How do I tell my awesome manager that I’m leaving to go to grad school?

May 12, 2018 5:35 PM

How and when should I tell my manager I'm leaving to go to grad school? I've only been at this company for a month, and I'll be leaving at around 4 months. Should I say something sooner rather than later, or play it safe?

Hi all,

I’m currently working at a great company with nice perks and much more flexibility than is standard in your typical 9-5. My manager cares about my goals, the progression of my career, and the day-to-day of what I’m working on. She has been wonderful.

That being said, last year I set myself the goal of getting into a master’s program in statistics so I can make a career transition into data science. I got in, and I’m committed to starting my studies this fall.

Here’s the issue: I got into this new role while still waiting to hear back about whether I’d gotten into the program. Now I will need to leave after having been here for only about 4 months (I started a month ago). Thankfully, I am a non-essential employee with a light load of responsibilities, so it shouldn’t inconvenience anyone too much. But it does feel awkwardly short, and I’m not sure when I should bring up the fact that I’m leaving.

My main questions are:
- Would it be better to have this conversation sooner rather than later? My thought is, if I tell her sooner, I can make myself available to work on whatever will have the highest impact on the company within the next few months. But I also don’t know if I’d get let go. What is the ideal timing here? (Classes start Aug 20.)
- What should I say? This is only my second post-college job, so I’m not quite versed in tough conversations yet. The company is great and everyone I’ve worked with has been amazing. Heck, I’d be open to coming back later in a more data-oriented capacity. Any advice on handling this gracefully, and when to break the news, would be much appreciated.

posted by blissfulchar to Work & Money (18 answers total)

I'd suggest telling her sooner rather than later. (It's too bad you didn't mention that this was a possibility when getting hired. I once accepted a job with the caveat "just to let you know, I applied for grad school and have no idea if I'll get in but would leave if I did.")

What about something like this?

"Hi. I have some news that might be a bit unexpected. Before I applied for this job, I also had applied to grad school. To my surprise, I just got a letter of acceptance. I apologize for not mentioning this sooner, but it felt like such a long shot that I didn't even think to mention it [/if that's at all true]. The timing is such that I'd be starting classes on Aug 20, but I wanted to talk with you about this right away so I can do the most important work you need done before then, and to give you plenty of notice to find someone else. The company is great, and everyone I’ve worked with has been amazing. I'd be open to [potentially working part time while in school, and/or] coming back later in a more data-oriented capacity."

If you really think that you'll get let go, and if you think this will basically leave you homeless, then I wouldn't tell her until 3-4 weeks out. But since she'll realize you had been hiding it, that might burn the bridge with her. Since it sounds like you think she might react supportively, and since you'd even like to come back, I'd suggest you go ahead and tell her.
posted by salvia at 5:52 PM on May 12, 2018 [1 favorite]

I think it likely you will get let go if you tell her soon. A month out (July 20th) might be a nice compromise.
posted by 8603 at 6:48 PM on May 12, 2018 [11 favorites]

It is clearly bad news for the company but I think they will do what is in their best interest. If you are contributing now then I would bet that they would let you stay and continue to contribute and postpone the pain of a finding a new person until later (and having to hire is a pain). However if you are in a role where you are still ramping up and would just start to be contributing at the four month mark then maybe they would rather not invest three months in someone who is leaving.
posted by metahawk at 6:57 PM on May 12, 2018 [2 favorites]

If the job is that flexible, and if the school is nearby, have you considered asking to go part-time job + school full time? Just something to consider if it's reasonable.
posted by TheAdamist at 7:07 PM on May 12, 2018

First, congratulations! I agree about waiting longer to tell, say a month before. I certainly hope everything works out at planned; however, you never know if circumstances suddenly change and you may decide to stay after all. When you do share, I'd be honest about how much you have loved working there but vague with the timeline for getting into the grad program. As TheAdamist said, perhaps you could keep working there part-time or on breaks; the better they get to know you and your contributions, the more flexible and willing they may be.
posted by smorgasbord at 7:11 PM on May 12, 2018 [1 favorite]

If you tell them a month before, they’re going to know you waited to tell them. If you’re serious about wanting to work there again, I’d suggest not waiting.
posted by FencingGal at 7:16 PM on May 12, 2018 [5 favorites]

If you need this job up until when you move, give her the normal amount of notice - 2-3 weeks. If you can do without the job now, tell her now. Expect that they might let you go the moment you tell them, or at any time between now and your leave date. If they know you are short time, and happen across a fantastic person for your role who they think will be an ok-long term fit, why wouldn’t they let you go and replace you immediately?

I really don’t know how you would square this with them if you wanted to come back, though. If you don’t give them immediate notice, I think it’s likely you’ll just need to give up that notion. There are lots of great work places out there, however.

Even though I was hiring manager for a decade, I will always side with the employee. You owe your employer a full day’s work for full day’s pay. That’s it. Yes it sucks when people leave, especially good people, especially when it’s inconvenient for the manager/company. But if the tables were turned and they had to cut staff, you would be out in an instant, and consider yourself lucky with two weeks’ severance.

(Anecdotally, once I gave an employer seven month’s notice, with the thought that they could hire someone with enough time for me to train them before I left. By the time I left, they still hadn’t even hired anyone. Ah, well. I was so young. I cannot believe they didn’t let me go. I would never risk that again.)
posted by greermahoney at 7:29 PM on May 12, 2018 [5 favorites]

Is it conceivable you could wind up deferring admission for a year for reasons that haven't come up yet? If so, perhaps that'd be part of the explanation for sharing this info a bit later rather than sooner. Meanwhile, if you have some way to make a genuine impact in the next couple of months without taking time from others who may still be trying to guide you, that'd be a pretty fair trade for your continued employment. Beyond that, you may not be able to help your manager a whole lot. I'd be surprised if they can post your job while you're hanging around, so however happy they may be for you, really early notice may just leave them wondering what to do with you.
posted by Wobbuffet at 8:36 PM on May 12, 2018

I’d tell them a month to two weeks out, when you turn in your resignation. Since you will only have been at the job for 3 months at that point, the worst case scenario is that you burn the bridge and don’t put the job on your resume.

