Seeking a Boston-area hair stylist who's good with growing out gray hair

August 1, 2015 10:36 PM

I have decided to go gray after coloring my hair for many years, but my current hair stylist is against it. Worse than that, I don't think she knows much about techniques to help me through the process as gracefully as possible. I'm hoping to get suggestions for stylists in my area who can help me through the long, awkward, painful process.

I've been coloring my hair a medium brown for a long time now, getting my roots touched up every 4 weeks. I believe that at this point my hair is about 80% gray underneath all that color. Also, the hair that's not gray is naturally several shades darker than the dyed part. Because my hair is straight, as it grows out there's a very obvious, clear demarcation between the lighter colored part and the gray and darker part. In January I made an attempt to give up coloring it, but I chickened out when I saw what it looked like with almost an inch of grown-out roots and how awful it looked. It just looks like I've given up on myself and am too lazy (or poor) to care. I work in a professional office downtown, the only middle-aged woman there, and it just feeds into all my fears of being perceived as frumpy and unsophisticated.

I've been watching a bunch of videos and reading blogs about women who've made the transition to gray, and I feel inspired to try again. But I need help with techniques to help mitigate the awfulness. I know one option is to cut the hair short--and I love short hair--but because I am very overweight with an extremely short neck and very fat chin, short hair is very unflattering on me. Right now my hair is in a straight, slightly-layered bob at just-longer-than chin length.

My current hairdresser is very much against my letting the gray grow out, which I understand as I am now a steady source of income for her. Can any of you recommend a hair stylist in the Arlington-Belmont-Cambridge-Lexington area that specializes in working with middle aged women and helping them make the transition from colored to gray?

posted by primate moon to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (7 answers total)

Could you just use non-permanent hair dye until it's grown out enough that the permanently dyed portion of your hair gets cut off?
posted by needs more cowbell at 11:33 PM on August 1, 2015 [2 favorites]

If you don't get a recommendation from someone on Metafilter I would suggest you start paying attention to women with wonderfully styled grey hair. Ask them who does their hair.

I did what you are trying to and am so happy that I no longer fight with those roots, but it was a bitch to get through. I cut my hair shorter every 6 weeks and switched to a temp color rather than a permanent dye. Eventually I ended up with lovely silver hair.
posted by cairnoflore at 11:35 PM on August 1, 2015 [1 favorite]

This is relevant to my interests! I am coming up to 8 months into the process (my profile pic is a few months old) and yes, it's hard at times but also exciting to see what's really under the dye. I can't recommend a particular stylist, but I'm a member of a private FB group, Gray and Proud, and most of the members are from the U.S. so it might be worth joining and asking for a recommendation (or memail me if you'd like me to ask for you).

There are various ways to handle the transition - cutting short (which suits people a lot more than you'd think and which also grows back quickly), highlights to break up the demarcation line, having silver streaks added to the front etc. but it's hard to find a supportive hairdresser. Mine wasn't interested at all and in the end I'm just going cold turkey having gotten my very long hair cut to about shoulder length to try and shorten the process.

It really is difficult when you think people are judging you but to be honest after a while you fall in love with the transformation and you stop caring what people think (and I say this as a chronically self-conscious person). I understand the worry from a professional standpoint but I actually had a job interview with about 5 inches of regrowth and got the job - people will not be judging it the way you think. There is a definite movement happening where more people of all ages are embracing their natural colour (also #grannyhair is huge) so there are lots of articles about how to handle the process if you go Googling. It's definitely no longer associated solely with being middle-aged (and it's not hard to see the misogyny in such thinking so try and remember who made the rules about what women "should" look like if that helps steel your resolve). Good luck!
posted by billiebee at 1:23 AM on August 2, 2015 [5 favorites]

Best answer: Oh, I was you about two years ago AND I can recommend someone. Same deal with hair coloring every few weeks. This is NOT the answer you're expecting, so bear with me:

1. Make an appointment at Shag in Southie*. Shag exudes a too-cool-for-school, haughtier-than-thou vibe on their website and when you first enter the salon/warehouse. But. They are incredibly sweet people. The owner Sandy looks like a scary meth dealer, but it's just a look and he's a very down to earth and kind person. Sandy's little dogs run around the salon. The place is amazing. I am warning you, though, their website seems like the pinnacle of where the cool kids hang out and diss everyone else but it turns out everyone who works at Shag is a super dork and really really friendly.

