The opposite of presenteeism is...absenteeism?
October 20, 2017 3:11 AM Subscribe
I've been sick and out of work for four days, and I'm probably going to be out for a couple more. The guilt and anxiety I'm feeling about this is...surprisingly overwhelming, and I feel like my sense of what's reasonable may be broken. (But how broken?) Help me think about this rationally.
I work in an office, and I've been out since last Thursday, so even though I've only been off for four business days it's really six calendar days so far. I've never taken this much time off at once in my life without advance notice (and, yes, I realize that I've been privileged with relative good health/youth in this regard).
I definitely have something once-every-five-years nasty, but I'm not, like, injured or hospitalization-worthy. I expect I'll be back on my feet in a few more days. I chose to take the time off rather than come to work sick as a privileged stand against presenteeism, and because I soldiered through sciatica last year without taking a single day off...which probably prolonged my discomfort for weeks or months. (And because my paid time off has been maxed out and no longer accruing for something like three years.)
A lot of my responsibilities are largely invisible except in their absence, and my workplace is somewhat old-fashioned in that it probably places an unnecessarily high value on butt-in-seat time (asking to work from home, which is essentially what I'm doing, would probably be unthinkable). Also, though it isn't a formal part of my job, there's a strong expectation that I'm "interruptible" for most of the day in case someone needs to ask me to do something, and, obviously, I'm not interruptible while I'm out.
However, I have been working diligently from home and have been available for conference calls, etc. Realistically I'm doing as much or more work than I would if I were physically present--I'm slower than normal because I feel crummy, take naps, etc. but this is balanced by the fact that I'm missing many of the "live" workplace interruptions that break my flow (I do realize that these things are also a legitimate part of my responsibilities, and that I'm failing to meet them in this regard). Overall, I'm putting in a solid 8+ hours per day, plus monitoring email over the weekend, vs. a variable 8-12 hours on a normal workday.
And I feel terrible about it. Like I'm getting away with something, and should be punished. Like, if I push this for a day or two longer, I'll deserve unpleasant meeting with my boss and/or HR, or that I should be fired, etc.
Do I also have a bad case of the Protestant work ethic, or should I be listening to my gut when it says that I'm violating very basic American workplace mores? I feel like we tend to give lip service to the idea that presenteeism is bad and you should stay home when you're sick, but in practice this means "stay home one, maybe three days in extreme cases, and then come back to work coughing and blowing your nose." (Who gets over even the common cold in one or two days? Whenever I have it, I'm symptomatic--and probably contagious--for a solid five to seven.)
I work in an office, and I've been out since last Thursday, so even though I've only been off for four business days it's really six calendar days so far. I've never taken this much time off at once in my life without advance notice (and, yes, I realize that I've been privileged with relative good health/youth in this regard).
I definitely have something once-every-five-years nasty, but I'm not, like, injured or hospitalization-worthy. I expect I'll be back on my feet in a few more days. I chose to take the time off rather than come to work sick as a privileged stand against presenteeism, and because I soldiered through sciatica last year without taking a single day off...which probably prolonged my discomfort for weeks or months. (And because my paid time off has been maxed out and no longer accruing for something like three years.)
A lot of my responsibilities are largely invisible except in their absence, and my workplace is somewhat old-fashioned in that it probably places an unnecessarily high value on butt-in-seat time (asking to work from home, which is essentially what I'm doing, would probably be unthinkable). Also, though it isn't a formal part of my job, there's a strong expectation that I'm "interruptible" for most of the day in case someone needs to ask me to do something, and, obviously, I'm not interruptible while I'm out.
However, I have been working diligently from home and have been available for conference calls, etc. Realistically I'm doing as much or more work than I would if I were physically present--I'm slower than normal because I feel crummy, take naps, etc. but this is balanced by the fact that I'm missing many of the "live" workplace interruptions that break my flow (I do realize that these things are also a legitimate part of my responsibilities, and that I'm failing to meet them in this regard). Overall, I'm putting in a solid 8+ hours per day, plus monitoring email over the weekend, vs. a variable 8-12 hours on a normal workday.
