, but all I'm doing with all those doctors etc. is coming up with strategies to try. None of the doctors have experienced this problem though, so I thought I'd throw it out to the internet and crowdsource for more strategies, thoughts, support, commiseration, what have you. Let me know what you think. (But really nothing about deep breathing is going to help. That was my first strategy and now just thinking "take a deep breath" fills me with anxiety. I ruined deep breathing. Though if you have a way to un-ruin it, please do let me know).
Meditation helps me a lot with panic attacks, but I have to do it every day whether I'm panicky or not. Effectively what I'm doing is training my body to connect a calm state of mind with deep breathing. I'd think (hope) that if you were to give yourself 20-30 minutes of calm, breath based meditation every day you could un-ruin deep breathing for yourself.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:48 PM on August 26, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 2:48 PM on August 26, 2019 [3 favorites]
This is unlikely to help but on the very off chance that it does, I had this same problem when I was pregnant and it turned out to be some weird reaction between my hormones and Claritin. So if you happen to be pregnant and taking Claritin, switch to Zyrtec. Or even if you’re not, examine any med changes that might have occurred in early June.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 3:28 PM on August 26, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by rabbitrabbit at 3:28 PM on August 26, 2019 [3 favorites]
Have any of your doctors brought up sleep apnea? An increase in blood carbon dioxide levels brought on by inefficient / suspended breathing is one of the most reliable ways to trigger a panic attack, even in people without panic disorder. Maybe you could ask your doctor if this is a possibility, or for a referral to a sleep specialist.
posted by biogeo at 4:09 PM on August 26, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by biogeo at 4:09 PM on August 26, 2019 [10 favorites]
Beta blockers are the reason I only take my Ativan once in a blue moon, and there are some nights that are just the kind of nights my nervous system is an asshole even though mentally I'm fine, and it's good to have that available for those times. And they're something that doctors for some reason will not necessarily suggest unless you ask for them.
Also look at the possibility of restless legs syndrome, which despite the name, most notably, is not always legs. I get it very badly in my arms once in awhile--and reliably in response to certain medications--and that was the first thing I thought of when you described your arm pain making you feel like you definitely couldn't sleep like you usually do. In general, if you're having trouble finding the right way to get to sleep with a body part that hurts, a couple extra pillows and a body pillow can do a lot to let you arrange things better.
But in all of this, remember that bad sleep can have a huge negative impact on both depression and anxiety. That makes this problem compound itself badly, but it also means that small improvements in your sleep will tend to improve your mood, which will tend to improve your sleep, and soo on.
posted by Sequence at 4:20 PM on August 26, 2019 [3 favorites]
Also look at the possibility of restless legs syndrome, which despite the name, most notably, is not always legs. I get it very badly in my arms once in awhile--and reliably in response to certain medications--and that was the first thing I thought of when you described your arm pain making you feel like you definitely couldn't sleep like you usually do. In general, if you're having trouble finding the right way to get to sleep with a body part that hurts, a couple extra pillows and a body pillow can do a lot to let you arrange things better.
But in all of this, remember that bad sleep can have a huge negative impact on both depression and anxiety. That makes this problem compound itself badly, but it also means that small improvements in your sleep will tend to improve your mood, which will tend to improve your sleep, and soo on.
posted by Sequence at 4:20 PM on August 26, 2019 [3 favorites]
A lot of people feel really ghastly or panicky as they fall asleep. Some people channel shame rather than fear of danger. Other normally rational and mild people enter into a stage of intense irritability so that if someone touches them as they are falling asleep, or wakens them they hit out frantically flailing. You're definitely not alone in having the awful intensities as you drop off. I'm guessing that this is functional. Panic or shame feelings are how we experience a change of brain chemistry meant to send us hurriedly into our den and get us to burrow under the covers. That panic you are feeling is probably a state of semi-sleep, but a version of it more intense than most.
Can you try to burrow deeper into it and try to push the panic mentally to the outside of your room? Bed is the safe place, wakefulness and things beyond your room are the things you are feeling desperate to evade.
