Sluuuurp
October 29, 2015 2:10 PM Subscribe
My cubicle neighbor's water bottle makes the most annoying noise and I don't know what my options are.
For reasons I can't explain (misophonia?), my cube neighbor makes my skin crawl when she drinks out of her water bottle. It's this slurping, bubbling aeration sound from the attached straw mechanism that I just personally can't stand.
What are my options? It's not something like finger tapping where she can just stop. She would need to buy a new water bottle to get around the problem. Buying her a new one myself seems presumptuous. Maybe she really likes that one and doesn't want to change?
I've considered headphones with white noise, but people occasionally ask me questions over the walls and I want to be available to respond.
Maybe I'm overthinking this. I personally wouldn't be bothered if someone asked me to ditch my current water bottle, but different strokes for different folks and I need some perspective.
For reasons I can't explain (misophonia?), my cube neighbor makes my skin crawl when she drinks out of her water bottle. It's this slurping, bubbling aeration sound from the attached straw mechanism that I just personally can't stand.
What are my options? It's not something like finger tapping where she can just stop. She would need to buy a new water bottle to get around the problem. Buying her a new one myself seems presumptuous. Maybe she really likes that one and doesn't want to change?
I've considered headphones with white noise, but people occasionally ask me questions over the walls and I want to be available to respond.
Maybe I'm overthinking this. I personally wouldn't be bothered if someone asked me to ditch my current water bottle, but different strokes for different folks and I need some perspective.
"Hey! I know this is kind of ridiculous, but your water bottle makes a funny sound that is weirdly distracting for me. Is there any chance that if I bought you a different water bottle, you could use that one instead? If not, it's totally fine, I just thought I'd check." And then if she says yes, bring the new one with a little bow tied on it and say, "Thanks for putting up with me!"
posted by pretentious illiterate at 2:18 PM on October 29, 2015 [38 favorites]
posted by pretentious illiterate at 2:18 PM on October 29, 2015 [38 favorites]
Agreed that a simple self-deprecating approach here is best. Just make it clear this is your unusual sensitivity and you're asking for a favor. If there are other noises that *don't* bother you, point those out. ("It's weird, I'm okay with noises in general! I don't care when people's phones are ringing or even when that guy over there plays dubstep in his cubicle... it must just be a frequency thing.") That way she doesn't become super self-conscious about every noise she makes at work.
The only issue with pretentious illiterate's script is that, if she does just want to help you out, she may feel weird about having you buy the water bottle. If you know her and think that's a possibility, maybe you could happen to have a sister who gave you a water bottle for your birthday but you're never going to use it, or you keep getting free water bottles through your spouse's work, or something.
posted by cogitron at 2:28 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
The only issue with pretentious illiterate's script is that, if she does just want to help you out, she may feel weird about having you buy the water bottle. If you know her and think that's a possibility, maybe you could happen to have a sister who gave you a water bottle for your birthday but you're never going to use it, or you keep getting free water bottles through your spouse's work, or something.
posted by cogitron at 2:28 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'll be honest, being offered a new bottle just to make me stop slurping would make me feel weird and awful about how badly I must have been
slurping. And obligated to use that bottle so I don't look like an asshole, even though my own bottle is my favourite one in the world and all others just feel wrong.
I'm not saying you shouldn't ask (because what other solution is there) but self-deprecation is no guarantee she'll not feel humiliated.
posted by Omnomnom at 2:59 PM on October 29, 2015 [9 favorites]
slurping. And obligated to use that bottle so I don't look like an asshole, even though my own bottle is my favourite one in the world and all others just feel wrong.
I'm not saying you shouldn't ask (because what other solution is there) but self-deprecation is no guarantee she'll not feel humiliated.
posted by Omnomnom at 2:59 PM on October 29, 2015 [9 favorites]
If a colleague came to me and told me how annoying my water bottle sounded, I'd wonder what she/he expected me to do about it? Go to the rest-room? Buy a new bottle--what if the new bottle makes a sound as well? Stop drinking water?
If you don't have some sort of alternative in mind, I think just saying how annoyed you are isn't going to get much in the way of positive results.
Ear buds make the most sense to me--you can just wear them, without listening to music or anything. And you can take them out when someone approaches.
posted by Ideefixe at 3:00 PM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
If you don't have some sort of alternative in mind, I think just saying how annoyed you are isn't going to get much in the way of positive results.
