Please please please let me want what I want.
September 1, 2010 6:09 AM Subscribe
I've realized that my fundamental drive is to avoid negative consequences, rather than to achieve positive outcomes. I'd like to change this. Can you help?
posted by myaskme to human relations (11 answers total) 37 users marked this as a favorite
As an example, I hate (and try to avoid) making plans because I'm generally on call 24/7 at work, and I might have to cancel or change my plans, and that is very frustrating. I stick around at this job (which I don't like and feel that I don't have a particular aptitude for) because I don't want to end up unemployed and destitute, though I have a lot of good skills, a great resume and a large nest egg, and could do any number of things instead. I can always find 10 different horrors to avoid (sometimes entirely fantastical), but I have a hard time thinking--"I'm going to have a great time at the beach this Saturday with my friends!" or "I am really good at XYZ, I should do that instead of my current job!"
My life is replete with scenarios in which I take the "protected" path and minimize the chance of a bad outcome, but I find it constraining. I'd love to spend more time striving for the things I want, not fleeing from the things I don't.
I am already in therapy, but I'd appreciate hearing coping strategies you might have--mantras, books, success stories. Thanks!