Thinking of moving to Charlotte from Hudson Valley NY

October 25, 2015 8:15 AM

Wrestling with whether or not to move to Charlotte. I'd appreciate feedback on Charlotte as well as making such a huge decision as moving in general.

I recently broke up with my Fiance. We were together for 8 years and it is definitely over. I have been in a major rut - part of the reason that we broke up is that we were both stuck.

I am in the position of having to start my life over at 36 years old. I have never lived anywhere else. I am unhappy at my job and sick of the NY winters. Everywhere I go I am reminded of her. The cost of living here is so expensive that it is going to be difficult to live a decent lifestyle as a single man. It seems that there aren't a lot of job opportunities here for me (retail/management/sales) that pay a decent wage. I currently make about 55k.

I don't have any friends or anything holding me back. Part of me feels like moving would be the best way to have a fresh start. My Brother lives in Charlotte and loves it. I wouldn't want to move somewhere without friends or family.

Art is a HUGE part of my life. My girl and I would go to NYC all the time to see concerts and go to museums etc. The Hudson Valley is beautiful. The Hudson River, the mountains....everything is so close and I love the seasons (except the brutal winters). I am not a left winger, but at the risk of sounding like an ignorant elitist douche, I don't want to move to a place that is all Nascar, Applebees and Country Music. I know that it is not NYC, but is there cool art going on? Do bands (other than huge bands) tour there? Do they have indie movie theaters and cool restaurants?

I did a little searching for women on dating sites and it seems that they all love sports and have a dog and read 50 shades of grey (no exaggeration). I am "paranoid" that I won't meet people who are into high brow literature, MadMen and Radiohead. I don't know if I could suffer through talking about Nicholas Sparks and going to see Will Ferrel movies.

How is the job market? I know that the job market here in NY sucks as I receive resumes regularly from overqualified people. I know that the cost of living is less, but I am worried about not being able to find a decent job. Are the salaries decent?

Weather - I love the seasons here and the Fall. I don't mind the cold, but I hate not being able to go outside for months of the year. The tons of snow that we have been receiving suck too. Conversely, I HATE humidity.

I don't know if moving will be a gutsy but difficult thing that will ultimately shake things up and start me on the road to happiness or be completely stupid and I'll regret it. When people say "you could always move back"....that is not what I want to hear right now

Thank you in advance

posted by kbbbo to Home & Garden (15 answers total)

There's definitely an arts scene in Charlotte, and you can go see some pretty great stuff for a lot cheaper than you could in NYC. Charlotte's full of transplants so you'll probably be able to find like-minded people, too. If your brother has a big social group, that will be the most help to you.

HOWEVER. You hate humidity and want to be able to go out all year. Charlotte's summers are so hot that I feel they are functionally similar to a NY winter. They are also humid. You mention that you love the natural beauty of your current area--Charlotte is pretty flat and uninspiring, though a 1-2 hour drive will get you somewhere more attractive if that works for you.

Charlotte could work for you, but if you have friends/family in other parts of the country I'd look at those too.
posted by chaiminda at 8:30 AM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]

I know you want to live near your brother, but how near? I have a lot of family and friends in that part of the world, and I think you're more likely to find (more of) your people in the Raleigh-Durham area, ~2 hours from Charlotte. Just a thought.
posted by goodbyewaffles at 8:36 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]

A big move like this is a lot - a lot - to process and can be very challenging. From the little stuff like figuring out where to get groceries to the big stuff like finding friends, a move like this is a big transition. I don't say this to dissuade you, more to say that yes, your life will change if you move. It is inevitable. In some ways it will change for the better and in other ways maybe not. And it will take awhile for the change to really make itself known; there's a lot of alone time and a lot of just figuring things out in the beginning of a transition like this.

I just made a similar move (but in the other direction) and do want to say that the differences between living in the tristate area and living in the middle of North Carolina are pretty stark, particularly with respect to how the politics in each state affect the day to day. I might do some research into the local and state government in Charlotte before I made a move like this.

Best of luck.
posted by sockermom at 8:54 AM on October 25, 2015

I also think that it might be helpful for you to think about how you framed this question and the research you've done to date on this move. It strikes me that you searched for potential women to date but that you didn't look into job opportunities.

You say that you are interested in finding a road to happiness. With apologies for being trite, the road to happiness lies within. You may want to consider what you need irrespective of a significant other in order to feel happy and fulfilled. You are still going to be you, no matter where you are located.

Take care.
posted by sockermom at 9:12 AM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]

Strongly second looking at Durham or Chapel Hill. There is an art scene in Charlotte, and there are cool people, but it's a small minority. The major industries there are banks and insurance companies, and it shows. In Durham and CH you can be less than 2 hours from Charlotte and you will feel like you are among your people much more than you ever could in Charlotte.

That said, summers down here are pretty brutal and humid, but very few places in the US are perfect weather-wise.
posted by Rock Steady at 9:15 AM on October 25, 2015 [3 favorites]

This is what I started to write:

25+ year resident of Charlotte here. Honestly, I'd suggest you look elsewhere. Like chaiminda, the comment about humidity really stood out for me, but beyond that it feels like you would almost be setting yourself up for a lot of confirmation bias unhappiness based on what you've laid out as your observations of the area so far. Charlotte is a big-ish city with a cultural life that's appropriate to its size (and lightyears beyond where it was when I moved here in '88), but it is located in the South, it is the home of Nascar, and you probably are going to encounter people here with "flyover country" (lowbrow) sensibilities.