Failing that sometimes you can redirect fear or other bad feelings towards fantasy and imagination. When you feel the fear think about scary movies or books that you enjoy. Think about zombies - if you enjoy zombie movies, if you can think about shambling figures lurching down the street you can then dress up your thoughts and run with them, and instead of thinking about feeling uncomfortable and scared, think about a horde of zombies attacking a hospital and fill in details like them bumping into gurneys and the medical staff barricading them into the operating theatre.
Have you looked into the possibility that you have apnea? If it happens when yo sleep on your back it is quite possible that the panic sensation is triggered by smothering and is the same kind of panic that happens to a person who is drowning. In this case the panic is to make you struggle and get into a position where you can breath. However if it is intense enough you can be like someone who nearly drowned after they get out of the water, gasping, shuddering and wide eyed, traumatized. You could also be suffering an asthma attack.
Try sleeping sitting up if you have not done so. Sometimes that can be enough to make you breath more easily, or feel in control.
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:20 PM on August 26, 2019 [2 favorites]
Can you try to burrow deeper into it and try to push the panic mentally to the outside of your room? Bed is the safe place, wakefulness and things beyond your room are the things you are feeling desperate to evade.
Failing that sometimes you can redirect fear or other bad feelings towards fantasy and imagination. When you feel the fear think about scary movies or books that you enjoy. Think about zombies - if you enjoy zombie movies, if you can think about shambling figures lurching down the street you can then dress up your thoughts and run with them, and instead of thinking about feeling uncomfortable and scared, think about a horde of zombies attacking a hospital and fill in details like them bumping into gurneys and the medical staff barricading them into the operating theatre.
Have you looked into the possibility that you have apnea? If it happens when yo sleep on your back it is quite possible that the panic sensation is triggered by smothering and is the same kind of panic that happens to a person who is drowning. In this case the panic is to make you struggle and get into a position where you can breath. However if it is intense enough you can be like someone who nearly drowned after they get out of the water, gasping, shuddering and wide eyed, traumatized. You could also be suffering an asthma attack.
Try sleeping sitting up if you have not done so. Sometimes that can be enough to make you breath more easily, or feel in control.
posted by Jane the Brown at 4:20 PM on August 26, 2019 [2 favorites]
I've been experiencing something similar since the spring. It's a purely physical adrenaline rush while my brain is in there going, wait what? Falling asleep brings a sensation of falling backwards and I jerk awake in complete fight or flight mode.
I've seen my GP and he prescribed beta-blockers (to take as needed, not daily) and a referral to a sleep specialist. I've taken the beta blockers twice so far and they seem to work? I haven't had a real serious episode since I got the prescription a couple weeks ago (instead I had my first migraine that wrecked my sleep for a week for different reasons) but the couple times I have started to feel a little iffy before bed, I took one and was able to get at least some okay sleep. We're still in the realm of anecdata on this one, though.
posted by soren_lorensen at 4:41 PM on August 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
I've seen my GP and he prescribed beta-blockers (to take as needed, not daily) and a referral to a sleep specialist. I've taken the beta blockers twice so far and they seem to work? I haven't had a real serious episode since I got the prescription a couple weeks ago (instead I had my first migraine that wrecked my sleep for a week for different reasons) but the couple times I have started to feel a little iffy before bed, I took one and was able to get at least some okay sleep. We're still in the realm of anecdata on this one, though.
posted by soren_lorensen at 4:41 PM on August 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
Also, do you have a uterus? And if so, are you middle aged? It's been posited that this may be a perimenopause symptom.
posted by soren_lorensen at 4:43 PM on August 26, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by soren_lorensen at 4:43 PM on August 26, 2019 [4 favorites]
Left sided arm pain upon trying to sleep. Left arm pain is worth a CARDIOGRAM, some strips run so you are sure you do or do not have an irregular heart beat. It is something to check up on.
posted by Oyéah at 5:22 PM on August 26, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Oyéah at 5:22 PM on August 26, 2019 [4 favorites]
I had this when I was heavily pregnant and the bump was pressing on my organs. It was sleep apnea / terrible reflux, both of which would interfere with my breathing and make me wake up panicking. I wonder if you could film yourself on your phone to see if your breathing is changing just before you wake up?
