How to get ahead at work as an introvert without strategizing?
March 27, 2017 7:38 AM Subscribe
I do not think strategically, for reasons. Mostly principles, as it feels like manipulation which is not my jam. I am noticing that a colleague is getting ahead through strategy despite low quality work (lots of missed deadlines, typos, red flags in internal audits) and questionable technical skills, because she is managing up with the supervisor. It is clearly a "sucking up" approach, with a clear agenda in all conversations where boss is present that reads as this artificial "I am your friend and you really like me." How can I also get ahead, without resorting to tactics?
I thought I was in a workplace culture that was impervious to these sorts of politics but clearly I am not. I do not get "buddy buddy" with work people because that can end badly. I am a perfectionist and so is my boss. She is businesslike but would like to be more chummy and I am the same way, but that means that I do not "manage up" in the same way as my colleague.
I do not want to compete with my colleague exactly but I would like for merit to yield reward. If there is ever an opportunity to move up in the company I think my work quality is much better than hers, and yet she is getting all these bells and whistles (some kind of gift, advocating for paid trainings, etc.).
I need to make a higher salary to support my child which unfortunately means I need to start thinking ahead to an administrative role, and that means I need to shift how I do my job. Does(n't) it?
I work in nonprofit mental health, the culture is pretty healthy, I have a good reputation as a solid worker, albeit I do not schmooze. Partly because I am not big on ego stuff and partly because I have social anxiety (which is being treated in multiple ways). Maybe I am too idealistic to think I can get promoted to a manager position if I act with ethical standards and follow the golden rule and deliver the best results possible on all my projects, but do minimal small talk stuff. Am I too idealistic? How does an introvert position themselves for a managerial/administrative/other higher paying role when they are not in a field where highly technical skills are enough to get promoted?
I am not bad at my job but I do not play these social games very well. I am an introvert who does not naturally cater to egos, does not use doublespeak or understand it even. I also have a new baby so opportunities to jump in for special projects are limited right now.
But going forward even if I do not stay in my current awesome position because it does not pay enough, I need to understand how to get ahead as a bleeding heart ethical person who does not want to play politics or schmooze anyone. Thanks, Hive Mind.
Perhaps this is related, and perhaps it is a separate question, but also lately I am realizing how unintelligent I feel compared to when I was in college. I do not read as much as I used to because I have concentration issues, and maybe that is it. But I feel like I do not hold my intellectual weight as the National Merit Scholar I am. Even here on MeFi I compare my answers to others and feel like I am not really smart enough to be with all of you amazing critical thinkers. Maybe tapping into my intelligence would help me out in this situation in trying to "get ahead at work" but I also think that what I really need is more EQ not IQ and I am not even sure how to get there without being strategic.
I thought I was in a workplace culture that was impervious to these sorts of politics but clearly I am not. I do not get "buddy buddy" with work people because that can end badly. I am a perfectionist and so is my boss. She is businesslike but would like to be more chummy and I am the same way, but that means that I do not "manage up" in the same way as my colleague.
I do not want to compete with my colleague exactly but I would like for merit to yield reward. If there is ever an opportunity to move up in the company I think my work quality is much better than hers, and yet she is getting all these bells and whistles (some kind of gift, advocating for paid trainings, etc.).
I need to make a higher salary to support my child which unfortunately means I need to start thinking ahead to an administrative role, and that means I need to shift how I do my job. Does(n't) it?
I work in nonprofit mental health, the culture is pretty healthy, I have a good reputation as a solid worker, albeit I do not schmooze. Partly because I am not big on ego stuff and partly because I have social anxiety (which is being treated in multiple ways). Maybe I am too idealistic to think I can get promoted to a manager position if I act with ethical standards and follow the golden rule and deliver the best results possible on all my projects, but do minimal small talk stuff. Am I too idealistic? How does an introvert position themselves for a managerial/administrative/other higher paying role when they are not in a field where highly technical skills are enough to get promoted?
I am not bad at my job but I do not play these social games very well. I am an introvert who does not naturally cater to egos, does not use doublespeak or understand it even. I also have a new baby so opportunities to jump in for special projects are limited right now.
But going forward even if I do not stay in my current awesome position because it does not pay enough, I need to understand how to get ahead as a bleeding heart ethical person who does not want to play politics or schmooze anyone. Thanks, Hive Mind.
Perhaps this is related, and perhaps it is a separate question, but also lately I am realizing how unintelligent I feel compared to when I was in college. I do not read as much as I used to because I have concentration issues, and maybe that is it. But I feel like I do not hold my intellectual weight as the National Merit Scholar I am. Even here on MeFi I compare my answers to others and feel like I am not really smart enough to be with all of you amazing critical thinkers. Maybe tapping into my intelligence would help me out in this situation in trying to "get ahead at work" but I also think that what I really need is more EQ not IQ and I am not even sure how to get there without being strategic.
