Montezombie
July 22, 2017 1:11 PM Subscribe
Help me feel good about sending my kid to a Montessori school next month.
Toddler peeps (almost 2) is very social, chatty little guy. He loves puzzles, books and climbing. And running around with other little kids :) He was supposed to graduate to the next room up at his current daycare, until I did a little visitation and saw the kids are unruly (one bit another, and two sibling fight viciously constantly) and the main teacher shouts at them. I learned it's called "baby fight club"... by the staff. So yeah that's not happening.
The only daycare available at short notice comes highly recommended by my colleague whose kids recently graduated from there. But it's Montessori. I thought great things about montessori until I actually had a kid and visited a few, and I don't like it. I like play based. The Montessori kids I saw are creepily well behaved in a children of the corn kinda way. It seems so restrictive. Like there's only one way to use a paintbrush. I'm on the wait list for a highly recommended play based daycare but they won't have space till spring.
I'm worried that Montessori will shut down my chatty social little guy. We're both engineers so I don't worry about the education bit, I want him to have social skills among a range of situations. I want him to learn by exploring toys. He's got a strong mechanical interest so I want him playing with trucks and gears and actual toys, not only educational toys. Imaginative play is so important. I'm worried this alone play will be boring and lonely for him. I'm worried they will shut down spontaneity of self expression and leave my kid not in touch with his feelings.
Many parents I talk to rave about Montessori but I just can't feel good about it. But this is the short term solution since there's no way he's doing baby fight club. Help me feel good about this? Thanks metafilter.
Toddler peeps (almost 2) is very social, chatty little guy. He loves puzzles, books and climbing. And running around with other little kids :) He was supposed to graduate to the next room up at his current daycare, until I did a little visitation and saw the kids are unruly (one bit another, and two sibling fight viciously constantly) and the main teacher shouts at them. I learned it's called "baby fight club"... by the staff. So yeah that's not happening.
The only daycare available at short notice comes highly recommended by my colleague whose kids recently graduated from there. But it's Montessori. I thought great things about montessori until I actually had a kid and visited a few, and I don't like it. I like play based. The Montessori kids I saw are creepily well behaved in a children of the corn kinda way. It seems so restrictive. Like there's only one way to use a paintbrush. I'm on the wait list for a highly recommended play based daycare but they won't have space till spring.
I'm worried that Montessori will shut down my chatty social little guy. We're both engineers so I don't worry about the education bit, I want him to have social skills among a range of situations. I want him to learn by exploring toys. He's got a strong mechanical interest so I want him playing with trucks and gears and actual toys, not only educational toys. Imaginative play is so important. I'm worried this alone play will be boring and lonely for him. I'm worried they will shut down spontaneity of self expression and leave my kid not in touch with his feelings.
Many parents I talk to rave about Montessori but I just can't feel good about it. But this is the short term solution since there's no way he's doing baby fight club. Help me feel good about this? Thanks metafilter.
Best answer: My friends who graduated from Montessori elementary (now young adults) are all, as rhizome said, really well-adjusted people. They also all speak fondly of the experience. But that said it’s a flavor of education you might not want, and it probably won’t hurt your kid to experience it and then go on to something else.
posted by tooloudinhere at 1:23 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by tooloudinhere at 1:23 PM on July 22, 2017
Best answer: I'm a creative. I sent my kid to a Montessori school through second grade because I liked it so much. They focused on development of the whole child including peaceful conflict resolution and independence. My kid did not become a zombie despite the strange quiet of the classroom during the work cycle ( which is probably what you observed). He's become a happy independent guy who seeks out learning and new experiences.
I did switch from a Montessori school that I hated because the administration was terrible at communicating and were clear that they didn't like parents.
My point is it's not the Montessori curriculum that makes a school right for your family, it's how the people within the school interact with you and your kid.
posted by songs_about_rainbows at 1:28 PM on July 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
I did switch from a Montessori school that I hated because the administration was terrible at communicating and were clear that they didn't like parents.
