korean adoption - domestically
March 3, 2006 2:45 PM Subscribe
My wife and I are a Korean-American couple living in the US and are investigating adopting a baby. We have found that the common route of adopting from Korea is fantastically expensive, and while we have a home and insurance and can offer a healthy life for a child, we cannot afford the costs usually associated with international adoption.
What would be the best way to adopt a Korean-American child domestically? Ads in newspapers? Attorneys? I assume this would be much less expensive. What are the down-sides of such a domestic as opposed to international adoption?
Because of our very traditional parents (who want nothing to do with a non-Korean baby), we cannot adopt a baby that is not at least part Korean, although we have no problems with that ourselves. Thank you for your sensitivity and suggestions.
What would be the best way to adopt a Korean-American child domestically? Ads in newspapers? Attorneys? I assume this would be much less expensive. What are the down-sides of such a domestic as opposed to international adoption?
Because of our very traditional parents (who want nothing to do with a non-Korean baby), we cannot adopt a baby that is not at least part Korean, although we have no problems with that ourselves. Thank you for your sensitivity and suggestions.
My first suggestion is to approach your parents about chipping in for adoption costs. You might be surprised at how willing they are to pay for costs that lead directly to them getting a grandchild.
A chunk of the generally-described adoption fees are for the actual travel to Korea to pick up the child. I understand that is not actually required by Korea and so you could skip it, cutting the costs. Ask an adoption agency for a breakdown of the costs so you can see which are avoidable and which are not.
Trying to adopt domestically is an option, of course. Generally the problem is you have no idea how long it might take, especially if you only want a Korean child. Might take six weeks, might take six years. The mental toll on you will not be small. Imagine the scenario where a young woman decides to give her baby up for adoption, you get all excited, then she gives birth and changes her mind. That scenario is quite common, and will put you through an emotional wringer.
And finally, I feel I have no choice but to say: don't let your life be ruled by "very traditional" parents. They aren't raising the child - you are. It's your family, and your decision to make, not theirs.
posted by jellicle at 3:24 PM on March 3, 2006
A chunk of the generally-described adoption fees are for the actual travel to Korea to pick up the child. I understand that is not actually required by Korea and so you could skip it, cutting the costs. Ask an adoption agency for a breakdown of the costs so you can see which are avoidable and which are not.
Trying to adopt domestically is an option, of course. Generally the problem is you have no idea how long it might take, especially if you only want a Korean child. Might take six weeks, might take six years. The mental toll on you will not be small. Imagine the scenario where a young woman decides to give her baby up for adoption, you get all excited, then she gives birth and changes her mind. That scenario is quite common, and will put you through an emotional wringer.
And finally, I feel I have no choice but to say: don't let your life be ruled by "very traditional" parents. They aren't raising the child - you are. It's your family, and your decision to make, not theirs.
posted by jellicle at 3:24 PM on March 3, 2006
Another possibility may be to contact adoption agencies in cities with large Korean populations. Who knows what could be out there.
posted by k8t at 4:26 PM on March 3, 2006
posted by k8t at 4:26 PM on March 3, 2006
There is a large US federal income tax break for adoptive partents, which you may not be aware of, as much as $10,000 -- The adoption tax credit. This may make a difference in the finances for you.
posted by richg at 4:42 PM on March 3, 2006
posted by richg at 4:42 PM on March 3, 2006
Be prepared for a long battle, especially if you want a Korean kid that's US born. My sister adopted twice and it was hell both times. And she wasn't even choosy about race/gender.
Adopting from Korea may be more expensive, but less challenging. Plus my sister got scammed out of a lot of money via paying living expenses for a con-woman who claimed to be pregnant.
My sister is very smart and did lots to protect herself. So I think if it can happpen to her it can to anyone.
posted by b_thinky at 5:32 PM on March 3, 2006
Adopting from Korea may be more expensive, but less challenging. Plus my sister got scammed out of a lot of money via paying living expenses for a con-woman who claimed to be pregnant.
