Editor-in-Chief: Should I take the job?

October 19, 2015 2:03 PM

Hi, Ok here's my situation. Last year around this time I was diagnosed with bipolar. I lost my job, my apartment, everything. I was living several states away and I had to move home to live with my grandparents. When I arrived back home, I contacted one of my old employers who let me come back on part time as a writer and photographer. I love the job!! It gave me so much of my confidence back. However, it's only part time so the only reason I could afford to work there is bc my grandparents did not charge me for rent or food. I am 30, by the way.

Fast forward 5 months.

My mom is putting me under immense pressure to move out of my grandparents. She says I need to get on with my life as an adult, so I began applying for jobs.

I applied for three jobs total when I got a call for an interview.

The same day as I interviewed, they offered me the full time job of editor. Here's the problem: it's only $35k and NO benefits, meaning I will have to continue to pay for my own health insurance, and hope I don't have a major episode that lands me in the ER.

So my question is, should I take this job just so I can move out or should I keep looking for something making more money and with benefits???

posted by asmith30 to Work & Money (19 answers total)

To address one small point: have you tried negotiating the salary upward yet? You may be able to get enough additional in salary to offset the cost of health insurance. It's a good job to have on your resume, depending on what direction you want your career to take.
posted by JenMarie at 2:15 PM on October 19, 2015 [2 favorites]

Why not take this job, which sounds like a good resume item, if somewhat underpaid, *and* stay where you are. Living with family isn't some shameful problem in this day and age, especially if you're working and contributing to the household. Having a support structure around you is important when dealing with mental health issues. Your grandparents sound like a good support structure. Your mom, not so much.
posted by jacquilynne at 2:15 PM on October 19, 2015 [23 favorites]

Try plugging your new salary into the proper Obamacare website and see what self-paid insurance would cost you. That may help you make a decision.
posted by Mo Nickels at 2:17 PM on October 19, 2015 [3 favorites]

If your mother thinks your adult enough to get on with your life as an adult, then you are adult enough to not have your life run by your fucking mother.

Are your grandparents happy to have you live with them? That's the only variable at play here.
posted by DarlingBri at 2:19 PM on October 19, 2015 [50 favorites]

you will be eligible for a tax credit with Obamacare.
posted by bearette at 2:27 PM on October 19, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm not sure where you are living, so take this with a grain of salt. But have you actually priced out rent + Obamacare, possibly in a shared living situation with others? When I have lived in more expensive cities, it is perfectly normal for people in their 30s to have apartment/housemates. And, if your work does not provide health benefits, you should be eligible for the exchange. Even without subsidies, I think I paid ~$350/month earlier this year when I was briefly on an exchange plan, but this varies widely by area. From my brief internet research, it looks like you can receive at least some subsidies under $45,960/year as a singler person, so this may be an option to reduce your premium as well.

All that said, if living with your grandparents is working well for everyone except your mom (who presumably does NOT live there), feel free to ignore her as her opinion isn't really relevant here. Aside from the money, I could see how someone in your situation might appreciate the added security/stability of living with family, and that's not a bad thing!
posted by rainbowbrite at 2:27 PM on October 19, 2015

My mom is putting me under immense pressure to move out of my grandparents. She says I need to get on with my life as an adult, so I began applying for jobs.

F THAT NOISE. It sounds like you are doing a great job picking yourself back up from a huge, life-disrupting event. Here is an adult-sized dose of reality for your mom: you now have a serious health condition, and you need health insurance. You NEED health insurance. GOOD health insurance, probably. Keep looking until you can support yourself under those terms, not your mom's idea of what adulthood means.
posted by the_blizz at 2:28 PM on October 19, 2015 [4 favorites]

It's only been five months and it sounds like you're doing really well. Your Mom knows a lot of things, but she doesn't seem to know much about this.
posted by amtho at 2:30 PM on October 19, 2015 [7 favorites]

What everyone else said! Ask if they can do a better salary but aim to accept the job, don't move if grandparents are ok with it (build a cash reserve like a responsible adult!, maybe buy groceries for the house sometimes), and mother does not know best.