And I feel terrible about it. Like I'm getting away with something, and should be punished. Like, if I push this for a day or two longer, I'll deserve unpleasant meeting with my boss and/or HR, or that I should be fired, etc.
Do I also have a bad case of the Protestant work ethic, or should I be listening to my gut when it says that I'm violating very basic American workplace mores? I feel like we tend to give lip service to the idea that presenteeism is bad and you should stay home when you're sick, but in practice this means "stay home one, maybe three days in extreme cases, and then come back to work coughing and blowing your nose." (Who gets over even the common cold in one or two days? Whenever I have it, I'm symptomatic--and probably contagious--for a solid five to seven.)
You have nothing to feel bad about. If you are working from home while sick those aren’t even sick days. So you have doubly nothing to feel bad about. You are a human not a robot!
posted by machinecraig at 4:13 AM on October 20, 2017 [20 favorites]
posted by machinecraig at 4:13 AM on October 20, 2017 [20 favorites]
I think that if you're really ill you should rest until you've recovered. You will get better quicker that way and overall it is likely to be better all round, even in terms of delivering the work. You also have to take some account of the possibility that you might screw something up by working when your concentration and general mental state are impaired. You risk doing something that harms your employer or even your own career, or just harming your reputation by turning in sub-standard stuff that may be judged by people who don't even know you're unwell.
posted by Segundus at 4:33 AM on October 20, 2017 [5 favorites]
posted by Segundus at 4:33 AM on October 20, 2017 [5 favorites]
I am a manager (of salaried employees) in an American workplace and if an employee of mine came in while coughing and blowing their nose I would send them home immediately. If my employees worked at home the way you say you are, I wouldn't even think of them as being not-at-work.
Also, your vacation stopped accruing three years ago? Maybe you're so sick because your body has decided you need an effing break! Not only should you stay at home until you feel better, you should plan a vacation stat.
I don't know what kind of draconian workplace norms your office has, but no vacations in three years is a horrible way to live. If your office would really be upset about you staying home while sick or taking vacations, it's time to find another job! I promise, not every workplace is this way.
posted by woodvine at 4:39 AM on October 20, 2017 [29 favorites]
Also, your vacation stopped accruing three years ago? Maybe you're so sick because your body has decided you need an effing break! Not only should you stay at home until you feel better, you should plan a vacation stat.
I don't know what kind of draconian workplace norms your office has, but no vacations in three years is a horrible way to live. If your office would really be upset about you staying home while sick or taking vacations, it's time to find another job! I promise, not every workplace is this way.
posted by woodvine at 4:39 AM on October 20, 2017 [29 favorites]
Your sense of what's reasonable is indeed broken.
Staying home while sick is 100% reasonable. Working full-time while home sick is not really reasonable. Go have another nap instead!
posted by MangoNews at 4:49 AM on October 20, 2017 [18 favorites]
Staying home while sick is 100% reasonable. Working full-time while home sick is not really reasonable. Go have another nap instead!
posted by MangoNews at 4:49 AM on October 20, 2017 [18 favorites]
So you are using your sick time...to work all day? But at home? Honestly, I don't even think you should be using sick time for that - the company is getting eight hours of work out of you every day. (Also, srsly, you are interrupted so often that you routinely put in twelve hour days? Twelve hours? You are not being treated fairly at work if you're routinely working that kind of day.)
The point of sick time is not "work, just not while making others sick", it's "rest".
If you need a counter-guilt, consider this: labor activists did not fight and die so that you could be grateful for the privilege of teleconferencing while you have pneumonia.
posted by Frowner at 5:17 AM on October 20, 2017 [38 favorites]
The point of sick time is not "work, just not while making others sick", it's "rest".
If you need a counter-guilt, consider this: labor activists did not fight and die so that you could be grateful for the privilege of teleconferencing while you have pneumonia.
posted by Frowner at 5:17 AM on October 20, 2017 [38 favorites]
Do I also have a bad case of the Protestant work ethic?