You're describing someone who could either just be friendly or really dangerously manipulative. It's hard to tell from your post. I'll give you two pieces of advice that will help with either case.
1. In almost any job, it's more important to get along than to do good work. I know it sounds unfair, but in all honesty, I would rather work with someone I got along with / had good relationships with than with someone I didn't but was excellent at their job (at least in many cases).
2. Avoid antagonizing the office manipulator that has an emotional stranglehold on your boss, because they're dangerous. Be friendly, but ideally off their radar.
3. You can't really do anything more to get ahead than to cross your fingers and keep on doing what you're doing. Let your results speak for themselves. In general, people that create the least amount of drama are the ones that get ahead, in my experience.
posted by xammerboy at 7:53 AM on March 27, 2017 [10 favorites]
1. In almost any job, it's more important to get along than to do good work. I know it sounds unfair, but in all honesty, I would rather work with someone I got along with / had good relationships with than with someone I didn't but was excellent at their job (at least in many cases).
2. Avoid antagonizing the office manipulator that has an emotional stranglehold on your boss, because they're dangerous. Be friendly, but ideally off their radar.
3. You can't really do anything more to get ahead than to cross your fingers and keep on doing what you're doing. Let your results speak for themselves. In general, people that create the least amount of drama are the ones that get ahead, in my experience.
posted by xammerboy at 7:53 AM on March 27, 2017 [10 favorites]
I should say - in the best case your boss enjoys interacting with your colleague but knows at least on some level what's going on. You're still the one they count on / see themselves promoting. Don't count this scenario out.
posted by xammerboy at 7:56 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by xammerboy at 7:56 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
But going forward even if I do not stay in my current awesome position because it does not pay enough, I need to understand how to get ahead as a bleeding heart ethical person who does not want to play politics or schmooze anyone. Thanks, Hive Mind.
I'm so sorry you're in this position. But just FWIW, I worked in a nonprofit for 17 years and discovered that nonprofits can be way more vicious than for profits. People have a "good reason" for being vicious back-stabbers, that is they're doing good in the world, and not just mindless capitalism, so it can be horrible. Good luck to you.
posted by Melismata at 7:59 AM on March 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
I'm so sorry you're in this position. But just FWIW, I worked in a nonprofit for 17 years and discovered that nonprofits can be way more vicious than for profits. People have a "good reason" for being vicious back-stabbers, that is they're doing good in the world, and not just mindless capitalism, so it can be horrible. Good luck to you.
posted by Melismata at 7:59 AM on March 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Thinking strategically and tactically is not something slimy and political, it's something good workers do, in any field. Carpenters do it, doctors do it, salespeople do it, accountants do it. This is normal stuff. I wonder why you are using those words that way. If you can unpack why you think strategy is something bad or below you, you might be able to better frame your problem. Strategy does not mean kissing up or courting favoritism.
posted by SaltySalticid at 8:08 AM on March 27, 2017 [37 favorites]
posted by SaltySalticid at 8:08 AM on March 27, 2017 [37 favorites]
I don't see anything in this question that indicates you have ever actually asked for what you want. Have you asked your boss for paid training, raises, promotions, etc? I would start there.
Ask for a one on one meeting with your boss.
Ask what she thinks of your performance. Ask if it's possible to get paid training-- preferably a specific course or conference that you've researched and want to do. Ask if there is the possibility of a promotion in the future for you, and how you can position yourself for it.
DO NOT BRING UP YOUR COWORKER AT ALL.
You'll have a better idea of where you stand. It's possible your boss believes you are perfectly happy where you are in your job if you've never brought up these concerns.
posted by empath at 8:14 AM on March 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
Ask for a one on one meeting with your boss.
Ask what she thinks of your performance. Ask if it's possible to get paid training-- preferably a specific course or conference that you've researched and want to do. Ask if there is the possibility of a promotion in the future for you, and how you can position yourself for it.
DO NOT BRING UP YOUR COWORKER AT ALL.
You'll have a better idea of where you stand. It's possible your boss believes you are perfectly happy where you are in your job if you've never brought up these concerns.
posted by empath at 8:14 AM on March 27, 2017 [9 favorites]
Response by poster: I should clarify a couple of things for clarity and context. I have been sent on paid trainings before but nothing recent. I have been asked to train staff and members of the community. Last year I asked for and got a 6% raise, higher than anyone else in my program. I have been asked to play a vital role in an upcoming audit with a national oversight program.