My point is it's not the Montessori curriculum that makes a school right for your family, it's how the people within the school interact with you and your kid.
posted by songs_about_rainbows at 1:28 PM on July 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
Best answer: 1. I know a number of young people who went to multiple different types of schools. Several of them went to what struck me as a genuinely dysfunctional one for a while. No single school seems to have set the mold - they weren't "ruined" by a bad one, or forever stamped by the mark of any single program. I think that eight months of Montessori, even for such a young child, are unlikely to permanently alter him - Montessori is basically okay, right? It's just not perfect for you.
2. A close relative went to Montessori school for his first years of school, formed lifelong friendships there and talks about it with nothing but fondness, also does not seem to be a "paintbrush is only used one way" type of person - quite the opposite.
3. Maybe think of this not as "am I ruining my little guy" but as "I made the best available choice for my child, and it's a good choice even if not the perfect one". And "lots of children go to Montessori schools, and there is no evidence that they become asocial zombies who can only hold a paintbrush one way".
Honestly, this sounds like it's more about your anxiety, based on a few visits to one school, than it is about existing evidence for Montessori programs. Maybe focus more on the "good enough" aspect here, particularly since he'll be moving to the "perfect choice" place in seven or eight months.
posted by Frowner at 1:29 PM on July 22, 2017 [15 favorites]
2. A close relative went to Montessori school for his first years of school, formed lifelong friendships there and talks about it with nothing but fondness, also does not seem to be a "paintbrush is only used one way" type of person - quite the opposite.
3. Maybe think of this not as "am I ruining my little guy" but as "I made the best available choice for my child, and it's a good choice even if not the perfect one". And "lots of children go to Montessori schools, and there is no evidence that they become asocial zombies who can only hold a paintbrush one way".
Honestly, this sounds like it's more about your anxiety, based on a few visits to one school, than it is about existing evidence for Montessori programs. Maybe focus more on the "good enough" aspect here, particularly since he'll be moving to the "perfect choice" place in seven or eight months.
posted by Frowner at 1:29 PM on July 22, 2017 [15 favorites]
Best answer: Montessori done well is actually very much in line with what we know about evidence-based, play based early education for kids. It's very child-led, kids are encouraged to be creative while at the same time being encouraged to develop self-regulation/executive skills at a developmentally appropriate level. I'm a pediatric neuropsychologist, so have some understanding of the cognitive side of things, and my daughter, who is chatty and happy and exuberant, is also attending a Montessori preschool part time. She adores it and has had no changes at all in her personality.
That being said, there is a wide range of how well Montessori is done. It is also not right for every child. I'd encourage you to give it a try, but if you have serious misgivings, your child might grok that and have misgivings as well.
posted by goggie at 1:31 PM on July 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
That being said, there is a wide range of how well Montessori is done. It is also not right for every child. I'd encourage you to give it a try, but if you have serious misgivings, your child might grok that and have misgivings as well.
posted by goggie at 1:31 PM on July 22, 2017 [6 favorites]
My child is chatty, social, and rambunctious and had a lovely time at her Montessori preschool, which did not squash her spirit in the slightest. The classroom was indeed quiet and orderly, and there was a lot of gentle guidance about how to interact with the various objects in the classroom, but in my experience there was plenty of both imaginative play and mechanical exploration. But of course every school is different and much depends on the teachers and how they interact with the children in their classroom.
posted by redfoxtail at 1:33 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by redfoxtail at 1:33 PM on July 22, 2017
Our very social, creative, and chatty kid just finished Montessori preschool. It ended up being great for him. The approach helped with his concentration, which was previously all over the place. They also had a lot of outdoor recess time where the kids run around like normal, crazy preschoolers.
posted by statsgirl at 1:36 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by statsgirl at 1:36 PM on July 22, 2017
Best answer: I went to a Montessori school when I was 3, and to be honest, I don't remember a lot. They had a cool puppet theatre and the teachers were very nice. I don't think it formed me much, neither for good nor bad. Life is long and it is impossible for a parent to control everything that happens in their child's life.
