How do I stop eating my boyfriend's snacks
January 14, 2018 6:36 PM Subscribe
When I lived alone, I dealt with my tendency to mindlessly inhale carb-heavy snack foods by the truckload by just not keeping them in the house, and occasionally buying smaller servings any time I wanted a treat.
Now that I live with my boyfriend, I keep eating all of his snacks. I feel bad because on Sunday he'll buy a few snacks that should last him an entire week, and then by Tuesday night I've eaten them all.
I'd hate to tell him that he can't have snacks in the house just because I have a tragic lack of self-control.
Things I've tried:
- Buying my own snacks. This hardly slows me down at all. I eat my own snacks, and then I eat his snacks.
- Attempting not to eat his snacks. Self discipline works for a time, but then I inevitably break at some point during the week.
- Asking him to be more strict with me. Sometimes he says that I shouldn't touch a particular snack, and that sometimes works, (even though it makes me kind of angry in the heat of the moment??) but generally he prefers to try to share, which means I eat everything in short order.
- Eating more meal time food so I'm less hungry for snacks. This has no effect on my snack consumption.
Have any compulsive snack eaters who live with people who have more normal relationships with their snack food successfully dealt with this problem?
I'd hate to tell him that he can't have snacks in the house just because I have a tragic lack of self-control.
Things I've tried:
- Buying my own snacks. This hardly slows me down at all. I eat my own snacks, and then I eat his snacks.
- Attempting not to eat his snacks. Self discipline works for a time, but then I inevitably break at some point during the week.
- Asking him to be more strict with me. Sometimes he says that I shouldn't touch a particular snack, and that sometimes works, (even though it makes me kind of angry in the heat of the moment??) but generally he prefers to try to share, which means I eat everything in short order.
- Eating more meal time food so I'm less hungry for snacks. This has no effect on my snack consumption.
Have any compulsive snack eaters who live with people who have more normal relationships with their snack food successfully dealt with this problem?
Put a lock on his snack cupboard?
posted by tavegyl at 6:44 PM on January 14, 2018 [21 favorites]
posted by tavegyl at 6:44 PM on January 14, 2018 [21 favorites]
If his snacks don't require refrigeration, ask him to keep them all in a cupboard or a cabinet you can lock in some way -- it doesn't have to be a lock you can't open (unless it does, only you know), but even a childproofing lock on a cabinet that makes you stop and say 'this cupboard is not for me' might be sufficient to keep you from opening the door. Or it might not be, in which case a locking filing cabinet or somesuch could be his place to keep snacks that you can't get at.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:44 PM on January 14, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by jacquilynne at 6:44 PM on January 14, 2018 [7 favorites]
1. Buy some snack that you both agree should be shared. You will probably eat most of them, but that's fine, if you agree in advance that this is a small amount of snacks that you can handle.
2. BF should put any extra snacks for his use in a cupboard or box that you both agree is his. You don't have to label it and you don't have to put a lock in it, but I think that if you have a small stash you can use and the BF's snacks are in a separate place and are explicitly meant for him, this should help your self-control.
posted by maudlin at 6:46 PM on January 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
2. BF should put any extra snacks for his use in a cupboard or box that you both agree is his. You don't have to label it and you don't have to put a lock in it, but I think that if you have a small stash you can use and the BF's snacks are in a separate place and are explicitly meant for him, this should help your self-control.
posted by maudlin at 6:46 PM on January 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
To expand, that strategy worked when I was living with a spouse (now ex) and kid who both got the "eat one scoop of ice cream, put the rest away for later" gene while I am the type who on every pass through the kitchen thinks "hey, you know what's in that freezer? Ice cream" until it's gone. So I bought mint chip, or Chips Ahoy, or barbecue chips, or whatever version of $snack they liked and I didn't, so once the vanilla or snickerdoodles or plain chips were gone, that was it for me.
posted by Flannery Culp at 6:48 PM on January 14, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by Flannery Culp at 6:48 PM on January 14, 2018 [8 favorites]
You could "buy" the snacks instead, so that instead of eating his stuff without accounting for it, you actually have to put a dollar in the snack drawer for each thing you grab. Should slow you down, and if it doesn't, at least there'll be a stack of money there for you to use to replenish his snacks.
