How To Mentally Keep Work at Work
January 9, 2018 5:52 AM Subscribe
I struggle with not mentally taking work home with me. I'm particularly interested in advice from others in "helping professions".
I'm not working on work at home per se, but I can't stop thinking about how that day went, what I need to do tomorrow, pressing and less pressing issues, scheduling, etc. I recently removed my work email (and other connected work stuff) from my phone, which has helped significantly. I work in a helping profession, which makes it even harder to turn things off, as I feel like I always have to be on. I'm looking for how to disengage mentally in the evenings, so I can actually enjoy myself instead of feeling like I spend every waking moment consumed by work stuff.
I'm not working on work at home per se, but I can't stop thinking about how that day went, what I need to do tomorrow, pressing and less pressing issues, scheduling, etc. I recently removed my work email (and other connected work stuff) from my phone, which has helped significantly. I work in a helping profession, which makes it even harder to turn things off, as I feel like I always have to be on. I'm looking for how to disengage mentally in the evenings, so I can actually enjoy myself instead of feeling like I spend every waking moment consumed by work stuff.
I find that when I'm thinking a lot of things I need to do tomorrow, it helps to keep a list. That way it's out of my mind and on paper, and if it crops up again, I can safely say "no, I'm not supposed to think about that now" and know that I won't forget it tomorrow.
posted by gideonfrog at 6:13 AM on January 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by gideonfrog at 6:13 AM on January 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
Develop some kind of daily after-work ritual. Going to the gym works for some. A walk in a park. Anything you can do every day for 15-45 minutes. A therapist friend always showers and changes her clothes as soon as she gets home and then pours herself a glass of wine.
posted by mareli at 6:37 AM on January 9, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by mareli at 6:37 AM on January 9, 2018 [2 favorites]
When those work-related thoughts come a-stealin' in, think, "Get lost, Bitch!"
It also helps to think of your workplace in the most snarky, "un-approved" terms for your particular field; e.g., if you're a physical therapist, think, "I'm not letting you lame asses in my brain pan. Out!"
What's the harm, after all? Your thought bubbles belong to YOU. Then when you're back at work, you can re-open the helping faucet, as it were.
helping professions = vampires
posted by BostonTerrier at 6:40 AM on January 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
It also helps to think of your workplace in the most snarky, "un-approved" terms for your particular field; e.g., if you're a physical therapist, think, "I'm not letting you lame asses in my brain pan. Out!"
What's the harm, after all? Your thought bubbles belong to YOU. Then when you're back at work, you can re-open the helping faucet, as it were.
helping professions = vampires
posted by BostonTerrier at 6:40 AM on January 9, 2018 [1 favorite]
1. The biggest thing for me was really and truly internalizing (not just paying lip service to) the fact that I cannot help other people if I'm depleted myself. Taking care of myself is an ethical responsibility, not just a reward. I have to have time to relax, regroup, and focus on myself, or I'm useless for my clients and staff, and that's not good for anyone.
2. Second biggest thing was choosing to work in a setting where I was not the 24hr. emergency contact person. I work in a system where there is a 24hr. staffed crisis line and crisis center, so I know that there is emergency coverage when I am off the clock. I then made sure that I practice in ways that emphasize a client's network of support -- professional and non-professional -- and make sure I never ever ever fall into the white-knight trap of thinking I am the only person who can help a particular client. When a client says their only support system is me, that is a giant crisis emergency flag to me and that becomes the focus of our treatment for a while. (Not necessarily in a crisis-treatment sort of way -- it may just mean introducing them to the peer-run support center nearby, giving them hotline numbers and encouraging them to reach out, helping them identify friends and family in their life that they may want to loop in, etc.)
3. Reminding myself that I am responsible for my clients during the time that I see them, and for any follow-up I can reasonably do, and then I have to let it go. I am not responsible for outcomes. My clients are adults and the majority of their lives is spent outside my presence. I owe them my full presence when I am with them; I owe them the work (case management, referrals, etc) I have committed to that I can reasonably accomplish given my full caseload; what they do with that work is up to them. I can't, and should not, try to control them.
