Coping with Trauma and the Loss of a Pet
March 10, 2015 8:53 PM Subscribe
I’m having trouble dealing with something terrible I saw involving a neighbor’s dog. I feel weird since it wasn’t my dog or my trauma, but it took me back to the night my own pet died, and I just feel awful about everything and I don’t know how to cope (warning: general description of terrible dog death under the fold).
Some background: my much beloved pet died almost a year ago, and I’m, still, completely gutted. He was my baby, and I cry every day. I wasn’t entirely clear how old he was, but I have some reason to believe he died prematurely. I feel like I am responsible for his death (although others disagree). I didn’t realize that one of his medications had a side effect that likely contributed to his death. While I asked the prescribing vet about side effects and she told me the medication was very safe, I didn’t double check this online (which is something that I would normally do). If I had, I would have read about a life threatening side effect. I also dragged my poor pet across several states because of a visiting position that I hoped might turn into a permanent post (I’m an academic) which put additional stress on my pet and took him away from his vets which also contributed to his death.
I’ve tried all the things I can think of to cope (pet loss hotlines, pet grief group, individual therapy, medication, distraction), but nothing has really helped. I just feel so terrible for letting him down when he needed me the most, and I miss him so much.
A month ago I came home to discover my neighbor’s dog had died in our elevator. This was my very favorite dog in the building and he had the same name as my deceased pet. I didn’t realize what was happening and I thought my teenage neighbor was trapped in the elevator. I went to the floor where she was stuck to try to reassure her; as soon as I arrived, the elevator doors opened, and I saw that my favorite dog was hanging by his collar from the ceiling of the elevator—his leash had gotten caught in the elevator doors. I ran to get a scissors to cut him down, and encouraged people to try CPR, but the dog died. According to the elevator repair person who came the next day, this sort of thing is not uncommon.
I keep thinking about the event. Even though my pet died under very different circumstances, it all felt strangely familiar: the panic, the crying, the failed CPR, the death. I don’t mean to appropriate another’s loss, but I just feel very shaken, and I think about it everyday. I’ve since moved, and every time I see a dog in my new building's elevator I want to warn the owner about the issue, but the few times I tried, the person just looked at me like I was nuts.
I guess I have a few questions for the group—one specific and the other two more general: First, do you think I should simply bite my tongue, and not warn the dog owners I encounter in my new building about the potential danger? I feel a strong urge to say something, especially when I see people being very casual with the leash, but maybe I’m just making people upset for no good reason and I should let it go.
Second, do you have any suggestions for dealing with traumatic images? I don’t know how to stop seeing the dog in the elevator or my pet as he was dying. The more I tell myself not to think about those moments, the clearer the images become.
Finally, do you have any (advanced) suggestions for coping with the loss of a pet? I feel like I’ve tried All the Things (please don’t suggest getting another pet; that is the one thing I can’t/ won’t do). Specifically, I’m not sure what to do with my sense that life is just so…ugly and unfair, I guess. I hadn’t felt this way before my pet died, but now I feel like there is a brutal, primal, horrible, nastiness just under surface of everything
Some background: my much beloved pet died almost a year ago, and I’m, still, completely gutted. He was my baby, and I cry every day. I wasn’t entirely clear how old he was, but I have some reason to believe he died prematurely. I feel like I am responsible for his death (although others disagree). I didn’t realize that one of his medications had a side effect that likely contributed to his death. While I asked the prescribing vet about side effects and she told me the medication was very safe, I didn’t double check this online (which is something that I would normally do). If I had, I would have read about a life threatening side effect. I also dragged my poor pet across several states because of a visiting position that I hoped might turn into a permanent post (I’m an academic) which put additional stress on my pet and took him away from his vets which also contributed to his death.
I’ve tried all the things I can think of to cope (pet loss hotlines, pet grief group, individual therapy, medication, distraction), but nothing has really helped. I just feel so terrible for letting him down when he needed me the most, and I miss him so much.
A month ago I came home to discover my neighbor’s dog had died in our elevator. This was my very favorite dog in the building and he had the same name as my deceased pet. I didn’t realize what was happening and I thought my teenage neighbor was trapped in the elevator. I went to the floor where she was stuck to try to reassure her; as soon as I arrived, the elevator doors opened, and I saw that my favorite dog was hanging by his collar from the ceiling of the elevator—his leash had gotten caught in the elevator doors. I ran to get a scissors to cut him down, and encouraged people to try CPR, but the dog died. According to the elevator repair person who came the next day, this sort of thing is not uncommon.
