My coworker offered to pay me for my help outside of work

March 4, 2019 10:00 AM

My coworker offered to pay me for helping them out at their spouse's funeral and I feel weird about it. It feels like too large of a request to do it simply as a favour, but I feel weird and awkward accepting money though. Complicating factor: my free time is limited and I could use the money.

I work in a small office and my job sometimes involves doing audio/visual recordings. A very sweet, gentle, and kind coworker of mine, who I do not work closely with, had their spouse pass away. They are holding a large (200+ people) celebration of life at the end of the month on my day off. Coworker approached me last week and asked me if I would consider helping them record the eulogies and set up another memorial recording station on the day.

My gut reaction is that I would like to help them out. At the end of our chat about event details, they said they would be fine with me sending them an invoice for my time. My time commitment will probably be 6-8 hours, since the event is a 1 hour drive from my house. I feel weird about the idea of profiting off this, but I could definitely use the money. My free time is also sparse, so this is not a small thing.

So my questions are really:
(1) Is it gross to accept payment for helping out my coworker in this context? Would you be okay accepting payment in my position?
(2) If I decide it is okay, how would I figure out what to charge?

posted by Robocat to Human Relations (14 answers total)

This is a thing you do for work, which is probably why they thought to pay you. They'd have to pay anyone to do a professional job. It's a day's work. I'd look up other videographer's rates in your area and charge a comparable rate. If you feel like you want to do something to reduce the rate, "waive" the charge for travel time.
posted by wellred at 10:14 AM on March 4, 2019 [15 favorites]

It's completely a business arrangement. They're looking for a service, and believe that you'll do a good job. They're even prepared to compensate you -- and you didn't even have to ask! (Now *that* would have been awkward.)

I'd say go for it. Do an awesome job. Make them proud for having chosen you. Send an invoice, and get paid.
posted by Wild_Eep at 10:15 AM on March 4, 2019 [22 favorites]

You should definitely accept payment. This is a significant portion of time and as a professional your time and experience has worth.

Do you usually have sort of a "friends and family" price in your head? If so, that's what I'd charge them. If not, I think the suggestion to waive the travel time is good, but not necessary.
posted by fiercecupcake at 10:23 AM on March 4, 2019 [3 favorites]

Another vote for taking the job and accepting payment.

Planning a funeral is stressful at an already difficult time. They'll be paying several professionals to make sure the event fits their vision and that tasks (catering, music, flowers, print materials, etc.) are completed reliably and professionally. When planning a family funeral, we were more than happy to pay those professionals who could come and provide their services to fit our needs so we could focus on everything else.

I really like the idea of doing a friends and family discount.
posted by mochapickle at 10:30 AM on March 4, 2019 [2 favorites]

accept the payment.

Your coworker will be grateful for your help and they are happy to pay you.

It sounds like they know you have the valuable skills and thoughtfulness for the job. Agree that a videographer or a day-of wedding planner would be good to look at for comparable rates.
posted by wowenthusiast at 10:35 AM on March 4, 2019

Not only will you do a great job for them, they won't have the extra hassle of seeking out a similar service from someone unfamiliar at a time when they have more important things on their mind.

I would regard it as an honor that they felt able to ask you and not worry at all about billing them for your time. Hope it all goes well.
posted by humph at 10:40 AM on March 4, 2019 [4 favorites]

I would do up the invoice as a "professional courtesy rate" and charge less than you normally would (even if only a token amount less). That way you don't feel as much like you're profiting, and they feel like they asked the right person to help.
posted by Mchelly at 10:41 AM on March 4, 2019 [7 favorites]

After having to do 2 funerals within two years' time, I can fairly reasonably attest that that person would not have approached you and offered to pay if s/he didn't want you to do it. Trust me: even having a vaguely known quantity (such as yourself) while trying to coordinate funeral arrangements is a freaking godsend.

Please consider taking the job, taking the payment and possibly giving them a friends-family-coworker discount.
posted by theseventhstranger at 10:48 AM on March 4, 2019 [4 favorites]

If you look at money as gratitude rather than coercion, accepting money is gracious and healthy.

Assume the best of your co-worker and think highly of yourself and you will be OK.
posted by Glomar response at 11:31 AM on March 4, 2019 [3 favorites]

Definitely take the money. Charge an appropriate amount- don't lowball. Do a great job and send a couple of reassuring updates while completing the work so they know your part of the ship is on course. Then invoice with a small friends discount (5% or 10% maybe?).

And maybe send an email right after the funeral complimenting how well the whole event went (in addition to expressing your sympathies). Planning a funeral is really exhausting and draining, and it feels good for people to know that they sent off their loved one beautifully. Getting an email about it that night would probably make the person feel good.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 11:31 AM on March 4, 2019 [4 favorites]

We, humans, have a psychological conflict when the social norms of exchanging favors encounter the market norms of exchanging goods, services, and money. Once things are in the market-norm territory, they tend to stay there. This request is firmly in that territory because they've already offered money for some professional work.

Funerals and celebrations and memorials are events that cost non-trivial amounts to put on, and the small-payout life insurance industry, (you know, that $10k policy that every credit card throws at you after a few years) is based on this. Your client is aware that sympathy can't put on the whole event, and it's a huge ask of people you don't know that well to do something for free like that.

Value your time, and they will also value it. Unless you think this person is going hungry so they can put on this event, charge them money.
posted by Sunburnt at 12:15 PM on March 4, 2019 [2 favorites]

Your work has value. It's not gross to accept payment for your time. My recommendation is to estimate how much time it'll take and charge an all in rate for the whole job, rather than an hourly rate.

As for how much to charge, why not an equivalent of your hourly rate at work? That would represent a built-in discount to your colleague, because they wouldn't be paying the overhead that your employer does (e.g., benefits, equipment, rent, etc)
posted by spindrifter at 12:37 PM on March 4, 2019

Yes, do it! It will save her the time and stress of finding someone else to handle it. That is a kindness. And charging a friends and family rate is the way to accept payment gracefully.
posted by jessca84 at 8:49 PM on March 4, 2019

agreed with the above, there are so many stressors that you're the first thought they had, it was convenient to ask you, but they definitely expect to pay you. You're simply one of the easier boxticks in arranging this because they know what you do and have probably heard good things at your place of employment.
posted by Wilder at 8:31 AM on March 5, 2019