That said, kudos for taking him out of the "baby fight club", that could have been a very uncomfortable experience for him, and not one he needs.
posted by mumimor at 1:36 PM on July 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
That said, kudos for taking him out of the "baby fight club", that could have been a very uncomfortable experience for him, and not one he needs.
posted by mumimor at 1:36 PM on July 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
Best answer: My kid just turned two and goes to a toddler house associated with a Montessori preschool. I definitely don't get the impression that their teachers are especially controlling, though there are broad rules like "paint stays at the table," which I don't think is out of line with "play-based". My child is naturally quite reserved but there are others in their class who are much more like yours, and they're all fully supported. The kids are indeed generally capable of focused independent work (especially the older ones), but that's only one aspect of the day. (My kid's teachers have actually joked that the time they see the most of it is the beginning of lunch when everyone's tucking in.) There're certainly plenty of free play opportunities inside and out, and they do indeed have trucks and gears and puzzles and things like that, though the classroom is generally kept tidy enough that one might easily overlook them on a tour.
I'd be happy to provide more details privately if that would help.
posted by teremala at 1:54 PM on July 22, 2017
I'd be happy to provide more details privately if that would help.
posted by teremala at 1:54 PM on July 22, 2017
Best answer: I remember my Montessori experience with total fondness. What I remember loving about it was the amount of independence I got as a child to pursue my interests and explore. I wasn't stuck doing something that didn't interest me because that's what the rest of the class was doing. I think it helped instill in me an ability to be a self-directed learner and well organized.
But children are unique and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for others.
posted by brookeb at 1:54 PM on July 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
But children are unique and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for others.
posted by brookeb at 1:54 PM on July 22, 2017 [3 favorites]
Best answer: I remember Montessori preschool: pouring water, reading words, sitting in a circle, going outside... Nothing felt restrictive. They taught me how to read a clock...
posted by salvia at 2:15 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by salvia at 2:15 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I was a chatty, creative, cheerful kid and I went to a Montessori preschool. I stayed chatty, creative, and cheerful throughout. The teachers were especially kind and supportive of my interests. Try it, and if it's not a good fit, you can always move on.
posted by mochapickle at 2:43 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by mochapickle at 2:43 PM on July 22, 2017
we have sent our son to Montessori school since he turned one as it's the better of the only two options in our town. he's done fantastic and is still very much himself. he loves going there and we appreciate the more scheduled/structured environment as we rely heavily on routines and predictability at home.
posted by noloveforned at 2:45 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by noloveforned at 2:45 PM on July 22, 2017
Best answer: I went to Montessori school through second grade and it was the best time of my (educational) life. Two of my formative memories from those years are:
1) Constructing an elaborate ongoing play scenario around the idea that tree roots in the ground in back of the school were dinosaur bones. This fantasy involved the archeological participation of basically the whole 2nd-grade class and the teachers never once pointed out that they were tree roots (I only realized this much later in life).
2) Writing plays that my classmates acted out -- I remember that this was not explicitly on the menu for what we were supposed to be doing on any given day, but we had plenty of time/space for it.
I mean, there was definitely a lot of emphasis on "this is the time for this, later is the time for that, this is how you put away the blocks" but for me, this definitely did not equate to any kind of "children of the corn" weird discipline, discouragement of normal kid play, or alienation from feelings. Exactly the contrary! I mean I can't vouch for this particular school but I definitely would not have any of these concerns based on my own experience. I hope your kid loves it as much as I did!
posted by Owl of Athena at 3:20 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
1) Constructing an elaborate ongoing play scenario around the idea that tree roots in the ground in back of the school were dinosaur bones. This fantasy involved the archeological participation of basically the whole 2nd-grade class and the teachers never once pointed out that they were tree roots (I only realized this much later in life).
2) Writing plays that my classmates acted out -- I remember that this was not explicitly on the menu for what we were supposed to be doing on any given day, but we had plenty of time/space for it.