On preview, I just re-read and it seems your arm pain isn’t from an injury, but from lying in bed? If so I think that merits a heart checkup.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 5:52 PM on August 26, 2019 [2 favorites]
On preview, I just re-read and it seems your arm pain isn’t from an injury, but from lying in bed? If so I think that merits a heart checkup.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 5:52 PM on August 26, 2019 [2 favorites]
Have any of your doctors brought up sleep apnea? An increase in blood carbon dioxide levels brought on by inefficient / suspended breathing is one of the most reliable ways to trigger a panic attack, even in people without panic disorder. Maybe you could ask your doctor if this is a possibility, or for a referral to a sleep specialist.
I just wanted to say this is worth checking. People without weight issues tend to assume that apnea won't be a problem for them -- that is not the case, especially as you get older.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:06 PM on August 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
I had this when I was pregnant, and just after. I was on no medication. After I delivered, I had to take a benzo for a few nights, especially because I had a new baby in the house and I had to sleep sometime (my husband was on call when I was medicated, obvs.)
Mine also was preceded by an onset of claustrophobia and a couple of panic attacks (MRI). I never figured out wtf it was, honestly. I assume it wasn't sleep apnea because it improved as the pregnancy progressed and continued for a bit after, and now I haven't had it for more than a year.
You've described what was a really distinct and horrible time for me perfectly — I too had a really hard time figuring out what was going on, and it remains a sort of bleary mystery. My OB was no help, and didn't even really understand what I was describing. She thought I was talking about insomnia, but this was much, much worse.
posted by purpleclover at 7:24 PM on August 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
Mine also was preceded by an onset of claustrophobia and a couple of panic attacks (MRI). I never figured out wtf it was, honestly. I assume it wasn't sleep apnea because it improved as the pregnancy progressed and continued for a bit after, and now I haven't had it for more than a year.
You've described what was a really distinct and horrible time for me perfectly — I too had a really hard time figuring out what was going on, and it remains a sort of bleary mystery. My OB was no help, and didn't even really understand what I was describing. She thought I was talking about insomnia, but this was much, much worse.
posted by purpleclover at 7:24 PM on August 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
I once had a weird, semi-conscious panic attack type thing that was mixed with sleep paralysis... except I was kind of awake and couldn't move and yeah it all started to feel very claustrophobic like I was trapped inside my own dead body.... It seems to have been brought on by a combination of Gravol and ... wine maybe? I don't recall exactly but I was planning on going to bed early and then this strange event happened. I've never experienced anything like it before or since for the record. I know for sure Gravol was involved because it works better than almost any drug for putting me to sleep when I somehow can't manage it on my own, which is very rare.
posted by some loser at 8:34 PM on August 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by some loser at 8:34 PM on August 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
Wait, wait, wait, did you recently have surgery? This happened to me about two years after I had a series of unpleasant surgeries (I can memail you details), had a pair of panic attacks trying to get an MRI as a follow-up for something surgery-related, and was dealing with the fact that having had a previous surgical delivery, I was staring down the barrel of another surgery because I was pregnant.
I mean, I think it was just a slightly unusual anxiety presentation (I am not normally anxious), but it was so awful. A thing I forgot to mention was that my doc, misunderstanding about insomnia, recommended sort of light sleep aids (Benadryl; diclegis, a nausea remedy that's also a sleep aid) and those made the experience much worse, because then I was panicked and groggy.
...But let me repeat again: This went away for me. Completely. And it sounds like it's going away for you too. Good luck.
posted by purpleclover at 9:21 PM on August 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
I mean, I think it was just a slightly unusual anxiety presentation (I am not normally anxious), but it was so awful. A thing I forgot to mention was that my doc, misunderstanding about insomnia, recommended sort of light sleep aids (Benadryl; diclegis, a nausea remedy that's also a sleep aid) and those made the experience much worse, because then I was panicked and groggy.