My sister is very smart and did lots to protect herself. So I think if it can happpen to her it can to anyone.
posted by b_thinky at 5:32 PM on March 3, 2006
Richg has it. You're right- adoption is expensive, but as jellicle says, Korea allows you to have the baby brought to you via some sort of courier, and believe me, it's cheaper than the two of you going to Korea. But most importantly, the 10K tax credit is real (received one 2 years ago, awaiting a second one *right now*) and should wipe out most of the cost. Our adoption agency estimated somewhere under 15K for adopting a Korean baby.
Curiously, there are significant advatages and disadvantages to adopting from different countries. Korea's advantages include the courier service mentioned above as well as (generally) excellent medical care and the opportunity to obtain medical mistories from the parents (sometimes). Also- while Chinese adoptees are generally at least 8 or 9 months old and have usually been institutionalized, most Korean adoptees meet their new familes at a younger age and after having been cared for in private homes by foster parents.
posted by carterk at 5:34 PM on March 3, 2006
Curiously, there are significant advatages and disadvantages to adopting from different countries. Korea's advantages include the courier service mentioned above as well as (generally) excellent medical care and the opportunity to obtain medical mistories from the parents (sometimes). Also- while Chinese adoptees are generally at least 8 or 9 months old and have usually been institutionalized, most Korean adoptees meet their new familes at a younger age and after having been cared for in private homes by foster parents.
posted by carterk at 5:34 PM on March 3, 2006
I am going to write some things here that people won't like. Please read all of it before you pile on. My aim is not to stir up a lot of emotion.
I would hesitate to adopt a baby without seeing her in her home country. If the baby is not healthy, you can ask for another, if you are there. If the baby is sent to the U.S., I believe she gets a U.S. passport at Customs, and it would be near-impossible to exchange her if she had serious health problems.
I do realize that talking about exchanging the baby sounds very crass, but a sick baby is something you should be talking about as a couple, and with every agency you deal with. It may be that you're both fine with the remote possibility that the baby has serious health problems. God bless you if you are. If there is any chance you're not 100% OK with adopting a baby with problems, don't have her sent - go and get her yourself.
I can't address how foreign adoptions are handled in Korea, but in China, the adopting couple can ask for a different baby if the one picked for them is sick. The parents' adoption agency arranges for a medical exam in the new parents' presence for the purpose of establishing the baby's health. It is very rare that adopting couples do ask for another baby, because the Chinese government agency (CCAA) is careful not to pick babies with known health problems. It does happen that such problems are discovered during the examination for the parents.
Bless you, and good luck.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:29 PM on March 3, 2006
I would hesitate to adopt a baby without seeing her in her home country. If the baby is not healthy, you can ask for another, if you are there. If the baby is sent to the U.S., I believe she gets a U.S. passport at Customs, and it would be near-impossible to exchange her if she had serious health problems.
I do realize that talking about exchanging the baby sounds very crass, but a sick baby is something you should be talking about as a couple, and with every agency you deal with. It may be that you're both fine with the remote possibility that the baby has serious health problems. God bless you if you are. If there is any chance you're not 100% OK with adopting a baby with problems, don't have her sent - go and get her yourself.
I can't address how foreign adoptions are handled in Korea, but in China, the adopting couple can ask for a different baby if the one picked for them is sick. The parents' adoption agency arranges for a medical exam in the new parents' presence for the purpose of establishing the baby's health. It is very rare that adopting couples do ask for another baby, because the Chinese government agency (CCAA) is careful not to pick babies with known health problems. It does happen that such problems are discovered during the examination for the parents.
Bless you, and good luck.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 6:29 PM on March 3, 2006
I agree with Kirth. You should meet the baby before you agree to take it home.
posted by radioamy at 9:42 PM on March 3, 2006
posted by radioamy at 9:42 PM on March 3, 2006
This thread is closed to new comments.
You might also contact KAAN if you haven't already done so -- they seem to have more of a focus on adoption from Korea, but they may be able to provide you with some local resources.
Kudos to you for choosing to adopt. (Though I do think it's a shame you're being limited in what sort of child you may bring home, but perhaps that will change in the future.)
posted by Gator at 3:04 PM on March 3, 2006