How do I shut my brain up?
July 5, 2018 12:45 PM Subscribe
I am preparing for something in my life right now, that, if things go well, will affect me big time—in a really, really good way. The problem is my brain keeps telling me I won't get this/I will be unsuccessful. How do I take myself out of this negative loop?
I am told that I should "think positive" to "attract positive energy." That if I keep on being negative then what I'm hoping for won't happen. This is normally good advice that I'm willing to follow. However, what's happening is that it only serves to ramp up my anxiety so bad:
1. If I try to think about positive things related to This Thing That Will Change My Life, I get this big fear that I'm jinxing myself. Like I’m not allowed to think about any future yet because what if it doesn’t happen?
2. The fact that I'm thinking negatively makes me anxious that I'm really on the way towards things not happening because I failed to think positively
Anyway. Not sure if I'm making sense. I may also be having a panic attack (I've been like this for weeks now). I just—I really want to break out of this, so any words of wisdom are appreciated.
*Pretty sure this plays a role: I have an anxiety disorder, OCD, and also am bipolar. I try not to let these define me and my days, but damn I've been taking Xanor more than usual because of this.
I am told that I should "think positive" to "attract positive energy." That if I keep on being negative then what I'm hoping for won't happen. This is normally good advice that I'm willing to follow. However, what's happening is that it only serves to ramp up my anxiety so bad:
1. If I try to think about positive things related to This Thing That Will Change My Life, I get this big fear that I'm jinxing myself. Like I’m not allowed to think about any future yet because what if it doesn’t happen?
2. The fact that I'm thinking negatively makes me anxious that I'm really on the way towards things not happening because I failed to think positively
Anyway. Not sure if I'm making sense. I may also be having a panic attack (I've been like this for weeks now). I just—I really want to break out of this, so any words of wisdom are appreciated.
*Pretty sure this plays a role: I have an anxiety disorder, OCD, and also am bipolar. I try not to let these define me and my days, but damn I've been taking Xanor more than usual because of this.
Mindfulness meditation. You need to be thinking about this less, not more.
posted by humboldt32 at 12:50 PM on July 5, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by humboldt32 at 12:50 PM on July 5, 2018 [6 favorites]
Can you replace both the positive thinking and the negative thinking with a third thing? Like, when you start ruminating, STOP as soon as you catch yourself (whether it's the excitement or the worry), and visualize sitting in a garden or by the ocean, or wherever/whatever helps you feel more grounded? Develop something unrelated to the either/or. Go back to it as often as needed. Put reminders up - a photo of the place, or a word that helps, to jog you back to that other place or situation.
On preview - yep, mindful meditation, as humboldt32 says. You can craft it to your specifications.
posted by Ink-stained wretch at 12:54 PM on July 5, 2018 [4 favorites]
On preview - yep, mindful meditation, as humboldt32 says. You can craft it to your specifications.
posted by Ink-stained wretch at 12:54 PM on July 5, 2018 [4 favorites]
And paradoxically, you may think about it a lot while meditating, but learning to acknowledge and put thoughts away is a great skill to cultivate. But I agree with DarlingBri. Presuming whatever the "This Thing That Will Change My Life" is already in play, your energy isn't going to affect the outcome. If it does, I want you to come play poker with me and think terrible horrible thoughts about everyone other than me, ok? Now, if you have an interview to knock out and you're coming off like Eeyore, well then maybe, but the universe isn't going to punish you for having bad thoughts.
posted by cjorgensen at 12:58 PM on July 5, 2018
posted by cjorgensen at 12:58 PM on July 5, 2018
Do a bunch of housework, exercise, mindfulness meditation - get your mind off it.
posted by matildaben at 1:02 PM on July 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by matildaben at 1:02 PM on July 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
You can try to visualize or plan for both scenarios, and will *likely* realize that even if you don't get it, you'll be ok. Later on, if you start to have the negative thoughts again, reflect back on your conclusions from this exercise to remind yourself it'll be ok either way.
posted by watrlily at 1:10 PM on July 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by watrlily at 1:10 PM on July 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
Anecdotally, I used to be a dream-up-the-worst-scenario person, just constantly. Then about six months ago my therapist convinced me to ask, alongside "what if it all goes wrong?", "what if it all goes right?"