I mean, there was definitely a lot of emphasis on "this is the time for this, later is the time for that, this is how you put away the blocks" but for me, this definitely did not equate to any kind of "children of the corn" weird discipline, discouragement of normal kid play, or alienation from feelings. Exactly the contrary! I mean I can't vouch for this particular school but I definitely would not have any of these concerns based on my own experience. I hope your kid loves it as much as I did!
posted by Owl of Athena at 3:20 PM on July 22, 2017 [2 favorites]
I just spent ten days with my granddaughters ages 5 and 8 and they love their Montessori school. Of course I might be biased but they're both charming lively creative kids.
posted by mareli at 4:16 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by mareli at 4:16 PM on July 22, 2017
Best answer: There are flavors of Montessori; there's the international tradition (cooler and more art-based) and what seems to me the US children of the corn method. There's a question about this in my history, but it is anecdotal.
If you get a children of the corn feeling about a school, don't send your kid there. It's a real thing. My kid went to one international tradition and one US tradition and the US tradition was...regrettable. Think wire mothers. That said, anyone can declare themselves Montessori or blather about one tradition or another--it's not a guarantee of integrity or of stifling failure. You really need to trust your instincts and go look.
I could write an essay about my whole social class theory about Montessori and parental peer pressure and all, but really, trust your judgement and don't send your kid to zombie school. There might be a great Montessori school in your community, it's possible that one simply wasn't it. There might also be a delightful community school nearby that would be half as expensive.
Try not to let your better instincts get overrun by parental anxiety: mine absolutely did and I do not think I thought straight on the topic.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 5:00 PM on July 22, 2017
If you get a children of the corn feeling about a school, don't send your kid there. It's a real thing. My kid went to one international tradition and one US tradition and the US tradition was...regrettable. Think wire mothers. That said, anyone can declare themselves Montessori or blather about one tradition or another--it's not a guarantee of integrity or of stifling failure. You really need to trust your instincts and go look.
I could write an essay about my whole social class theory about Montessori and parental peer pressure and all, but really, trust your judgement and don't send your kid to zombie school. There might be a great Montessori school in your community, it's possible that one simply wasn't it. There might also be a delightful community school nearby that would be half as expensive.
Try not to let your better instincts get overrun by parental anxiety: mine absolutely did and I do not think I thought straight on the topic.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 5:00 PM on July 22, 2017
Best answer: Oh shit, St Peeps, I didn't read the question well enough--you're in at this point.
It is okay. No lasting damage will be done and the odds are extremely good that kiddo will have a perfectly fine time. Reach out to the administrators, talk to the teachers, be visible--that is one of the things that lets people know you are watching, you care, and you have preferences--be communicative about the stuff.
I'm really sorry I missed the part of 'just wanting to feel better about this thing' aspect. My apologies.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 5:32 PM on July 22, 2017
It is okay. No lasting damage will be done and the odds are extremely good that kiddo will have a perfectly fine time. Reach out to the administrators, talk to the teachers, be visible--that is one of the things that lets people know you are watching, you care, and you have preferences--be communicative about the stuff.
I'm really sorry I missed the part of 'just wanting to feel better about this thing' aspect. My apologies.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 5:32 PM on July 22, 2017
Best answer: All the kids I know who went to Montessori for elementary school and daycare are smart, engaged, well-adjusted and social. In fact, I just saw two of them today--one is 26, a bright engineer with a lovely girlfriend, very at ease socially and able to carry on a great conversation. The other is a chatty, social, artistic young woman who has just graduated from high school with top honours and is going to be going to university in September to do pre-med. Another one we know is in law school, very social justice oriented, bright and happy.
Regardless, a few months in this particular school till you can get your little guy in the one you want will not wreck him or make him into a zombie. I don't think a quiet classroom at certain times is necessarily a bad thing--even chatty, social kids need down time and an opportunity to hear themselves think. And "there's one way to hold the paintbrush" is definitely not the norm at Montessori schools, though I am sure certain schools may be that way depending on the staff and administration. But it's not the intention nor the practice of most Montessori schools.
No matter what, this is going to be WAY WAY better than "baby fight club" (eek).
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:19 PM on July 22, 2017
Regardless, a few months in this particular school till you can get your little guy in the one you want will not wreck him or make him into a zombie. I don't think a quiet classroom at certain times is necessarily a bad thing--even chatty, social kids need down time and an opportunity to hear themselves think. And "there's one way to hold the paintbrush" is definitely not the norm at Montessori schools, though I am sure certain schools may be that way depending on the staff and administration. But it's not the intention nor the practice of most Montessori schools.
