Am I doomed to be a doormat forever?
June 17, 2009 12:24 PM Subscribe
Are relationships a zero sum game? Is there such a thing as a happy compromise?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (28 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a 30 year old male. Last year, I got out of an engagement. I thought I loved this girl, and was willing to do what it took. The main issue we had was with religion. She's Catholic, and I'm not. I first agreed that our kids were going to be Catholic. I don't care much about religion, so I agreed because it was important to her. It was a slippery slope from there. I finally put my foot down when she tried to make me go to church with her and any future kids. When I told her that I felt like I was the one compromising, she said, "I'm not sure I'm ready to compromise."
Before that, I was in another long term relationship. My GF was very passive aggressive and manipulative. Whenever I disagreed with her view, she would pout or try to get me to go along with her way of doing things. Again, I felt like I was doing all the compromising to make our relationship a happy one.
I've recently been thinking that maybe relationships are zero sum, in that there has to be a winner and a loser in every interaction. That's what I've known, and being willing to work things out seems to have caused nothing but heartbreak and resentment on my part.
To all the MeFi'ers out there, I ask you this: What have I been doing wrong in my relationships? Are all my exes just crazy or is there something I'm not doing correctly?
I'd like this to remain anonymous because I'm interested in a girl who reads MeFi and I don't want her to get wind of this issue.
I've set up a throwaway e-mail at weirdrelations at gmail dot com for follow ups.