...But let me repeat again: This went away for me. Completely. And it sounds like it's going away for you too. Good luck.
posted by purpleclover at 9:21 PM on August 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
I also had this right after surgery last week, although fortunately only for one night. I'm usually a side sleeper but I had to sleep on my back that night because of the location of the incisions. As I was falling asleep, I kept waking up feeling panicky. I suspect it was an airway/apnea issue, as adding in another pillow beneath my head helped a lot (and then fortunately I was able to go back to side sleeping fairly comfortably after a few days, no issues since).
posted by terretu at 11:15 PM on August 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by terretu at 11:15 PM on August 26, 2019 [1 favorite]
Are you retaining fluid otherwise? Your GP really should have given your heart a once over, if they haven't get a second opinion.
posted by fshgrl at 11:24 PM on August 26, 2019
posted by fshgrl at 11:24 PM on August 26, 2019
This is a workaround and not a solution, but do you get the same feeling if you try to nap or sleep during an "extra" sleep time? That is, without the pressure of Needing To Sleep Tonight, what happens if you are tired and just give yourself a chance to get a little extra catch-up shuteye during an afternoon you're off work or a couple hours earlier in the evening?
posted by Lady Li at 1:05 AM on August 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Lady Li at 1:05 AM on August 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
Well, i have panic disorder (managed well with escitalopram) and this is how it started for me. I think you have anxiety though can only speak from my experience.
posted by thereader at 12:09 PM on August 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by thereader at 12:09 PM on August 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
This is a long shot, but I used to wake up with terrible dread in the middle of the night over a period of years. At some point i realized it wasn't happening anymore and I'm not 100% sure exactly when it stopped, but it seems to be after I replaced my heat pump. Why is this potentially relevant? Because infrasound can by produced by HVAC equipment (maybe) and infrasound can cause feelings of anxiety (maybe).
Like I said, it's a long shot, but if there are any potential sources of infrasound (Especially new ones), it might be worth looking into. Sorry if this sounds woo. I'm not a very woo person, but this dread that I felt was very odd in that it definitely seemed to start as a physical sensation, not an emotional one and not a physical sensation triggered by some emotional trigger. It was like my dread-hormones/neurotransmitters were going full blast without anything having set them off.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 12:53 PM on August 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
Like I said, it's a long shot, but if there are any potential sources of infrasound (Especially new ones), it might be worth looking into. Sorry if this sounds woo. I'm not a very woo person, but this dread that I felt was very odd in that it definitely seemed to start as a physical sensation, not an emotional one and not a physical sensation triggered by some emotional trigger. It was like my dread-hormones/neurotransmitters were going full blast without anything having set them off.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 12:53 PM on August 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
Yes, this has happened to me. It happened during very stressful times, and I understand it as a symptom of anxiety. You’ve seen a panic-specialist therapist, but have you seen a psychiatrist? I might even look for a neuropsychiatrist if you can find one — in my experience they are good at figuring out the unusual things.
One thing that helps me ground myself during the feeling of panic is to start naming concrete things I can feel, hear, or (if my eyes are open/light is on) see. Often for me that is easier than being mindful of the panic sensations themselves. Like, I’ll say to myself, “I feel the cloth of my pajama pants on my legs. I feel the breeze from the air conditioner on my face. I feel my cat leaning against my left foot. I feel the bed frame with my right hand. I feel an itch on the outside of my nose, and now I feel my fingers scratching it.” And so forth. It might sound weird and stupid but, for me anyway, it’s pretty reliably soothing.
posted by snowmentality at 7:51 PM on August 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
One thing that helps me ground myself during the feeling of panic is to start naming concrete things I can feel, hear, or (if my eyes are open/light is on) see. Often for me that is easier than being mindful of the panic sensations themselves. Like, I’ll say to myself, “I feel the cloth of my pajama pants on my legs. I feel the breeze from the air conditioner on my face. I feel my cat leaning against my left foot. I feel the bed frame with my right hand. I feel an itch on the outside of my nose, and now I feel my fingers scratching it.” And so forth. It might sound weird and stupid but, for me anyway, it’s pretty reliably soothing.