There are few growth opportunities because the expectation from management is that you are here for a particular role, and they never ask you to go outside it and rarely are there opportunities to do so. I have tried to offer more help where I see fit to do so but again that is about the business and the company NOT schmoozing the people in it which is where my strategy-allergy comes in.
Occasionally the company builds new programs but there is very little "extra" I can do within my current role. I am already doing the extra that I can get away with in the form of program expansion through an initiative that my boss and her boss know me for and appreciate me for.
I have not specifically asked for opportunities to be promoted although I hinted in my last evaluation that I would like more responsibilities. There are very few administrative roles here. Usually they post new positions in a couple of months. I am not sure it is kosher to ask if there is anything in the pipeline. I was contemplating a question to HR about it as I will need to prepare to leave the company if I cannot make substantially more than I am, and they cannot justify that without making me a manager of some sort. I do not particularly want to be a manager but I think I would be good at it given the opportunity and the pay is nice for my baby.
Thank you SaltySalticid for the question about unpacking my judgment of strategy. That is a useful inquiry. I have been a bit myopic in how I do my job and perhaps that is part of the issue.
Also, yes I think the coworker is very manipulative and do not trust her at all.
/Threadsitting
posted by crunchy potato at 8:26 AM on March 27, 2017
There are few growth opportunities because the expectation from management is that you are here for a particular role, and they never ask you to go outside it and rarely are there opportunities to do so. I have tried to offer more help where I see fit to do so but again that is about the business and the company NOT schmoozing the people in it which is where my strategy-allergy comes in.
Occasionally the company builds new programs but there is very little "extra" I can do within my current role. I am already doing the extra that I can get away with in the form of program expansion through an initiative that my boss and her boss know me for and appreciate me for.
I have not specifically asked for opportunities to be promoted although I hinted in my last evaluation that I would like more responsibilities. There are very few administrative roles here. Usually they post new positions in a couple of months. I am not sure it is kosher to ask if there is anything in the pipeline. I was contemplating a question to HR about it as I will need to prepare to leave the company if I cannot make substantially more than I am, and they cannot justify that without making me a manager of some sort. I do not particularly want to be a manager but I think I would be good at it given the opportunity and the pay is nice for my baby.
Thank you SaltySalticid for the question about unpacking my judgment of strategy. That is a useful inquiry. I have been a bit myopic in how I do my job and perhaps that is part of the issue.
Also, yes I think the coworker is very manipulative and do not trust her at all.
/Threadsitting
posted by crunchy potato at 8:26 AM on March 27, 2017
Best answer: It's not unethical to make small talk at work, or to be friendly with your supervisor. I'm surprised that you think it is. Even if the coworker in question really is slimy and manipulative, these particular traits are really not.
If you want to move up in the sense of moving to management, then you'll have to spend a lot of your time working with and managing other people. And you'll spend a lot less time on the technical stuff than you currently do. Is that something you want?
I work in nonprofits and have been told many times (and have personally experienced) that usually the only way to get a significant raise is to go elsewhere. That might be the best course for you, if you're frustrated at your current job.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:28 AM on March 27, 2017 [8 favorites]
If you want to move up in the sense of moving to management, then you'll have to spend a lot of your time working with and managing other people. And you'll spend a lot less time on the technical stuff than you currently do. Is that something you want?
I work in nonprofits and have been told many times (and have personally experienced) that usually the only way to get a significant raise is to go elsewhere. That might be the best course for you, if you're frustrated at your current job.
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:28 AM on March 27, 2017 [8 favorites]
Best answer: " I do not schmooze... I am not big on ego stuff"
" I do not play these social games very well"
"a bleeding heart ethical person who does not want to play politics or schmooze anyone"
If you're a very technically-minded person, the above might well ring true. But for a socially-minded person, they might translate very differently:
"I do not take time to get to know my co-workers, I am not big on finding out about people and their wants and needs"
"I do want to integrate myself into the social structures in place in my work community"
"I don't believe that you can be an ethical person and also have strong social bonds at work"
This is a fairly stark alternative reading, but do you get my drift? I think it might really help here, to give your colleagues a little bit more credit. You seem to see them so negatively, but what if they're just trying to work well and have friends, build relationships, collaborate well.
There's another level to consider this on - if you want to be a manager, and manage people, developing and valuing those interpersonal skills will be essential.