4. Behavioral things that help, once those fundamentals are in place: Mindfully washing my hands at the end of the day, with the intention of washing away any lingering responsibility for my clients that day, while reminding myself that I did the best I could that day and I need to let it go for now. Journaling and/or meditating at the end of the day. (I think that thinking through "What did I do that worked? What did I do that didn't work?" is a helpful reflective exercise, but writing it down will download it out of your head a bit.) Absolutely refusing to do work outside work hours (or, if more applicable, sticking to whatever the policy is for after-work contact); being super-clean on those boundaries. Keeping a To-Do list at work so I can jot down those "I need to remember to..." items, even small ones, so I don't have them kicking around in my head all night (I'm still trying to implement this one; my memory is good so it's a struggle to stop relying on it so much). Realizing that I need to model all these boundaries for my staff and clients helps keep me on track, too.
When I share these things with staff, I tend to get horrified "But you're abandoning clients!" reactions from them, so I know it can sound cold written out. I consistently hear from clients how much I do for them and how supported they feel by me. There's anxiety that comes from trusting clients, there really is, and part of the job is learning that that anxiety is ok, and that we need to manage that anxiety ourselves, rather than by trying to micro-manage clients. (Thinking about clients off the clock is a way of micromanaging clients.) I lost the exact quotation, but Irving Yalom said something like the work of being a therapist is learning to manage one's anxiety with uncertainty. I have to accept that anxiety without trying to fix it, or I drive myself into the ground.
posted by lazuli at 6:49 AM on January 9, 2018 [16 favorites]
2. Second biggest thing was choosing to work in a setting where I was not the 24hr. emergency contact person. I work in a system where there is a 24hr. staffed crisis line and crisis center, so I know that there is emergency coverage when I am off the clock. I then made sure that I practice in ways that emphasize a client's network of support -- professional and non-professional -- and make sure I never ever ever fall into the white-knight trap of thinking I am the only person who can help a particular client. When a client says their only support system is me, that is a giant crisis emergency flag to me and that becomes the focus of our treatment for a while. (Not necessarily in a crisis-treatment sort of way -- it may just mean introducing them to the peer-run support center nearby, giving them hotline numbers and encouraging them to reach out, helping them identify friends and family in their life that they may want to loop in, etc.)
3. Reminding myself that I am responsible for my clients during the time that I see them, and for any follow-up I can reasonably do, and then I have to let it go. I am not responsible for outcomes. My clients are adults and the majority of their lives is spent outside my presence. I owe them my full presence when I am with them; I owe them the work (case management, referrals, etc) I have committed to that I can reasonably accomplish given my full caseload; what they do with that work is up to them. I can't, and should not, try to control them.
4. Behavioral things that help, once those fundamentals are in place: Mindfully washing my hands at the end of the day, with the intention of washing away any lingering responsibility for my clients that day, while reminding myself that I did the best I could that day and I need to let it go for now. Journaling and/or meditating at the end of the day. (I think that thinking through "What did I do that worked? What did I do that didn't work?" is a helpful reflective exercise, but writing it down will download it out of your head a bit.) Absolutely refusing to do work outside work hours (or, if more applicable, sticking to whatever the policy is for after-work contact); being super-clean on those boundaries. Keeping a To-Do list at work so I can jot down those "I need to remember to..." items, even small ones, so I don't have them kicking around in my head all night (I'm still trying to implement this one; my memory is good so it's a struggle to stop relying on it so much). Realizing that I need to model all these boundaries for my staff and clients helps keep me on track, too.
When I share these things with staff, I tend to get horrified "But you're abandoning clients!" reactions from them, so I know it can sound cold written out. I consistently hear from clients how much I do for them and how supported they feel by me. There's anxiety that comes from trusting clients, there really is, and part of the job is learning that that anxiety is ok, and that we need to manage that anxiety ourselves, rather than by trying to micro-manage clients. (Thinking about clients off the clock is a way of micromanaging clients.) I lost the exact quotation, but Irving Yalom said something like the work of being a therapist is learning to manage one's anxiety with uncertainty. I have to accept that anxiety without trying to fix it, or I drive myself into the ground.
posted by lazuli at 6:49 AM on January 9, 2018 [16 favorites]
I'm a high school special education teacher and I really struggle with this. Over the winter break, what helped me a lot was that my three adult kids were home and as I was telling them about some interesting (to me) school stuff, I could see their eyes glaze over. They tried to be polite but as I realized how incredibly boring I was, I also had the epiphany that when I do the same mental run-through alone, I'm being really boring.
So in the last few days when I find myself automatically thinking about work events, I've been telling myself how boring I am and to go do something else to be more interesting.
So far, it's working.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 6:52 AM on January 9, 2018 [3 favorites]
So in the last few days when I find myself automatically thinking about work events, I've been telling myself how boring I am and to go do something else to be more interesting.