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:50 PM on January 14, 2018 [16 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:50 PM on January 14, 2018 [16 favorites]
i am you and he hides the snack food he buys for himself when it's something i would also eat. if i don't know it's there i won't zombie-eat it!
posted by zdravo at 6:53 PM on January 14, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by zdravo at 6:53 PM on January 14, 2018 [6 favorites]
Make yourself a Ulysses pact. Write out a $100 (or however much you need to make it for) check to Trump's reelection campaign, or to the KKK, or other equally awful organization. Sealed, stamped, ready to go to. Envelope goes to boyfriend or a close friend. If you eat the snacks, that shit gets mailed off.
The idea is to link the eating of the snacks to far more odious consequences.
posted by furnace.heart at 6:55 PM on January 14, 2018 [37 favorites]
The idea is to link the eating of the snacks to far more odious consequences.
posted by furnace.heart at 6:55 PM on January 14, 2018 [37 favorites]
I too am the same. My boyfriend hides the snacks, unfortunately, not too well. If I buy cookies and don't want to eat them immediately, I put them in the freezer or mailbox (I live on the 6th floor). Unfortunately, my workplace has a lot of candy.
posted by thesockpuppet at 7:01 PM on January 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by thesockpuppet at 7:01 PM on January 14, 2018 [1 favorite]
It may seem drastic, but have you considered cutting out carbs completely (a la keto)? Among folks who have, there is certainly a lot of anecdata about the compulsive drive to eat carb-heavy food going away completely when the body has shifted over to fat-metabolism mode.
There is also some interesting evidence that simple carbohydrates (sucrose, glucose, fructose) hit the same part of the brain that is active in addictive behaviors of other types; see this discussed about 19 minutes into this lecture by Harvard endocrinologist David Ludwig. If you're having trouble regulating yourself, this might be going on with you. Quitting entirely might be a good experiment to try. Good luck!
posted by Sublimity at 7:27 PM on January 14, 2018 [12 favorites]
There is also some interesting evidence that simple carbohydrates (sucrose, glucose, fructose) hit the same part of the brain that is active in addictive behaviors of other types; see this discussed about 19 minutes into this lecture by Harvard endocrinologist David Ludwig. If you're having trouble regulating yourself, this might be going on with you. Quitting entirely might be a good experiment to try. Good luck!
posted by Sublimity at 7:27 PM on January 14, 2018 [12 favorites]
Nthing that if I know it's in the house, I can't stop thinking about it until I've consumed it. I vote that he buy his snacks without you and put them somewhere that you won't see them and not mention them.
posted by Hal Mumkin at 8:08 PM on January 14, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by Hal Mumkin at 8:08 PM on January 14, 2018 [6 favorites]
I am on the flip side of this, and I really don't think it's too much to ask for him to keep his snacks somewhere else. I keep some at my office, and I have a bag I keep in the car if I feel the need to snack at home. It's a little silly to run outside every time I want a Lindor truffle, but it's important to my wife, so I do.
posted by kevinbelt at 8:13 PM on January 14, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by kevinbelt at 8:13 PM on January 14, 2018 [9 favorites]
Buy yourself sugar free or otherwise innocuous snacks. Alternatively, allow yourself snacks but only if you go buy them and only fancy ones. So if you are eyeing his snack and can't stand it, get in the car and go buy a serving of something you love, and eat it. Your goal is to convince your brain that it is not being deprived or missing out. Untrigger your inner fear of deprivation. Also, yes, eat protein instead, even just a slab of cheese or some lunch meat. Attack this issue in multiple ways.
posted by emjaybee at 8:15 PM on January 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by emjaybee at 8:15 PM on January 14, 2018 [4 favorites]
I would like to put in a vote to NOT punish the rest of society if you happen to fail at some nearly-impossible standard of self-control you impose on yourself. So, maybe please don't a check to a terrible group you disapprove of, that other people disapprove of, because then you're just doubling down on the bad. Maybe making the check go to an organization that supports health, somehow, but making it in an amount large enough to hurt; or find another deterrent, like volunteering to wash your elderly neighbor's smelly dog, or weeding their lawn, or making yourself pick up trash on the side of the road for an hour.
However, my real suggestion is this: find a food he likes but you hate, and let him snack on that.
Alternatively, get healthy snacks prepped -- vegetables etc. usually require some prep work before eating, which is a big reason that carby snacks are just easier -- for BOTH of you on the weekend, and BOTH of you eat them when you want.