No matter what, this is going to be WAY WAY better than "baby fight club" (eek).
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:19 PM on July 22, 2017
Just to counter the people singing the praises of Montessori schools, my brother went to one briefly one summer and hated it. There are few things that he speaks about with the same level of revulsion, even as an adult. However, it didn't hurt him. You're not going to do your kid irreparable damage by sending him to the Montessori school for eight months, even if he hates it. Yeah, you don't want your kid to hate day care or school, but it sounds more likely he'll hate the alternative (my brother is something of an outlier among people with Montessori experience after all).
posted by hoyland at 6:34 PM on July 22, 2017
posted by hoyland at 6:34 PM on July 22, 2017
I went to 3 years of Montessori preschool and 3 years of Montessori middle school. I am still friends with many people from both eras and most of them are the POLAR OPPOSITE of zombies. Freethinkers, iconoclasts, rabble-rousers, all that. I was actually not even aware of the children-of-the-corn worry/stereotype. In my world, hippie-running-naked-through-the-woods is the governing stereotype.
posted by 8603 at 7:07 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by 8603 at 7:07 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]
Both of my kids have to an amazing Montessori that has enriched our whole family. Montessori schools do vary a lot because the name's up for grabs but ours is very much an international, warm, caring school. I am super sad my youngest is leaving it. My kids are very different personalities and thrived for different reasons. My older son needed the quieter, focused work (experiential personalized learning) to get some space to be confident and my younger needed help to learn to slow down.
It is still all about the staff I think but I have become a fan of the Montessori approach. Happy to bubble in memail.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:16 PM on July 22, 2017
It is still all about the staff I think but I have become a fan of the Montessori approach. Happy to bubble in memail.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:16 PM on July 22, 2017
Best answer: I love our Montessori school. It's really helped my two kids so much with their independence and confidence. A well-managed Montessori classroom is quiet because the children are focused on what they are doing - because they get to do things they enjoy.
One thing that may comfort you - a big part of (our) Montessori experience is the mixed age classroom. They put a range of ages together for many reasons and one of those reasons is fostering compassion. In my experience, it was a big deal for the big kids when a younger kid joined the classroom, and they loved to help and 'work' with them. I expect he will be spoiled rotten by some 5 year old girls for at least the first month.
In terms of social stuff, Montessori is exceptionally good at that because of the age range thing and because group work is encouraged so strongly.
posted by bq at 11:00 PM on July 22, 2017
One thing that may comfort you - a big part of (our) Montessori experience is the mixed age classroom. They put a range of ages together for many reasons and one of those reasons is fostering compassion. In my experience, it was a big deal for the big kids when a younger kid joined the classroom, and they loved to help and 'work' with them. I expect he will be spoiled rotten by some 5 year old girls for at least the first month.
In terms of social stuff, Montessori is exceptionally good at that because of the age range thing and because group work is encouraged so strongly.
posted by bq at 11:00 PM on July 22, 2017
Beware though. Every school in my neighborhood labels itself as Montessori but very few are actually Montessori strictly.
If you like the school, go for it.
posted by k8t at 9:24 AM on July 23, 2017
If you like the school, go for it.
posted by k8t at 9:24 AM on July 23, 2017
Best answer: Like all preschools, it really, really depends on the people running the school. Montessori is a philosophical and educational framework for viewing child development and a series of best practices (within that framework), but the way that framework and practice gets put into place varies a lot. Some Montessori schools are very prescriptive; some are basically just play-based schools with some Montessori equipment and mixed ages; most are in between.