Having said all this, I think there might be a more important clue here: "I am realizing how unintelligent I feel compared to when I was in college... I have concentration issues... I feel like I do not hold my intellectual weight... feel like I am not really smart enough to be with all of you amazing critical thinkers. "
You sound depressed and highly self-critical. Depression can make you see the whole world through a lens of disappointment and anger, so I would strongly advise seeking advice on this from a doctor or therapist, because that might help you see your job, your coworkers and yourself much more clearly.
posted by greenish at 8:29 AM on March 27, 2017 [32 favorites]
" I do not play these social games very well"
"a bleeding heart ethical person who does not want to play politics or schmooze anyone"
If you're a very technically-minded person, the above might well ring true. But for a socially-minded person, they might translate very differently:
"I do not take time to get to know my co-workers, I am not big on finding out about people and their wants and needs"
"I do want to integrate myself into the social structures in place in my work community"
"I don't believe that you can be an ethical person and also have strong social bonds at work"
This is a fairly stark alternative reading, but do you get my drift? I think it might really help here, to give your colleagues a little bit more credit. You seem to see them so negatively, but what if they're just trying to work well and have friends, build relationships, collaborate well.
There's another level to consider this on - if you want to be a manager, and manage people, developing and valuing those interpersonal skills will be essential.
Having said all this, I think there might be a more important clue here: "I am realizing how unintelligent I feel compared to when I was in college... I have concentration issues... I feel like I do not hold my intellectual weight... feel like I am not really smart enough to be with all of you amazing critical thinkers. "
You sound depressed and highly self-critical. Depression can make you see the whole world through a lens of disappointment and anger, so I would strongly advise seeking advice on this from a doctor or therapist, because that might help you see your job, your coworkers and yourself much more clearly.
posted by greenish at 8:29 AM on March 27, 2017 [32 favorites]
Best answer: Unfortunately, managing people is not a good career goal for someone who is introverted and dislikes 'schmoozing'. Never making a typographical error is not a qualification for a management role - in fact it may not be important at all. Building relationships with people and understanding what brings out the best in them is a huge part of the role of a people manager. This can be really hard to accept, but that is the actual skillset that you need to manage people.
As a technical-minded, detail-oriented person, though, a good goal would be to set your sights on being a process manager of some sort. For that you usually need specialized technical expertise. What would the next logical area to expand your technical expertise be? If you want to stay in nonprofit mental health, maybe it's getting really informed regarding various areas of law, medicaid, or insurance benefits?
Finally, 'hinting' that you want more responsibility is probably not enough. Let your boss know that your long-term goal is to expand your skills and responsibilities, and ask her what you'd need to do to prepare yourself for that. It's good that you're clear-eyed about the fact that you may need to move in order to find more opportunity and higher pay - sometimes that's just the way it is.
posted by Ausamor at 8:48 AM on March 27, 2017 [16 favorites]
As a technical-minded, detail-oriented person, though, a good goal would be to set your sights on being a process manager of some sort. For that you usually need specialized technical expertise. What would the next logical area to expand your technical expertise be? If you want to stay in nonprofit mental health, maybe it's getting really informed regarding various areas of law, medicaid, or insurance benefits?
Finally, 'hinting' that you want more responsibility is probably not enough. Let your boss know that your long-term goal is to expand your skills and responsibilities, and ask her what you'd need to do to prepare yourself for that. It's good that you're clear-eyed about the fact that you may need to move in order to find more opportunity and higher pay - sometimes that's just the way it is.
posted by Ausamor at 8:48 AM on March 27, 2017 [16 favorites]
If you don't want to be a manager, are there other opportunities for you to increase your income (likely outside of this organization) without becoming a manager?
Successful managers are typically much more comfortable with the social aspects of work than what you describe (even if they don't love it, they don't dread it; dreading part of your job is never a recipe for success).
posted by samthemander at 8:49 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
Successful managers are typically much more comfortable with the social aspects of work than what you describe (even if they don't love it, they don't dread it; dreading part of your job is never a recipe for success).
posted by samthemander at 8:49 AM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
I need to understand how to get ahead as a bleeding heart ethical person who does not want to play politics or schmooze anyone
You can't. Here.
posted by Kwadeng at 9:16 AM on March 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
You can't. Here.
posted by Kwadeng at 9:16 AM on March 27, 2017 [4 favorites]
Best answer: I am definitely a hinting-around, not-good-at-social-stuff type person, so I do sympathize. But it sounds like this is a situation where you need to focus less on what your coworker is doing and more on what you can do to manage your own career the way that you want.
