What's a word for thoughtful, sardonically amused, contemplation?

March 22, 2018 8:36 AM

I've been using the word "bemused" wrong my whole life. I always figured it referred to affable, amused thoughtfulness. I'd imagine someone grinning a sardonic grin, comfortably seated in an easy chair, drawing on a pipe. Lost in thought, a bit detached and aloof, but grinning in self-amusement. Sort of a combination of "beguiled" and "amused". But no. Bemused, it turns out, is more of an expression of defeat. You don't know the answer, and you're probably not going ever know, and that's that. So what is the word I'm looking for?
posted by Quisp Lover to Writing & Language (15 answers total)

"mildly amused, especially in a detached way"....I think you have been using it correctly?
posted by cakelite at 8:39 AM on March 22, 2018 [1 favorite]

Um. That's how I've always used the word bemused.
posted by anderjen at 8:39 AM on March 22, 2018 [1 favorite]

Merriam-Webster says you've been using it correctly. Why do you think you haven't? It certainly isn't defined as an expression of defeat.
posted by cooker girl at 8:41 AM on March 22, 2018 [4 favorites]

Best answer: You've been using it correctly, but in my experience it's rarely used nowadays to mean anything other than 'bewildered or confused'. Can't think of a better word or the thing you're describing though, so you have my permission to use the lesser-known meaning.
posted by pipeski at 8:53 AM on March 22, 2018 [3 favorites]

Best answer: Here's a New York Times column on the shift in meaning:

As The Times’s stylebook says, in careful, traditional use, “bemused” means “bewildered,” “confused” or even “stupefied.” An extended meaning is “preoccupied, lost in thought.”

But the similarity in sound to “amused” leads many writers to merge the meaning of the two words, using “bemused” to suggest a sort of detached amusement. A few dictionaries have started to accept this as an alternate sense.

The author advocates "holding the line" on the original meaning to keep it more precise.
(Edited to add: Sorry, I just realized this doesn't answer your question of what is an alternative word.)
posted by adventitious at 8:59 AM on March 22, 2018 [16 favorites]

I’ve had this thought before too! Like others were saying I realized that, yes, it seems the definition roughly and especially the common usage covers exactly this idea. But now sometimes I’ll use a few more words and say “sitting there with a wry smile” or some variant, especially when I want to convey a touch more wistfulness.
posted by elephantsvanish at 8:59 AM on March 22, 2018

TLDR: when a few people misuse a word, they are in error. When a whole generation misuses* a word, that usage becomes correct.

*Or use in a different sense, etc.
posted by SaltySalticid at 9:11 AM on March 22, 2018 [19 favorites]

Or even more briefly: language changes over time.
posted by Smearcase at 9:21 AM on March 22, 2018 [3 favorites]

Best answer: For years, I've continued to insist that "bemused" means "puzzled." I use "wryly amused" for the sense you're asking about.
posted by holborne at 10:21 AM on March 22, 2018 [4 favorites]

In my opinion, "bemused" is just a word you can't use clearly, because some people are sure it means "confused" (its primary and historical definition), and some people are sure it means what you thought it meant (a usage that's growing), so there's just no way to use it and know that people will understand what you mean. As a result I've basically cut it from my vocabulary.

That said, I don't know what a good synonym for the usage you want - I think you need to do it in two (or more) words and add an adjective before "amused" to get the meaning across clearly.
posted by brainmouse at 10:23 AM on March 22, 2018 [8 favorites]

The "lost in thought" sense is more of a UK usage. Curiously, "nonplussed" seems to have swapped meanings recently too.
posted by scruss at 10:32 AM on March 22, 2018 [1 favorite]

The closest word for what you are describing that I know of is blithe - it's slightly more towards indifferent vs aloof happiness though may be close enough to fit for some uses.
posted by typecloud at 1:43 PM on March 22, 2018

The meaning you want overlaps somewhat with insouciant, but it's not a perfect fit.
posted by aws17576 at 6:25 PM on March 22, 2018

Response by poster: I'm a big fan of blithe and insouciant, but they're not quite what I'm looking for.

Glad to be on the cutting edge of a useage shift, and I'm definitely Descriptivist rather than Prescriptivist, but I still don't want to be misinterpreted. There's a huge diff between the description I gave and confusion/bewilderment.

Wryly amused isn't bad, but, darn it, doesn't this way of being deserve its own singular term? This is my perennial state, and even ditzy people - even monstruous people! - get a descriptor!
posted by Quisp Lover at 7:35 PM on March 22, 2018 [1 favorite]

I still think that the way you've *been* thinking of it is as good as any, and that the sense that it is an acknowledgement of intellectual defeat, or whatever, while part of the idea or a facet of the idea that sometimes comes to the fore, does not negate the other.

Or more simply, it's one of those words that mean somewhat different things to different people, or in different situations. I think it's sometimes co-opted for that somewhat darker meaning of "finding humor in one's own defeat" because there isn't another extremely common single word in English for "this is bad, but I see the humor in it."

So: - you see some college kids out in public. They've had too much to drink and they're kind of being silly, but it's not affecting you or worrying you. I think you might correctly call yourself bemused, as you might contemplate how you were at that age, or how hungover they might be tomorrow, or what their parents might think. This sounds consistent with your original meaning.

On the other hand, Trump and Biden are yapping at each other and behaving like idiots. This (at least for me) gives me a less *detached* sense of amusement, as it's mixed with concern over the fact that they are grown men, one of them is the president, and the other used to be VP. In this case it's more "laugh to keep from crying," but I'd still call myself bemused. If there's a better word for that situation, I don't know what it is.
posted by randomkeystrike at 8:18 PM on March 22, 2018