thoughtful gift for helpful neighbor I won't be hiring?
June 4, 2015 9:44 PM Subscribe
My neighbor, a respected local general contractor, has been generous about evaluating my house project. He's done this twice for me now, and for the second time, I'm not going to go forward. I feel guilty. What's the neighborly way to thank him for his time and let him know I'm going to use someone else?
The first time was a couple years ago: he came over at my request, spent an hour or so with me discussing some ideas for changes I was hoping to make to the house. That project didn't go forward. He came again a few days ago, again at my request, spent maybe an hour with me talking it through and estimating costs of options. I asked him a million questions.
I've decided that I need a different kind of professional for what I'm going to do, after all. What is a nice way to thank my neighbor for his time and his help, that will come off as sincere and neighborly and not awkward?I would have paid for his time, but he offered it to me free -- I assume being gracious both as a neighbor and potential vendor.
(He's a good guy and if I were hiring a GC I would hire him, but I have very little bandwidth for project management so I've decided a design-build firm with a single point of responsibility for the entire project is a better way for me to go. I may very well hire him in the future for non-design intensive stuff, though.)
What's the neighborly, decent thing to do? I feel like, especially since this was the second time, I've kind of jerked him around inadvertently and I want to show that I appreciate what he did. Is baking a nice cake or banana bread and bringing it over, a decent gesture? I don't want it to come off patronizing. What if he's not home? What if he IS home? What do I say?
Is there a better way to do this?
The first time was a couple years ago: he came over at my request, spent an hour or so with me discussing some ideas for changes I was hoping to make to the house. That project didn't go forward. He came again a few days ago, again at my request, spent maybe an hour with me talking it through and estimating costs of options. I asked him a million questions.
I've decided that I need a different kind of professional for what I'm going to do, after all. What is a nice way to thank my neighbor for his time and his help, that will come off as sincere and neighborly and not awkward?I would have paid for his time, but he offered it to me free -- I assume being gracious both as a neighbor and potential vendor.
(He's a good guy and if I were hiring a GC I would hire him, but I have very little bandwidth for project management so I've decided a design-build firm with a single point of responsibility for the entire project is a better way for me to go. I may very well hire him in the future for non-design intensive stuff, though.)
What's the neighborly, decent thing to do? I feel like, especially since this was the second time, I've kind of jerked him around inadvertently and I want to show that I appreciate what he did. Is baking a nice cake or banana bread and bringing it over, a decent gesture? I don't want it to come off patronizing. What if he's not home? What if he IS home? What do I say?
Is there a better way to do this?
Cash money wise and in person, about $100 for your various consulting sessions and a heartfelt card. Goodwill wise, if there are any angie's list, yelp or other online services whereat you can laud his abilities, you should do that as publicly and effusively as you can, in addition to the remuneration.
posted by Cold Lurkey at 10:47 PM on June 4, 2015 [8 favorites]
posted by Cold Lurkey at 10:47 PM on June 4, 2015 [8 favorites]
"Talking to you made me realize how much I don't know about these kinds of projects. I even realized that I can't be trusted to do the design by myself. So I decided I needed to hire a design firm who could really just take the whole things off my hands . I really appreciate the advice you gave, however, since I never would have gotten there without you."
Accompany with a gift or gift certificate since he said he didn't need payment (100 is about right) and a decent bottle of wine or bouquet of flowers. Thank him effusively, and I see if you can find a way to hire him for something small in the not too distant future. Or if you can recommend him for friend/family/relative. If he has a FB or whatever then accompany it with a great review. "Bob is a great person with a high level of both skills and integrity..."
(Depending on which agency you take, you may ask them if they can use him in some of the realization work. They likely subcontract a fair amount of that out.)
posted by frumiousb at 12:43 AM on June 5, 2015 [4 favorites]
Accompany with a gift or gift certificate since he said he didn't need payment (100 is about right) and a decent bottle of wine or bouquet of flowers. Thank him effusively, and I see if you can find a way to hire him for something small in the not too distant future. Or if you can recommend him for friend/family/relative. If he has a FB or whatever then accompany it with a great review. "Bob is a great person with a high level of both skills and integrity..."