Management sounds like it's not for you, but other sorts of administrative roles may be available for you. (A hint from my own life: if you can find a way to be second-in-command, formally or informally, that feels like the sweet spot for people like me and maybe like you. A lot of autonomy and responsibility by dint of having specialized expertise in some area, but you're still doing more technical/administrative work than people stuff, while the actual manager is spending their day doing the meetings and facetime and networking and staff development and whatnot that we're terrible at and don't like. )
Much as it may suck, you really need to have an actual, not-hinting, conversation with your boss about what you would need to do to position yourself for such a promotion in the future. You need to actually say the words, "I love my job, but eventually I would like to advance to X sort of position, I think probably I would need to develop Y and Z skills that would also be useful with the work I do now, can we look for opportunities to help me develop them?" Or if there's no realistic way to do that sort of development in your current workplace, than you may have to think hard about looking for a new job with more growth opportunity for you.
posted by Stacey at 9:19 AM on March 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
Management sounds like it's not for you, but other sorts of administrative roles may be available for you. (A hint from my own life: if you can find a way to be second-in-command, formally or informally, that feels like the sweet spot for people like me and maybe like you. A lot of autonomy and responsibility by dint of having specialized expertise in some area, but you're still doing more technical/administrative work than people stuff, while the actual manager is spending their day doing the meetings and facetime and networking and staff development and whatnot that we're terrible at and don't like. )
Much as it may suck, you really need to have an actual, not-hinting, conversation with your boss about what you would need to do to position yourself for such a promotion in the future. You need to actually say the words, "I love my job, but eventually I would like to advance to X sort of position, I think probably I would need to develop Y and Z skills that would also be useful with the work I do now, can we look for opportunities to help me develop them?" Or if there's no realistic way to do that sort of development in your current workplace, than you may have to think hard about looking for a new job with more growth opportunity for you.
posted by Stacey at 9:19 AM on March 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
When I entered the workforce I thought if I just kept my head down be did good work my managers would notice this and reward me. Ha ha haha.
Now and then this has been the case. But more often my managers are busy, stressed out people who make a lot of decisions based on emotions. Recently we had to let someone go - they let go the knowledgeable, hard worker who was a giant pain and couldn't get with anyone and kept the lazy friendly guy. And you know, that was not necessarily the wrong decision. Team morale really improved after the layoff.
I've learned that part of my job is cultivating relationships with my team and a good rapport with my manager. It's hard for me, but it's not just helpful for my career, it's also important for a healthy team.
posted by bunderful at 10:25 AM on March 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
Now and then this has been the case. But more often my managers are busy, stressed out people who make a lot of decisions based on emotions. Recently we had to let someone go - they let go the knowledgeable, hard worker who was a giant pain and couldn't get with anyone and kept the lazy friendly guy. And you know, that was not necessarily the wrong decision. Team morale really improved after the layoff.
I've learned that part of my job is cultivating relationships with my team and a good rapport with my manager. It's hard for me, but it's not just helpful for my career, it's also important for a healthy team.
posted by bunderful at 10:25 AM on March 27, 2017 [6 favorites]
Here is something I learned, and I apologize if it's too obvious but as a high performer and introvert most of my life, I didn't know this: management is for people who are good at managing people, not those with the most technical expertise.
Once I realized this, I adjusted my behavior (not my personality or beliefs) and got promoted, and I now enjoy management--and was surprised a lot of it comes easily to me (probably because I had spent so long observing that I knew what behaviors would get me ahead, and I combined those observed behaviors with my own style.)
Management is not for everyone, but in my workplace, it was the only way to move from a barely-living wage to a livable salary, so I had no problem (ethical or otherwise) adjusting some of my approach.
You don't have to be smarmy or manipulative to make connections in the office, and communicating with people on their level is a good skill regardless of professional ambitions.
posted by kapers at 10:51 AM on March 27, 2017 [13 favorites]
Once I realized this, I adjusted my behavior (not my personality or beliefs) and got promoted, and I now enjoy management--and was surprised a lot of it comes easily to me (probably because I had spent so long observing that I knew what behaviors would get me ahead, and I combined those observed behaviors with my own style.)
Management is not for everyone, but in my workplace, it was the only way to move from a barely-living wage to a livable salary, so I had no problem (ethical or otherwise) adjusting some of my approach.
You don't have to be smarmy or manipulative to make connections in the office, and communicating with people on their level is a good skill regardless of professional ambitions.
posted by kapers at 10:51 AM on March 27, 2017 [13 favorites]
Last year I asked for and got a 6% raise, higher than anyone else in my program.
It sounds like your manager sees the quality of work you're offering. However--
There are few growth opportunities because the expectation from management is that you are here for a particular role, and they never ask you to go outside it and rarely are there opportunities to do so.
This is all too common, especially at smaller organizations (for profit and non-profit). I'd identify what the next rung on the ladder is, one that matches your proclivities for technical work, and start trying to develop those skills.