If your friend loved their experience and if you don't see any red flags on a visit to the school and the teachers seem like sane people who treat the kids with kindness, I think you'll be fine. I will say that I went to a Catholic Montessori school as a tot from a nonreligious family and still remember the experience very very fondly, and my father's wife (who I met as an adult) is actually a Montessori teacher and she is nothing short of amazing with kids. My husband won the other hand ent to a different one (in a different city) and hated the nun who was his teacher so much that his mom pulled him out of school. But! We are both well adjusted people with intellectually demanding careers and active social lives, so I think it's unlikely that you'll do any permanent harm, especially when the alternative is baby fight club.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 9:43 AM on July 23, 2017
If your friend loved their experience and if you don't see any red flags on a visit to the school and the teachers seem like sane people who treat the kids with kindness, I think you'll be fine. I will say that I went to a Catholic Montessori school as a tot from a nonreligious family and still remember the experience very very fondly, and my father's wife (who I met as an adult) is actually a Montessori teacher and she is nothing short of amazing with kids. My husband won the other hand ent to a different one (in a different city) and hated the nun who was his teacher so much that his mom pulled him out of school. But! We are both well adjusted people with intellectually demanding careers and active social lives, so I think it's unlikely that you'll do any permanent harm, especially when the alternative is baby fight club.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 9:43 AM on July 23, 2017
Response by poster: Thanks for pulling out some solids everyone. I'm still pretty anxious but I'm getting that I'm worried about the quality of the interaction from the teachers, not the Montessori aspect so much which I think he could handle for 8 months. So I need to focus on the transition - have more visitations with my son to get a pulse (dad took him to the first one) and if I get the wire mother sense then forget it. But also not to transmit my anxiety onto my kid, who might otherwise enjoy the experience as I can tell he's uber bored in the toddler room right now and from dad's report, started playing with the "toys" right away when he did the Montessori visitation. It's such a challenge working full time and finding quality child care!
A terrible llama - you did scare me but if I'm walking into something bad I want to know that too, and what to look out for. But maybe I need to keep looking. I don't like something I don't feel 100% about. We toured all the daycares in the area when we first moved here and asked for all the references from other parents, so the pool is low to choose from aside from the play based one that we're on the wait list for but maybe I do need to look again, at least for the peace of mind that it's the best option I could find.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:50 AM on July 23, 2017
A terrible llama - you did scare me but if I'm walking into something bad I want to know that too, and what to look out for. But maybe I need to keep looking. I don't like something I don't feel 100% about. We toured all the daycares in the area when we first moved here and asked for all the references from other parents, so the pool is low to choose from aside from the play based one that we're on the wait list for but maybe I do need to look again, at least for the peace of mind that it's the best option I could find.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:50 AM on July 23, 2017
Best answer: I looked at as many different Montessori preschools as I could, which was maybe 4 in my area. One had room but I didn't like it; others were too expensive. Put my kid on the waiting list for the one I liked best and a space opened up and it was literally my kid's favourite educational experience in her entire life. She was there from age 3 through Kindergarten. She taught herself to read when she was 4 but I didn't know; she read secretly (!) at home in her room. We discovered what was going on at a parent-teacher conference when the teachers said we must be very proud of her, and my husband and I were like, "Yes, indeed. Um, do you mean anything specifically?" It turned out that thanks to all the reading we did to her plus the reading at the preschool, plus her freedom to explore things that interested her, she became an early reader. Which was kind of a problem for the school because other parents would notice her reading and ask when their kids would start reading and the teachers would be like, um, it's up to them.
But my kid could have had the best educational experience of her life at a non-Montessori preschool. It really does, as noted above, depend on the school. And as also noted above, kids are resilient. As parents, we want to be perfect and to give our kids the absolute best thing in any given situation. And we can't. The nature of our world and life itself make that impossible. So yes, follow the advice above and reframe this issue. You are rescuing your little one from Baby Fight Club; you can move him elsewhere when there's a more appropriate elsewhere. Congratulate yourself on recognising the actual danger that you've noticed and moving him to a better place for now; don't beat yourself because there isn't a perfect place at the moment. There will never be a perfect place but there will probably be a better place soon. So cut yourself some slack and breathe. It's going to be okay.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:20 PM on July 23, 2017
But my kid could have had the best educational experience of her life at a non-Montessori preschool. It really does, as noted above, depend on the school. And as also noted above, kids are resilient. As parents, we want to be perfect and to give our kids the absolute best thing in any given situation. And we can't. The nature of our world and life itself make that impossible. So yes, follow the advice above and reframe this issue. You are rescuing your little one from Baby Fight Club; you can move him elsewhere when there's a more appropriate elsewhere. Congratulate yourself on recognising the actual danger that you've noticed and moving him to a better place for now; don't beat yourself because there isn't a perfect place at the moment. There will never be a perfect place but there will probably be a better place soon. So cut yourself some slack and breathe. It's going to be okay.
