Stress of returning to college and quitting

April 25, 2019 7:23 AM

Was it a mistake to quit 4 weeks out....

Hi....tell me I'm not crazy please. I'm 49 and decided to go back to school for nursing...so I was advised my counselor (from same school where I received my previous Bachelor Degree) to start with a 5 credit chemistry class. Things were okay but studying took up 100% of my time when I wasn't working....it caused me great anxiety and I dropped to a C after my last exam. With only 4 weeks left I quit today. This class was making me miserable (I couldn't focus at all no matter how hard I tried) and I couldn't take it anymore.
I have to tell you that this decision to return may have made in haste, maybe I should have waited...my Mom passed last April and it's been tough. The last few months also sent me into depression that I have never experienced before, of which I saw my Doctor (yesterday) and was prescribed a med....I feel bad for giving up and am going to be questioned by people at work....I feel like a quitter but the other half of me says wait....wait until you are in the right mind. I am going to look into the community college...and sometimes I think I'm too old to return anyway. I know though that some part of me is going to feel like a failure. Am I losing it totally?

posted by irish01 to Human Relations (12 answers total)

Be kind to yourself. This is not the end of the world, or the end of your plan to become a nurse. Community College might be a really good option for you as it's more supportive of 'non traditional students', plus its cheaper so the stakes are not so high if you are struggling. You can do this. This might not have been the time or way to do it the first time around, but you get as many more chances as you want to take!
posted by EllaEm at 7:45 AM on April 25, 2019 [5 favorites]

It sounds like you have a lot going on and by talking to whatever student support services your school offers may allow you to take an incomplete or finish the class later rather than have to quit.
posted by raccoon409 at 7:46 AM on April 25, 2019 [1 favorite]

Education can be triggering for many adults, add in the stress of working full time, and a death, and I can see why you might have struggled. It is appropriate to feel bad about dropping the class, but you shouldn't feel like your chance at an education is over. Like an above poster said, many colleges are equipped these to give accommodations for learning disabilities as well as mental health issues. You might want to look for a program that specializes in adult learners. I myself did a program at Lesley University designed for working adults. I didn't realize at the time how good the program was- I then went on to enroll in a graduate program that gave me perspective, and I will be returning to the university where I got my BA because of their work with adult learners. While getting my BA, I did mess up. I failed three classes, however, I could retake those classes and if I passed the failure did not reflect on my transcripts. I had a lot of professors who did work with me and were sympathetic to both my learning disabilities and my other issues (I had a student die very tragically, and it really threw me for a loop.) Because it was specifically a program for adult learners, there was a lot of readings and other research shared about adult learners- there is a whole lot of research on the topic.

The other thing I want to say is that it is easy to feel "too old" at 49, I am 44, and I hear you. But the reality is that you most likely have 20-25 years left of your life work, and anything you can do to maximize yourself for a changing job market, the better off you will be.
posted by momochan at 8:08 AM on April 25, 2019 [2 favorites]

You're definitely not too old for a nursing degree, but definitely look into pursuing your prerequisites at community college. It's more cost effective and there will be more non-traditional students. At 49, you'd become a nurse in your early 50's, and that's plenty of time to earn a nice chunk of money working as a nurse (depending on your market), and if you decide you're not into patient-facing work you will have plenty of opportunity as a nurse educator, coordinator, or other allied-health role.

My mom, who went back to school to become a nurse in her 40's, also had a terrible time with chemistry. You just have to pass, you don't have to ace it. You're not going to be a lab chemist.
posted by juniperesque at 8:11 AM on April 25, 2019 [3 favorites]

Those kind of intro to chemistry classes are famous for being difficult, even for full-time students, so it’s totally normal that you struggled with it.
posted by sallybrown at 8:18 AM on April 25, 2019 [3 favorites]

First of all, it's not uncommon for students to drop classes. I did it so often in college that I built it into my scheduling process. I would schedule five or six classes each quarter, knowing that I would only actually finish three or four. A lot of classes sound more interesting than they really are, or there are time constraints, or whatever. But yeah, dropping classes is totally normal. As a matter of fact, I actually dropped a chemistry class myself and ended up taking something else entirely (astronomy, much more interesting) to fulfill my science requirement.

Second, chemistry is a particularly tough class to start out with. I understand the advisor's logic, since you'll need it as a prerequisite for other classes, but you might be better off starting with something easier to ease back into the academic life. You probably won't have to take things like English since you already have a B.A., but something like that could be helpful because it's less intensive than laboratory science. Also not a bad idea to look into community college, which might be a little less stressful.
posted by kevinbelt at 8:21 AM on April 25, 2019 [2 favorites]

Hi. I'm you.

I'm almost 47 and next month, I am about to graduate from university with a BFA, summa cum laude. To get here, I began at a great little community college for the first two years. I highly recommend community colleges for the same reasons other posters said - because they are very supportive of nontraditional students. I guarantee you won't be the oldest person there - there were students in their 60s at my college. Even now that I have transferred to a four-year university where the student body skews a lot younger, there are enough other nontraditional students so that I don't feel like I am the only one.

I wasn't able to complete my education at a younger age because of years of a debilitating mental health condition that has only recently been under control with a new medication. If you're suffering from a lot of anxiety, you might ask your doc for something to help along with your antidepressant, or if the antidepressant is too stimulating you might try a different one. My medications have transformed my life. I hope yours help you as much as mine have done me.

School itself involves hard work and a certain level of stress no matter how well medicated you are. I would recommend to start with easier classes and work your way up to the harder ones. That worked for me at least at community college where I had more choice of which classes to take when.