Perhaps focus on what other positions would be a pay jump for you. Managing really does require lots of relationship building. You have to manage relationships with staff; other departments; and outside stakeholders like clients, government agencies, or funders.
posted by salvia at 11:30 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
It sounds like your manager sees the quality of work you're offering. However--
There are few growth opportunities because the expectation from management is that you are here for a particular role, and they never ask you to go outside it and rarely are there opportunities to do so.
This is all too common, especially at smaller organizations (for profit and non-profit). I'd identify what the next rung on the ladder is, one that matches your proclivities for technical work, and start trying to develop those skills.
Perhaps focus on what other positions would be a pay jump for you. Managing really does require lots of relationship building. You have to manage relationships with staff; other departments; and outside stakeholders like clients, government agencies, or funders.
posted by salvia at 11:30 AM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Best answer: Apolitical introverts tend to be underpaid in all fields, and working on hustle would be helpful in general... But, I think, not right now. Or not in a way that you'd action immediately, maybe do some preparation for it.
(I've read & answered a few of your other questions - wrt your judgements of your intellectual skills at the moment: you can't allow yourself to forget that you've got a lot of other kinds of stress going on right now, including the challenges of new motherhood. That is temporary stuff. Changeable stuff. Stuff that could feel different with some support. If you can make any financial accommodations elsewhere - perhaps by reducing fixed monthly costs, or asking other household members to think about generating extra income - I think it'd be more helpful to look at goals for this year as relating to holding steady at work, & reducing some of those other sources of stress. With that dealt with, you'll be better positioned to think about ways to build on your career. [If there just aren't a lot of management roles, better to look at other ways to get some more money in - spin-off gigs you'd feel good about selling. Consulting, writing, auditing - not sure what'd make the most sense for you.] But it's harder to do that if you've got too much going on personally.
As far as schmoozing - can you find any pleasure in small talk at all? Maybe see it as a way to make moments of passing time more amusing? Or giving someone the (admittedly small) gift of feeling recognized by remembering something about them? They'll like it, they'll smile, it'll feel mutually good (or can). Try to connect with people with whom you share genuine commonalities (or find commonalities?) It doesn't have to be awful... I understand... The idea of schmoozing has seriously put me off the pursuit of an interest of mine, in an area that can definitely be schmoozy and kind of gross. It's there & people know it. But at the same time, the same arena can involve the opportunity to meet people with similar inclinations/interests & just be nice to & enjoy each other. And it doesn't feel horrible if you focus on those people & those interactions (I try to remind myself, anyway :) I'm equally intro/extraverted, am ok with small talk - but when it comes to this particular thing I care about, there's a kind of freezing reaction I have to fight. But in the end, it's just talking to people. Or it can be.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 12:15 PM on March 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
(I've read & answered a few of your other questions - wrt your judgements of your intellectual skills at the moment: you can't allow yourself to forget that you've got a lot of other kinds of stress going on right now, including the challenges of new motherhood. That is temporary stuff. Changeable stuff. Stuff that could feel different with some support. If you can make any financial accommodations elsewhere - perhaps by reducing fixed monthly costs, or asking other household members to think about generating extra income - I think it'd be more helpful to look at goals for this year as relating to holding steady at work, & reducing some of those other sources of stress. With that dealt with, you'll be better positioned to think about ways to build on your career. [If there just aren't a lot of management roles, better to look at other ways to get some more money in - spin-off gigs you'd feel good about selling. Consulting, writing, auditing - not sure what'd make the most sense for you.] But it's harder to do that if you've got too much going on personally.
As far as schmoozing - can you find any pleasure in small talk at all? Maybe see it as a way to make moments of passing time more amusing? Or giving someone the (admittedly small) gift of feeling recognized by remembering something about them? They'll like it, they'll smile, it'll feel mutually good (or can). Try to connect with people with whom you share genuine commonalities (or find commonalities?) It doesn't have to be awful... I understand... The idea of schmoozing has seriously put me off the pursuit of an interest of mine, in an area that can definitely be schmoozy and kind of gross. It's there & people know it. But at the same time, the same arena can involve the opportunity to meet people with similar inclinations/interests & just be nice to & enjoy each other. And it doesn't feel horrible if you focus on those people & those interactions (I try to remind myself, anyway :) I'm equally intro/extraverted, am ok with small talk - but when it comes to this particular thing I care about, there's a kind of freezing reaction I have to fight. But in the end, it's just talking to people. Or it can be.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 12:15 PM on March 27, 2017 [3 favorites]
Several of my friends who are workers and mothers have told me that the hormones definitely mess with your intelligence - they call this baby-brain. This might explain some of the second part of your question.
posted by freethefeet at 1:09 PM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
posted by freethefeet at 1:09 PM on March 27, 2017 [2 favorites]
Do you have an understanding of the dept's work that goes beyond the current task? Does your manager know that you do? Do you take questions to your manager about how the current task married up the previous one, or the next one, or some inevitable one in the future?
posted by SemiSalt at 1:15 PM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
posted by SemiSalt at 1:15 PM on March 27, 2017 [1 favorite]
although I hinted in my last evaluation that I would like more responsibilities.
