Questions, asked daily, that have changed your life?
December 31, 2018 7:27 AM Subscribe
Looking to be more intentional this coming year, and while I've never been one for journaling I'd like to start by doing some very simple reflection. I think having a punch list of questions to reflect on and (optionally) do some simple journaling on would be helpful. Do you have a set of these questions? Or a simple process for reviewing your goals and personal vision/mission and sticking to them?
The following are not really questions, and I'm not sure about their relevance to your situation, but I find it useful to reflect on this quote from psychologist Albert Ellis:
“There are three musts that hold us back: ‘I must do well. You must treat me well. And the world must be easy.’ ” – Albert Ellis as quoted in, "The Prince of Reason", Psychology Today, Jan/Feb 2001.posted by alex1965 at 8:01 AM on December 31, 2018 [15 favorites]
For things I'm procrastinating on or putting off out of fear, I've been finding it helpful to ask "I wonder when I will be ready to do this" and "I wonder what being ready will look like." The "I wonder" is helpful to keep it from turning into "Fucking fucketyfuck, when the fuck will I be ready to do this?"
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:21 AM on December 31, 2018 [46 favorites]
posted by nebulawindphone at 8:21 AM on December 31, 2018 [46 favorites]
I’ve been trying to ask myself things like, “Will I be happy I made this choice tomorrow? Or next week? Or next month?” I know some people extend that out to next year, in five years, etc. but that seems like too much pressure to me.
posted by diffuse at 8:36 AM on December 31, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by diffuse at 8:36 AM on December 31, 2018 [10 favorites]
I often ask if my future self and past self would be happy with where I am today. I envision my future self as being an encouraging big sister version of myself and my past self as being an inspired younger sister version of myself. They are only loving and supportive and my two biggest fans, who also understood all the difficulties and my history.
posted by umwhat at 8:38 AM on December 31, 2018 [42 favorites]
posted by umwhat at 8:38 AM on December 31, 2018 [42 favorites]
I think the question of priorities is an easy one to lose sight of. I think it's helpful to at least occasionally ask about long term ("where am I trying to go and what do I need to in the next few months to get there?") and short term priorities ("what do I most want to look back at today and have finished?" or "what would most reduce my stress to get done?").
posted by salvia at 8:50 AM on December 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by salvia at 8:50 AM on December 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
I ask myself "What am I actually afraid of here?"
I know fear holds many other back as well. Sometimes success is even more scary than failure. Sometimes failure gets built up in my mind into a monster when really it's...not a big deal.
And sometimes I ask myself, "Is screwing this up worse than the best/medium/worst case scenario of doing nothing?" Usually the answer is "NO" but sometimes it's yes.
Some of the skills I learned in trauma focused Dialectical Behavior Therapy involve asking myself questions. Those are very helpful, for me.
posted by bilabial at 9:06 AM on December 31, 2018 [10 favorites]
I know fear holds many other back as well. Sometimes success is even more scary than failure. Sometimes failure gets built up in my mind into a monster when really it's...not a big deal.
And sometimes I ask myself, "Is screwing this up worse than the best/medium/worst case scenario of doing nothing?" Usually the answer is "NO" but sometimes it's yes.
Some of the skills I learned in trauma focused Dialectical Behavior Therapy involve asking myself questions. Those are very helpful, for me.
posted by bilabial at 9:06 AM on December 31, 2018 [10 favorites]
"What decision would future me wish I would have made right now?" I started using this to help me with motivation for health related habits, but I've noticed it works for a lot of things that require patience to see results.
posted by ilovewinter at 9:08 AM on December 31, 2018 [17 favorites]
posted by ilovewinter at 9:08 AM on December 31, 2018 [17 favorites]
"Do I want to tell the story of this when I'm 90 and in a nursing home? Will this make a great adventure? A great story? Will I regret not doing this??" - this helps me to take risks, even accept possible heartbreak.