For fresh approaches, read a fun book on behavioral economics. It will give you lots of productive ideas, plus explain why "self-control" isn't the way to solve problems like this. Lack of self-control isn't a character flaw, it's a product of your environment and circumstances.
posted by amtho at 8:21 PM on January 14, 2018 [16 favorites]
However, my real suggestion is this: find a food he likes but you hate, and let him snack on that.
Alternatively, get healthy snacks prepped -- vegetables etc. usually require some prep work before eating, which is a big reason that carby snacks are just easier -- for BOTH of you on the weekend, and BOTH of you eat them when you want.
For fresh approaches, read a fun book on behavioral economics. It will give you lots of productive ideas, plus explain why "self-control" isn't the way to solve problems like this. Lack of self-control isn't a character flaw, it's a product of your environment and circumstances.
posted by amtho at 8:21 PM on January 14, 2018 [16 favorites]
My husband hides chocolate on me for this reason. He also does the groceries so I don't even know they're in the house. Because I am an animal with zero self control.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:05 PM on January 14, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:05 PM on January 14, 2018 [10 favorites]
I made a pact with my roomies. I have permission to eat one bite, and one bite only, from everything without a DON'T TOUCH! label. It's the sneakiness and total access I want, not the food so much. My housemates think it's cute and roguish. Like a beloved awful cat. They even try to guess if I've made my move or not! To keep things even, I share staples and make treats for the group.
posted by fritillary at 10:06 PM on January 14, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by fritillary at 10:06 PM on January 14, 2018 [6 favorites]
Best answer: What worked for me was to be very strictly black and white with myself. First, you and bf have to be clear that certain foods are HIS snacks. This is not about him being greedy or depriving you. This is about him supporting you in healthy diet. Ideally, his foods should go in a separate drawer or else have his name on them.
New rule: eating his food is wrong. You wouldn't steal money out of his wallet, you don't steal food that belongs to him. No exceptions. I'm not usually this mean to myself about anything else but I know that this is important and I have to be 100% consistent because one little exception is a slippery slope. I still do other types of mindless eating and I still struggle with food but when I make a hard rule like this I am able to limit the damage because in this one area, I can keep to my intentions.
For this to work, you have to be clear about where it applies - I'm sure he buys lots of things that you two share, including perhaps some snacks foods. But once it gets labelled as his, you both need to respect that. You don't ask, he doesn't offer. If he wants to eat some, you'll have something else because that is not your food.
By the way, I don't even try to apply this approach to all temptations - I would feel too deprived and there would be a backlash but I have been able to pick a few limited places where this kind of black and white thinking has really helped me personally. YMMV
posted by metahawk at 10:08 PM on January 14, 2018 [10 favorites]
New rule: eating his food is wrong. You wouldn't steal money out of his wallet, you don't steal food that belongs to him. No exceptions. I'm not usually this mean to myself about anything else but I know that this is important and I have to be 100% consistent because one little exception is a slippery slope. I still do other types of mindless eating and I still struggle with food but when I make a hard rule like this I am able to limit the damage because in this one area, I can keep to my intentions.
For this to work, you have to be clear about where it applies - I'm sure he buys lots of things that you two share, including perhaps some snacks foods. But once it gets labelled as his, you both need to respect that. You don't ask, he doesn't offer. If he wants to eat some, you'll have something else because that is not your food.
By the way, I don't even try to apply this approach to all temptations - I would feel too deprived and there would be a backlash but I have been able to pick a few limited places where this kind of black and white thinking has really helped me personally. YMMV
posted by metahawk at 10:08 PM on January 14, 2018 [10 favorites]
I showed this to my boyfriend and he had a good laugh -- I easily could have written this question, except I wouldn't because I have no remorse. We just buy a lot of snacks.
But let's see: having lots of fruits around lowers my snack consumption -- I'll eat the fruit first, and then not be as nibbly. I also drink a lot of herbal teas on the same principle.
posted by batter_my_heart at 10:17 PM on January 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
But let's see: having lots of fruits around lowers my snack consumption -- I'll eat the fruit first, and then not be as nibbly. I also drink a lot of herbal teas on the same principle.
posted by batter_my_heart at 10:17 PM on January 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
Him expecting you to deny yourself when the food is IN THE HOUSE is cruel. Your dietary habits are hard-won -- congratulations on the "out of sight, out of mind" successful approach, and not beating yourself up about getting a single serving as desired.
People who do not struggle with diet issues do not get it. This is not about control. This is about limiting opportunity and replacing bad habits with better ones.
Every day can be a struggle, especially when sharing a home. Life is too short for this nonsense.