posted by snowmentality at 7:51 PM on August 27, 2019 [1 favorite]
Do you have friends who can be on an on call rotation for you to call in the middle of the night? My brother has found it helpful to be able to get some support around talking himself through it when he has the middle-of-the-night crazies.
posted by spindrifter at 6:42 AM on August 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by spindrifter at 6:42 AM on August 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
Not sure if this will be effective given the severity of what you're describing, but as someone with a panic disorder and claustrophobia who's prone to panic at night (seriously, even being under a blanket can make me feel trapped and panicky), a little CBD oil before bed has worked wonders for me. Worth considering.
posted by Amy93 at 7:53 AM on August 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Amy93 at 7:53 AM on August 28, 2019 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I thought I would post back, especially for any future searcher with a similar problem who might chance across this post (if that is you, I am so sorry you are going through this, it is truly terrible, internet hug!)
Thanks to everyone who posted, it was good to know this weird thing had happened to a few others and just feel the support of other humans in my time of distress.
In the end no major thing happened after this post, just slowly accumulating more good nights than bad and now it hasn't been a problem for at least a month.
There were two things that I think really made the difference....
1) the "surrender to the fear" or "don't fear the fear" technique. I found this book a friend recommended the most helpful for learning it.
2) Swimming. I only mentioned this briefly in my post to let people know I was getting enough exercise, but it was actually a pretty new thing. I started it for a completely unrelated reason (helping with knee pain) and my beginning efforts couldn't really be described as "swimming" more as "just getting in a pool and moving around." I was surprised by how much I liked just being in the water.
When my sleep anxiety started really improving I went back through the calendar to see if I could see a change or event that might be related and starting swimming was the thing most closely correlated in time. I don't know if it was the extra exercise, or some soothing effect of water or just taking 30 minutes a day out of my regular routines or something else, but if you are having problems like mine, give it a try, get in the water, see if it helps!
I'm still swimming (actually swimming now!) almost every day. Turns out nothing motivates an exercise program like the looming threat of panic if you stop!
posted by Jenny'sCricket at 4:18 AM on September 22, 2019 [2 favorites]
Thanks to everyone who posted, it was good to know this weird thing had happened to a few others and just feel the support of other humans in my time of distress.
In the end no major thing happened after this post, just slowly accumulating more good nights than bad and now it hasn't been a problem for at least a month.
There were two things that I think really made the difference....
1) the "surrender to the fear" or "don't fear the fear" technique. I found this book a friend recommended the most helpful for learning it.
2) Swimming. I only mentioned this briefly in my post to let people know I was getting enough exercise, but it was actually a pretty new thing. I started it for a completely unrelated reason (helping with knee pain) and my beginning efforts couldn't really be described as "swimming" more as "just getting in a pool and moving around." I was surprised by how much I liked just being in the water.
When my sleep anxiety started really improving I went back through the calendar to see if I could see a change or event that might be related and starting swimming was the thing most closely correlated in time. I don't know if it was the extra exercise, or some soothing effect of water or just taking 30 minutes a day out of my regular routines or something else, but if you are having problems like mine, give it a try, get in the water, see if it helps!
I'm still swimming (actually swimming now!) almost every day. Turns out nothing motivates an exercise program like the looming threat of panic if you stop!
posted by Jenny'sCricket at 4:18 AM on September 22, 2019 [2 favorites]
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My theory has always been that for some reason my breathing is different/harder on my back and that's triggering a panic response, which my brain interprets as nightmares. But confirming that would require a sleep study, which is both a huge hassle and also... would involve sleeping on my back. Which I can't do. So I dunno. But I suppose if you happen to be talking to a GP, floating this theory may get you an ENT referral and you could see if you have some sort of weird positional airway obstruction. (My wife did, and got turbinate reduction surgery, and I think it's helped her sleep a bunch better although she still can't use a mouthguard, which was the original reason for the investigation.)
posted by restless_nomad at 2:45 PM on August 26, 2019 [3 favorites]