I keep thinking about the event. Even though my pet died under very different circumstances, it all felt strangely familiar: the panic, the crying, the failed CPR, the death. I don’t mean to appropriate another’s loss, but I just feel very shaken, and I think about it everyday. I’ve since moved, and every time I see a dog in my new building's elevator I want to warn the owner about the issue, but the few times I tried, the person just looked at me like I was nuts.
I guess I have a few questions for the group—one specific and the other two more general: First, do you think I should simply bite my tongue, and not warn the dog owners I encounter in my new building about the potential danger? I feel a strong urge to say something, especially when I see people being very casual with the leash, but maybe I’m just making people upset for no good reason and I should let it go.
Second, do you have any suggestions for dealing with traumatic images? I don’t know how to stop seeing the dog in the elevator or my pet as he was dying. The more I tell myself not to think about those moments, the clearer the images become.
Finally, do you have any (advanced) suggestions for coping with the loss of a pet? I feel like I’ve tried All the Things (please don’t suggest getting another pet; that is the one thing I can’t/ won’t do). Specifically, I’m not sure what to do with my sense that life is just so…ugly and unfair, I guess. I hadn’t felt this way before my pet died, but now I feel like there is a brutal, primal, horrible, nastiness just under surface of everything
I skipped your description. I skipped it because I have my own images, and here's how I (mostly) avoid being completely wrecked by them - at least, when I don't have time, or am not in the place, to be completely wrecked: Denial, and distraction.
Easier said than done. But because of the recent, unexpected death of the beloved cat of some beloved friends (a cat I knew and loved, too), I've had cause to practice. When I have thoughts about pets I have loved suffering, I literally stop what I am doing and physically do something else - get up, go do dishes, do pushups, do something else with your body. Think "I am washing these cups," or "I am doing six pushups," or "I am matching these clean socks."
Driving home the day I heard about our friends' cat, I was afraid I would cry in a driving-disrupting way as I passed the exit I had to take years back to visit a cat of ours at the vet facility where he died. I didn't do that, because I was listening to the news on the radio and was so pissed off about that that I totally forgot to remember when I was passing that exit.
Sometimes, in my head, I literally say "Stop thinking about that. Think about...[really distracting thing] instead!" It works, a lot of the time. I might have to say it more than once, but a couple-three times usually does it.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I know how shitty it is. I hope you find a way to bypass the worst of it.
posted by rtha at 9:15 PM on March 10, 2015
Easier said than done. But because of the recent, unexpected death of the beloved cat of some beloved friends (a cat I knew and loved, too), I've had cause to practice. When I have thoughts about pets I have loved suffering, I literally stop what I am doing and physically do something else - get up, go do dishes, do pushups, do something else with your body. Think "I am washing these cups," or "I am doing six pushups," or "I am matching these clean socks."
Driving home the day I heard about our friends' cat, I was afraid I would cry in a driving-disrupting way as I passed the exit I had to take years back to visit a cat of ours at the vet facility where he died. I didn't do that, because I was listening to the news on the radio and was so pissed off about that that I totally forgot to remember when I was passing that exit.
Sometimes, in my head, I literally say "Stop thinking about that. Think about...[really distracting thing] instead!" It works, a lot of the time. I might have to say it more than once, but a couple-three times usually does it.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I know how shitty it is. I hope you find a way to bypass the worst of it.
posted by rtha at 9:15 PM on March 10, 2015
You have PTSD. Therapy. Honestly, *I'M* going to have nightmares tonight from reading about that elevator thing. And I am crying now about my dog who died almost a year ago.
I have always been terrified of the leash/elevator thing and now will be even more terrified. When I had a larger dog I used to stand in the elevator door while he passed because I was afraid of exactly this and I always told dog sitters to do the same. Now that I have a smaller dog I pick her up in the elevator. She's just too small, wiggly, and fast for even standing in the doorway to be safe. I think you can warn other dog owners if you aren't too graphic about it. If you're being graphic, that might be what weirds them out.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:19 PM on March 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
I have always been terrified of the leash/elevator thing and now will be even more terrified. When I had a larger dog I used to stand in the elevator door while he passed because I was afraid of exactly this and I always told dog sitters to do the same. Now that I have a smaller dog I pick her up in the elevator. She's just too small, wiggly, and fast for even standing in the doorway to be safe. I think you can warn other dog owners if you aren't too graphic about it. If you're being graphic, that might be what weirds them out.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:19 PM on March 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm so sorry you had this awful thing to deal with.
