I kid you not.

January 17, 2006 8:50 AM

MunchkinFilter: Suggestions on finding single women who don't want any children?

Is there an easier way to find single (specifically-)Christian hotties firmly uninterested in having children, and/or how does one even go about asking this inoffensively? There should be some site that lists only singles who prefer to remain sans mini-them. (btw, 28/m/N.Texas)

If you're not sure, at least offer me some puns about not having kids. "Progenitor? I hardly knew her!"

posted by vanoakenfold to Human Relations (21 answers total)

On the dating sites I use, it's possible to search specifically for women with these qualities. I'd say you'd find more of these women at a high traffic generalist web site such as Lava Life than at a niche site.
posted by orange swan at 8:54 AM on January 17, 2006

Be warned, many women as they grow older change their mind on that topic. I myself did NOT want any children whatsoever then about a year before I met my husband I drastically changed my mind on the topic. Even I was shocked at the turnaround.

I do suggest you look for women at least the same age as you if not older. Since you are looking for Christian women it might be better if you look for those unable to have children as many of us Christians consider it a biblical mandate to reproduce. (Not all, but I would say most.)
posted by konolia at 8:55 AM on January 17, 2006

Response by poster: I have encountered many that consider it a biblical thing also -- any idea where that might come from exactly?

I've got plenty of sound sensible reasons not to :-)
posted by vanoakenfold at 9:03 AM on January 17, 2006

Just for the record, I wouldn't say most Christians consider it a biblical mandate to reproduce, but most Christian young women I've known want chilren.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:03 AM on January 17, 2006 [1 favorite]

Sorry, got posted too fast. Anyway, to answer your question- well, how does anyone find anyone? You just go out, meet people, figure out how to make things work. That being said, MySpace has spaces for religious beliefs and whether or not you want children.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:05 AM on January 17, 2006 [1 favorite]

So does Match.com ... I think almost every dating site does. Maybe try eHarmony since I think it tries to match people w/ common belief systems & values.
posted by catfood at 9:16 AM on January 17, 2006

vanoakenfold writes "I have encountered many that consider it a biblical thing also -- any idea where that might come from exactly?"

"And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth." Genesis 1:28
posted by chiababe at 9:25 AM on January 17, 2006

Posting on AskMe should scare some out of the woodwork. I qualify.

But I think you may want to be more specific about the denomination. Southern Baptists and UCC Congregationalists are probably not going to get along too well, for example.

I'd suggest searching through a Christian dating site, especially if there's one for your denomination. Obviously, make sure there's no "be fruitful and multiply" in girls' profiles, and then after a message or two, ask what she's looking for or what her plans are. I think most people will be quick to pick up on what you mean.
posted by booksandlibretti at 9:27 AM on January 17, 2006

Try to keep in mind that people change their minds. Often. You may go into a relationship with an "agreement," only to find that a year later, the playing field has changed.

If you really, really don't want children, ever, consider a vasectomy.
posted by frogan at 9:31 AM on January 17, 2006

Women who don't want children exist, I'm another one. My husband was ambivalent on the issue until we got together, and now he's firmly childfree as well. You might see if there's a chapter of the group No Kidding in your area. http://nokidding.net/ If you find someone through a dating website, I'd bring up the no children thing pretty fast, just to be sure.
posted by mabelcolby at 9:37 AM on January 17, 2006

Along the vasectomy lines, you can also look for women who are unable to bear children because of illness or because they have aged out of the capability.
posted by alms at 9:43 AM on January 17, 2006

Add me to the women-who-don't-want-children club. (Except I'm Jewish so I don't meet the other criteria. ; )) The No Kidding suggestion is a good one. There are also some childfree communities online, although some are rather militant. : )

It is definitely something to bring up early in the relationship - though not on the first date!
posted by SisterHavana at 9:54 AM on January 17, 2006

Bring it up early, but as others have mentioned.. be prepared for the original answer to change. It doesn't happen all the time, but in my experience 2/3 women I've dated who originally were not interested in having children/getting married etc. changed their minds as the relationship progressed.