For heaven's sake, yes. Go lie down. Turn off your damn phone. Ignore your email. Even God took a day off. Jesus took three after getting crucified. Just...just go take a nap, have a hot toddy or something. Being off sick four days over the course of literal years is fucking nothing.
posted by Jilder at 5:24 AM on October 20, 2017 [21 favorites]
For heaven's sake, yes. Go lie down. Turn off your damn phone. Ignore your email. Even God took a day off. Jesus took three after getting crucified. Just...just go take a nap, have a hot toddy or something. Being off sick four days over the course of literal years is fucking nothing.
posted by Jilder at 5:24 AM on October 20, 2017 [21 favorites]
It's not that nobody is ever going to expect someone to work with this kind of sick--but the whole weird workplace culture of doing that is responsible for getting a lot of people sick. Like me. Hi, I had to take two vacation days as sick time this week and I'm working from home today because I feel like I have the goddamn plague, because my (young and clearly not sure of himself) tech lead was trying to demonstrate his commitment to work by showing up ill, and I got a worse version of what he had.
I think the whole Protestant work ethic thing, though, is weird in a very specific way: Yes, there are probably people tsking over how they're pretty sure they'd still be in the office if they had what you have. But if you aren't doing it regularly, there's no practical consequences to it. It's just a thing people to use to feel smug, because people like getting to feel smug, especially about coworkers who are otherwise very responsible and competent.
I also think that some of us just catch cold/flu different than others. I'm definitely in the 5-7 day camp and when I cough, I cough practically nonstop even with cough drops. I'll sometimes get a really mild version, but my usual definition of a mild cold is that the coughing doesn't persist long enough to give me a serious problem with stress incontinence, which is, I will add, not something that troubles me at all at any other time. Some people clearly respond way better to Sudafed and Dayquil than others, too.
Which is all to say that if you're in a standard office environment, somebody probably does think less of you for this, right now, but they'll have forgotten it in another week. They'll also judge you for coughing too noisily, for blowing your nose anywhere they can hear you, and for anybody else who happens to get sick in the ensuing period even if you shouldn't be contagious anymore. Don't behave differently based on that. Do the right thing.
posted by Sequence at 5:26 AM on October 20, 2017 [2 favorites]
I think the whole Protestant work ethic thing, though, is weird in a very specific way: Yes, there are probably people tsking over how they're pretty sure they'd still be in the office if they had what you have. But if you aren't doing it regularly, there's no practical consequences to it. It's just a thing people to use to feel smug, because people like getting to feel smug, especially about coworkers who are otherwise very responsible and competent.
I also think that some of us just catch cold/flu different than others. I'm definitely in the 5-7 day camp and when I cough, I cough practically nonstop even with cough drops. I'll sometimes get a really mild version, but my usual definition of a mild cold is that the coughing doesn't persist long enough to give me a serious problem with stress incontinence, which is, I will add, not something that troubles me at all at any other time. Some people clearly respond way better to Sudafed and Dayquil than others, too.
Which is all to say that if you're in a standard office environment, somebody probably does think less of you for this, right now, but they'll have forgotten it in another week. They'll also judge you for coughing too noisily, for blowing your nose anywhere they can hear you, and for anybody else who happens to get sick in the ensuing period even if you shouldn't be contagious anymore. Don't behave differently based on that. Do the right thing.
posted by Sequence at 5:26 AM on October 20, 2017 [2 favorites]
I thought I was the only one who got that guilty feeling being out sick! My personal theory that it is somehow tied emotionally to once or twice in my youth when I faked being sick to get out of school (and then proceeded to feel guilty the whole day about it.)
To help me rationally think through it I remind myself that going into work sick is ABSOLUTELY NOT COOL. There is nothing more obnoxious than a coworker that gets the whole office sick. You're doing the right thing not only for your health - but you're preventing an outbreak at the office.
posted by KMoney at 5:43 AM on October 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
To help me rationally think through it I remind myself that going into work sick is ABSOLUTELY NOT COOL. There is nothing more obnoxious than a coworker that gets the whole office sick. You're doing the right thing not only for your health - but you're preventing an outbreak at the office.
posted by KMoney at 5:43 AM on October 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
From observing myself and my colleagues, I’d say a few one-day illnesses and one one-week illness per year are pretty typical sick day levels, and typical responsiveness is on the order of a half hour of emailing per day (but my expectation is always zero except if there is a dire emergency, which has happened once in 10 years of managing people.) I’d actually be concerned that your workplace would think you’re malingering because you’re doing too *much* work while ill. Sick days are days off for recovery; you’re delaying your recovery by working so hard from home (and also by not using your vacation time; my workplace audits management when their staff don’t use all their vacation time.)
posted by tchemgrrl at 5:44 AM on October 20, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by tchemgrrl at 5:44 AM on October 20, 2017 [4 favorites]
If you were my employee, I would tell you to stop working from home, rest, and recover. We'd also be talking about why you have so much unused accrued vacation, and what I could do to help you take more regular time off.