As someone who's had similar experiences I find most comfort in knowing that life encompasses happiness and sadness, that good things and bad things happen. I am so very fortunate to live in a place where the good is more common than the bad, but we all live with life as it is. The sun shines, the wind blows, we're alive; be kind to yourself, and the people you help.
Do use CBT or whatever works for you to rediscover peace of mind.
posted by anadem at 9:23 PM on March 10, 2015
As someone who's had similar experiences I find most comfort in knowing that life encompasses happiness and sadness, that good things and bad things happen. I am so very fortunate to live in a place where the good is more common than the bad, but we all live with life as it is. The sun shines, the wind blows, we're alive; be kind to yourself, and the people you help.
Do use CBT or whatever works for you to rediscover peace of mind.
posted by anadem at 9:23 PM on March 10, 2015
oh god. in grade three a friend and i were the only witnesses to a neighbors dog die in a hit and run. it was so bad. we changed our route for a while. i was terrified it could happen to my dog.
so take the stairs. give the experience the space it needs. anyone with compassion will be sympathetic-what you witnessed was very terrible. you're not appropriating anyone else's loss. so don't be reserved- your emotions and fears are legitimate. i would be ok having a reputation of telling dog owners the risk and them thinking i'm nuts about keeping their pet safe. that doesn't really sound so bad.
as for the images- they'll fade with time. give yourself permission to redirect to a movie or favorite show.
posted by zenon at 9:41 PM on March 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
so take the stairs. give the experience the space it needs. anyone with compassion will be sympathetic-what you witnessed was very terrible. you're not appropriating anyone else's loss. so don't be reserved- your emotions and fears are legitimate. i would be ok having a reputation of telling dog owners the risk and them thinking i'm nuts about keeping their pet safe. that doesn't really sound so bad.
as for the images- they'll fade with time. give yourself permission to redirect to a movie or favorite show.
posted by zenon at 9:41 PM on March 10, 2015 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks for the answers so far.
Just to clarify, when I have said something to my new neighbors it was pretty vague, "e.g., Sorry to bother you, but I recently saw something awful happen to a dog involving a leash and an elevator; I just wanted to let you know." The neighbors looked at me like I was a horrible person. I don't really mind the social awkwardness if it could help save a dog, but I worried that maybe I'm not really doing any good and just spreading the bad image around and making the world sadder when I bring it up.
posted by girl flaneur at 10:07 PM on March 10, 2015
Just to clarify, when I have said something to my new neighbors it was pretty vague, "e.g., Sorry to bother you, but I recently saw something awful happen to a dog involving a leash and an elevator; I just wanted to let you know." The neighbors looked at me like I was a horrible person. I don't really mind the social awkwardness if it could help save a dog, but I worried that maybe I'm not really doing any good and just spreading the bad image around and making the world sadder when I bring it up.
posted by girl flaneur at 10:07 PM on March 10, 2015
Therapy can definitely help with this but it's often difficult to find the right fit for you and your changing circumstances, and it's never a quick fix so it's hard to see the progress you've made because you'll still be able to feel the hurt when you think about it. It does sound like you are living with PTSD or something related and I suspect you never quite got the support you need to process your experiences.
For now one thing you might be able to do is talk to your building management and ask them to encourage pet owners in the building to put their dogs in break-away collars. (Like this one.) It's also something you can suggest to people in the building instead of suggesting they take the stairs - for people with mobility issues that's often impossible, and they need to be able to care for their pets, too.
As for the end bits of your question spend some of your dwindling energy on finding a physical location that has obvious calm and beauty to you. A park or a body of water or a rooftop or a museum or a chapel or a library, even a particular restaurant or store can work. Go there at least once a week and more if you can and just spend time there. Don't try to feel good about it, but there really is merit in the idea that your surroundings can affect your internal emotional state. On good days see if you can allow yourself to feel sad in this calm and safe place so it's something you can feel control over and on bad days try to use the calm and safe place to buttress yourself and feel something constant. The ocean is good for this.
posted by Mizu at 10:09 PM on March 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
For now one thing you might be able to do is talk to your building management and ask them to encourage pet owners in the building to put their dogs in break-away collars. (Like this one.) It's also something you can suggest to people in the building instead of suggesting they take the stairs - for people with mobility issues that's often impossible, and they need to be able to care for their pets, too.