This will not ever yield results, especially if you mean in your written self-evaluation and not in the conversation that followed. This is stuff to say straight out, not hint about. But even that on its own will not work, because:
Figuring out what responsibilities exist, are not currently being fulfilled, and could be done by you (with or without training? and how much would the training cost? and would it be financially worth it to train you and move you up and hire a replacement for your current duties, or cheaper to just hire a new person for the extra stuff you want to do?) is a lot of work. It is work that you have to do yourself in order to prove to management that you are as capable as you claim.
and it's worse than that. "Doing the work" in the sense of thinking it through, working out the practical considerations, formally presenting it as an argument to your supervisor and then waiting for a response -- will also not work except very rarely and through luck. Because:
This still calls for more non-immediate-work-related consideration and risk-taking from a supervisor than most supervisors like to do. What you have to do -- and I generally do not do this, because I hate everything about it, but I have seen it successfully done close-up several times -- is start doing the work you want to do, with permission if necessary, and without stopping any of your current work unless you have capacity and authority to delegate it to others, and after it's been going successfully for a while, present it at your next evaluation as an example of your initiative, leadership, and the fact that when you see a need or a problem, you "step up" (how employers do love this garbage phrase) and take responsibility for solving it without being asked. then you ask for more money as fair compensation for the responsibilities you have already assumed, because everybody now relies on you doing them so if the raise is denied and you drop back down to just your official duties, it will inconvenience them.
that is the only method I have ever seen work in the kind of atmosphere where you have to make yourself noticed in order to earn rewards and there isn't an automatic and inevitable promotion/raise escalator. like I say, I hate it - it amounts to doing extra work for no pay for months or more, in the hope that somebody will eventually decide they value it. it sucks. but it works if you have the will and if your chosen project is something they do value.
posted by queenofbithynia at 5:42 PM on March 27, 2017
This will not ever yield results, especially if you mean in your written self-evaluation and not in the conversation that followed. This is stuff to say straight out, not hint about. But even that on its own will not work, because:
Figuring out what responsibilities exist, are not currently being fulfilled, and could be done by you (with or without training? and how much would the training cost? and would it be financially worth it to train you and move you up and hire a replacement for your current duties, or cheaper to just hire a new person for the extra stuff you want to do?) is a lot of work. It is work that you have to do yourself in order to prove to management that you are as capable as you claim.
and it's worse than that. "Doing the work" in the sense of thinking it through, working out the practical considerations, formally presenting it as an argument to your supervisor and then waiting for a response -- will also not work except very rarely and through luck. Because:
This still calls for more non-immediate-work-related consideration and risk-taking from a supervisor than most supervisors like to do. What you have to do -- and I generally do not do this, because I hate everything about it, but I have seen it successfully done close-up several times -- is start doing the work you want to do, with permission if necessary, and without stopping any of your current work unless you have capacity and authority to delegate it to others, and after it's been going successfully for a while, present it at your next evaluation as an example of your initiative, leadership, and the fact that when you see a need or a problem, you "step up" (how employers do love this garbage phrase) and take responsibility for solving it without being asked. then you ask for more money as fair compensation for the responsibilities you have already assumed, because everybody now relies on you doing them so if the raise is denied and you drop back down to just your official duties, it will inconvenience them.
that is the only method I have ever seen work in the kind of atmosphere where you have to make yourself noticed in order to earn rewards and there isn't an automatic and inevitable promotion/raise escalator. like I say, I hate it - it amounts to doing extra work for no pay for months or more, in the hope that somebody will eventually decide they value it. it sucks. but it works if you have the will and if your chosen project is something they do value.
posted by queenofbithynia at 5:42 PM on March 27, 2017
I read over your question again. I think the suggestion above to have a frank discussion with your manager about your goals is a good one. Some of the most senior people in my office are really introverted, so promotion of introverts definitely happens.
I did some googling and there are lots of resources out there for introverts and emotional intelligence.
Ask A Manager: The Introvert's Guide to Better Relationships with Coworkers
Why Emotional Intelligence is Important in the Workplace - obviously you do think it's important, but the page has explanatory language and several links you might find relevant.
Good luck to you.
posted by bunderful at 6:14 PM on March 27, 2017
I did some googling and there are lots of resources out there for introverts and emotional intelligence.