Please, rest!
posted by lazuli at 6:07 AM on October 20, 2017 [3 favorites]
Please, rest!
posted by lazuli at 6:07 AM on October 20, 2017 [3 favorites]
(I would also not allow you to count any of the days you've been working from home as "sick days," because you were working, not out sick.)
posted by lazuli at 6:08 AM on October 20, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by lazuli at 6:08 AM on October 20, 2017 [2 favorites]
Overall, I'm putting in a solid 8+ hours per day, plus monitoring email over the weekend, vs. a variable 8-12 hours on a normal workday.Jesus H Christ, Yes! Particularly given that YOU'RE WORKING FULL 8 HOUR DAYS WHILE SICK. I've been telecommuting for so long that the idea of a company culture that can't separate the concept of productivity from physical presence in the office hive has become completely alien to me. But... that's not even the issue here. As others have pointed out, you're not even using sick days for their intended purpose, which is to NOT WORK and rest and get better. It is an unhealthy work ethic.
...
Do I also have a bad case of the Protestant work ethic
And I feel terrible about it. Like I'm getting away with something, and should be punished. Like, if I push this for a day or two longer, I'll deserve unpleasant meeting with my boss and/or HR, or that I should be fired, etc.Whether or not you should feel guilty about being out of the office for a while due to legit illness (again: You shouldn't) is a separate consideration from your company's culture. If yours is the sort of workplace where employees get passive aggressive or even overt grief for taking time off despite being entitled to it, then you may indeed get some static from your boss/HR/whomever... but it won't be deserved, and it's not at all reasonable/healthy. If your anxiety about this is mostly prompted by your company's culture, then it's time to find a new company, because feeling guilty for "only" working 8 hours at home instead of 8-12 in the office because you're sick is not healthy.
posted by Funeral march of an old jawbone at 6:14 AM on October 20, 2017 [10 favorites]
For perspective: I work in mental healthcare for clients with severe mental illness (schizophrenia, etc) who also have major life-domain impairments (homelessness, etc). It's an intense job. I also live in Northern California in the middle of the giant fires, where tens of thousands of people were evacuated and thousands lost their homes. My staff and I are mandated disaster-relief workers, and most of my line staff has been working in emergency evacuation shelters for the last two weeks. In the meantime, our regular clients have all started having crises, understandably given the general anxiety and devastation right now, and we've had multiple psychiatric hospitalizations for people feeling suicidal or so disabled by their psychiatric conditions they couldn't take care of themselves.
So, we're doing jobs with literal life-or-death consequences, and working with people who need help on the survival level of shelter, food, etc.
I'm still telling employees to go home when sick, and to stop checking email when they're out sick. One employee was out Tuesday and Wednesday and I sent her home early yesterday, because she looked ghastly. One of our staff members has been on vacation for three and a half weeks and everyone's just covering his work, no resentment, because he deserves to be able to take time off.
We do this because it is vitally important that our staff be healthy and stable and grounded so that they can do the important work they do without burning out. The sheriff and fire chief have been on the radio lately saying the same thing --- they're forcing their people to take 24 hours off, in the middle of the worst disaster our county has seen, because they need people who are rested and healthy, and because healthy workplaces function as a team, where people fill in for others and have others fill in for them as needed.
I don't know from your description whether all the pressure you're feeling is internal or due to your workplace being a sick system, but it's not healthy, regardless. You're a human being, not a cog in your work machine. Please take care of yourself.
posted by lazuli at 6:21 AM on October 20, 2017 [18 favorites]
So, we're doing jobs with literal life-or-death consequences, and working with people who need help on the survival level of shelter, food, etc.