As for the end bits of your question spend some of your dwindling energy on finding a physical location that has obvious calm and beauty to you. A park or a body of water or a rooftop or a museum or a chapel or a library, even a particular restaurant or store can work. Go there at least once a week and more if you can and just spend time there. Don't try to feel good about it, but there really is merit in the idea that your surroundings can affect your internal emotional state. On good days see if you can allow yourself to feel sad in this calm and safe place so it's something you can feel control over and on bad days try to use the calm and safe place to buttress yourself and feel something constant. The ocean is good for this.
posted by Mizu at 10:09 PM on March 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Specifically, I’m not sure what to do with my sense that life is just so…ugly and unfair, I guess. I hadn’t felt this way before my pet died, but now I feel like there is a brutal, primal, horrible, nastiness just under surface of everything
Well... it kind of is, there kind of is. Most of us are lucky enough to not feel it most of the time. The luckiest fall upon moments of beauty and connection that help us forget the ugliness when it hits us. Finding these moments can be very healing, as Mizu said. There's forgetting, and just, getting used to loss, I guess, living with it. Sharp pain eventually dulls, with time. Although, since the images are overwhelmingly intrusive, I do agree with others that it's worth seeking out PTSD-focused therapy, specifically, at this point.
Please don't torment yourself by assuming responsibility for this loss. Even granting that had you done or not done x or y, your dog may have lived (although, nothing is certain), the truth is, a number of factors contributed. For one thing, it sounds like your dog was pretty ill, I guess.
Also, rejecting a job offer in favour of caring for a beloved pet is not really a reasonable thing to do, for most people. (Not that that should be the case - I know I was torn apart when my dog died - but it's inappropriate to judge yourself for that. You're holding yourself to a really unreasonable standard, another reason to reconsider therapy - keep trying.)
I'm sorry for your loss. Take care.
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:44 PM on March 10, 2015
Well... it kind of is, there kind of is. Most of us are lucky enough to not feel it most of the time. The luckiest fall upon moments of beauty and connection that help us forget the ugliness when it hits us. Finding these moments can be very healing, as Mizu said. There's forgetting, and just, getting used to loss, I guess, living with it. Sharp pain eventually dulls, with time. Although, since the images are overwhelmingly intrusive, I do agree with others that it's worth seeking out PTSD-focused therapy, specifically, at this point.
Please don't torment yourself by assuming responsibility for this loss. Even granting that had you done or not done x or y, your dog may have lived (although, nothing is certain), the truth is, a number of factors contributed. For one thing, it sounds like your dog was pretty ill, I guess.
Also, rejecting a job offer in favour of caring for a beloved pet is not really a reasonable thing to do, for most people. (Not that that should be the case - I know I was torn apart when my dog died - but it's inappropriate to judge yourself for that. You're holding yourself to a really unreasonable standard, another reason to reconsider therapy - keep trying.)
I'm sorry for your loss. Take care.
posted by cotton dress sock at 10:44 PM on March 10, 2015
I'm so, so sorry you've had to go through this. You're not overreacting, at all--this would be a horrific thing to come across even if you hadn't lost your own dog, and to have to deal with both sounds utterly overwhelming.
I don't have a lot of advice about how to cope, honestly. If you're able to find it in yourself to take in a new dog, you might find solace in that, but it's neither universally effective nor an option for everyone.
Regarding the warning, though, I would definitely say something to new neighbors, or anyone you see being careless with a leash. I almost suspect that your warning would go over better if you were less circumspect, though--something like, "A resident's dog was killed recently when his lead was trapped in the doors--please watch your dog's leash carefully when you're getting on the elevator." Saying that you saw something terrible involving a dog leash and an elevator sounds...well, knowing what you've written here, it sounds perfectly reasonable, but I think that without context, and presented to a stranger, it sounds very strange, almost like a (disgusting, inappropriate) joke, and I understand why people might react strangely to it.
posted by MeghanC at 10:53 PM on March 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
I don't have a lot of advice about how to cope, honestly. If you're able to find it in yourself to take in a new dog, you might find solace in that, but it's neither universally effective nor an option for everyone.