With that in mind, it is a lot like other ideological differences in relationships. Some are insurmountable and some are not. In some instances, wanting to have children/get married does not necessarily mean that the relationship is doomed. Try to keep an open mind when meeting someone not filtered through an personal questionnaire and just be honest.

As frogan said, get a vasectomy. That will inevitably weed anyone (quickly) who may still be sitting on the fence about this particular issue.
posted by purephase at 10:15 AM on January 17, 2006

Along the vasectomy lines, you can also look for women who are unable to bear children because of illness or because they have aged out of the capability.

No you shouldn't. A notable percentage of those will be open to adoption, in which case you'll have a double-ding of someone who wants kids and may want to spend a lot of money to get a foreign baby (since adoptable infants in the US, where you are, are very hard to come by).
posted by phearlez at 10:25 AM on January 17, 2006 [1 favorite]

You need to decide what "Christian" means to you in this context -- how flexible or broad of a definition are you using? Because I have a few friends who are loosely "Christian" but not, for example, necessarily church-going.
posted by Medieval Maven at 10:32 AM on January 17, 2006

Response by poster: I've started an indepent site/blog about just such a search, although it has not launched yet. Still working on a dealbreaker section, that includes the no-kid aspect (and why) and a few others, trying to keep that list as small as possible.

chiababe: God also told Adam he had to work the ground for food, but are we all farmers? It depends on to whom the statements were made, not just that it's a verse :-D

DragonBoy: a convent doesn't have singles, they're taken.

books&libretti: I attend Baptist services, but don't particularly subscribe to any creeds except Christ's merit as the basis for my righteousness. And I have a BA in English ;-D

mabelcolby: Thanks for the link -- that is AWESOME.

RE v-word posts: a snippety snip appointment is already in the works. My reasons and convictions of remaining kidless, I anticipate, far outclass any future delusion ;-P
posted by vanoakenfold at 10:47 AM on January 17, 2006

Is it not difficult for a single, childless man to find a doc who will perform a vasectomy? A good friend of mine has had difficulty finding one.
posted by TeamBilly at 10:55 AM on January 17, 2006

teambilly: I had no problems finding one. I had a vasectomy several years ago and have never regretted it. The only thing is, women *know* that I can not and DO NOT want to have kids - but if they want kids, they always mention adoption. Not only do I not want to have kids, I also don't want spend thousands of dollars to basically buy a child.

I have always found that finding women that don't want to have children is very very difficult, but I imagine that it gets a bit easier once you get a bit older. The younger ones are waaay to eager to pop out spawn.
posted by drstein at 11:15 AM on January 17, 2006

TeamBilly writes "Is it not difficult for a single, childless man to find a doc who will perform a vasectomy? A good friend of mine has had difficulty finding one."

I've never had a problem. The only issue I've faced is the women I've dated originally being cool with the idea and then changing their minds once the appointment has been set. I'm 27 and I first tried when I was 23.
posted by purephase at 11:28 AM on January 17, 2006

You may find a woman who definitely doesn't want kids until she does. It's not uncommon for a childless woman to hit 35 or so and then REALLY want kids as time is running out, even if she adamantly did not want kids before. Just something to maybe be prepared for.
posted by 6550 at 11:47 AM on January 17, 2006

Hello, my name is phrontist and I'm from The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.

While you may be convinced (and good on you for it!) that page should address any logical inconsistencies you're bride to be may offer.

The "biological clock" stuff doesn't, to my knowledge, have any basis. I can't help but think it's more like "I'll be damned, that childless stuff sounded cool before, but now I realized I actually have to decide whether I want to be permanently childless, bucking the expectations society puts on women, a decision that will haunt me for the rest of my life".

IANAWoman
posted by phrontist at 4:21 PM on January 17, 2006