I'm still telling employees to go home when sick, and to stop checking email when they're out sick. One employee was out Tuesday and Wednesday and I sent her home early yesterday, because she looked ghastly. One of our staff members has been on vacation for three and a half weeks and everyone's just covering his work, no resentment, because he deserves to be able to take time off.
We do this because it is vitally important that our staff be healthy and stable and grounded so that they can do the important work they do without burning out. The sheriff and fire chief have been on the radio lately saying the same thing --- they're forcing their people to take 24 hours off, in the middle of the worst disaster our county has seen, because they need people who are rested and healthy, and because healthy workplaces function as a team, where people fill in for others and have others fill in for them as needed.
I don't know from your description whether all the pressure you're feeling is internal or due to your workplace being a sick system, but it's not healthy, regardless. You're a human being, not a cog in your work machine. Please take care of yourself.
posted by lazuli at 6:21 AM on October 20, 2017 [18 favorites]
Lots of good things have been said here so I won't repeat anything but this: if you're working nearly full days while sick at home, those aren't sick days. You're likely doing more during your sick time than your weakest/laziest colleague working in the office.
If your 'responsibilities are largely invisible except in their absence' maybe letting them be absent while you recover would force them to become more visible. Having other people not be able to cover everything you do while being completely interruptible for other tasks might make force your leadership to realize that what you're doing isn't a one-person job without that one person taking no time off and working themselves sick. Is the extra work you do appreciated or noted at all? The answer to that will tell you if they're just clueless/not paying attention versus willfully taking advantage of your overly-strong work ethic.
When you go back to work, chances are you won't be feeling 100%. You won't want to jump right back in to working 12-hour days. Maybe that unpleasant meeting does need to happen, because it would be an opportunity to tell someone with authority that you need help so you don't have to work 8-12 hour days for a 40-hour salary and work yourself to the point of burnout, anxiety, and illness.
Get rest this weekend and I hope you feel better soon. You'll put yourself in a better position to advocate for your needs when you are back at work.
posted by melissa at 7:18 AM on October 20, 2017 [2 favorites]
If your 'responsibilities are largely invisible except in their absence' maybe letting them be absent while you recover would force them to become more visible. Having other people not be able to cover everything you do while being completely interruptible for other tasks might make force your leadership to realize that what you're doing isn't a one-person job without that one person taking no time off and working themselves sick. Is the extra work you do appreciated or noted at all? The answer to that will tell you if they're just clueless/not paying attention versus willfully taking advantage of your overly-strong work ethic.
When you go back to work, chances are you won't be feeling 100%. You won't want to jump right back in to working 12-hour days. Maybe that unpleasant meeting does need to happen, because it would be an opportunity to tell someone with authority that you need help so you don't have to work 8-12 hour days for a 40-hour salary and work yourself to the point of burnout, anxiety, and illness.
Get rest this weekend and I hope you feel better soon. You'll put yourself in a better position to advocate for your needs when you are back at work.
posted by melissa at 7:18 AM on October 20, 2017 [2 favorites]
You keep saying you feel guilty for taking this much time off, and it's a privileged stand against presenteeism...except you aren't actually taking time off. You're still working eight hour days--you're just doing it from home so you don't get other people sick.
Your meter is broken for what's normal around taking sick days. It's possible your workplace's meter is broken too. But yours definitely is! You should be resting and recovering. Taking a sick day does not mean working from home!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 7:19 AM on October 20, 2017 [9 favorites]
Your meter is broken for what's normal around taking sick days. It's possible your workplace's meter is broken too. But yours definitely is! You should be resting and recovering. Taking a sick day does not mean working from home!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 7:19 AM on October 20, 2017 [9 favorites]
Also: where I work, I've witnessed people who refused to take time off when they were ill (not with anything contagious, so that wasn't the issue) and had to essentially be forced to take time off after a point. They thought they were doing everyone a favour by soldiering on, but the thing is, they couldn't see how their work was suffering. They ended up having to be off for longer than they would have if they'd just taken care of themselves in the first place because they pushed themselves to the point of crashing and burning, while hiding how burnt out they were getting.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 7:25 AM on October 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 7:25 AM on October 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
Please stop working while you're sick! I too tend to push through work when I'm not feeling well and I think it has exacerbated my health problems, just like what happened to you with sciatica. I would have kept soldiering through sickness and exhaustion forever, probably, but I wound up having to take 2 weeks off at once after a surgery and...nothing happened. My workplace totally survived without me (and didn't fire me, and were delighted when I came back). Yours will too.