So about him sabotaging your eating habits -- he needs to get on board with this.
1) Foods you do not like to eat but he does. No problem.
2) Foods you like to eat but he doesn't. Same thing.
3) Foods on your "this will be a temptation" list. Either he doesn't bring them in the house, or he buys his own single servings and consumes them immediately. Problem solved.
This is not hard. This is respecting your food choices and the compromises you have made for your own reasons. Really -- what would be his excuse if you were diabetic or on certain medications?
This is you heading off illness before you are spending your discretionary funds on doctor bills.
Your boyfriend does not have to adopt your approach to food, but he does have to support your daily efforts to keep in balance. Waiting until you have a health crisis -- nope, just not acceptable.
(In case it's not obvious, this hits close to home with family obesity and eventual chronic medical issues. It's sooooo much easier to head off problems before they become a lifelong struggle.)
posted by TrishaU at 10:50 PM on January 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
People who do not struggle with diet issues do not get it. This is not about control. This is about limiting opportunity and replacing bad habits with better ones.
Every day can be a struggle, especially when sharing a home. Life is too short for this nonsense.
So about him sabotaging your eating habits -- he needs to get on board with this.
1) Foods you do not like to eat but he does. No problem.
2) Foods you like to eat but he doesn't. Same thing.
3) Foods on your "this will be a temptation" list. Either he doesn't bring them in the house, or he buys his own single servings and consumes them immediately. Problem solved.
This is not hard. This is respecting your food choices and the compromises you have made for your own reasons. Really -- what would be his excuse if you were diabetic or on certain medications?
This is you heading off illness before you are spending your discretionary funds on doctor bills.
Your boyfriend does not have to adopt your approach to food, but he does have to support your daily efforts to keep in balance. Waiting until you have a health crisis -- nope, just not acceptable.
(In case it's not obvious, this hits close to home with family obesity and eventual chronic medical issues. It's sooooo much easier to head off problems before they become a lifelong struggle.)
posted by TrishaU at 10:50 PM on January 14, 2018 [3 favorites]
Best answer: This is something you’re going to need your boyfriend’s help on. So please stop reading here and hand the computer over to him now. He will advance to the next answer once he’s done.
Please, we require your cooperation, and your ignorance for this to work.
Ok, boyfriend, you know what you’re up against and you certainly know the only way to triumph is through deception. Here’s what worked for me. Hide your snacks. Whatever space that is yours but not conspicuously so, possibly offsite, that’s where you shove everything you like. Fine. But what you really need to do is get some sacrificial snacks that you put in moderately challenging-to-find spots, and work on your acting skills. (“Gosh darn it all, now I must find a new hiding spot my darling partner!”) We’re going for harm reduction here, not abstenance. It’s like when you hide treats for your dog to find around the house, but it’s really part of his regular food program. Pace it out so the payouts seem random and unpredictable, but make sure they are not going too long without so they don’t try harder to find your real stash. Godspeed.
posted by danny the boy at 10:55 PM on January 14, 2018 [16 favorites]
Please, we require your cooperation, and your ignorance for this to work.
Ok, boyfriend, you know what you’re up against and you certainly know the only way to triumph is through deception. Here’s what worked for me. Hide your snacks. Whatever space that is yours but not conspicuously so, possibly offsite, that’s where you shove everything you like. Fine. But what you really need to do is get some sacrificial snacks that you put in moderately challenging-to-find spots, and work on your acting skills. (“Gosh darn it all, now I must find a new hiding spot my darling partner!”) We’re going for harm reduction here, not abstenance. It’s like when you hide treats for your dog to find around the house, but it’s really part of his regular food program. Pace it out so the payouts seem random and unpredictable, but make sure they are not going too long without so they don’t try harder to find your real stash. Godspeed.
posted by danny the boy at 10:55 PM on January 14, 2018 [16 favorites]
Addendum for boyfriend: try not to hide your snacks so well that YOU forget to eat them. There’s nothing worse than starting a grease fire in the kitchen and reaching for the fire extinguisher only to find it is full of Dutch salt licorice.
posted by danny the boy at 11:05 PM on January 14, 2018 [17 favorites]
posted by danny the boy at 11:05 PM on January 14, 2018 [17 favorites]
Ask bf what he would do if you were an alcoholic struggling with sobriety and he wanted booze in the house.
posted by kapers at 5:37 AM on January 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by kapers at 5:37 AM on January 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
Have you considered therapy to try and deal with your unhealthy attitudes toward food?