posted by Bella Donna at 3:20 PM on July 23, 2017
Best answer: I know there are Montessori schools out there that are restrictive/oppressive, but our family definitely didn't have that experience. My son started at 20 months in a Montessori school and just finished his 2nd year. On the one hand he is a very self-controlled, relatively introverted, gentle, sensitive boy with an extremely long attention span who can indeed sit for an hour and do a Montessori beading activity. In many ways he is a model student. On the other hand, dig down a little and you'll find he has a will of IRON and absolutely will not be controlled by others against his will - he INSISTS on autonomy. His teachers - bless them - understood his need for total integrity and refusal to be controlled and were happy to view it as ultimately a useful and beneficial personality trait, even in line with Montessori principles. He didn't clash with them much, but on the occasions when the class rules or schedule seemed unfair or unjust to him, they were very patient with his fiery resistance and willing to talk with him endlessly to come to an agreement.
They were also very willing to work with the ways in which he developed unevenly. For example, they were give him very advanced vocabulary/literacy work when he was a 2yo sounding out words, but they didn't push him as a 3yo who refused to hold a crayon in any way except with a fist.
When I visited the classroom, I found it was usually quite quiet, with children very busy and engaged in their work, and amazingly able to handle the setup, cleanup and transitions on their own. The kids were amazingly focused. But don't let that fool you into thinking they've become sad little creatures - it's a different story at music time or during the 90 minutes of outdoor time they got every day. There was also a separate Gross Motor area for kids who wanted to let off steam, so if they didn't want to work quietly they could go there instead. There was LOTS of rowdy noisy play and running around. The kids played plenty of pretend games amongst themselves and the teachers never tried to stop them - sure, dress-up isn't in the curriculum but they're not going to stamp out imagination, you know?
posted by Cygnet at 9:17 AM on July 24, 2017
They were also very willing to work with the ways in which he developed unevenly. For example, they were give him very advanced vocabulary/literacy work when he was a 2yo sounding out words, but they didn't push him as a 3yo who refused to hold a crayon in any way except with a fist.
When I visited the classroom, I found it was usually quite quiet, with children very busy and engaged in their work, and amazingly able to handle the setup, cleanup and transitions on their own. The kids were amazingly focused. But don't let that fool you into thinking they've become sad little creatures - it's a different story at music time or during the 90 minutes of outdoor time they got every day. There was also a separate Gross Motor area for kids who wanted to let off steam, so if they didn't want to work quietly they could go there instead. There was LOTS of rowdy noisy play and running around. The kids played plenty of pretend games amongst themselves and the teachers never tried to stop them - sure, dress-up isn't in the curriculum but they're not going to stamp out imagination, you know?
posted by Cygnet at 9:17 AM on July 24, 2017
Best answer: Wow, St. Peepsburg, this is a wonderfully timed post. Our 2.5-year-old starts at a local "Montessori-inspired" school next month, and we're quite optimistic about it. We toured a "pure" Montessori school that's only a 10-minute walk from our house as well, but I just wasn't feeling it — there seemed to be just a bit of that "children of the corn" vibe, but more problematic, I just got a cold feeling from the staff there. I don't think that has anything to do with Montessori schools in general; I chalk it up to this particular one just not being right for us.
By contrast, the "Montessori-inspired" one 1.2 miles from our house (and thus, walkable on a pleasant day) is just bursting with warm fuzzies from the moment you walk in the door. Where the "orthodox" Montessori in our neighborhood comes across to me as a lot more rigid and by-the-book, I get the sense that the one we ultimately went with takes the bulk of the Montessori method and then brings it into a 21st-century urban, multicultural setting (we're in downtown Baltimore). They do a semi-immersion in your choice of Spanish or Mandarin, and for the pre-primary school (for those aged 2-3 years), they do 100% immersion. That struck me and Mrs. Sense as pretty radical, but we've been reassured repeatedly that young children take to it quite well. Indeed, when we toured the school and saw two- and three-year olds singing and being instructed by their teachers in Mandarin or Spanish, with NO English whatsoever — all the while being incredibly cheerful in the way only 2- and 3-year-olds genuinely can be — I was sold.