Regarding the warning, though, I would definitely say something to new neighbors, or anyone you see being careless with a leash. I almost suspect that your warning would go over better if you were less circumspect, though--something like, "A resident's dog was killed recently when his lead was trapped in the doors--please watch your dog's leash carefully when you're getting on the elevator." Saying that you saw something terrible involving a dog leash and an elevator sounds...well, knowing what you've written here, it sounds perfectly reasonable, but I think that without context, and presented to a stranger, it sounds very strange, almost like a (disgusting, inappropriate) joke, and I understand why people might react strangely to it.
posted by MeghanC at 10:53 PM on March 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
I know you say you can't/won't get another pet... but I think you really need another pet. You have all this pet-love in you, with no place for it to go. A new fuzzy baby running around your place will bring a lot of happiness in your life. Get a puppy, or perhaps a kitten. Hell, get two! Watch them grow up and live, and that will help you stop thinking about death and loss so much. Would your departed doggy want you to sit around being sad? No! He would want to see his best pal running and playing and being happy.
I don’t mean to appropriate another’s loss
That's one of the sweetest, saddest, silliest things I've heard for a while. You saw something that triggered your grief. That's nothing to feel guilty about.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 10:56 PM on March 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
I don’t mean to appropriate another’s loss
That's one of the sweetest, saddest, silliest things I've heard for a while. You saw something that triggered your grief. That's nothing to feel guilty about.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 10:56 PM on March 10, 2015 [3 favorites]
My dog and I take the elevator every day. If nothing else, know that you've made me aware of a danger and maybe helped prevent a future accident. Thank you for that.
Grief is tricky and internal; do what you can to process what is in your head, but be sure to get out of your own head and back into real life as well. Sending you peace.
posted by samthemander at 11:03 PM on March 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
Grief is tricky and internal; do what you can to process what is in your head, but be sure to get out of your own head and back into real life as well. Sending you peace.
posted by samthemander at 11:03 PM on March 10, 2015 [2 favorites]
On warning people, don't make it about your witnessing something, which creates the awkwardness of bringing up something horribly upsetting in your life (any dog owner will know this) with someone who you don't know well. Try "hey, watch out, i heard it can be really dangerous if the leash gets caught in the door once the elevator starts moving." It's less about you, and that's enough enough info that they can figure it out without your having to paint a terrible image.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 5:37 AM on March 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 5:37 AM on March 11, 2015 [3 favorites]
First off do not minimize that experience. What you described sounds horrifying and any person would be shaken by it.
First, do you think I should simply bite my tongue, and not warn the dog owners I encounter in my new building about the potential danger? I feel a strong urge to say something, especially when I see people being very casual with the leash,
If you emotionally dump on me with your "strong urge" I will think you are weird. But if you see my leash dangling, of course you can say "oops, careful! in my last apartment a dog was strangled from it getting caught in the door" and that is enough. You have to say it evenly though, and without the emotional charge. Solving this one person's leash dangling problem will not fix the past. Right now it sounds like you are too upset, so hold off saying it until you've processed the emotion more.
Second, do you have any suggestions for dealing with traumatic images? I don’t know how to stop seeing the dog in the elevator or my pet as he was dying. The more I tell myself not to think about those moments, the clearer the images become.
EMDR is good for that - it helps the brain re-connect to the memory and then reduce the emotional response to it. Right now it sounds like you are emotionally stuck, replaying that emotion over and over and you need to free up that emotion. Talk to a therapist.
but now I feel like there is a brutal, primal, horrible, nastiness just under surface of everything
maybe you can do nice things for other people. Be giving, kind and gentle. And you will start to see it in the world again.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:29 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
First, do you think I should simply bite my tongue, and not warn the dog owners I encounter in my new building about the potential danger? I feel a strong urge to say something, especially when I see people being very casual with the leash,
If you emotionally dump on me with your "strong urge" I will think you are weird. But if you see my leash dangling, of course you can say "oops, careful! in my last apartment a dog was strangled from it getting caught in the door" and that is enough. You have to say it evenly though, and without the emotional charge. Solving this one person's leash dangling problem will not fix the past. Right now it sounds like you are too upset, so hold off saying it until you've processed the emotion more.
Second, do you have any suggestions for dealing with traumatic images? I don’t know how to stop seeing the dog in the elevator or my pet as he was dying. The more I tell myself not to think about those moments, the clearer the images become.