It’s not fair to ask him to go to Fort Knox levels of snack hiding, nor to expect him to be strict about your intake (particularly since you get pissy when he does so).
A therapist can help you develop more healthy behaviors around snacking. Don’t make this your boyfriend’s job.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 6:05 AM on January 15, 2018 [13 favorites]
It’s not fair to ask him to go to Fort Knox levels of snack hiding, nor to expect him to be strict about your intake (particularly since you get pissy when he does so).
A therapist can help you develop more healthy behaviors around snacking. Don’t make this your boyfriend’s job.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 6:05 AM on January 15, 2018 [13 favorites]
Are you measuring out servings and then putting the bags away? Have you tried Weight Watchers? Simply being mindful of a serving can help with uncontrolled snacking. I'd get a kitchen scale (if there isn't one already), measure out a serving, and put the bag away. When my wife was doing WW I still mostly stuck to her portions, partly out of solidarity, and partly because I found it helpful for my own "hey, where'd that bag of Cheetos go?" issues.
Even now if I have chips with my lunch I'll measure them out, which somehow helps my brain (and my lizard brain) both recognize "enough."
Also I like the "buying" idea. Every serving costs a dollar, paid up front. Sometimes you just want a snack anyway and it will be worth the hassle, but you should have to stop and think about it.
posted by fedward at 7:24 AM on January 15, 2018
Even now if I have chips with my lunch I'll measure them out, which somehow helps my brain (and my lizard brain) both recognize "enough."
Also I like the "buying" idea. Every serving costs a dollar, paid up front. Sometimes you just want a snack anyway and it will be worth the hassle, but you should have to stop and think about it.
posted by fedward at 7:24 AM on January 15, 2018
Keep the fridge stocked with cut up celery, peppers, cabbage, and carrots. Not eating his snack food is hard, eating a crunchy alternative is less hard. Put his snacks up high someplace out of the way.
posted by theora55 at 7:26 AM on January 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by theora55 at 7:26 AM on January 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
By the way, you should really stop asking him to police you. That way lies a rat's nest of tangled, not-always-predictabe-yet-for-sure-predictably-terrible dynamics. If you're desperate, you can ask him not to bring that stuff in the house; some people really just can't handle the proximity of certain foods. But you can't ask him to rebuke you for eating. You'll wind up on a TLC show.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:09 AM on January 15, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:09 AM on January 15, 2018 [8 favorites]
Either have him put a lock on his snack cupboard, or have him hide them. Neither solution addresses the root cause of your urge to snack, though. If he locks them up, I don't know about you, but that would make me feel bad. If he hides them, one day you'll find yourself on the prowl, turning over sofa cushions and poking in his sock drawer until *score!* If you really want to eliminate the urge to snack, you have to address the root cause. And I'm not saying that that's simple, so go easy on yourself.
What does help me, aside from locks and hiding things, is the knowledge that the other person will be disappointed if I eat all of ________ and they come home and it's all gone. I hate the feeling of looking forward to eating something, only to find someone else ate it all, and that deters me from doing the same to someone else.
Anecdotally, my cousin used to lick all her Halloween candy so that her brothers wouldn't eat it. Gross, but effective.
posted by Crystal Fox at 8:20 AM on January 15, 2018
What does help me, aside from locks and hiding things, is the knowledge that the other person will be disappointed if I eat all of ________ and they come home and it's all gone. I hate the feeling of looking forward to eating something, only to find someone else ate it all, and that deters me from doing the same to someone else.
Anecdotally, my cousin used to lick all her Halloween candy so that her brothers wouldn't eat it. Gross, but effective.
posted by Crystal Fox at 8:20 AM on January 15, 2018
I have roommates, we have kids. There are snacks galore. I love snacks. Luckily the kids like gross things like cheap cookies and Takis (yuck). But for the adults, If it is your specific snack, you have a specific place for it (or a label if in fridge/freezer). That helps a lot. If it is put up and I have to look for it to take, it feels like stealing. My boyfriend would not mind if I took his snacks but he has medical issues, is thin and works so hard, I can't take his snacks without feeling guilty. He also knows not to ask me if I want a snack but if I ask, he will share.