(Depending on which agency you take, you may ask them if they can use him in some of the realization work. They likely subcontract a fair amount of that out.)
posted by frumiousb at 12:43 AM on June 5, 2015 [4 favorites]
If you're leaning away from the $100 sum, a bottle of top-shelf whiskey -- Woodford Reserve, for example, maybe $50? -- would be along traditional lines.
posted by mr. digits at 4:49 AM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by mr. digits at 4:49 AM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]
Pay him for his time and ask for a receipt. Treat him like the professional he is.
Gifts can miss the mark and be kind of annoying. Ditto for gift cards. If you want to put a neighborly bow on it then also bake the banana bread in addition to the payment not instead of the payment.
posted by srboisvert at 5:55 AM on June 5, 2015 [9 favorites]
Gifts can miss the mark and be kind of annoying. Ditto for gift cards. If you want to put a neighborly bow on it then also bake the banana bread in addition to the payment not instead of the payment.
posted by srboisvert at 5:55 AM on June 5, 2015 [9 favorites]
You could also find out if he's on some kind of professional review site and maybe give him a review.
posted by amtho at 6:25 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by amtho at 6:25 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
Most professionals asked to provide advice know not to expect too much. Few of these conversations ever yield actual business. But it's savvy business on his part: he's spreading goodwill. He knows that such behavior often yields dividends far into the future.
Ask him to pay for his time. He will probably decline. THEN give him a bottle of Woodford Reserve or a restaurant gift certificate worth approximately enough for a good meal for two.
posted by asavage at 7:10 AM on June 5, 2015 [10 favorites]
Ask him to pay for his time. He will probably decline. THEN give him a bottle of Woodford Reserve or a restaurant gift certificate worth approximately enough for a good meal for two.
posted by asavage at 7:10 AM on June 5, 2015 [10 favorites]
The first word above should read Many. Not most.
posted by asavage at 7:11 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by asavage at 7:11 AM on June 5, 2015 [1 favorite]
We asked a local contractor for his opinion when we were buying our present house, and then didn't do the project. Then we dithered for two years over a larger project, and he was very patient. But in the mean time we threw some work at him, and sent some friends his way. It was something if not the big paycheck we had dangled.
This week he's mostly finished with our big project, and this morning I saw him in my neighbor's driveway (since he's working there) -- so this time it did work out for him.
Honestly, I think most contractors throw some bread on the water, and it may or may not pay off. *shrug* If we hadn't ever used him, I would have felt bad and sent all the business his way that I could. A gift won't ever be the same profit as actually getting the project, but if the guy is your friend then you should at least make the gesture, or even offer him some help in your own area of expertise.
posted by wenestvedt at 9:50 AM on June 5, 2015
This week he's mostly finished with our big project, and this morning I saw him in my neighbor's driveway (since he's working there) -- so this time it did work out for him.
Honestly, I think most contractors throw some bread on the water, and it may or may not pay off. *shrug* If we hadn't ever used him, I would have felt bad and sent all the business his way that I could. A gift won't ever be the same profit as actually getting the project, but if the guy is your friend then you should at least make the gesture, or even offer him some help in your own area of expertise.
posted by wenestvedt at 9:50 AM on June 5, 2015
Yeah, a cake or banana bread is a nice neighborly gesture. I'm not much of a baker, so I'd probably go with a bottle of wine or something.
posted by J. Wilson at 11:34 AM on June 5, 2015
posted by J. Wilson at 11:34 AM on June 5, 2015
Response by poster: I'm going to get him a $100 gift receipt to my favorite steakhouse, I've decided. Cash seems off tone somehow, and you're right, banana bread seems cheap. I'd totally get him nice booze if I knew he drank, but I don't; but he definitely strikes me as a man who would enjoy a great steak.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:35 PM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:35 PM on June 5, 2015 [3 favorites]
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Honestly, Banana Bread, costing about 5 bucks at best and an hour of your time, seems a bit cheap.
I would pick up a gift certificate for $100 or so (local restaurant perhaps) and let him know that you'll certainly recommend him in the future...
Don't view this as as a "neighbor" thing, view it as a "professional" thing...
posted by HuronBob at 10:05 PM on June 4, 2015 [29 favorites]