"Who benefits from what I'm feeling right now?" - when I'm sad or feeling bad about myself. I just read "The Beauty Myth" recently and this has helped me to understand how my feelings of self worth have been tied to capitalism and patriarchy my whole life. Time to change that by understanding that this system was built to keep me down in spirit and broke in coin.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 9:16 AM on December 31, 2018 [9 favorites]
"Who benefits from what I'm feeling right now?" - when I'm sad or feeling bad about myself. I just read "The Beauty Myth" recently and this has helped me to understand how my feelings of self worth have been tied to capitalism and patriarchy my whole life. Time to change that by understanding that this system was built to keep me down in spirit and broke in coin.
posted by Dressed to Kill at 9:16 AM on December 31, 2018 [9 favorites]
I read "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl earlier this year (which I recommend highly), and in it he has a wonderful line about making decisions that goes something like, imagine that right now you are living your life for the second time, and you are about to make the same bad decision that you made the first time around. (Except better phrased.)
This has a lot of conceptual overlap with the future self/past self image of umwhat and the "Will I regret not doing this?" of Dressed to Kill and the "will I be happy about this choice later" of diffuse.
But seriously, read that book.
posted by heatherlogan at 9:29 AM on December 31, 2018 [5 favorites]
This has a lot of conceptual overlap with the future self/past self image of umwhat and the "Will I regret not doing this?" of Dressed to Kill and the "will I be happy about this choice later" of diffuse.
But seriously, read that book.
posted by heatherlogan at 9:29 AM on December 31, 2018 [5 favorites]
At the end of every week I like to sit down & write a list of what went right in the week. So many people focus on what went wrong I like to list what went right. So yeah I may have not eaten well 2days & skipped a gym session that week but damn it I ate well 5 days & went to the gym twice and that's not to be sneezed at. That's an accomplishment for me and I should be proud of that not kicking myself because I wasn't perfect. This has changed my mindset and actually makes me try to get back on track when I do drift from a goal because now I don't get the "there's no point I messed it up it's all ruined" mindset.
Also writing down something I'm grateful for just before bed, even if it's just a brief description of a nice day I had at a park with my dogs. I do it in a 5 year journal & the real fun starts when you've done a year & get to see last years things you were grateful for as you write in your new ones. It gives you lovely memories to fall asleep to and for me started to show me what actually made me happy & it wasn't the things I've been told should make me happy.
posted by wwax at 9:40 AM on December 31, 2018 [13 favorites]
Also writing down something I'm grateful for just before bed, even if it's just a brief description of a nice day I had at a park with my dogs. I do it in a 5 year journal & the real fun starts when you've done a year & get to see last years things you were grateful for as you write in your new ones. It gives you lovely memories to fall asleep to and for me started to show me what actually made me happy & it wasn't the things I've been told should make me happy.
posted by wwax at 9:40 AM on December 31, 2018 [13 favorites]
“Am I currently feeling empty or am I just at peace?” is a question I often ask myself.
posted by Young Kullervo at 9:50 AM on December 31, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by Young Kullervo at 9:50 AM on December 31, 2018 [9 favorites]
What can I do today or this week to be kind to my future self?
[also framed as 'if a friend were experiencing this, how would i want to help him/her/them?']
posted by calgirl at 9:55 AM on December 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
[also framed as 'if a friend were experiencing this, how would i want to help him/her/them?']
posted by calgirl at 9:55 AM on December 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
Am I approaching [thing/issue/choice] from a position of positivity or fear?
Another way to say this is: what outcome do I move toward by doing [hypothetical thing], instead of what am I avoiding/afraid of?
What do I have to be grateful for today? (Ask this one every day)
posted by zdravo at 10:08 AM on December 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
Another way to say this is: what outcome do I move toward by doing [hypothetical thing], instead of what am I avoiding/afraid of?
