Should I get married now?

November 9, 2016 6:39 AM

Fiancé and I were planning (and have paid deposits for) a July 2017 wedding. Given the US election news (we are Americans, living in a rent controlled apartment in New York), is there any reason we should elope in the next nine weeks?
posted by roomthreeseventeen to Grab Bag (16 answers total)

Are you a same-sex couple?
posted by Static Vagabond at 6:40 AM on November 9, 2016 [3 favorites]

The only reason to elope that I can think of is if you are a same-sex couple. If you are a hetero couple, you're probably fine...
posted by PuppetMcSockerson at 6:43 AM on November 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

I honestly don't see why you would elope if you live in New York, doubly so if you're in a rent controlled apartment. If anything, just stay there get married there by a justice of the peace or however they do it in NY.
posted by ftm at 6:46 AM on November 9, 2016

Response by poster: Sorry, no, we are not a same-sex couple, although my fiancé is a senior.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 6:50 AM on November 9, 2016

NYC ought to be safer.
posted by kadmilos at 6:56 AM on November 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Sorry, I'll stop threadsitting. By elope, I just meant should we get married now as opposed to next July.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 6:57 AM on November 9, 2016

If you have practical worries, get legally married now and hold the party in July. If you think your families will be upset that the party "wasn't your real wedding," it is ok to keep quiet about the fact that you filed the paperwork early.

If you're not a same-sex couple, the main thing I'd be worried about is access to insurance. Being legally married hedges your bets in case the ACA is shut down faster than expected — it means that even if one of you becomes unemployed, you can both still get insurance.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:58 AM on November 9, 2016 [5 favorites]

Can you tell us why you think you need to get married now, as opposed to after the new administration is in power? If you're not same sex, what are you worried about?
posted by Hanuman1960 at 7:00 AM on November 9, 2016 [4 favorites]

I think you should do it: get that piece of paper. Best case scenario, nothing changes between now and July 2017. Worse case scenario, it potentially offers you some protection from insurance roll backs or your partner's senior benefits, if your partner has any.
posted by lydhre at 7:17 AM on November 9, 2016 [7 favorites]

If you or your partner have any pre-existing health conditions, Get Your Asses Down To The Courthouse.
posted by Pandora Kouti at 7:33 AM on November 9, 2016 [5 favorites]

I'd go ahead and get married, then throw a party when you're ready to announce it to your friends & family. My ex and I did this for tax purposes - married by a local probate judge, then had a "wedding" 18 months later in my home state.
posted by catlet at 7:38 AM on November 9, 2016

If the person on the lease dies, the other person gets evicted if you are not married.
posted by Sophont at 8:02 AM on November 9, 2016 [5 favorites]

My [wife!] and I just eloped a week ago, in part due to vague concerns about the election outcome.

We are hetero white people, so our rights weren't under threat. But we definitely wanted to get our insurance consolidated/solidified before the next enrollment period. Given whatever chaos is due to reign down, in that department, this seems more than just fiscally prudent, now. And although we currently intend to stick around and help -- what's the phrase? -- make our country great again, again, we did consider that a joined legal status might make moving easier if it came to that.*

The underlying benefit, though, is that we were able to face today as one. Obviously, we love each other either way, but that extra bit of codification makes the ground feel a bit more stable, this morning.

OP, I don't know your political leanings but I think that -- whatever they are -- the coming months will be tumultuous for pretty much everyone. Why not lock down your team in advance, right?

* Not intended as legal migration advice.
posted by credible hulk at 8:18 AM on November 9, 2016

My wife and I married this way -- we did the legal part at Borough Hall a few months before the wedding/party part when we read vows to each other in front of our people, etc. -- and I totally recommend it. I know you’re not asking for reasons of, like, ambiance, but the scene at City Hall / Borough Hall weddings is just the best. Such a range of languages and ages and ethnicities, it’s like a postcard captioned “NEW YORK CITY, CROSSROADS OF THE WORLD,” filled with happy strangers in varying degrees of finery holding bodega flowers. It’s maybe the most NYC thing I’ve ever done (and I grew up here). A couple friends came with us & then we all had a low-key lunch after. We didn’t run into any trouble about “but which was the real wedding, what’s your real anniversary” or the like. A+++ would do it again (if promising it’d be forever hadn’t been, like, the point).

I can’t think of a reason not to, is I guess what I mean. If you have any anxieties about logistics, lease, insurance, politics, etc., go for it and enjoy!
posted by miles per flower at 8:24 AM on November 9, 2016 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: If the person on the lease dies, the other person gets evicted if you are not married.

Thankfully, this is not true where we live.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:13 AM on November 9, 2016 [1 favorite]

since you mention that your fiancé is a senior.

my father remarried about seven months before he passed. because they were not married for at least nine months, his widow was not eligible to collect against his social security. they had been together for 15 years but those two months made a difference.
posted by noloveforned at 10:28 AM on November 9, 2016 [1 favorite]