You can do this. Believe in yourself. I'm rooting for you.
posted by all the light we cannot see at 8:48 AM on April 25, 2019 [6 favorites]

You can do this!
It is hard going back as an adult. I don't think chemistry was the best suggestion as a first course. I took a discrete math course my first semester back, and felt awful so many nights. Other courses were fine. There is a certain way you need to think for these types of courses, and you are probably really rusty(I know I was).
Also, most University professors (in Canada/US at least) don't have any teaching education. They have a degree in their field, but won't have completed a teaching practicum etc. Some will have figured out how to teach well by experience but others have idiosyncratic theories ....
What I do now is I start studying the course design ahead of time, and try to find resources that will help me learn. There are so many good online videos, lecture slides etc. Use the syllabus as a guide to what to study.
For example, I truly hate the discrete math textbook used, but found a great series on youtube. Watching that before class, made it less stressful, and easier to understand the lecture.
Mainly you need to take some easy classes first(not math/bio/chem/stats) to relearn study techniques that work for you.
For the really hard classes, consider doing an online course first and/or hiring a tutor.

Most importantly, don't beat yourself up for a C on an exam, it will happen to most of us. It will average out and sometimes the prof heavily curves thing up.
posted by fruit sandwich at 9:37 AM on April 25, 2019 [3 favorites]

Chemistry is tough! My mom went back to school to become a nurse when she was a bit younger than you, and I remember that she found it pretty challenging. In fact, going back to school at all while working full-time is very difficult--that's why we have the kids go full-time without working. Heck, I take an occasional night class for fun (admittedly, in a notoriously difficult subject) and I always have to miss classes, etc.

But you don't get only one chance at this. You can keep trying when you think you're ready (getting stabilized on an anti-depressant is a very reasonable thing to wait for). I doubt people at work are going to judge you, but if they do...let them take chemistry while working full-time and see how they do.

P.S. My mom got her degree in the end and just retired from a thirty-year career working at an inner-city hospital, beloved by all, and a wonderful example to her children of perseverance. You can do it, too.
posted by praemunire at 9:47 AM on April 25, 2019 [1 favorite]

I work a lot with people returning to school much like you have done. Many are going into a new career and require prerequisites like chemistry, math, bio, physics. It's challenging, especially if you are also working and have depression! I actually think you show good self awareness by recognizing you aren't in the right place to be in school at the moment. That doesn't mean you can't go back, however.

One thing: are your math skills up to date? Chemistry requires strong math skills. I do assessments to see whether people need math and English upgrading before they go into their professional programs, and one very common theme with math skills is that they tend to be forgotten after a period of disuse. It's very normal. Many people just need a refresher. Did anyone discuss doing a math refresher course? This is something a community college can help you with. It's not meant to be a barrier to you getting into the chemistry course or nursing program; it's meant to give you the basic foundational skills to be successful in your chemistry class so you are not struggling to teach yourself math skills at the same time you're trying to learn the chemistry in the first year course.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:40 AM on April 25, 2019 [1 favorite]

Major respect for going back to school! Definitely not too old, and you could be a beneficial experience/ influence for the younger cohort.

.

(I couldn't focus at all no matter how hard I tried)

Post secondary chemistry and physics teaching are recognized as notoriously difficult (to teach and to learn) in the pedagogical world.

This is particularly evident in University systems where entry-/ freshman-/ remedial- level classes are taught mainly by adjuncts or graduate students.

These "professors" tend to have very limited pedagogical training (if any), and tend to have little interest in advancing those skills. This is even more evident in STEM fields where career goals of the teacher are in research rather than teaching.

There's also a lot of blame on the elementary and secondary education system for not being able to impart general research and evaluation (ie., bullshit detector) skills, so first year post-sec classes waste a lot of time.

.

I would want to get back in the program, myself, but it sounds like you could really benefit from a(n unfortunately, needing to be) great personal tutor who might be able to plant paradigms (ways of thinking) that make academic chemistry and physics make sense.

Another question to ask is - do you want to understand chemistry, or do you want to pass the chemistry test.

Doing the first leads to the second. There are ways to pass the second without having the first. Which approach may determine which approach of a tutor will be the more effective.

.

You're a survivor, and I'll salute every day that you keep trying and striving.
posted by porpoise at 7:00 PM on April 25, 2019 [2 favorites]

I am a newly licensed RN, a non-traditional student and a proud community college graduate. I started my prereqs in summer 2015 and took two 5-week chemistry classes back-to-back. It wasn't an ideal place to start, especially if your math skills are as rusty as mine were. If you're stronger in biological sciences (many nursing students are), it might be to your advantage to knock out a bio class or two first as a confidence builder? Don't feel like you have to jump straight into anatomy/physiology, either - if it's been a long time, a general human bio class would be a great place to start.

Also, I strongly second hurdygurdygirl's recommendation to refresh your math skills. Even beyond chemistry, you'll need them for dosage calculation and maybe for statistics (if your program requires it). Community colleges often have great resources for tutoring; I used Khan Academy as well for basic math concepts. Additionally, I've found that community college instructors are far more patient and willing to spend time with students. I have a degree in another field from a fairly prestigious university, but I had a far better overall experience with instructors at my community college.

You are most certainly not too old - the oldest member of my graduating class is a grandmother, and many of us were in our 30s and 40s. Please try not to beat yourself up for B's and C's; we nursing students are too often perfectionists, and my health suffered dramatically due to the stress - a lot of it self-inflicted. Finally, remember that you're not alone! Study groups got me and a lot of my classmates through chemistry, especially the stickier math bits. You can do this!
posted by timetoevolve at 1:11 PM on April 26, 2019 [1 favorite]