Ask A Manager: The Introvert's Guide to Better Relationships with Coworkers
Why Emotional Intelligence is Important in the Workplace - obviously you do think it's important, but the page has explanatory language and several links you might find relevant.
Good luck to you.
posted by bunderful at 6:14 PM on March 27, 2017
I think that you are confusing (or interchanging) strategy with manipulation. Strategy is simply "a plan of action or policy designed to achieve a major or overall aim." It's basically looking to the future and making a plan to get what you want: "if I do X, then I'll get closer to my goal." In fact, the question you asked could easily be worded like this: "What strategies could I use to get ahead at work as an introvert?" and it would yield mostly the same answers.
I thought this was a good description of manipulation: Manipulation is what happens when we influence someone to do something and only we benefit from their actions.
If you ask for additional responsibilities with the goal of gaining more experience and you put forth an honest effort to do a good job with them, that's not manipulation. That's strategy - you're getting some benefit out of it and the organization is too.
If you want to be a manager and realize that you need to work on your people skills (because that's pretty much what management is) so you start making an effort to say "how was your weekend" to a coworker once in a while and you really try to have some interest in what they say, that's not manipulation. (And this might be a "fake it til you make it" situation - at first it'll seem so fake for you but it'll get better if you look for interests that you have in common with your coworkers.) You'll get the benefit of increasing your skills and your coworkers will get the benefit of learning more about you and having an office atmosphere that's just a bit more pleasant than it was before.
Lastly, you might want to rethink this:
"there is very little "extra" I can do within my current role."
Start by making a list of all of the tasks you routinely do. Pick one and really think through all aspects of it and challenge yourself to find one bit of it that you can improve. Turn it all upside down and get crazy with it and you might come up with a genius new way to do something that will save the organization some money or time. This shows your boss that you are taking initiative within the boundaries of what you can control. In other words, you identify the change you want to make, make it, compare it to the old way and determine if it's better. Then at your next chance to bring up your performance (either formally, in a review, or casually if there seems to be a good opportunity to bring it up), you can mention what you changed and how it has helped. This is different than asking your manager to find something else for you to do so that you can get ahead. Think of it from the manager's perspective, "Lulu keeps bugging me to find something more that she can do but I'm so swamped, I just don't have time to figure out what would be a good fit and then train her on how to do it." VS. "Wow, on her own, Lulu found a way to cut a few hours off that task and make it easier for others to do as well. I never would've thought of doing it that way! I wonder if she can help me on X project to see how we could do it faster/better as well."
posted by dawkins_7 at 12:37 PM on March 28, 2017
I thought this was a good description of manipulation: Manipulation is what happens when we influence someone to do something and only we benefit from their actions.
If you ask for additional responsibilities with the goal of gaining more experience and you put forth an honest effort to do a good job with them, that's not manipulation. That's strategy - you're getting some benefit out of it and the organization is too.
If you want to be a manager and realize that you need to work on your people skills (because that's pretty much what management is) so you start making an effort to say "how was your weekend" to a coworker once in a while and you really try to have some interest in what they say, that's not manipulation. (And this might be a "fake it til you make it" situation - at first it'll seem so fake for you but it'll get better if you look for interests that you have in common with your coworkers.) You'll get the benefit of increasing your skills and your coworkers will get the benefit of learning more about you and having an office atmosphere that's just a bit more pleasant than it was before.
Lastly, you might want to rethink this:
"there is very little "extra" I can do within my current role."
Start by making a list of all of the tasks you routinely do. Pick one and really think through all aspects of it and challenge yourself to find one bit of it that you can improve. Turn it all upside down and get crazy with it and you might come up with a genius new way to do something that will save the organization some money or time. This shows your boss that you are taking initiative within the boundaries of what you can control. In other words, you identify the change you want to make, make it, compare it to the old way and determine if it's better. Then at your next chance to bring up your performance (either formally, in a review, or casually if there seems to be a good opportunity to bring it up), you can mention what you changed and how it has helped. This is different than asking your manager to find something else for you to do so that you can get ahead. Think of it from the manager's perspective, "Lulu keeps bugging me to find something more that she can do but I'm so swamped, I just don't have time to figure out what would be a good fit and then train her on how to do it." VS. "Wow, on her own, Lulu found a way to cut a few hours off that task and make it easier for others to do as well. I never would've thought of doing it that way! I wonder if she can help me on X project to see how we could do it faster/better as well."
posted by dawkins_7 at 12:37 PM on March 28, 2017
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I suggest you talk to your boss about what you want to do and what skills (like understanding strategic thinking) you would need to develop to get there, and how you could start getting those skills.
posted by brainmouse at 7:52 AM on March 27, 2017 [26 favorites]