So far, it's working.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 6:52 AM on January 9, 2018 [3 favorites]
I am much more successful at leaving work at work when I walk home. It's short walk - about 25 mins - through my small city, but it's very refreshing.
If that isn't an option for you, I would recommend mimicking it by taking a 15-30 minute walk around your neighborhood after you get home from the office.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 7:23 AM on January 9, 2018 [2 favorites]
If that isn't an option for you, I would recommend mimicking it by taking a 15-30 minute walk around your neighborhood after you get home from the office.
posted by schroedingersgirl at 7:23 AM on January 9, 2018 [2 favorites]
It can help to take a few moments to formally wrap up work at the end of the day. By that I mean to write out a list of the things that you will need to work on tomorrow, the things you finished up today, etc. It helps to transition out of work by mentally shelving the things that will keep until the next day or week.
I usually keep a checklist for things to do that day, and physically transferring items over to the next day's checklist is very helpful. It makes me realize that I don't have to keep anxiously going over things in my head when I'm not at work--it's all written down!
posted by zoetrope at 7:29 AM on January 9, 2018 [3 favorites]
I usually keep a checklist for things to do that day, and physically transferring items over to the next day's checklist is very helpful. It makes me realize that I don't have to keep anxiously going over things in my head when I'm not at work--it's all written down!
posted by zoetrope at 7:29 AM on January 9, 2018 [3 favorites]
Instead of seconding a bunch of things other people have said, I'll add one that I think might be new:
On my phone, I use separate apps for work and personal email.
posted by box at 7:48 AM on January 9, 2018
On my phone, I use separate apps for work and personal email.
posted by box at 7:48 AM on January 9, 2018
One of the primary concepts of "Getting Things Done (GTD)" is that by writing stuff down you offload it from your brain, so you don't have to think about it anymore. Maybe before leaving work each day try taking 5 minutes to make a to-do list for the next day so that you've processed that stuff in your brain and hopefully can be more successful leaving it at work.
posted by COD at 8:05 AM on January 9, 2018
posted by COD at 8:05 AM on January 9, 2018
I took work email off my phone when they switched to a more secure/more cumbersome system earlier this year. It helped a lot, not to have my phone pinging every five seconds. I also don't log in to work email even on my home computer, thanks to cumbersome system.
I use my commute as my warm-up/wind-down for the day. I usually take public transit, and I keep a small notepad in my work purse for those last minute thoughts when I'm on the trolley. Then as soon as I walk in the door, I set my work purse aside, take off my work shoes, change out of work clothes. It's a literal shedding of my work persona. I often go straight to the gym, as well; 20-30 min of treadmill, or running outside, completely clears my head of any lingering work thoughts.
posted by basalganglia at 11:44 AM on January 9, 2018
I use my commute as my warm-up/wind-down for the day. I usually take public transit, and I keep a small notepad in my work purse for those last minute thoughts when I'm on the trolley. Then as soon as I walk in the door, I set my work purse aside, take off my work shoes, change out of work clothes. It's a literal shedding of my work persona. I often go straight to the gym, as well; 20-30 min of treadmill, or running outside, completely clears my head of any lingering work thoughts.
posted by basalganglia at 11:44 AM on January 9, 2018
I want to second what gideonfrog said about keeping a list. I have a small notebook that lives in my work bag. When I think something about work after hours, I write it in the book so I can look at it the next work day.
The physical act of writing on paper keeps me away from the rabbit-hole of picking up an electronic device to send myself a message, only to the start working on that thing. There's no way I'm going to take the time to write that much by hand. And the physical act of getting the notebook out of my work bag and then putting it back in when I am done writing brings closure to my thinking.
posted by ITravelMontana at 1:32 PM on January 9, 2018
The physical act of writing on paper keeps me away from the rabbit-hole of picking up an electronic device to send myself a message, only to the start working on that thing. There's no way I'm going to take the time to write that much by hand. And the physical act of getting the notebook out of my work bag and then putting it back in when I am done writing brings closure to my thinking.
posted by ITravelMontana at 1:32 PM on January 9, 2018
A doctor friend of mine recently told me how he likes the ritual of changing out of his OR scrubs at the end of the day/shift. I don’t know if you are provided work attire but if you’re not - I found that pretty helpful as well!
posted by zinnia_ at 2:43 PM on January 9, 2018
posted by zinnia_ at 2:43 PM on January 9, 2018
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posted by eleslie at 6:01 AM on January 9, 2018 [3 favorites]