Having a crush on your doctor
January 13, 2006 1:08 PM   Subscribe

What do you do if you have a big crush on your doctor? Assuming there are no complications such as marriages and they're not treating you for any illnesses. Anything? Nothing? Just keep your crush to yourself and go on with life? Or cross that line?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (17 answers total)
I'd probably ask them if they were interested, and if so, find a new doctor. They can't ethically date you and keep you as a patient.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:26 PM on January 13, 2006

What jacquilynne said - with the added remark that you'll regret it forever, and be annoyed by the tension forever, if you don't take a shot at it.

You may have to find another doctor, but when all is said and done you'll be happier with yourself if you take the chance, even in the worst case scenario that s/he isn't interested.

Good luck!!
posted by twiggy at 1:39 PM on January 13, 2006

It could be very cute, actually.

"I'd like to find another doctor."
"Because I've got a crush on you. Would you like to grab lunch sometime?"
posted by By The Grace of God at 1:48 PM on January 13, 2006

If it's not incredibly inconvenient, you may even consider switching to a different doctor first, just to get it out of the way (and because depending on the situation, going to the doctor afterwards if he wasn't interested could be slightly awkward). Good luck!
posted by fvw at 1:49 PM on January 13, 2006

Yeah, I'd say you really shouldn't be going to a doctor you have a crush on. Imagine the worst-case scenario — you do come down with a life-threatening illness and he has to treat you for it. Would you really want that extra complication?

Find a doctor now who you're romantically apathetic about. But after that, if you still want to go back and flirt with the old one, I guess you should give it a try.
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:07 PM on January 13, 2006

One of my patients, who I met in the hospital as an intern, asked me out a few months after I was no longer caring for her. We dated for a while; it was a good relationship.

I agree that most responsible docs wouldn't start dating someone they were caring for as a patient. In addition, most professional societies suggest that it should be considered an ethical violation.
posted by ikkyu2 at 2:21 PM on January 13, 2006

You don't need to find another doctor for you. Medical ethics says that the doc needs to recuse him/herself from treating you, but a situation where your doctor is your sig other/spouse should very rarely cause conflicts. You're still going to see specialists for everything, and you get a free second opinion. (Mom and Dad were both doctors and treated each other as appropriate, but maybe a one-doctor relationship wouldn't work as well.)

If you and doctor-person start dating, either you're gonna 1) get a new doc cause he/she asks you to, 2) stop seeing that doctor personally, in which case I doubt you'd see him/her professionally anyway, or 3) make out with the person who looks at your sore throats forever and ever.

Now, the cute pickup line referenced above is nice.
posted by sachinag at 2:22 PM on January 13, 2006

Any time I see an askmefi question posed that asks if one should cross the line, I think "CROSS THE LINE!!!" I hadn't realized that until now. Really.

Anyway, I think you should cross the line. Life's for living. If it doesn't work out you'll always have a great story to tell your friends and if it does work out, you'll be dating a doctor.
posted by pwb503 at 2:25 PM on January 13, 2006 [1 favorite]

I once asked out an anesthesiologist while coming out of sedation after outpatient surgery.

I do not recommend that method.
posted by scody at 2:46 PM on January 13, 2006

scody, that's hilarious!

These are great replies. I agree -- go for it. You'll always wonder 'what if' if you don't.
posted by alma at 5:00 PM on January 13, 2006

scody... hehehehehe.

"I love you... man..."
posted by anthill at 7:16 PM on January 13, 2006

The doctor can get in big trouble for dating you while there is still a professional relationship. So, any doctor worth dating is gonna say "no" unless you get another provider first.
posted by neuron at 7:42 PM on January 13, 2006

"I'd like to find another doctor."
"Because I've got a crush on you. Would you like to grab lunch sometime?"

I like it. It's forward, it's cute, it's memorable. Go for it.
posted by frogan at 8:04 PM on January 13, 2006

Just don't do it while you're sitting on the exam table. Small, sterile room on a chair covered in butcher paper does not equal romance.
posted by frogan at 8:05 PM on January 13, 2006

You can assume he or she isn't going to ask you out, even if interested, because of the ethics thing. That puts the ball firmly in your court. If anything's going to happen, you have to initiate it. (Unless they're unethical. . . )

That said, people often get crushes on their doctors due to the doctor's role as an authority figure--someone who is an expert, takes care of them, etc.

Without going all Freudian on you, doctors and other authority figures can pull strong feelings because they're a safe target for feelings we originally had for our parents.

That's why it's ethically wrong for the doctor to ask you out. There is a presumed power differential, where the doctor could have undue influence (without going all feminist on you, lol!)

I like the idea of connecting up with another doctor first, because then you can safely flee if it doesn't go well. Also (and this is just me), I'd suggest you do it while fully clothed, and not wearing, like, a paper gown or something.

Good luck!
posted by lisaj32 at 8:05 PM on January 13, 2006

Small, sterile room on a chair covered in butcher paper does not equal romance.

I'd suggest you do it while fully clothed, and not wearing, like, a paper gown or something.

Depends entirely upon whom you ask. Kinky. :)

And while the aforementioned pickup line is awesomely cute and practically a sure thing, I must also throw the following into the ring:

"Wanna play 'Doctor', Doctor?"
posted by loquacious at 8:59 PM on January 13, 2006

I have a slight variation on the above question - what if your crush is on your fathers doctor, and you are the one responsible for his care. Is it ethical to switch him to a different doctor just to get the chance to find out if this current doctor is interested?
posted by samantha3 at 11:48 AM on September 8, 2006

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