Ear buds make the most sense to me--you can just wear them, without listening to music or anything. And you can take them out when someone approaches.
posted by Ideefixe at 3:00 PM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
They probably will slurp out of the next bottle's straw too. Do slurp proof straws exist?
posted by TenaciousB at 3:10 PM on October 29, 2015
posted by TenaciousB at 3:10 PM on October 29, 2015
Yeah please don't offer to buy her a new bottle. That would be very embarrassing. I'm sure she knows the bottle makes a sound and assumes that it doesn't bother anyone. Bring it up super casually — "Hey, I know this is a weird question but do you have a water bottle of some kind over there? I keep hearing this sound and I think it might be the bottle..." and if she stonewalls you just back off and wear headphones more, or maybe ask your superior to be moved to a different desk. If she's a thoughtful person she should take over from here and say something like "oh I didn't realize it was so loud!" and hopefully take more care not to slurp loudly, or switch bottles.
posted by annekate at 3:12 PM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by annekate at 3:12 PM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
If this is the normal, intended sound that her model of water bottle makes, I think you ought to suck it up or get headphones.
posted by deadweightloss at 3:26 PM on October 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by deadweightloss at 3:26 PM on October 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
I wouldn't offer to buy a new one, but I would apologize and say that the noise the bottle makes is distracting you, and ask if they could use a cup or a different bottle.
posted by spbmp at 3:27 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by spbmp at 3:27 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
You should just talk to her about it. A co-worker had a similar situation arise at work, they said something, it was only momentarily awkward and now the problem is totally solved. Your co-worker probably isn't aware that the noise is that loud to other people, particularly if she wears headphones herself. Ask if she can use a regular cup instead, or if there's too much risk of spillage, a more everyday water bottle.
(I'm pretty sure I know exactly the sound you're talking about and it has to do with the water bottle design and not with her being a loud drinker or anything in general - there's some kind of weird pressure differential thing which makes the air suck back through the straw and makes the water burble, or something. I also find it incredibly annoying!)
As someone who also loathes this general type of noise in the office, if you can't come to a solution or are too timid/conflict-averse to say something directly, I can say that while headphones alone did jack for me, headphones plus the sound of some babbling brook playing (see Youtube for instance), and then music played over *that* successfully blocks most of those uncomfortable "sounds-like-you're-licking-my-ear-canal" noises. If someone needs your attention they can always come up and knock on your desk/cube wall (and it might have the positive effect of encouraging people to be a little more deliberate/considerate about interrupting you, if that's an issue).
posted by en forme de poire at 3:36 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
(I'm pretty sure I know exactly the sound you're talking about and it has to do with the water bottle design and not with her being a loud drinker or anything in general - there's some kind of weird pressure differential thing which makes the air suck back through the straw and makes the water burble, or something. I also find it incredibly annoying!)
As someone who also loathes this general type of noise in the office, if you can't come to a solution or are too timid/conflict-averse to say something directly, I can say that while headphones alone did jack for me, headphones plus the sound of some babbling brook playing (see Youtube for instance), and then music played over *that* successfully blocks most of those uncomfortable "sounds-like-you're-licking-my-ear-canal" noises. If someone needs your attention they can always come up and knock on your desk/cube wall (and it might have the positive effect of encouraging people to be a little more deliberate/considerate about interrupting you, if that's an issue).
posted by en forme de poire at 3:36 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
Can you buy yourself a similar bottle, and, in private, spend some time making the loudest, longest, most obnoxious slurps that you can?
Basically a form of aversion therapy, because nothing that she is doing unintentionally could be as annoying as what you come up with yourself when you are trying.
Plus it might help to have a little more subconscious empathy when your hindbrain realizes how the slurping is just a natural function of drinking, and not really easy to avoid? I'm not trying to imply that you don't empathize with her (you obviously realize that it's something that she can't stop) but it you can really internalize it, maybe it won't bother you so much?
posted by sparklemotion at 3:36 PM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
Basically a form of aversion therapy, because nothing that she is doing unintentionally could be as annoying as what you come up with yourself when you are trying.
Plus it might help to have a little more subconscious empathy when your hindbrain realizes how the slurping is just a natural function of drinking, and not really easy to avoid? I'm not trying to imply that you don't empathize with her (you obviously realize that it's something that she can't stop) but it you can really internalize it, maybe it won't bother you so much?
posted by sparklemotion at 3:36 PM on October 29, 2015 [4 favorites]
I've got to be honest, if a coworker came up to me to tell me my water bottle was making noises that upset them, I would change to a different bottle I guess, but forever after they would have a secret nickname in my mind like Slurpy McSpecialpants ... on a more problematic level, I'd probably start worrying over every other noise I was making in their presence and what they'd be bringing up next.
