Help me help a meal-skipper!
July 18, 2015 10:27 PM Subscribe
My long distance s.o. came down with a stomach bug a few weeks ago. As she deals with the subsequent G.I. troubles, she's been a little more sporadic with meals than usual. How do I encourage her to do a better job with her nutrition 1) when I am so far away and 2) without coming across as pushy?
S.o. doesn't like to cook, has a number of dietary restrictions (vegetarian and lactose intolerant), and has always been kind of spontaneous with eating (no routine meal times; skip meals if she's not hungry,etc.)
Since the stomach bug she has lost a significant amount of weight (she was small to begin with). She's been to the doctors and on track to address the tummy issues that prevented her from eating enough for nearly a month. Now that she can stomach food again, though, she's still not quite eating well (both in terms of quantity and quality) and still forgets to eat frequently. She looks thin and tired when we FaceTime, and I am worried for her health.
In the ideal world I would cook for her and gently remind her at meal times to nourish herself as she recovers, but I am continents away. What concrete things can I do to help her? I don't want to seem like I am telling her what to do, but I also don't want to just watch her not feel as well as she could.
S.o. doesn't like to cook, has a number of dietary restrictions (vegetarian and lactose intolerant), and has always been kind of spontaneous with eating (no routine meal times; skip meals if she's not hungry,etc.)
Since the stomach bug she has lost a significant amount of weight (she was small to begin with). She's been to the doctors and on track to address the tummy issues that prevented her from eating enough for nearly a month. Now that she can stomach food again, though, she's still not quite eating well (both in terms of quantity and quality) and still forgets to eat frequently. She looks thin and tired when we FaceTime, and I am worried for her health.
In the ideal world I would cook for her and gently remind her at meal times to nourish herself as she recovers, but I am continents away. What concrete things can I do to help her? I don't want to seem like I am telling her what to do, but I also don't want to just watch her not feel as well as she could.
Best answer: She could easily take extremely simple steps to remind herself if she chose to, right? Reminders on her phone, or a program on her computer, or a daily checklist.
So the question is really how to make someone far away do something you want them to do that they don't really want to do, and there's probably not really a good way to do that.
posted by mister pointy at 10:49 PM on July 18, 2015 [17 favorites]
So the question is really how to make someone far away do something you want them to do that they don't really want to do, and there's probably not really a good way to do that.
posted by mister pointy at 10:49 PM on July 18, 2015 [17 favorites]
It's sweet that you care, but don't be controlling and pushy while she's feeling sick. She's an adult. If you want to send her a link with info or ask if you can fund a soup delivery thing or send her recipes to light foods that agree with her, that's fine, but she doesn't need to be pestered, even if your intentions are good. She's not helpless or stupid. She doesn't feel well enough to eat. This happens, and may be being addressed by her doctors.
Does she have friends nearby?
posted by discopolo at 11:07 PM on July 18, 2015 [5 favorites]
Does she have friends nearby?
posted by discopolo at 11:07 PM on July 18, 2015 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Start by talking to her. Ask her what you can do that would feels supportive to her. If she blows off your offer of help, then you know it is time to step back. On the other hand, if she is still recovering, she may be willing to eat if she doesn't have to plan, shop and cook as well. Two things you could suggest
1. offer to buy her some easy to prepare, easy to digest food and have it delivered from a local grocery
2. arrange to either ready-to-cook or ready-to-eat meals delivered to home. some of the ready-to-cook boxes come with two or three meals per day in the package. google "vegetarian meals delivered" and her city to get a bunch of options before you talk to her and see if any strike her fancy.
Good luck - if you do this right (without being pushy), it could be a nice way to show your love and strengthen your relationship.
posted by metahawk at 12:38 AM on July 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
1. offer to buy her some easy to prepare, easy to digest food and have it delivered from a local grocery
2. arrange to either ready-to-cook or ready-to-eat meals delivered to home. some of the ready-to-cook boxes come with two or three meals per day in the package. google "vegetarian meals delivered" and her city to get a bunch of options before you talk to her and see if any strike her fancy.
Good luck - if you do this right (without being pushy), it could be a nice way to show your love and strengthen your relationship.
posted by metahawk at 12:38 AM on July 19, 2015 [4 favorites]
"I love you, baby. Let me know what I can do to support you as you get over this stomach bug."
Then leave her alone about it. It is not appropriate for you to micromanage her health regardless of where you are.
posted by Hermione Granger at 12:53 AM on July 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
Then leave her alone about it. It is not appropriate for you to micromanage her health regardless of where you are.
posted by Hermione Granger at 12:53 AM on July 19, 2015 [5 favorites]
Best answer: I have periods where I am very bad about eating, and one of the things that happens to me on occasion is this thing where I'm really quite hungry physically, and eating is not going to make me feel ill, but not having eaten makes the thought of food for some reason a bit nauseating. The less I have to do to make food happen at that point before it gets into my stomach, the better. I have treasured memories of a bad night when a friend sent over pizza. A delivered meal or a care package of stuff that requires minimal work for her to turn into edible food could be very welcome. I find during these periods that eating out is usually my best bet, but I wind up feeling guilty about the cost. Even without a full meal, though, having something small around like good crackers, if I can take the edge off with something easy, sometimes that makes me more able to cook. So, it might be worth it even to send little things: crackers, candy, tea. Combined, maybe, with other fun/pampering kind of things. Bubble bath? Lotion? Nice socks? Whatever floats her particular boat. Self-care is kind of a whole-package thing, where the hard bits get easier if you're being nice to yourself in other ways.
posted by Sequence at 5:12 AM on July 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Sequence at 5:12 AM on July 19, 2015 [1 favorite]
I agree with the suggestion for meal delivery, but realize that it may be very difficult to find a place that can accommodate her dietary restrictions. I'm only lactose-intolerant and still struggled with meal delivery services; dairy is extremely prevalent in Western cuisine and vegetarian dishes usually contain dairy (more often than eggs). Maybe call a Whole Foods and ask about vegan options? (There are no vegan meal delivery services that I know of.)
posted by serelliya at 11:51 AM on July 19, 2015
posted by serelliya at 11:51 AM on July 19, 2015
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posted by phunniemee at 10:31 PM on July 18, 2015