posted by ferret branca at 7:54 AM on October 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by ferret branca at 7:54 AM on October 20, 2017 [1 favorite]
Where i live it is actually illegal to work from home while sick. I did it earlier this year and HR told me in no uncertain terms that by doing so i violated the insurance policy and my employer can be fined if the insurance found out.
I assume this is not the case where you live and work, but just wanted to bring another perspective.
posted by 15L06 at 9:08 AM on October 20, 2017
I assume this is not the case where you live and work, but just wanted to bring another perspective.
posted by 15L06 at 9:08 AM on October 20, 2017
I used to work in one of those jobs where 24/7 availability is the expectation, and while I might not have actually thrown the Blackberry across the room when I was ill, I certainly didn't work even half days, much less "full" (by normal human standards) ones. If I was sick enough not to be in the office, I was SICK. Emergency responses only. Felt zero guilt.
posted by praemunire at 10:27 AM on October 20, 2017
posted by praemunire at 10:27 AM on October 20, 2017
And because my paid time off has been maxed out and no longer accruing for something like three years.
This is no way to live! Take your vacations! And yes, stop working on your sick days. Your level of guilt about missing work yet not actually not working is bizarre.
posted by JenMarie at 11:09 AM on October 20, 2017
This is no way to live! Take your vacations! And yes, stop working on your sick days. Your level of guilt about missing work yet not actually not working is bizarre.
posted by JenMarie at 11:09 AM on October 20, 2017
Working like a dog even while sick is not a privileged stand against anything. If you are actually interested in helping to establish reasonable norms at your office, then do so. Would you tell a new hire that they were expected to be at the office every day forever or in the worst possible case, to work from home? (If so, god help everyone at your workplace, but I'm assuming that is an obviously outrageous statement.)
posted by the agents of KAOS at 11:44 AM on October 20, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by the agents of KAOS at 11:44 AM on October 20, 2017 [2 favorites]
I definitely have something once-every-five-years nasty, but I'm not, like, injured or hospitalization-worthy. I expect I'll be back on my feet in a few more days. I chose to take the time off rather than come to work sick as a privileged stand against presenteeism, and because I soldiered through sciatica last year without taking a single day off...which probably prolonged my discomfort for weeks or months. (And because my paid time off has been maxed out and no longer accruing for something like three years.)
Your sense of what's reasonable is completely skewed. Also, the fact that you've maxed out your PTO to the point you're no longer accruing means YOU NEED TO TAKE TIME OFF.
posted by Lexica at 4:38 PM on October 20, 2017
Your sense of what's reasonable is completely skewed. Also, the fact that you've maxed out your PTO to the point you're no longer accruing means YOU NEED TO TAKE TIME OFF.
posted by Lexica at 4:38 PM on October 20, 2017
One thing to consider is that at my work, if you take more than 5 sick days in a row, you have to go out on short term disability. Not sure if that's specific to my firm or a state rule or what. Might want to log at least one of the middle days as working (from home) rather than sick in order to reset the clock. Sounds like that's what you're doing anyway.
posted by valeries at 9:46 PM on October 20, 2017
posted by valeries at 9:46 PM on October 20, 2017
Don't work from home when you're sick, but not for the obvious reasons. If you're in an office that values presenteeism that much, working from home when sick is probably/possibly perceived as a way of circumventing the punishment you "deserve" for not being well. To a boss in a sick system like that, it looks like you're angling for special treatment. I know this sounds ridiculous, but in some environments, people want you to feel like you're very bad at being human if you do get sick, so it's best to pretend to play their game.
posted by blerghamot at 3:58 AM on October 21, 2017
posted by blerghamot at 3:58 AM on October 21, 2017
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