Tips for a family-wide reset?
January 15, 2013 8:34 AM Subscribe
My wife (27) and I (30) are moving our small family (+2 year old son, -anything that won't fit in 6 suitcases) across the country to Portland, Oregon. In large part we're leaving all of our (supportive, loving) local family and friends looking for adventure and to consciously decide the sort of people we will be (Along with a serious upgrade of location from suburban Central Florida). Have others done a similar reset with themselves or their entire family? Any recommendations on how to be loving and charitable to family and friends while you are leaving and enjoying the next phase? Or pointers on how to meet and embrace a new set of friends and "family"?
posted by stickwithjosh to human relations (18 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
My wife and I are sort of recovering fundamentalist (still christian) people that have grown up in small towns around Orlando, FL. We both participated in the leadership of our local church (I was the worship leader / music person for 6-7 years), both of our parents live within 20 minutes, we're a 10 minutes drive to the small private school we both graduated from etc.
We're also moving into our thirties and at some point last year started asking ourselves mid-life crisis style questions, "Who are we?" "Who do we want to be?" "If we could live anywhere, where would we live?"
Thankfully my day job (I make internet stuff for a small non-profit) lends itself to working remotely and Melissa is hanging out with our kid full-time. So barring church commitments, an underwater mortgage (short sale in process, looks like it'll be OK) and our familial / friend relationships we could literally live anywhere. The idea of relocation to PDX was something we've talked about for years (we're fans of the weather, the city, the culture, and a number of things my wife has been posting about).
So... we decided to move. We're about 8 weeks away at this point and we're both filled with anxiety, excitement and doubt. In many ways we're not running away from our lives here as much as attempting to run into what we think a better version of our lives could be. After some consideration we also decided to limit ourselves to what we could take with us on the (very gracious) southwest baggage limits. Time for a reset.
The question really centers around making friends (and hopefully families of friends) and embracing this "full family mid-life crisis" in a healthy way. Does anyone else have stories about doing something drastic to reset and remake themselves or their families future? Any pointers on making new friends in a new city?
I'd also love to hear any suggestions on how to make friends and family from Central Florida feel included in our lives (we're pretty sure we'll be able to swing 1-2 trips "back home" a year—but we've got nephews and nieces and dads and moms and cousins and friends all sorts of people to stay in contact with).
Sadly, I can count on one hand the number of people that have said supportive things about our move, and it feels like our (friends and family) are largely putting their happiness and proximity to us above our own happiness—which is maybe understandable but a good reminder of the way hometowns sometimes don't let people go.
I've been trolling the "moving" and "relocation" tags on MF for what seems like years at this point, hopefully this thread will prove as useful to others as it might be to me.