EMDR is good for that - it helps the brain re-connect to the memory and then reduce the emotional response to it. Right now it sounds like you are emotionally stuck, replaying that emotion over and over and you need to free up that emotion. Talk to a therapist.
but now I feel like there is a brutal, primal, horrible, nastiness just under surface of everything
maybe you can do nice things for other people. Be giving, kind and gentle. And you will start to see it in the world again.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 7:29 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
I think there's a right way and a wrong way to bring it up to other residents. You want to come from the angle of someone who cares deeply about dogs, not a busybody who thinks other residents are bad dog owners. So like, if you're all getting into the elevator, and they've got their dog, and you do the "oh, you're such a pretty girl" kind of chit-chat and they seem receptive, then I don't think it would be weird at all to say, "Oh, do please be careful with her in these elevators...another tenant's dog died recently after its leash got caught in the doors, and it just broke my heart..." I can't imagine that would be unwelcome advice at all (at least where I live), even if they're well aware of the danger. But if you just start spontaneously preaching to every person you run into, then yeah, you're gonna turn into the crazy dog lady.
posted by gueneverey at 7:59 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by gueneverey at 7:59 AM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
I, too, have been in a similar situation. As my cat got older and had various maladies, I knew my time with her was slowly coming to an end. That sent me into a tailspin that had never happened before. And it lasted for about 10 months until we put our cat to sleep. It was my first anxiety attack. And an experience earlier in my life with my mother was the trigger.
In that situation, I came home from college for Xmas vacation and my father told me my mother was dying and had six months to live. And, he told me, her doctor and he had decided she shouldn't be told (this was in 1970). I went to school far from home and I immediately told my father I wouldn't be returning. But he made me. The worst part was at the end of Xmas vacation, having to say goodbye to my mother thinking I'd never see her again and not being able to really say goodbye --to acknowledge her dying with her. This was a trauma that I carry around with me to this very day. I had been anticipating that moment throughout the whole vacation. It was a huge burden to bare and I was alone. My father offered no support. So, when I started to anticipate the death of my cat, it threw me for a loop. Once my cat died, I was felt better since the trigger (the anticipation) was no longer there. But I sought help to help me cope. I would recommend therapy. Reading a book won't really help. I believe you need some human contact with someone who has experience in cognitive therapy.
Anxiety is often misunderstood or not understood at all. I have friends who thought my feelings were just about my cat, like I was a "cat person." Well, yes, in a way. But my feelings were really about the anticipation of losing someone I loved. Acknowledging that was the first of many steps I've taken.
I wish for you the ability to walk through this with a better understanding of your trauma. And, to know that what you're feeling is not odd or strange.
posted by Taken Outtacontext at 1:23 PM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
In that situation, I came home from college for Xmas vacation and my father told me my mother was dying and had six months to live. And, he told me, her doctor and he had decided she shouldn't be told (this was in 1970). I went to school far from home and I immediately told my father I wouldn't be returning. But he made me. The worst part was at the end of Xmas vacation, having to say goodbye to my mother thinking I'd never see her again and not being able to really say goodbye --to acknowledge her dying with her. This was a trauma that I carry around with me to this very day. I had been anticipating that moment throughout the whole vacation. It was a huge burden to bare and I was alone. My father offered no support. So, when I started to anticipate the death of my cat, it threw me for a loop. Once my cat died, I was felt better since the trigger (the anticipation) was no longer there. But I sought help to help me cope. I would recommend therapy. Reading a book won't really help. I believe you need some human contact with someone who has experience in cognitive therapy.
Anxiety is often misunderstood or not understood at all. I have friends who thought my feelings were just about my cat, like I was a "cat person." Well, yes, in a way. But my feelings were really about the anticipation of losing someone I loved. Acknowledging that was the first of many steps I've taken.
I wish for you the ability to walk through this with a better understanding of your trauma. And, to know that what you're feeling is not odd or strange.
posted by Taken Outtacontext at 1:23 PM on March 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
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In answer to your questions...
1. Should you warn people. You're aware of a danger to their pets, if the warning is kind and not critical, I can't imagine why they would get upset. You might want to ask the management if you could put a discreet 8x11 poster in the elevator (although, their lawyer may say no to this, acknowledging a danger increases the liability). If they won't allow you to post something, just gently tell people that elevator doors are dangerous to dogs on a leash. If you get resistance or negative reactions, you can stop (or change the way you're wording it).
2. How to deal with Post Traumatic Stress. The images you have are as disturbing to you as a similar image someone might have involving a person as opposed to a dog to someone else. Don't allow anyone to say "just get over it".... If, after a week or two, you're still troubled by this, you might want to seek a therapist who specializes in PTS, I would recommend someone who uses CBT. You could also take a shot at doctoring yourself by reading something like this.
3. How to deal with loss of a pet...Again, CBT can help with this...
Hang in there...
posted by HuronBob at 9:13 PM on March 10, 2015