And now, after reading some of your past questions (*which I realize is seen as Bad Form by some Mefites, and I hope you don't feel is overly intrusive), this is what I'd say:

Don't move to run away. Don't move to Charlotte, or anywhere for that matter, if you are not 100% PSYCHED to do it and feeling like THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT FOR ME. I realize this may not be in your emotional makeup, but I think it's going to be key to whether you end up happy wherever you are.

As a compromise, can you give Charlotte a test run, rather than upending the whole apple cart of your life all at once? Frame it as a sabbatical - spending the winter down south. Maybe you can even keep a line to your current job if you pitch it that way. You've got a financial cushion and a free place to live. Give yourself six months to test the waters - professionally and socially - and then you can decide whether it's the right place for you based on real evidence.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 9:18 AM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]

I have a few female friends in NC and most are into Radiohead, but only post-Amnesiac. Nobody's perfect, I guess.
posted by paulcole at 10:57 AM on October 25, 2015

Have you considered Asheville? The climate there is better, less humid in the summer than Charlotte, warmer in the winter than NY. It's in beautiful mountains, and I'm sure you'd find plenty of like-minded people. It's about two hours from Charlotte, so you could see your brother often.
posted by mareli at 12:24 PM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]

Spend more time on job sites and less on culture or dating sites before you decide on this move.

The Hudson Valley to Charlotte metro change in cost of living isn't that great. Maybe you'll be able to save $500 a month, or $6k a year. Call that $8k a year in gross salary terms, so you need for your new job to pay at least $47k to break even. The very large majority of $55k a year jobs in the New York exurbs pay a lot less than $47k in the Charlotte area, so in all likelihood you're not going to be moving forward on this.
posted by MattD at 12:56 PM on October 25, 2015 [1 favorite]

As someone who has lived in both the northern and southern US, I gotta say that neither place is as bad -- or as good -- as the stereotypes would make you think. Of course, there are many liberal intellectuals with indie tastes in the South, and certainly in a larger city such as Charlotte. However, it will be hard to find those people if you approach the move with the elitist mindset that everyone in the South is ignorant or small-minded. That attitude is also off-putting to the indie types who have carved out their niche while respecting the mainstream culture surrounding them. Technically, it's OK for you think whatever you want but, that said, it's probably not a good idea for you to consider moving there either.

When it comes to dating, I'm going to assume you're looking for just one good match, right? So I'd really base your decision on things like your ability to find a job, a neighborhood you like, etc. The move would be a big deal but it's also not permanent: you could always go back if you didn't like it, especially if you pare down your belongings. I like people's suggestions of approaching it as a trial run, like could you do a short-term lease or live with your brother for a month or two? At the very least, I'd try to spend a least a few days there during the week to see how you like it before thinking about this much more. This Charlotte city guide from Design*Sponge might give you some ideas for hangouts that are up your alley.
posted by smorgasbord at 2:14 PM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]

I was in a similar situation several years ago and moved from the Hudson Valley to Cary, NC. I had family in the area. I was told to give it 3 years to get used to the humidity and heat. A job wasn't too hard to find, however, salaries were lower. I didn't see much of a difference in cost of living either. I gave it 3 years and I'm now living in the Catskills, NY. No I couldn't get used to the humidity. You live almost 6 months in air conditioning. I also couldn't get used to the partially hidden racism that southerners deny.
I am white, they are white, they do not realize how southern they are-meaning very 'church minded', very conservative. Yes, there are pockets of other paths but not so many.
Cary was known as the Containment Area for Relocated Yankees, so you get the picture.
Good luck on whatever you decide.
posted by donaken at 3:45 PM on October 25, 2015 [2 favorites]

I have friends in Greensboro and they love it, but omg, the humidity is bad. And I come from a humid city too but mine at least has sea breezes.
posted by kitten magic at 6:08 PM on October 25, 2015

As a Charlotte native who now lives in Atlanta, I'm going to echo what others have said. Off the top of my head, I can easily think of a dozen good friends who still live in the area who are indie rock and movie loving foodies who read books. Some of them also like country music. Some of them also like NASCAR. Most of them are super into ACC basketball. Some of them are even (gasp) dog owners. And many of them are not white.

The biggest problems that I've seen for transplants to Charlotte (and Atlanta) from outside the south is that they avoid southerners and they never try to understand the place and its culture. Charlotte has great history and huge diversity. It has a thriving black middle class. It was important during the Civil Rights Movement, especially in terms of school integration, and the black churches and the historically black Johnson C. Smith University have been hugely important in shaping who the city is. There is also a large public research university (UNC-Charlotte) and a number of other small liberal arts colleges. It was a settlement site for refugees from the wars in Southeast Asia, mostly Vietnamese and Laotian. There are large Greek Orthodox, Jewish, and Muslim communities. Mostly, it's just a large American city, with a new, pretty good light rail system, somewhat crappy professional sports teams, bad traffic, great food, and good people.

If you are going to do this, you must approach the city as a place where all kinds of people live, not as a set of stereotypes.

Here are some links to get you started:
Cool neighborhoods: NoDa, Dilworth, Elizabeth

Things to do:
Mint Museum, Manor Theater, The Milestone
posted by hydropsyche at 8:13 AM on October 26, 2015 [6 favorites]

I just realized that the link to the Manor is not to the Manor in Charlotte at all. They used to have their own webpage, but I guess not anymore: here's the Regal Cinemas one.
posted by hydropsyche at 12:45 PM on October 26, 2015

And here's a story about it being haunted, which also gives some of the history and architectural details.
posted by hydropsyche at 12:47 PM on October 26, 2015