I put this into practice, and got so annoyed with myself for doing both all the time that I've gradually started worrying less about the what ifs. Not NEVER, but a whole huge lot less.
posted by wellred at 1:12 PM on July 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
I put this into practice, and got so annoyed with myself for doing both all the time that I've gradually started worrying less about the what ifs. Not NEVER, but a whole huge lot less.
posted by wellred at 1:12 PM on July 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
I agree entirely with DarlingBri : avoid the positive psychology. It doesn't help you. It doesn't effect change in your life, and, at best, it's benign and at worst, it's actively harmful.
My approach, for what it's worth here, is to push the entire thing out of my mind to the extent possible. I don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't happen, so I'm not going to fantasize about what-if. I'm just going to do what I need to do, then go do something else.
posted by Making You Bored For Science at 1:15 PM on July 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
My approach, for what it's worth here, is to push the entire thing out of my mind to the extent possible. I don't want to be disappointed if it doesn't happen, so I'm not going to fantasize about what-if. I'm just going to do what I need to do, then go do something else.
posted by Making You Bored For Science at 1:15 PM on July 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
Things will not go badly just because you think bad things. But thinking the bad things will make you feel awful, so that's a legitimate reason to want to manage them.
I try all kinds of techniques, but I find that the one that works the most is, if I can't just brush the thoughts away, ask myself if there's anything I can do about it right now? I mean, do I have my Plan B in place if it doesn't go well? Aside from that, is there any action I can take right now that's going to be useful? No? Then what else could I be doing right now instead?
I get a surprising amount of cleaning and other low-grade housekeeping tasks done in that state, usually accompanied by an especially compelling audiobook or podcasts to keep my brain occupied.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:24 PM on July 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
I try all kinds of techniques, but I find that the one that works the most is, if I can't just brush the thoughts away, ask myself if there's anything I can do about it right now? I mean, do I have my Plan B in place if it doesn't go well? Aside from that, is there any action I can take right now that's going to be useful? No? Then what else could I be doing right now instead?
I get a surprising amount of cleaning and other low-grade housekeeping tasks done in that state, usually accompanied by an especially compelling audiobook or podcasts to keep my brain occupied.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:24 PM on July 5, 2018 [1 favorite]
I think you should stick with the negative thoughts---bear with me.
OCD can be very finicky to work with. Here's something one of my family members found helpful: when having those "I must do the thinking this certain way or else," force yourself to follow it to a ridiculous extreme and write it down as you do, ideally creating a flowchart.
So, note you are not thinking positively. What could happen? You will not get this position because your brain made the thing not happen. Then what? You will become homeless. And then? You will have to move in with your horrible cousins. Then? You will have to cook their favorite pork chop casserole nightly while wearing a One Direction apron. And...that's it. That's your worst scenario. And would you live? Yes.
People who live with OCD need therapeutic support in meditating and working with negative thoughts, and I hope you're working on that. Your brain isn't wired to shut up, so let it run wild and acknowledge the thoughts are pretty silly.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 1:25 PM on July 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
OCD can be very finicky to work with. Here's something one of my family members found helpful: when having those "I must do the thinking this certain way or else," force yourself to follow it to a ridiculous extreme and write it down as you do, ideally creating a flowchart.
So, note you are not thinking positively. What could happen? You will not get this position because your brain made the thing not happen. Then what? You will become homeless. And then? You will have to move in with your horrible cousins. Then? You will have to cook their favorite pork chop casserole nightly while wearing a One Direction apron. And...that's it. That's your worst scenario. And would you live? Yes.
People who live with OCD need therapeutic support in meditating and working with negative thoughts, and I hope you're working on that. Your brain isn't wired to shut up, so let it run wild and acknowledge the thoughts are pretty silly.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 1:25 PM on July 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
Also agreeing that the whole, "think positive and good things will happen!" philosophy is really unhelpful. But negative thinking isn't helpful either and when your brain is on that kind of cycle it can be incredibly draining. But part of the anxiety your describing is the fear that the negative thoughts will "jinx" the potential positive outcomes.