Act in your own best interest. Don’t worry about the business. They’ll be fine. If the situation were reversed, they would not hesitate to time your termination according to what best served them.
posted by Autumnheart at 8:37 PM on May 12, 2018 [3 favorites]

When it comes to any decision regarding work, always, always, always, act in a your own best interest. Always.

If it was in your employer's best interest to cut your position a month into the job, you would be gone and your wonderful manager would likely be the one to deliver the news.
posted by she's not there at 9:11 PM on May 12, 2018 [4 favorites]

Response by poster: Thanks, everyone! Seeing the spectrum of opinion has been helpful here. I do indeed need this job up until I move, and while I considered staying on part-time, ultimately I'll need to spend the next couple of years taking double courseloads and getting involved in data-related groups and activities if I want to get the most out of my time in grad school. A non-data-related job doesn't fit in with that.

It's too bad to know that I likely won't be able to come back if I wait to tell them, but I'm OK with that. Like greermahoney said, there are plenty of great workplaces (especially in the Bay Area, where I am very lucky to be located).
posted by blissfulchar at 9:49 PM on May 12, 2018 [1 favorite]

I wouldn't give them a reason to fire you/lay you off. I know giving them as much notice as possible seems like the decent thing to do, but if tomorrow they decided it was best for their bottom line to fire you, you'd be out of there with no warning at all. That's just kind of how it is. I think a one-month warning is the right balance of giving your supervisor a heads up but not putting yourself at risk of losing the job.
posted by AppleTurnover at 10:22 PM on May 12, 2018 [1 favorite]

I would give 4 - 6 weeks notice, maximum. I don't think you owe them more than 4, but 6 may be good if you want to give them as much notice as possible to try to maintain a bridge. But really, do whatever suits you and your need to continue working until you leave. They will not put your needs before their own, so you need to do it.

At this point I would not offer the information that you applied for grad school at the same time that you applied for the job. They do not need to know these kinds of details.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 2:24 AM on May 13, 2018

Also--this is not directed at you as a person, it's just my opinion of the business side of things--if you quit a job after 4 months for any reason, you are by definition burning bridges and are 99% certainly not going to be able to "come back" or work part-time or anything like that. You will get a generic "yes, blissfulchar worked here" reference from HR, but you won't be able to get a letter of recommendation or a good phone reference (if that even exists anymore) from this supervisor. So just make your decisions assuming the bridge is already burned, is what I'm saying.
posted by 8603 at 12:50 PM on May 13, 2018 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thanks, 8603. This is interesting to hear, since I see people my age leaving jobs after less than a year almost constantly. It's actually rare for me to see anyone in their 20s nowadays staying in one role for more than about 1.5 years, unless it seems to be a true dream job. (Just my observation from perusing the LinkedIn profiles of my peers.) There is an understandable difference between 4 months and a year, of course, but the idea that the bridge would be completely burned, even if a person does their best during that 4 months, is surprising to me.
posted by blissfulchar at 1:30 PM on May 13, 2018

I have changed jobs a lot myself! So I feel you. I just think that 4 months is less than the invisible cutoff for "decent amount of time spent at a job." Especially with the grad school angle...on the one hand, people don't care why you leave, but on the other hand, they'll know that you knew about the school possibility from the start and there was at least a little misrepresentation going on. A bit different than a case of bad fit or a better offer that's impossible to refuse.

Datapoint of one person only: I failed in coming back to a place after 2.5 years of working there and several months' notice before leaving. (I gave so much notice because of particulars that made me think I would not be cut.) I left to go to school and they didn't want me back later, despite great relations with everyone there.

I also, contrary to my own advice, managed to get a reference from a boss on whom I quit after 3-4 months. But it was on a very specific topic--did I speak Spanish well enough, and was I culturally literate enough, to serve a primarily Dominican population at a social service agency? This boss is Dominican and was happy to vouch for me on these specific questions. But I've never used her as a generic reference.
posted by 8603 at 2:05 PM on May 13, 2018

I have gotten screwed by trying to be courteous and telling my boss I was leaving a job earlier than I had to. They essentially used their influence to blacklist me in my profession in my city. And I was in a union! It sucked. But it also taught me that no matter how nice and wonderful your employer is, they are not your friend, and they don’t necessarily have your best interests at heart. You sound like me, thinking you owe them something you don’t. You did work, you got paid. You don’t owe them anything else, and if you think you do, some employers will be happy to weaponize that feeling against you.

Am I bitter? Yep. Will this necessarily happen to you? Nope. But it could. Learn from my mistake.
posted by Salvor Hardin at 4:39 PM on May 13, 2018 [2 favorites]

It sucks that so many people have had bad experiences giving early notices. It's so vindictive and petty.

This must be situation and profession dependent; I've been on both the employee and manager end and it's never been a problem. Leaving for grad school is common enough in my science-related job and a few months notice is typical. Obviously I have no idea what your situation is.

In terms of giving early notice the conversation is actually not a difficult one. You got accepted to grad school and are going. You of course didn't know this would happen when you took the job, because you hadn't been accepted yet; you don't need to explain that, I'm just pointing out that you shouldn't feel insincere because of the timing here.

Good luck and congrats on the admission.
posted by mark k at 6:47 AM on May 14, 2018