What do I have to be grateful for today? (Ask this one every day)
posted by zdravo at 10:08 AM on December 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
At the End of the Day: A Mirror of Questions
by John O’ Donohue
What dreams did I create last night?
Where did my eyes linger today?
Where was I blind?
Where was I hurt without anyone noticing?
What did I learn today?
What did I read?
What new thoughts visited me?
What differences did I notice in those closest to me?
Whom did I neglect?
Where did I neglect myself?
What did I begin today that might endure?
How were my conversations?
What did I do today for the poor and the excluded?
Did I remember the dead today?
Where could I have exposed myself to the risk of something different?
Where did I allow myself to receive love?
With whom today did I feel most myself?
What reached me today? How deeply did it imprint?
Who saw me today?
What visitations had I from the past and from the future?
What did I avoid today?
From the evidence – why was I given this day?
-From John O’Donohue’s Benedictus, A Book of Blessings
posted by southern_sky at 11:22 AM on December 31, 2018 [15 favorites]
by John O’ Donohue
What dreams did I create last night?
Where did my eyes linger today?
Where was I blind?
Where was I hurt without anyone noticing?
What did I learn today?
What did I read?
What new thoughts visited me?
What differences did I notice in those closest to me?
Whom did I neglect?
Where did I neglect myself?
What did I begin today that might endure?
How were my conversations?
What did I do today for the poor and the excluded?
Did I remember the dead today?
Where could I have exposed myself to the risk of something different?
Where did I allow myself to receive love?
With whom today did I feel most myself?
What reached me today? How deeply did it imprint?
Who saw me today?
What visitations had I from the past and from the future?
What did I avoid today?
From the evidence – why was I given this day?
-From John O’Donohue’s Benedictus, A Book of Blessings
posted by southern_sky at 11:22 AM on December 31, 2018 [15 favorites]
My husband and I ask each other what three things were good about the day, right before we go to sleep.
posted by egeanin at 12:35 PM on December 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by egeanin at 12:35 PM on December 31, 2018 [3 favorites]
Am I living truthfully, or are there areas in my life where I'm not being fully honest with myself?
Did I make someone smile today?
Do I navigate the world with a humble and grateful heart, or do I only focus on how the world meets (or fails to meet) my expectations?
posted by tackypink at 12:43 PM on December 31, 2018 [4 favorites]
Did I make someone smile today?
Do I navigate the world with a humble and grateful heart, or do I only focus on how the world meets (or fails to meet) my expectations?
posted by tackypink at 12:43 PM on December 31, 2018 [4 favorites]
What have I given to / done for others today? What have others given to / done for me?
(This is from I think a particular Zen Buddhist practice that I cannot google right now.)
posted by momus_window at 2:30 PM on December 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
(This is from I think a particular Zen Buddhist practice that I cannot google right now.)
posted by momus_window at 2:30 PM on December 31, 2018 [2 favorites]
You might find something of value in one of the many forms of the daily examen, which Jesuits pray twice daily (noon and evening).
posted by jquinby at 3:05 PM on December 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by jquinby at 3:05 PM on December 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
"What is the best use of my time right now?" keeps me on track when I start to flag.
posted by Calvin and the Duplicators at 3:27 PM on December 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Calvin and the Duplicators at 3:27 PM on December 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
Every afternoon I do a three sentence journal entry of something I'm grateful for, something I'm proud of, and something great about someone in my life.
posted by potrzebie at 8:32 PM on January 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by potrzebie at 8:32 PM on January 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
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So often I've found myself thinking of whatever I'm doing in terms of how I could take a good photo of it and how that photo would look on Instagram. Which leads me to wonder whether I'm doing X thing because I really want to or because it sends the "right" message to the world about the kind of person I want to portray publicly. If whatever you're doing is just part of your online personal brand curation, is it really you? I find that asking myself that question leads me to make more honest choices and spend my free time in a way that feels more true to myself.
posted by fso at 7:36 AM on December 31, 2018 [42 favorites]