So my advice is to relax and forgive yourself and your brain when the negative thoughts occur. Getting upset about those thoughts only increases the anxiety and makes the whole thing snowball. Forgive yourself and then tell yourself, "this is just my anxiety talking. It is not truth and it is not what my future holds" or something similar. And tell yourself something else to think. Not simply the "positive" opposite but rather something like, "I'm still a good and valuable person no matter what happens and right now I need to focus on [useful task] because doing the work is what affects my future, not my thoughts."
Be kind to yourself. You've got this.
posted by acidnova at 1:30 PM on July 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
So my advice is to relax and forgive yourself and your brain when the negative thoughts occur. Getting upset about those thoughts only increases the anxiety and makes the whole thing snowball. Forgive yourself and then tell yourself, "this is just my anxiety talking. It is not truth and it is not what my future holds" or something similar. And tell yourself something else to think. Not simply the "positive" opposite but rather something like, "I'm still a good and valuable person no matter what happens and right now I need to focus on [useful task] because doing the work is what affects my future, not my thoughts."
Be kind to yourself. You've got this.
posted by acidnova at 1:30 PM on July 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
Are you seeing a therapist for your OCD? I agree with others that the "positive thinking or else bad things will happen" is bunk (and generally very victim-blame-y), but that sort of thinking can also reinforce OCD-style thinking and compulsions and you may be best served by working with someone with some training in breaking that cycle.
posted by lazuli at 2:06 PM on July 5, 2018
posted by lazuli at 2:06 PM on July 5, 2018
I have had a lot of good things happen to me in my life and I have worked hard to keep an upbeat attitude, but I also have mega anxiety. I have to spend a lot of time remembering these things:
1.) I can't vibe anything into existence, positively or negatively
2.) My thoughts are not my actions
3.) The more time I spent separating my thoughts *from* my actions, the better
4.) People react well to someone who has an "anything is possible" attitude - but they have to seem pragmatic and competent as well
5.) Sometimes I get excitement and anxiety confused! Sometimes I'm just excited about a change but my body and brain misinterpret that energy as OH NO SOMETHING BAD and then it tries to think up things that are bad - it is helpful for me to ask myself "am I worried about something real or am I actually just excited?"
"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst" is not a bad motto in times like these, in my opinion.
posted by pazazygeek at 2:41 PM on July 5, 2018 [6 favorites]
1.) I can't vibe anything into existence, positively or negatively
2.) My thoughts are not my actions
3.) The more time I spent separating my thoughts *from* my actions, the better
4.) People react well to someone who has an "anything is possible" attitude - but they have to seem pragmatic and competent as well
5.) Sometimes I get excitement and anxiety confused! Sometimes I'm just excited about a change but my body and brain misinterpret that energy as OH NO SOMETHING BAD and then it tries to think up things that are bad - it is helpful for me to ask myself "am I worried about something real or am I actually just excited?"
"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst" is not a bad motto in times like these, in my opinion.
posted by pazazygeek at 2:41 PM on July 5, 2018 [6 favorites]
I also suffer from anxiety with OCD intrusive thoughts, and agree with everything stated above by yes I said yes I will Yes.
Sometimes it can help to have more than one approach, especially when sticking to relatively more negative lines of thought. It allows you to change it up if one approach begins to feel repetitive or stale. This brief article by James Clear describes an interesting and practical approach to interpreting failures:
But for the scientist, a negative result is not an indication that they are a bad scientist. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Proving a hypothesis wrong is often just as useful as proving it right because you learned something along the way.
Your failures are simply data points that can help lead you to the right answer.
Viewing a win or a failure (especially when it's still yet to be determined) as a data point allows you to come at it from a more or less neutral perspective.