2. Even though you know your face and your hair, the stylist Kara (I've been seeing her for years) who just won "Best Women's Haircut" in Boston Magazine WILL listen to you and give you a haircut that really and truly has people stopping you on the street to ask where you get your hair done. For real.**

3. This is what I did; it may not be what you think you want to do, but it made my life easier:

I got a shorter haircut (thanks, Kara).
I bleached out ALL the color using Manic Panic 30% bleaching kit (thanks, Albana, who told me how to do this all at home but said if I screwed it up I could come in and she'd fix it. I didn't screw it up).
I colored all my hair snowy white with Manic Panic blue (which sounds scary but doesn't turn your hair blue; it turns it white).

Now, the upkeep is a Manic Panic blue toner every few months.

4. If you DON'T want pure platinum white, Shag can help and they can strip out your hair and dye it grey. Glorious rich grey (which is now A THING).

So, go to Shag. Arrange a cut with Kara or Sandy or Samantha. You want Albana to do the color consultation.

This entire process will cost upwards of $200; it will be the best money you ever spent.

*I'm not saying it's guaranteed, but it's very possible that you'll get your hair done next to Patriots quarterbacks and their supermodel wives or members of Aerosmith.

**Seriously. I get comments almost daily about the awesomeness of my hair which I guess is badass. The cut and color, though? They make me feel like for the first time in my life, my hair reflects who I am. I LOVE the cut and color. They can do the same for you.
posted by kinetic at 4:36 AM on August 2, 2015 [23 favorites]

I am also overweight and grew out my should length hair a few years ago. I had been coloring at home for approx. 10 years. I went the tough route, letting it simply grow out with the horrible stripe. It took over a year for me. I made sure to keep it trimmed often and towards the end I did finally tell my stylist to just cut the rest off. It ended up shorter than normal, and wasn't flattering for the reasons you outlined in your post, but at that point I was thrilled to have the last of the stripe gone.

I think you should call a salon and tell them you're transitioning to grey and need highlights by someone familiar with that. Don't make it a debate, you're a paying client and if a stylist gives you push-back, don't let them work on you. Get up and leave.

I'm so happy with my grey hair now. I am lucky, when it grew out I have nicely sprinkled grey with a few pretty silver stripes. I keep it well conditioned and use styling products which help keep the kinkier greys under control. I use a blue shampoo weekly, helps keep it from yellowing. I also learned to give myself a pretty good blow-out, that makes my hair look awesome for at least 2 days. It looks so much better than the unnatural colored, dry haystack hair I had before I stopped coloring. I hope yours comes out nice too. Your hair will be SO healthy when you're done!

A couple books that helped me;

Going Gray, Looking Great!: The Modern Woman's Guide to Unfading Glory by Diana Lewis Jewell

Andre Talks Hair by Andre Walker, has a chapter on caring for grey hair.

Side note-A lady who works at another office at my company also grew hers out after I grew mine out. Her hair was severely damaged and extremely thin, you could see scalp all over her head. After she stopped coloring her hair came back much thicker, it was amazing to see what a difference it made.
posted by RichardHenryYarbo at 7:39 AM on August 2, 2015 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thanks for all the encouragement and ideas. And special thanks to Kinetic for a stylist recommendation. I will be calling Shag to set up a consultation.

I've already done a bunch of research and have already made the decision, and I am confident about the end results, so I don't really need more ideas on that end of things. I'm really asking for specific recommendations for stylists in my area who are experienced working with women making the transition.

Thanks, and keep the recommendations coming!
posted by primate moon at 2:02 PM on August 2, 2015

Response by poster: I thought I would check in since I posted my question last summer. Last week I finally went to Shag, as recommended by kinetic. Everything she said was true: super, intimidatingly cool but ultimately really sweet, helpful, talented staff. I ended up being talked into cutting a LOT of hair off and walking out with the cutest, most flattering pixie cut ever. When I go back for a trim in 5 weeks, I will also be getting balayage as recommended by the colorist, Albana. But even if I don't do that step, I feel like growing in the gray with the very short hair will look much better--more deliberate--than with my longer, collar-bone-length hair.

Kinetic, I me-mailed you last week before my appointment, asking if you wanted me to mention your name to them in case you get any benefit from your referral. I certainly did! Thanks so much!
posted by primate moon at 4:20 PM on December 11, 2015 [1 favorite]