Basically, I think TNCS (the school where our little one's going) is actually more in the spirit of classic Montessori than the "real" Montessori school we visited. Again, for us, it was the visits to the school that did it. (Also, any school that actively encourages you to visit — as this one does — is clearly confident that it's doing the right thing.) There's just such an air of unbridled joy and passion for learning at the place. And yeah, it's pretty hippy-dippy (Columbus Day is Native American People's Day on the school calendar, which wins them a ton of bonus points in my book), but I tend to think learning, like reality, has a liberal bias anyway.
So I'm rambling, I guess, but tl;dr: Thanks for the post, because we're in the same boat as you, and are looking forward to seeing how this all turns out as well!
posted by CommonSense at 8:12 PM on July 24, 2017
By contrast, the "Montessori-inspired" one 1.2 miles from our house (and thus, walkable on a pleasant day) is just bursting with warm fuzzies from the moment you walk in the door. Where the "orthodox" Montessori in our neighborhood comes across to me as a lot more rigid and by-the-book, I get the sense that the one we ultimately went with takes the bulk of the Montessori method and then brings it into a 21st-century urban, multicultural setting (we're in downtown Baltimore). They do a semi-immersion in your choice of Spanish or Mandarin, and for the pre-primary school (for those aged 2-3 years), they do 100% immersion. That struck me and Mrs. Sense as pretty radical, but we've been reassured repeatedly that young children take to it quite well. Indeed, when we toured the school and saw two- and three-year olds singing and being instructed by their teachers in Mandarin or Spanish, with NO English whatsoever — all the while being incredibly cheerful in the way only 2- and 3-year-olds genuinely can be — I was sold.
Basically, I think TNCS (the school where our little one's going) is actually more in the spirit of classic Montessori than the "real" Montessori school we visited. Again, for us, it was the visits to the school that did it. (Also, any school that actively encourages you to visit — as this one does — is clearly confident that it's doing the right thing.) There's just such an air of unbridled joy and passion for learning at the place. And yeah, it's pretty hippy-dippy (Columbus Day is Native American People's Day on the school calendar, which wins them a ton of bonus points in my book), but I tend to think learning, like reality, has a liberal bias anyway.
So I'm rambling, I guess, but tl;dr: Thanks for the post, because we're in the same boat as you, and are looking forward to seeing how this all turns out as well!
posted by CommonSense at 8:12 PM on July 24, 2017
Response by poster: Specific request for a follow up, so here it is:
The daycare is OK but I'm still not sold on the Montessori method, my son doesn't seem too happy with the materials / working on his own. He just doesn't seem as outgoing and happy to see the other kids as he was at the last daycare. And (specific to this school) there is one teacher who isn't terribly empathetic - I heard her using the word "crybaby"! I will transfer my son to the other place once a space opens up in the spring.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:26 PM on October 18, 2017
The daycare is OK but I'm still not sold on the Montessori method, my son doesn't seem too happy with the materials / working on his own. He just doesn't seem as outgoing and happy to see the other kids as he was at the last daycare. And (specific to this school) there is one teacher who isn't terribly empathetic - I heard her using the word "crybaby"! I will transfer my son to the other place once a space opens up in the spring.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:26 PM on October 18, 2017
Response by poster: Follow up #2: on a whim I called the other place and they just happened to have a spot open up! My son has been there 2 weeks and it suits his temperament much better. The Montessori teacher had remarked that even after over 2 months there my son hadn't opened up and wasn't really exploring; at the play based one I can see already he's very comfortable with the staff and more physically confident on the playground and in the room. So ultimately the best solution for my family and my son's personality was play based.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 10:59 PM on November 25, 2017 [4 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 10:59 PM on November 25, 2017 [4 favorites]
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posted by rhizome at 1:19 PM on July 22, 2017 [1 favorite]