I genuinely am sorry this is upsetting you - I certainly remember what it's like to be stuck next to a cubicle mate making unpleasant noises - but I would strongly recommend you exhaust every option for solving this yourself (i.e., coming to terms with or blocking out this sound) before drawing this other person in.
posted by DingoMutt at 3:49 PM on October 29, 2015 [34 favorites]
I genuinely am sorry this is upsetting you - I certainly remember what it's like to be stuck next to a cubicle mate making unpleasant noises - but I would strongly recommend you exhaust every option for solving this yourself (i.e., coming to terms with or blocking out this sound) before drawing this other person in.
posted by DingoMutt at 3:49 PM on October 29, 2015 [34 favorites]
This is a seemingly small point, but if you do talk to her (and personally I think pretentious illiterate's script is pretty good), avoid using the word "slurp" in particular and focus on the "bubbling aeration" aspect of the sound. I think I know the sound you're talking about, and it's a property of the bottle and in particular the straw, and NOT of the person's behavior (other than, you know, drinking out of it).
As implied by some comments above ("...feel weird and awful about how badly I must have been slurping"), "slurping" is a thing you do with your mouth, not an outside apparatus, and bears an implication of immaturity, lack of control over one's body, and/or ignorance of social eating conventions. Not always, I know; slurping ramen in a Japanese restaurant is totally OK, etc. I think the use of that word has shaded some of the answers here in a way you might not have intended, and you should probably avoid it if you talk with your coworker.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 4:03 PM on October 29, 2015 [6 favorites]
As implied by some comments above ("...feel weird and awful about how badly I must have been slurping"), "slurping" is a thing you do with your mouth, not an outside apparatus, and bears an implication of immaturity, lack of control over one's body, and/or ignorance of social eating conventions. Not always, I know; slurping ramen in a Japanese restaurant is totally OK, etc. I think the use of that word has shaded some of the answers here in a way you might not have intended, and you should probably avoid it if you talk with your coworker.
posted by Joey Buttafoucault at 4:03 PM on October 29, 2015 [6 favorites]
Just think, you can get rid of that pesky bottle AND your job all at the same time! OP, this is a terrible idea. Don't do it.
posted by Jubey at 4:13 PM on October 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Jubey at 4:13 PM on October 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm not trying to imply that you don't empathize with her (you obviously realize that it's something that she can't stop) but it you can really internalize it, maybe it won't bother you so much?
but I would strongly recommend you exhaust every option for solving this yourself (i.e., coming to terms with or blocking out this sound)
So I um, may have tried to do exactly these things for an entire year once, because I was embarrassed at how trivial I thought the problem seemed, and at best it only brought the annoyance down from an 8 to a 5-6. Eventually, the problem was solved instantly and completely when another co-worker just said something, incurring, as far as I could tell, no lingering hard feelings.
You may well be less high strung and neurotic than I am, and your co-worker may well be more sensitive -- but still, a data point.
(And on preview, oh my god, don't take the bottle or resort to any other weird passive aggressive notes/schemes.)
posted by en forme de poire at 4:15 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
but I would strongly recommend you exhaust every option for solving this yourself (i.e., coming to terms with or blocking out this sound)
So I um, may have tried to do exactly these things for an entire year once, because I was embarrassed at how trivial I thought the problem seemed, and at best it only brought the annoyance down from an 8 to a 5-6. Eventually, the problem was solved instantly and completely when another co-worker just said something, incurring, as far as I could tell, no lingering hard feelings.
You may well be less high strung and neurotic than I am, and your co-worker may well be more sensitive -- but still, a data point.
(And on preview, oh my god, don't take the bottle or resort to any other weird passive aggressive notes/schemes.)
posted by en forme de poire at 4:15 PM on October 29, 2015 [1 favorite]
Talking to her about it seems to be the only solution.
No! There are definitely other solutions.
For example, this is a great opportunity to develop the valuable skill of simply putting up with a minor annoyance.
TLDR - Just deal.
posted by paulcole at 4:18 PM on October 29, 2015 [34 favorites]
No! There are definitely other solutions.
For example, this is a great opportunity to develop the valuable skill of simply putting up with a minor annoyance.
TLDR - Just deal.
posted by paulcole at 4:18 PM on October 29, 2015 [34 favorites]
Get some headphones and casually mention to your co-workers that you've found recently that the ambient noise of the office is distracting you so you're going to try wearing headphones, so please if they need to talk to you, come to your cube or send an email. I don't know about your office but at mine, I'm the only person right now who does not have fancy Bluetooth headphones on pretty much all day. I've had to stop just yelling stuff over cube walls, but that's fine. It takes me a second to remember that no one can hear me, but on the other hand, no one can hear me fart!
posted by soren_lorensen at 5:04 PM on October 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by soren_lorensen at 5:04 PM on October 29, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm gonna disagree with the crowd here. I think this kind of coworker confrontation should be reserved for really egregious things-- gum cracking, loud personal calls, etc.-- stuff that has no place in the office anyway. Everyone's got to hydrate, man.
If you do have misphonia or are irritable (no judgement, I hate typing sounds to a weird degree) then you'll really want to save your big ask for something heinous. And you'll be a happier person if you work on addressing your misphonia or irritability, because they'll only come up in other circumstances down the road even if your neighbor finds a silent water bottle.