Except Gummy Bears, I always want gummy bears.
posted by ReiFlinx at 8:44 AM on January 15, 2018
Except Gummy Bears, I always want gummy bears.
posted by ReiFlinx at 8:44 AM on January 15, 2018
Best answer: The fact that you think you shouldn't eat the snacks is what's causing you to eat the snacks. It's proven that restriction mentality and trying to use willpower actually messes with the reward centers in your brain (so those snacks actually taste better to you), and the restriction mentality snaps like a rubber band. You eat all the snacks because you "breached" when you had a little more than you told yourself you would. Then you think "Ok I'm never doing this again. I can't handle the Cheetos. I'll change my life. I'll give Ted talks about the dangers of Cheetos and how I've sworn them off. It will be called 'Cheetos: Not Even Once.' I'll just finish off this entire bag now, as a fond farewell to my Cheeto life. Goodbye, forbidden fruit."
These 2 thought patterns work in concert to make those snacks more powerful every time.
Nowhere in that mix is the question, what snacks do YOU want? How much would make YOU happy?
So what should you do?
If I were you I'd read the book "intuitive eating". It helps you work on retraining your body to listen to its hunger signals to know how to engage with those snacks. It sounds counter intuitive, but I'd buy more snacks than you could ever eat. Buy so many snacks you feel afraid. And don't restrict yourself. If you want them, you eat them. But here is the rub. You have to write it down. And all of your thoughts while you ate. How it tasted. How hungry you were when you started, and how full you were when you stopped.
I had this problem with bagels. I lived in fear of bagels. They had tremendous power over me. I swore them off regularly... and then I'd go through a "bagel phase". After about 6 months of figuring out how to live peacefully in a world with bagels I did it. I can take them or leave them now.
posted by pazazygeek at 9:00 AM on January 15, 2018 [9 favorites]
These 2 thought patterns work in concert to make those snacks more powerful every time.
Nowhere in that mix is the question, what snacks do YOU want? How much would make YOU happy?
So what should you do?
If I were you I'd read the book "intuitive eating". It helps you work on retraining your body to listen to its hunger signals to know how to engage with those snacks. It sounds counter intuitive, but I'd buy more snacks than you could ever eat. Buy so many snacks you feel afraid. And don't restrict yourself. If you want them, you eat them. But here is the rub. You have to write it down. And all of your thoughts while you ate. How it tasted. How hungry you were when you started, and how full you were when you stopped.
I had this problem with bagels. I lived in fear of bagels. They had tremendous power over me. I swore them off regularly... and then I'd go through a "bagel phase". After about 6 months of figuring out how to live peacefully in a world with bagels I did it. I can take them or leave them now.
posted by pazazygeek at 9:00 AM on January 15, 2018 [9 favorites]
Things I've tried: Eating more meal time food so I'm less hungry for snacks. This has no effect on my snack consumption.
So, this isn't really about snacks. You're not actually hungry, because eating more during meal time isn't helping. Snacking and stealing is a habit that you've formed.
To break the habit, you need to find something better than snacks and reprogram. This requires discipline, but that's probably not what you want to hear.
Maybe it's doing a jigsaw puzzle, maybe it's knitting, maybe it's a game on your phone with in-app purchases. But you need to find and activity that you enjoy to replace this habit and cultivate mindful eating habits. Your subconscious brain uses experiences and emotions, not language. So berating yourself for stealing your boyfriend's snacks won't help.
I'm an emotional eater, and I realize this sucks. If there's a fun activity you've been wanting to try, maybe this is your chance!
posted by Juniper Toast at 10:05 AM on January 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
So, this isn't really about snacks. You're not actually hungry, because eating more during meal time isn't helping. Snacking and stealing is a habit that you've formed.
To break the habit, you need to find something better than snacks and reprogram. This requires discipline, but that's probably not what you want to hear.
Maybe it's doing a jigsaw puzzle, maybe it's knitting, maybe it's a game on your phone with in-app purchases. But you need to find and activity that you enjoy to replace this habit and cultivate mindful eating habits. Your subconscious brain uses experiences and emotions, not language. So berating yourself for stealing your boyfriend's snacks won't help.
I'm an emotional eater, and I realize this sucks. If there's a fun activity you've been wanting to try, maybe this is your chance!
posted by Juniper Toast at 10:05 AM on January 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
So about him sabotaging your eating habits -- he needs to get on board with this.