My other suggestion would be to take up a side hobby that requires your full attention, so that you spend portions of your day completely free of intrusive thoughts- Crossfit, fast paced video games, practicing a new language on Duolingo, etc.
posted by nightrecordings at 5:54 PM on July 5, 2018 [5 favorites]
Sometimes it can help to have more than one approach, especially when sticking to relatively more negative lines of thought. It allows you to change it up if one approach begins to feel repetitive or stale. This brief article by James Clear describes an interesting and practical approach to interpreting failures:
But for the scientist, a negative result is not an indication that they are a bad scientist. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Proving a hypothesis wrong is often just as useful as proving it right because you learned something along the way.
Your failures are simply data points that can help lead you to the right answer.
Viewing a win or a failure (especially when it's still yet to be determined) as a data point allows you to come at it from a more or less neutral perspective.
My other suggestion would be to take up a side hobby that requires your full attention, so that you spend portions of your day completely free of intrusive thoughts- Crossfit, fast paced video games, practicing a new language on Duolingo, etc.
posted by nightrecordings at 5:54 PM on July 5, 2018 [5 favorites]
One thing that helps me is seeing the negative thoughts as my brain trying to protect me from disappointment. The negative thoughts aren't bad, they're just incorrect. Acknowledge the concern, and then acknowledge that you can handle the disappointment if you don't get the thing, you will ultimately be okay either way.
posted by momus_window at 7:07 PM on July 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by momus_window at 7:07 PM on July 5, 2018 [3 favorites]
This:
"think positive" to "attract positive energy."
is BUUUULLLLLLSHIIIIIIIT. It's halfwitted neocalvinism of the sort that caused the housing bubble and it should go to hell and burn.
The worry thinking is just brainmammer and you should not take it seriously. Say, "Yes, goddamnit, it will all go horribly wrong, you're right, YES, YES, point taken, now will you please STFU!" Then, when your brain refuses to stop, worstcase it 'til you make yourself laugh as yes I said yes I will Yes suggests. Repeat thousands and thousands of times a day until the good thing either happens or doesn't. Ease the wait with plenty of fun distractions.
Despite the fact that it will have absolutely no effect on the outcome, I wish you all the very best!
posted by Don Pepino at 12:38 PM on July 6, 2018
"think positive" to "attract positive energy."
is BUUUULLLLLLSHIIIIIIIT. It's halfwitted neocalvinism of the sort that caused the housing bubble and it should go to hell and burn.
The worry thinking is just brainmammer and you should not take it seriously. Say, "Yes, goddamnit, it will all go horribly wrong, you're right, YES, YES, point taken, now will you please STFU!" Then, when your brain refuses to stop, worstcase it 'til you make yourself laugh as yes I said yes I will Yes suggests. Repeat thousands and thousands of times a day until the good thing either happens or doesn't. Ease the wait with plenty of fun distractions.
Despite the fact that it will have absolutely no effect on the outcome, I wish you all the very best!
posted by Don Pepino at 12:38 PM on July 6, 2018
Is it possible that the people who are telling you to be more positive really mean "stop being negative where I can see/hear you", or are trying to help you feel better by making you stop ruminating and worrying?
I would probably reframe it one of those ways - either that it's bothering them and so you're going to start keeping your feelings more to yourself (but there's nothing inherently wrong with having them), or that your friends are trying to encourage happiness and just bad at it. That is, negative thoughts don't actually doom you, they just keep you from enjoying the moment and so your family or friends are trying to scare you out of them.
Either way I think the thing to realize is that what they're telling you about negative energy is about *their* feelings, not an absolute truth about the world.
posted by Lady Li at 2:50 PM on July 6, 2018
I would probably reframe it one of those ways - either that it's bothering them and so you're going to start keeping your feelings more to yourself (but there's nothing inherently wrong with having them), or that your friends are trying to encourage happiness and just bad at it. That is, negative thoughts don't actually doom you, they just keep you from enjoying the moment and so your family or friends are trying to scare you out of them.
Either way I think the thing to realize is that what they're telling you about negative energy is about *their* feelings, not an absolute truth about the world.
posted by Lady Li at 2:50 PM on July 6, 2018
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Do not join the cult of toxic positive thinking. Things do not fail to happen because you didn't think happy thoughts about them. This kind of fairy logic is toxic to your mental health.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:49 PM on July 5, 2018 [49 favorites]