I think the risk of mortifying a coworker is high and I wouldn't be okay with that unless I was sure I'd exhausted all alternatives. I also think it's likely you'd been seen as entitled (fairly or not) because everyone in cube hell has to put up with everyone else's gross/annoying stuff.
This is something you might be able to solve yourself or teach yourself to tolerate and I think that's your best path before you ask an adult to change their perfectly normal behavior. Your reason for ruling out headphones without even trying them out is a bit thin-- why not give it a try and if it impedes your duties, then consider another option? I have a coworker who wears them-- I think because people in his area like to chat and he doesn't-- and it is not a big deal at all. Took us all a couple of days to adjust and now we know to get in his line of sight or shoot him an email if we need his attention.
posted by kapers at 5:13 PM on October 29, 2015 [8 favorites]
If you do have misphonia or are irritable (no judgement, I hate typing sounds to a weird degree) then you'll really want to save your big ask for something heinous. And you'll be a happier person if you work on addressing your misphonia or irritability, because they'll only come up in other circumstances down the road even if your neighbor finds a silent water bottle.
I think the risk of mortifying a coworker is high and I wouldn't be okay with that unless I was sure I'd exhausted all alternatives. I also think it's likely you'd been seen as entitled (fairly or not) because everyone in cube hell has to put up with everyone else's gross/annoying stuff.
This is something you might be able to solve yourself or teach yourself to tolerate and I think that's your best path before you ask an adult to change their perfectly normal behavior. Your reason for ruling out headphones without even trying them out is a bit thin-- why not give it a try and if it impedes your duties, then consider another option? I have a coworker who wears them-- I think because people in his area like to chat and he doesn't-- and it is not a big deal at all. Took us all a couple of days to adjust and now we know to get in his line of sight or shoot him an email if we need his attention.
posted by kapers at 5:13 PM on October 29, 2015 [8 favorites]
Just on the OFF chance that this is it, if it's a metal Klean Kanteen with the sport cap, it took me awhile to discover that if you just loosen the cap a smidge, it becomes a lot quieter. They're kind of notorious for being embarrassingly noisy, so I figured it's worth pointing this out just in case that's it. Your misophonia is not something your neighbors should have to go to great lengths to avoid, but in that case, it was always something that bugged me, too, so I was very glad to learn I could make it stop.
posted by Sequence at 5:17 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Sequence at 5:17 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
Personally, I vote honesty over something carefully crafted. I would find "That slurping noise is driving me batshit crazy" not at all offensive and probably really funny. With or without the gift of a new bottle / cup. On the other hand, "Excuse me, I know this is silly, but do you think maybe it would be ok if you could possibly use a different bottle?" would annoy the crap out of me.
posted by Miss Viola Swamp at 5:51 PM on October 29, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by Miss Viola Swamp at 5:51 PM on October 29, 2015 [7 favorites]
I would do everything possible to avoid making this request, because if I were your coworker, my reaction would be like DingoMutt's if you did it like most people would do it. Really want to emphasize that.
If I were driven to teeth-gnawing distraction whenever that sound happened, and was gripped by anxious fixation on its possible future happenings when it didn't, to the point that I was at risk of losing my job due to my halted productivity, I would go, "Meg, can we go for a coffee at break?" and then say something like "I don't know how to tell you this. You know I think you're great and [blah]. You know we're good [blah]. I'm so glad I can count on you to [blah]. That's why it seriously pains me to tell you that, only because I'm a complete weirdo with weirdo ears [you're not but this is what I'd say]" and then what Miss Viola Swamp said. Has to be over-the-top.
posted by cotton dress sock at 5:59 PM on October 29, 2015
If I were driven to teeth-gnawing distraction whenever that sound happened, and was gripped by anxious fixation on its possible future happenings when it didn't, to the point that I was at risk of losing my job due to my halted productivity, I would go, "Meg, can we go for a coffee at break?" and then say something like "I don't know how to tell you this. You know I think you're great and [blah]. You know we're good [blah]. I'm so glad I can count on you to [blah]. That's why it seriously pains me to tell you that, only because I'm a complete weirdo with weirdo ears [you're not but this is what I'd say]" and then what Miss Viola Swamp said. Has to be over-the-top.
posted by cotton dress sock at 5:59 PM on October 29, 2015
I think this is a totally reasonable thing to ask someone. I'd frame my ask around it just being distracting. Not that it was the slurping that was annoying, just focus on it being a distraction.
The slurping is something that many people would see as prissy/fussy/tiresome/stapler guy/dwight schrute. General distraction is a legitimate complaint.
The distracting item is the water bottle, but that's pretty much a footnote. Lead with it being distracting, and just general distracting noises. Talk about it being loud, not the specific sound.