Take care of yourself.
posted by zennie at 2:47 PM on October 19, 2015

Response by poster: I am OP: I pay for ObamaCare at $150 a month. My meds are roughly $80 per month, visit to the psych is $50 and therapist is $60. The disorder really adds up. When I was first diagnosed, my dad gave me several thousand dollars to float myself after I lost my job due to a three week hospitalization, and my parents are very conservative. Accepting the job and staying at my grandparents is not an option bc the job is 1.5 hours away each way. My mom has said that my grandparents are "too nice to ever tell me to leave" but that I should recognize they are old and want their peace. She also asks me all the time if I feel guilty for staying there, which I guess I do.
posted by asmith30 at 2:47 PM on October 19, 2015 [3 favorites]

Yeah, I'm the mom. Well, not YOUR mom, but I've been in this situation before. It's very possible that your mom has a much clearer understanding of how your presence in their house affects your grandparents than you do. It's hard to have a grandchild back under their roof after all these years, and six months is about the limit of hospitality. Take the job, work your budget with shared housing, use it to move forward in a positive manner.
posted by raisingsand at 3:00 PM on October 19, 2015 [7 favorites]

For the record, I don't think that's very cool your mom is pushing you to feel guilt for accepting family help while you were in the throes of a serious medical crisis and recovery. You sound like you are doing great. Given that the job is 1.5 hours away it does look like moving out is the best option as long as it doesn't jeopardize the gains you've made (and your grandparents haven't asked you to). Feel free to ignore your mom's attempts to guilt-trip you, though, that's neither kind nor productive.
posted by JenMarie at 3:05 PM on October 19, 2015 [4 favorites]

I've been the advocate for my grandmother when my cousin invited herself to live with her. Grandma was too sweet to mention her discomfort with sharing her bathroom habits and nocturnal wakefulness with a granddaughter she adored. I kept trying to subtly tell my cousin without dumping my grandmother in the poop. It didn't work. The joy wore off very quickly, older people aren't as flexible as younger people. They have routines and it's a stress. Medications can be forgotten, appointments can be missed, it's a fragile ecosystem in the household of older people. I'm with your mum. I'm sorry. This doesn't help you at all, but they need their space back.
posted by taff at 3:22 PM on October 19, 2015 [2 favorites]

I didn't realize that the job would make you move out. That changes my response.

That said, it does look like you're doing a lot better. You can do this!

Editor job is probably going to be very stressful, though -- try to take the measure of it.
posted by amtho at 4:45 PM on October 19, 2015

I think you should probably take it and try to live frugally for as long as it takes you to land a job with benefits. I say that because it really is easier to get a job when you have a job; and ultimately your goal is to have a job with benefits, and that goal is better served if you are working in what sounds like a fairly cool job. (And, it is entirely possible that your mom is right about your grandparents really needing you out of there.)

The one thing I'd caution you on is to check out the job offer a little more thoroughly - specifically, find out what happened to the last person in that seat; who your boss would be; what the goals are; etc. I say that because getting an offer on the day you interview can sometimes mean that they are easy-come-easy-go about hiring. When I've gotten offers very fast and with pressure to accept quickly, they turned out to be jobs I would have been better off without.
posted by fingersandtoes at 4:57 PM on October 19, 2015 [1 favorite]

As far as I can tell, you don't have health insurance now, so what would accepting a job without health insurance do? Not accepting the job because it doesn't give you something you don't have already doesn't make a lot of sense to me. The important thing is that it's money and experience. There's no rule that says you need to stay at this job forever. Use it as a stepping stone.

I have a family member who is bipolar and it can be tough for her, but it's been important for her to learn she can deal with the tough times. Sometimes she has wanted to move back in with her parents and shirk everything, but sticking with what she is doing has showed her that she can weather these situations. She has moved around in her career a couple times, but now she has found a job she really likes and has been in for a while. She hasn't had an episode like you describe (going to the ER) in a very long time. Take care of yourself so the chances of having some sort of medical emergency related to your bipolar condition is slim. And when you do need a break or some support, take care of yourself that way too.
posted by AppleTurnover at 5:46 PM on October 19, 2015

What does your therapist think? Does the therapist think you're ready to move out and have a full-time job and able to live with housemates?
posted by needs more cowbell at 6:29 PM on October 19, 2015

Response by poster: My therapist thinks I shouldn't take a job that doesn't meet my "non-negotiables" - health insurance and higher pay. I have seven years experience as a published writer.
posted by asmith30 at 5:41 AM on October 20, 2015

seven years experience as a published writer

That sounds OK, but if you're going to mention this as a credential (to potential future employers), I'd urge you to be more specific.
posted by amtho at 12:58 PM on October 20, 2015