'Sabotage' seems... an uncharitable descriptor, as does the analogy between non-snacking and sobriety. It is perfectly reasonable to expect to be allowed to eat snacks in one's own home, and OP seems to want to allow BF the freedom to snack. OP doesn't seem to have severe issues of anxiety or distress around the idea of being confronted with the presence of snacks. Tackling the issue from a 'this is BF's fault' angle seems a guaranteed way to cause unnecessary relationship strife, and also seems unfair.
posted by halation at 10:23 AM on January 15, 2018 [6 favorites]
'Sabotage' seems... an uncharitable descriptor, as does the analogy between non-snacking and sobriety. It is perfectly reasonable to expect to be allowed to eat snacks in one's own home, and OP seems to want to allow BF the freedom to snack. OP doesn't seem to have severe issues of anxiety or distress around the idea of being confronted with the presence of snacks. Tackling the issue from a 'this is BF's fault' angle seems a guaranteed way to cause unnecessary relationship strife, and also seems unfair.
posted by halation at 10:23 AM on January 15, 2018 [6 favorites]
I am a compulsive snacker by default, but it’s a habit that I can break. Cutting out refined sugar and white flour breaks the cycle for me, as well as being honest with myself about my snacking motivations: am I truly hungry, or is this boredom/habit/emotional eating? Distraction helps too. After two or three days, I no longer feel the compulsion to snack; after one or two weeks, I find I can reintroduce sugary/carby snacks in moderation and not have it end in a Cookie Monster-style frenzy. The longer I go with limiting processed carbs, the easier it is for me to eat them only when I really want them, without feeling like I’m forbidding myself anything. I’ll fall off the horse sometimes, sure, but I can get back on.
I like this approach much better than putting literal or mental barriers between myself and the snacks: it makes me feel like I’m in control, it doesn’t require anyone else’s participation, and it’s transferable to other locations (e.g. parties, the work candy bowl, etc).
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:36 AM on January 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
I like this approach much better than putting literal or mental barriers between myself and the snacks: it makes me feel like I’m in control, it doesn’t require anyone else’s participation, and it’s transferable to other locations (e.g. parties, the work candy bowl, etc).
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:36 AM on January 15, 2018 [2 favorites]
Depending on the timing of things, perhaps you could take the serving or whatever amount you want to mindfully allot yourself/yourselves and then keep temptation away with a time-locked kitchen safe?
posted by mosst at 11:39 AM on January 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by mosst at 11:39 AM on January 15, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm on team "have him hide the snacks."
posted by 2 cats in the yard at 5:16 PM on January 15, 2018
posted by 2 cats in the yard at 5:16 PM on January 15, 2018
Nobody buys snacks because nobody needs snacks. Simple.
posted by zadcat at 5:12 AM on January 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by zadcat at 5:12 AM on January 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
+1 pazazygeek. Listen, your boyfriend can hide the snacks. You can practice all the righteous self control you can muster. But there still exists that these snacks have a tremendous amount of power over you.
It is possible to retrain your brain, but it requires trust in yourself and the willingness to give yourself unconditional access to these snacks until they lose their magic. And worry not, they WILL lose their magic. Buys bags and bags of snacks. Buy an embarrassing amount of snacks. And eat them all. You'll eventually tire of them, as their magic only exists in the environment of craving and denial.
The cycle is tried and true -- denial leads to craving leads to bingeing leads to denial leads to craving leads to bingeing leads to... you get it. It never ends. Allow yourself to eat all the snacks. But notice as you eat them, are you satisfied? Do you want more? How are you feeling? Do they still taste good on the 20th bite as they did on the 1st? Making peace with food is a very healing process. I highly recommend the book Intuitive Eating.
posted by bologna on wry at 8:28 AM on January 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
It is possible to retrain your brain, but it requires trust in yourself and the willingness to give yourself unconditional access to these snacks until they lose their magic. And worry not, they WILL lose their magic. Buys bags and bags of snacks. Buy an embarrassing amount of snacks. And eat them all. You'll eventually tire of them, as their magic only exists in the environment of craving and denial.
The cycle is tried and true -- denial leads to craving leads to bingeing leads to denial leads to craving leads to bingeing leads to... you get it. It never ends. Allow yourself to eat all the snacks. But notice as you eat them, are you satisfied? Do you want more? How are you feeling? Do they still taste good on the 20th bite as they did on the 1st? Making peace with food is a very healing process. I highly recommend the book Intuitive Eating.
posted by bologna on wry at 8:28 AM on January 16, 2018 [2 favorites]
With the preface that if you think you have something else going on (binge eating disorder or the like) you should consult with an appropriate healthcare provider...