Several friends of mine have had water bottles like this and the noise is ATROCIOUS and shockingly loud for what it is. I myself have a stupid water bottle that every time i open the cap(it's not the straw type) the weird seal on the cap goes SCREEEEEEEECH comically loud. I've woken people up with it.
I'm on team this is distracting/unreasonable, not deal with it. This isn't your neighbor in an apartment building or something, this is someone being distracting in an office. There's thousands of variations of water bottles/cups/water receptacles that don't make loud slurping sounds. Seriously. I put this in the same category as gum smacking.
posted by emptythought at 6:51 PM on October 29, 2015 [7 favorites]
The slurping is something that many people would see as prissy/fussy/tiresome/stapler guy/dwight schrute. General distraction is a legitimate complaint.
The distracting item is the water bottle, but that's pretty much a footnote. Lead with it being distracting, and just general distracting noises. Talk about it being loud, not the specific sound.
Several friends of mine have had water bottles like this and the noise is ATROCIOUS and shockingly loud for what it is. I myself have a stupid water bottle that every time i open the cap(it's not the straw type) the weird seal on the cap goes SCREEEEEEEECH comically loud. I've woken people up with it.
I'm on team this is distracting/unreasonable, not deal with it. This isn't your neighbor in an apartment building or something, this is someone being distracting in an office. There's thousands of variations of water bottles/cups/water receptacles that don't make loud slurping sounds. Seriously. I put this in the same category as gum smacking.
posted by emptythought at 6:51 PM on October 29, 2015 [7 favorites]
I would make a joke of it - laughingly point out how loud of a slurp the bottle makes, and giggle when you hear it.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 6:52 PM on October 29, 2015
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 6:52 PM on October 29, 2015
It is about the waterbottle, not the person's drinking technique. Make that clear.
My style would be something like "Dude, you have the *loudest* water bottle. I am gonna get a silencer for that straw." Possibly coupled with "ugh, cubicles are the worst, if they gave us real offices you could drink from Niagara Falls and I wouldn't notice".
This will work best the sooner you do it. If they've had the water bottle for a while, and you have been around for a while, any slightly anxious person is going to be worried that you haven't been telling them, and maybe there are other noises you hear and aren't mentioning. But if the situation is new, then quickly commenting can result in an actual solution.
Save your tolerance for things that can't be changed, or behavior that is hard to fix, like the person who blows their nose a lot, or talks loudly on the phone, or taps their fingers.
But this? It's not a habit or an action, it's a water bottle. It can be replaced, at low cost, and is unlikely to have sentimental value or cultural resonance.
The only way you should provide the new bottle is if they push back with "well I just got it so I won't get a new one" to which you can say "seriously, maybe this is just me, but I will honestly buy you a new bottle, it is disrupting me that much."
posted by nat at 7:30 PM on October 29, 2015 [6 favorites]
My style would be something like "Dude, you have the *loudest* water bottle. I am gonna get a silencer for that straw." Possibly coupled with "ugh, cubicles are the worst, if they gave us real offices you could drink from Niagara Falls and I wouldn't notice".
This will work best the sooner you do it. If they've had the water bottle for a while, and you have been around for a while, any slightly anxious person is going to be worried that you haven't been telling them, and maybe there are other noises you hear and aren't mentioning. But if the situation is new, then quickly commenting can result in an actual solution.
Save your tolerance for things that can't be changed, or behavior that is hard to fix, like the person who blows their nose a lot, or talks loudly on the phone, or taps their fingers.
But this? It's not a habit or an action, it's a water bottle. It can be replaced, at low cost, and is unlikely to have sentimental value or cultural resonance.
The only way you should provide the new bottle is if they push back with "well I just got it so I won't get a new one" to which you can say "seriously, maybe this is just me, but I will honestly buy you a new bottle, it is disrupting me that much."
posted by nat at 7:30 PM on October 29, 2015 [6 favorites]
It took me a long freaking time to find a water bottle that I liked, and it wasn't cheap when I settled on one. I've replaced it twice with the same model. If you came and asked me to change it? I would...be really put out, and I would feel like I'd been put in an impossible position. Please try the approaches that don't impose on your coworker.
(And please do not crack jokes about how noisy it is or laugh at your co-worker in an attempt to 'lightly' bring up the problem. If you did THAT? I'd be either enraged or anxious about my water-drinking habits for years.)
posted by wintersweet at 7:36 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
(And please do not crack jokes about how noisy it is or laugh at your co-worker in an attempt to 'lightly' bring up the problem. If you did THAT? I'd be either enraged or anxious about my water-drinking habits for years.)
posted by wintersweet at 7:36 PM on October 29, 2015 [2 favorites]
I think this is a matter of sucking it up like an adult. Honestly, if someone told me something like that - no matter how smoothly they managed to do it - I think I would resent them a little bit from them on out. Like, oh, there's the princess, mustn't offend her delicate ears. Honestly that's just what my thoughts might sound like - I mean no disrespect towards you. Unless a close friend said it to me, it would probably make me feel unpleasent towards you.
