Making a card for a dying uncle. Need suggestions/advice.
July 30, 2015 10:52 AM Subscribe
I need help making this card. It seems simple but I'm having trouble and I'm on a very tight deadline (tonight if possible).
About 2 months ago my uncle started experiencing mobility and speech issues that landed him in the E.R. where they found that he had a large tumor in his brain. At this point there's nothing to be done and he's in hospice with a "very limited" timeframe left (months at most). I've agonized over it for like a day and have kind of exhausted myself and need to get it done ASAP (read: tonight after work). There will likely be some warning for when he starts going downhill (a few days to a week, they're fairly sure it will be a gradual but rapid decline in function) but still. It's really irresponsible to wait longer.
He has very simple tastes but something personal would make him happier which is why I'm making the card. He has developmental issues and has generally had a really hard life but has always managed to be happy about it. He likes things like balloons and stuffed animals and is pretty happy just watching movies/tv. He's fully aware of what's happening/his situation though.
I want to draw something and put a message in it. I'm not a great artist but I've got a very cartoony style which I know he'll like. I need something to say. The best I can do is 'thinking of you'. What to draw is my hardest part right now. It seems like something generic but still personal might be good? Like me offering a hug or something. I might get him some balloons/flowers too but the card is most important.
Because of his situation he'd probably be happy with just about anything, or even just to know that I am thinking about him. So this might not even matter and if that's your opinion it'd be good to hear it.
Anything'll help really. Thanks.
About 2 months ago my uncle started experiencing mobility and speech issues that landed him in the E.R. where they found that he had a large tumor in his brain. At this point there's nothing to be done and he's in hospice with a "very limited" timeframe left (months at most). I've agonized over it for like a day and have kind of exhausted myself and need to get it done ASAP (read: tonight after work). There will likely be some warning for when he starts going downhill (a few days to a week, they're fairly sure it will be a gradual but rapid decline in function) but still. It's really irresponsible to wait longer.
He has very simple tastes but something personal would make him happier which is why I'm making the card. He has developmental issues and has generally had a really hard life but has always managed to be happy about it. He likes things like balloons and stuffed animals and is pretty happy just watching movies/tv. He's fully aware of what's happening/his situation though.
I want to draw something and put a message in it. I'm not a great artist but I've got a very cartoony style which I know he'll like. I need something to say. The best I can do is 'thinking of you'. What to draw is my hardest part right now. It seems like something generic but still personal might be good? Like me offering a hug or something. I might get him some balloons/flowers too but the card is most important.
Because of his situation he'd probably be happy with just about anything, or even just to know that I am thinking about him. So this might not even matter and if that's your opinion it'd be good to hear it.
Anything'll help really. Thanks.
How about a cute animal (like teddy bear-style or something similar) holding balloons on the front, and then inside writing "I'm thinking of you and sending lots of love your way."
posted by rainbowbrite at 10:56 AM on July 30, 2015
posted by rainbowbrite at 10:56 AM on July 30, 2015
Does he have a favorite type of stuffed animal or favorite animal? In the vein of rainbowbrite's suggestion, draw the favorite animal holding balloons. Include his favorite colors in the balloons.
posted by mogget at 10:59 AM on July 30, 2015
posted by mogget at 10:59 AM on July 30, 2015
Best answer: So this might not even matter and if that's your opinion it'd be good to hear it.
The best card is the one that makes it there. I think simple and heartfelt is good. If you have a photo of the two of you that is pleasant I'd consider sending it along or even just a photo of you or a drawing of the two of you together that represents a happy memory. I am sorry you are going through this but I do think that whatever you do will be fine.
posted by jessamyn at 11:01 AM on July 30, 2015 [6 favorites]
The best card is the one that makes it there. I think simple and heartfelt is good. If you have a photo of the two of you that is pleasant I'd consider sending it along or even just a photo of you or a drawing of the two of you together that represents a happy memory. I am sorry you are going through this but I do think that whatever you do will be fine.
posted by jessamyn at 11:01 AM on July 30, 2015 [6 favorites]
Like me offering a hug or something.
Sounds perfect to me. A cartoon of yourself makes it very personal. Don't put pressure on yourself to make it something for the ages. If you wanted to go nuts, you could insert a scrapbook of doodles of activities/memories you've shared. I say scrapbook so that you can sort and choose the drawings that work out.
posted by bonobothegreat at 11:04 AM on July 30, 2015 [3 favorites]
Sounds perfect to me. A cartoon of yourself makes it very personal. Don't put pressure on yourself to make it something for the ages. If you wanted to go nuts, you could insert a scrapbook of doodles of activities/memories you've shared. I say scrapbook so that you can sort and choose the drawings that work out.
posted by bonobothegreat at 11:04 AM on July 30, 2015 [3 favorites]
These empathy cards might give you some ideas. I think something along the lines of "I don't know what to say except that I love you and I'm here for you always" would be just fine, especially as accompanied by your own artistic flourishes.
Peace to you and your family.
posted by divined by radio at 11:05 AM on July 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
Peace to you and your family.
posted by divined by radio at 11:05 AM on July 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
How about drawing the two of you holding balloons together? The balloons could even have drawings of stuffed animals or hearts on them if you think he'd like that.
posted by mcduff at 11:10 AM on July 30, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by mcduff at 11:10 AM on July 30, 2015 [4 favorites]
"I love you" with a nice picture is hard to beat.
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:12 AM on July 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by LobsterMitten at 11:12 AM on July 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
Do you have a particular time you did something fun with this uncle? Played catch, went to an amusement park, entered a pie eating contest? Thinking more specifically might help make the decision of what to draw and what to write easier, plus a particular memory might make him smile more than just a generic statement of affection.
posted by MsMolly at 12:21 PM on July 30, 2015
posted by MsMolly at 12:21 PM on July 30, 2015
A friend of mine got all of her facebook friends (and even their friends) to send joyful cards when her grandmother was dying. She had hundreds (thousands?) of cards decorating her grandmother's room in the days before she passed.
It seemed to mean a lot for the both of them.
posted by cinemafiend at 12:43 PM on July 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
It seemed to mean a lot for the both of them.
posted by cinemafiend at 12:43 PM on July 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
Best answer: You're agonizing about the One! Best! Card! to draw and send, but you are not limited to one card. Maybe it would be easier if you drew a bunch of things and decided at some arbitrary point tonight which one to send first? And then if you like the other ones you can send them too. No dying person has ever complained that someone sent them three loving cards instead of one.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 1:04 PM on July 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 1:04 PM on July 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
I would keep it positive - I would say "I love you" not "I loved you so much" or "You mean so much to me" not "You were an important part of my life". He already knows he's dying, so I would keep it something positive.
posted by Aranquis at 1:55 PM on July 30, 2015
posted by Aranquis at 1:55 PM on July 30, 2015
Response by poster: Thanks guys for all of your responses. I really just needed some nudging and I got the card done last night, but as some of you suggested I am probably going to follow up with more as I have additional half-started doodles based on other suggestions than the one I took up. I think phrasing is what was getting to me most, and I was probably way overthinking it.
Again, I really appreciate it.
posted by nogoodverybad at 7:23 AM on July 31, 2015 [2 favorites]
Again, I really appreciate it.
posted by nogoodverybad at 7:23 AM on July 31, 2015 [2 favorites]
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