Nthing pzazygeek and bologna. Trying to hide/force/restrict is engaging in a game with your deepest hindbrain instincts that you WILL eventually lose, because you are wrestling with deep deep issues around deprivation and restraint. The human body and brain put HUGE priority on not starving, so anything that triggers a "oh crap I think we're starving" response is going to deploy the SITUATION CRITICAL EAT EAT EAT chemistry, and your conscious intellectual knowledge that you are well nourished and don't need that bag of Cheetos/sleeve of Thin Mints to live doesn't change that one bit.
The best way I have found to actually treat the ROOT CAUSE instead of the symptom is to go through the process of switching your brain from "deprivation" mode to "abundance" mode. Once your brain knows that the snacks are there and you can have them if you want them it will calm the heck down with demanding that you get it while the getting is good. (When you were a kid, did you know someone whose parents didn't allow any junk food at all? Weren't they the one who would NEVER pass up an opportunity to gorge on Oreos and Coke at camp/sleepover/school? It's the same mechanism coming into play.)
Then you can work on other strategies to make your snacking better align with your eating goals, whatever they may be (for instance, if there are blueberries in the fridge I'll eat them because no prep or waste, but strawberries have leafy bits so I tend to go "eh, too much hassle".) Look at Intuitive Eating and similar approaches. Try to focus on adding beneficial stuff (lean protein, fruit and veg, fiber) before you worry too much about taking stuff away (and risking restarting the deprivation cycle up again.) Like, on the whole, if most of the time you are filling up on delicious healthy food and you let yourself eat some ice cream when you feel like it... you're likely to not feel like it often enough to hurt you.
But the first thing is to break the deprivation and punishment cycle.
One good book that lays out the method for doing this step by step is called The Four-Day Win (I think; it's been a couple of years.) This book is definitely diet-focused, which may or may not be what you want, but it has excellent advice for step-by-step how to do this. (If I remember right, there's a phase where you get more of $forbidden_food than you could possibly eat at once and pile it on a plate and eat as much as you want, with the rule that you have to put so much that there will definitely be leftovers... it's about training yourself to see that there is PLENTY there for you whenever you want.)
posted by oblique red at 9:30 AM on January 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
Nthing pzazygeek and bologna. Trying to hide/force/restrict is engaging in a game with your deepest hindbrain instincts that you WILL eventually lose, because you are wrestling with deep deep issues around deprivation and restraint. The human body and brain put HUGE priority on not starving, so anything that triggers a "oh crap I think we're starving" response is going to deploy the SITUATION CRITICAL EAT EAT EAT chemistry, and your conscious intellectual knowledge that you are well nourished and don't need that bag of Cheetos/sleeve of Thin Mints to live doesn't change that one bit.
The best way I have found to actually treat the ROOT CAUSE instead of the symptom is to go through the process of switching your brain from "deprivation" mode to "abundance" mode. Once your brain knows that the snacks are there and you can have them if you want them it will calm the heck down with demanding that you get it while the getting is good. (When you were a kid, did you know someone whose parents didn't allow any junk food at all? Weren't they the one who would NEVER pass up an opportunity to gorge on Oreos and Coke at camp/sleepover/school? It's the same mechanism coming into play.)
Then you can work on other strategies to make your snacking better align with your eating goals, whatever they may be (for instance, if there are blueberries in the fridge I'll eat them because no prep or waste, but strawberries have leafy bits so I tend to go "eh, too much hassle".) Look at Intuitive Eating and similar approaches. Try to focus on adding beneficial stuff (lean protein, fruit and veg, fiber) before you worry too much about taking stuff away (and risking restarting the deprivation cycle up again.) Like, on the whole, if most of the time you are filling up on delicious healthy food and you let yourself eat some ice cream when you feel like it... you're likely to not feel like it often enough to hurt you.
But the first thing is to break the deprivation and punishment cycle.
One good book that lays out the method for doing this step by step is called The Four-Day Win (I think; it's been a couple of years.) This book is definitely diet-focused, which may or may not be what you want, but it has excellent advice for step-by-step how to do this. (If I remember right, there's a phase where you get more of $forbidden_food than you could possibly eat at once and pile it on a plate and eat as much as you want, with the rule that you have to put so much that there will definitely be leftovers... it's about training yourself to see that there is PLENTY there for you whenever you want.)
posted by oblique red at 9:30 AM on January 16, 2018 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Flannery Culp at 6:37 PM on January 14, 2018 [2 favorites]