Your coworker may or may not feel the same way but I would err on the side of caution when dealing with people you work with and may be working with for a long time.
ps I myself have dealt with annoying coworkers making annoying sounds constantly
pps the world is full of annoying sounds and does not exist to cater to you (I know I sound like an asshole but I stand by it)
posted by atinna at 9:07 PM on October 29, 2015 [8 favorites]
Your coworker may or may not feel the same way but I would err on the side of caution when dealing with people you work with and may be working with for a long time.
ps I myself have dealt with annoying coworkers making annoying sounds constantly
pps the world is full of annoying sounds and does not exist to cater to you (I know I sound like an asshole but I stand by it)
posted by atinna at 9:07 PM on October 29, 2015 [8 favorites]
I'm really surprised at a lot of the replies here, I thought it would be mostly "make words come out of your face" type of advice.
Just to counter, if you leaned over and said to me "Hey, sorry, but your water bottle is really noisy." I'd apologize and stop, and I'd not spend a lifetime seething over it or even really ever think about it again. (Unless you waited a really long time to say anything, or were super tense while saying it, then I'd be like JESUS why didn't you say something sooner???)
And I spend WEEKS agonizing over every tiny social faux pas. I used to think I had bad social anxiety, Metafilter has taught me I'm more center of the road apparently.
posted by Dynex at 10:35 PM on October 29, 2015 [8 favorites]
Just to counter, if you leaned over and said to me "Hey, sorry, but your water bottle is really noisy." I'd apologize and stop, and I'd not spend a lifetime seething over it or even really ever think about it again. (Unless you waited a really long time to say anything, or were super tense while saying it, then I'd be like JESUS why didn't you say something sooner???)
And I spend WEEKS agonizing over every tiny social faux pas. I used to think I had bad social anxiety, Metafilter has taught me I'm more center of the road apparently.
posted by Dynex at 10:35 PM on October 29, 2015 [8 favorites]
I'm betting it's a Bobble. They do this. I have one. I am aware of this noise but it's the best water bottle I've used and it actually makes me drink water. What they might need to do though is replace that filter. It makes a lot less noise when it's new. Maybe you can mention something about having one at home and suggesting it's time to change the filter? Be jokey and self-deprecating about the noise and suggest that this might be why.
posted by like_neon at 3:14 AM on October 30, 2015
posted by like_neon at 3:14 AM on October 30, 2015
Honestly, if this person is going to be emotionally devastated or hold a long-term grudge just because they were told that their water bottle makes an annoying noise, maybe they're the one who needs to "suck it up like an adult." Tiny interpersonal conflicts are inevitable whenever multiple people share space. It is a helpful skill to be able to resolve these conflicts without getting totally bent out of shape.
Nobody is entitled to exactly the workplace they want, obviously. But as far as unreasonable expectations go, "I must never have a slightly awkward conversation with a co-worker" is certainly no more realistic than "I must never hear an annoying sound."
posted by en forme de poire at 4:06 AM on October 30, 2015 [12 favorites]
Nobody is entitled to exactly the workplace they want, obviously. But as far as unreasonable expectations go, "I must never have a slightly awkward conversation with a co-worker" is certainly no more realistic than "I must never hear an annoying sound."
posted by en forme de poire at 4:06 AM on October 30, 2015 [12 favorites]
Yeah, I think a "kidding on the square" type talk would go well here. Try not to be too sarcastic and be very humble.
"Sally, I'm having such a hard time with this and I understand this is totally my problem, but your water bottle makes a noise that drives me bats. Is there a way I could buy you a new, different-style water bottle, or you could drink from a glass, etc.? Any way you could help me with this, I would appreciate. I know it's a pain."
She'll probably be mortified and always self-conscious whenever she drinks from it--unless she's an evil wench (not likely).
Think before you do this because you will NEVER be able to ask her to do anything for you ever again. This is it. This is the one thing you can ask. If you ask anything else in the future, you're a dick. Tread carefully.
posted by Piedmont_Americana at 4:44 AM on October 30, 2015 [4 favorites]
"Sally, I'm having such a hard time with this and I understand this is totally my problem, but your water bottle makes a noise that drives me bats. Is there a way I could buy you a new, different-style water bottle, or you could drink from a glass, etc.? Any way you could help me with this, I would appreciate. I know it's a pain."
She'll probably be mortified and always self-conscious whenever she drinks from it--unless she's an evil wench (not likely).
Think before you do this because you will NEVER be able to ask her to do anything for you ever again. This is it. This is the one thing you can ask. If you ask anything else in the future, you're a dick. Tread carefully.
posted by Piedmont_Americana at 4:44 AM on October 30, 2015 [4 favorites]
I would definitely use the word 'slurp'. Say it twice. Say it so that she becomes conscious of what the sound is that she is making. I don't understand how a bottle design would affect the quality of slurping sounds. She's a slurper and give a new bottle she will slurp again and slurp away, oblivious to the pain and suffering she is causing those around her. Now how to deal? Do you go for the passive aggressive 'oh my! you like slurping huh?' Or do you say 'sorry Sally, I don't mean to bother you but I find the way you SLURP on your bottle a little distracting' ? Don't apologise too much because then she'll think you're difficult and petty. Be confident in your accusation. She is destroying the ambience and how dare she walk around unselfconsciously when the rest of us have no choice! She will hate you but so what? Do you want to be pals with a slurper? You were never going to be best friends anyway.
Alternatively, you could just put up with it. I sat in front of a woman who had a laugh like a whale having an asthma attack. I sat next to a man who would pull angry faces at the computer whenever he would read an article he disagreed with. I even sat in front of a guy who would floss. IN MY FACE. As if this was acceptable behaviour. Or what about the guy with the really bad toupee who would eat potato chips like a gnat munching on bricks?
In the world of cubicles, everyone is an arsehole. I am surprised your office only contains one. Look around. There are more.
posted by ihaveyourfoot at 6:12 AM on October 30, 2015
Alternatively, you could just put up with it. I sat in front of a woman who had a laugh like a whale having an asthma attack. I sat next to a man who would pull angry faces at the computer whenever he would read an article he disagreed with. I even sat in front of a guy who would floss. IN MY FACE. As if this was acceptable behaviour. Or what about the guy with the really bad toupee who would eat potato chips like a gnat munching on bricks?
In the world of cubicles, everyone is an arsehole. I am surprised your office only contains one. Look around. There are more.
posted by ihaveyourfoot at 6:12 AM on October 30, 2015
No! There are definitely other solutions.
For example, this is a great opportunity to develop the valuable skill of simply putting up with a minor annoyance.
TLDR - Just deal.
HA. hahahaha
oh fuck that. If you really do suffer from the world tilting obsessional fixation that is misophonia, then "dealing" is going to take every ounce of your energy all day every day and you will eventually shrivel up into a ball of twitching irrational hate.
I have headphones in pretty much every second that I am at my desk listening to brown noise on simplynoise.com. People joke me for this, but the joking is ribbing / toothless. No one bats an eye when I explain that I can't concentrate over the rustling and conversational din of the office without the white noise. Office mates just wave / knock to get my attention if they want to do a popover the wall question. Or ping me on the chat client, which is my preference in general anyway. I whole heartedly recommend this solution. In fact, you may convert other people in the office... I now have a few misophonia friends! We plot our seats in meetings to avoid the gum chewers together.
posted by skrozidile at 7:21 AM on October 30, 2015 [3 favorites]
For example, this is a great opportunity to develop the valuable skill of simply putting up with a minor annoyance.
TLDR - Just deal.
HA. hahahaha
oh fuck that. If you really do suffer from the world tilting obsessional fixation that is misophonia, then "dealing" is going to take every ounce of your energy all day every day and you will eventually shrivel up into a ball of twitching irrational hate.
I have headphones in pretty much every second that I am at my desk listening to brown noise on simplynoise.com. People joke me for this, but the joking is ribbing / toothless. No one bats an eye when I explain that I can't concentrate over the rustling and conversational din of the office without the white noise. Office mates just wave / knock to get my attention if they want to do a popover the wall question. Or ping me on the chat client, which is my preference in general anyway. I whole heartedly recommend this solution. In fact, you may convert other people in the office... I now have a few misophonia friends! We plot our seats in meetings to avoid the gum chewers together.
posted by skrozidile at 7:21 AM on October 30, 2015 [3 favorites]
Tread carefully. Right or wrong, this is exactly how you create minor enemies at work -- depending on the person, of course, but it's impossible to predict. Yes, people should ideally be above it and should be able to accept feedback like a professional, but humans gonna human. And it's a very human tendency indeed to start slowly hating on people who would offer unsolicited criticisms on what some might consider to be #first world problems, such as one's choice of water bottle.
"What are my options? It's not something like finger tapping where she can just stop. She would need to buy a new water bottle to get around the problem. Buying her a new one myself seems presumptuous. Maybe she really likes that one and doesn't want to change?"
Correct, it would be extremely presumptuous and boundary-crossing of you to buy her a different water bottle that she does not want, and it could also be perceived as controlling behavior. For your opening move here, I don't recommend you waste your limited supply of social capital on fighting this particular battle by using words to her face about how you basically think she is doing it wrong, until you have exhausted all other possible solutions - and you do have several options here. First, headphones or earplugs.
"I've considered headphones with white noise, but people occasionally ask me questions over the walls and I want to be available to respond."
When you don't respond immediately and they get up to see if you are actually sitting there, and then they see you are wearing headphones, they'll quickly find another way to get your attention. You could proactively let folks know you're going to start wearing headphones, so they should message you or just get your attention in person. Problem solved in a day or two, tops.
If the headphones/earplugs option fails, request a move to a different cubicle/floor. That, or cite your putative misophonia and ask HR about accommodation options, such as telecommuting some of the time.
posted by hush at 10:05 AM on October 30, 2015
"What are my options? It's not something like finger tapping where she can just stop. She would need to buy a new water bottle to get around the problem. Buying her a new one myself seems presumptuous. Maybe she really likes that one and doesn't want to change?"
Correct, it would be extremely presumptuous and boundary-crossing of you to buy her a different water bottle that she does not want, and it could also be perceived as controlling behavior. For your opening move here, I don't recommend you waste your limited supply of social capital on fighting this particular battle by using words to her face about how you basically think she is doing it wrong, until you have exhausted all other possible solutions - and you do have several options here. First, headphones or earplugs.
"I've considered headphones with white noise, but people occasionally ask me questions over the walls and I want to be available to respond."
When you don't respond immediately and they get up to see if you are actually sitting there, and then they see you are wearing headphones, they'll quickly find another way to get your attention. You could proactively let folks know you're going to start wearing headphones, so they should message you or just get your attention in person. Problem solved in a day or two, tops.
If the headphones/earplugs option fails, request a move to a different cubicle/floor. That, or cite your putative misophonia and ask HR about accommodation options, such as telecommuting some of the time.
posted by hush at 10:05 AM on October 30, 2015
Gosh. I must be really chill (I'm not), because if a coworker told me nicely (or jokily - as long as it wasn't aggressively or shittily) that my water bottle was annoying them, I'd just get another one. Or start drinking out of a glass. I certainly wouldn't seethe, or be mortified, or start calling them SlurpyMcPrincess, or whatever.
People need to concentrate at work. Open-plan offices are hellish enough as it is. I'm not so precious that I can't get my 'hydration' (note: we are sitting at desks, not running marathons) out of a different vessel so as not to irritate someone else.
posted by Salamander at 6:41 PM on October 30, 2015 [4 favorites]
People need to concentrate at work. Open-plan offices are hellish enough as it is. I'm not so precious that I can't get my 'hydration' (note: we are sitting at desks, not running marathons) out of a different vessel so as not to irritate someone else.
posted by Salamander at 6:41 PM on October 30, 2015 [4 favorites]
As a misophoniac, I sympathize completely. These are the kinds of sounds that are crazy-making. I asked one coworker to stop the loud gum cracking, and it worked out just fine. I asked another to stop, and she literally claimed that she doesn't even chew gum!? (I can't see her, but we share a cube wall.)
Anyway, before I throttled the latter, I fortunately discovered good but cheap, sound blocking, in-ear headphones and mynoise.net. Over the ear headphones weren't cutting it; I could hear straight through them. I've tried both the Panasonic RPHJE120K In-Ear Headphones and the JVC HAFX5B Gumy Plus Inner Ear Headphones. They're both equally effective and less than $10. I can wear them all day, and they don't hurt or irritate. I cannot emphasize how wonderful the earbud/mynoise combo is. I swear my blood pressure has dropped 20 points.
People now know that I can't hear over the cube wall, so they have to email, message, or stop over to talk. I've explained that I'm very sensitive to noise, so I wear the headphones so I can concentrate. It's a small price to pay for my sanity.
posted by ReginaHart at 10:52 AM on October 31, 2015 [3 favorites]
Anyway, before I throttled the latter, I fortunately discovered good but cheap, sound blocking, in-ear headphones and mynoise.net. Over the ear headphones weren't cutting it; I could hear straight through them. I've tried both the Panasonic RPHJE120K In-Ear Headphones and the JVC HAFX5B Gumy Plus Inner Ear Headphones. They're both equally effective and less than $10. I can wear them all day, and they don't hurt or irritate. I cannot emphasize how wonderful the earbud/mynoise combo is. I swear my blood pressure has dropped 20 points.
People now know that I can't hear over the cube wall, so they have to email, message, or stop over to talk. I've explained that I'm very sensitive to noise, so I wear the headphones so I can concentrate. It's a small price to pay for my sanity.
posted by ReginaHart at 10:52 AM on October 31, 2015 [3 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by shenkerism at 2:15 PM on October 29, 2015