He's Falling Through The Safety Net That Isn't There
January 30, 2015 8:05 AM Subscribe
Independent Vermont Culture Filter: Help us come up with a strategy to assure our 55 year old underemployed neighbor doesn't freeze to death this winter.
Our neighbor has lived "down the road" from us in rural Vermont for the last 28 years. He has always worked low wage service jobs and never seems to hold onto them long. For the last 15 years he has been primarily taking care of his elderly mother.
The mother died last month and the son is still living by himself in the family home. He currently works 20 hours a week washing dishes at a local school. He has no working car and to get to work he has to hitchike 8 miles into town. We give him rides when we can. Where we live is not an easy place to be. Winters are cold, snowy and brutal.
We gave him a holiday gift card for $100 of groceries and yesterday when we found out his oil tank was empty we bought 100 gallons of heating oil. We can't afford to do this long term.
We clearly told him that this is an emergency and he needs to find housing in town. It's obvious he has no interest in goverment assistance. But... you can't make a Vermonter do anything. He has one brother who wants to rehab the house and move in once our neighbor moves out. The brother says he " can't be bothered" with this situation. He thinks our neighbor should go into a shelter.
This is a Dickensian situation with no easy answer. I'd like to see several different perspectives on how to help this person.
Our neighbor has lived "down the road" from us in rural Vermont for the last 28 years. He has always worked low wage service jobs and never seems to hold onto them long. For the last 15 years he has been primarily taking care of his elderly mother.
The mother died last month and the son is still living by himself in the family home. He currently works 20 hours a week washing dishes at a local school. He has no working car and to get to work he has to hitchike 8 miles into town. We give him rides when we can. Where we live is not an easy place to be. Winters are cold, snowy and brutal.
We gave him a holiday gift card for $100 of groceries and yesterday when we found out his oil tank was empty we bought 100 gallons of heating oil. We can't afford to do this long term.
We clearly told him that this is an emergency and he needs to find housing in town. It's obvious he has no interest in goverment assistance. But... you can't make a Vermonter do anything. He has one brother who wants to rehab the house and move in once our neighbor moves out. The brother says he " can't be bothered" with this situation. He thinks our neighbor should go into a shelter.
This is a Dickensian situation with no easy answer. I'd like to see several different perspectives on how to help this person.
You can't force someone to want help.
It seems to me that a small studio near his work would be the ideal solution, but that's me. It may be you as well. He's 55 years old and he's not trying to help himself at all. Maybe someone needs a roommate or has a room to rent, or some small abode he can call home.
I don't think he needs government assistance, he needs to come to terms with his situation and decide how he wants to proceed.
He may have had a small inheritance from his mom, perhaps he and his brother will split the house once the estate is settled. You don't know, and he's not telling.
You may want to tell him, "Bob, I don't know what your situation is, but clearly this isn't going to be sustainable for you going forward. You're a nice guy and I'd love to help you get settled in town so you can get to work and live within your means. I know we filled your oil tank, but we're not going to be able to do that again."
Or you might want to shake your network and see if anyone has a small place to rent. A Mother-In-Law suite, or a condo or what have you. Then you can say, "Bob, I was talking with a buddy of mine. He's got a basement apartment to rent and I don't know what's up with you and the house now that Norma has passed, but if you're interested, I'd be glad to run you over there so you can look at it."
And that's about as much as you can venture. If you ever do become concerned for him, have the sheriff run over there and do a welfare check.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:34 AM on January 30, 2015 [6 favorites]
It seems to me that a small studio near his work would be the ideal solution, but that's me. It may be you as well. He's 55 years old and he's not trying to help himself at all. Maybe someone needs a roommate or has a room to rent, or some small abode he can call home.
I don't think he needs government assistance, he needs to come to terms with his situation and decide how he wants to proceed.
He may have had a small inheritance from his mom, perhaps he and his brother will split the house once the estate is settled. You don't know, and he's not telling.
You may want to tell him, "Bob, I don't know what your situation is, but clearly this isn't going to be sustainable for you going forward. You're a nice guy and I'd love to help you get settled in town so you can get to work and live within your means. I know we filled your oil tank, but we're not going to be able to do that again."
Or you might want to shake your network and see if anyone has a small place to rent. A Mother-In-Law suite, or a condo or what have you. Then you can say, "Bob, I was talking with a buddy of mine. He's got a basement apartment to rent and I don't know what's up with you and the house now that Norma has passed, but if you're interested, I'd be glad to run you over there so you can look at it."
And that's about as much as you can venture. If you ever do become concerned for him, have the sheriff run over there and do a welfare check.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:34 AM on January 30, 2015 [6 favorites]
There is probably a local Capstone community action group that does emergency fuel service that serves your area (I worked with the one in Rutland and with the one where I live, with various people) which you might be able to put him in touch with to deal with the immediate freeze-to-death situation. The Googleable term is "crisis fuel" There's paperwork but they work fast. I'd call them today if there's one in your area.
The brother maybe needs a reality check since if the guy lets the pipes freeze and the house is destroyed it's going to ruin his "investment" in it even if he has no investment in his brother. Also seconding the faith communities near you.
I would also call VT211. The Council on Aging only deals with people who are 60+ but I bet they know other resources for people who are not quite that age and I'd suggest a phone call.
Realistically I don't disagree that this guy's plan (such as it is) isn't sustainable but you may have to face it one issue at a time which means addressing the freeze-to-death problem first and then the housing/transportation ones in turn. A social worker would be better situated to manage this overall situation and its composite parts.
posted by jessamyn at 9:05 AM on January 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
The brother maybe needs a reality check since if the guy lets the pipes freeze and the house is destroyed it's going to ruin his "investment" in it even if he has no investment in his brother. Also seconding the faith communities near you.
I would also call VT211. The Council on Aging only deals with people who are 60+ but I bet they know other resources for people who are not quite that age and I'd suggest a phone call.
Realistically I don't disagree that this guy's plan (such as it is) isn't sustainable but you may have to face it one issue at a time which means addressing the freeze-to-death problem first and then the housing/transportation ones in turn. A social worker would be better situated to manage this overall situation and its composite parts.
posted by jessamyn at 9:05 AM on January 30, 2015 [5 favorites]
Looks like the program is full for 2014 but just for future reference Citizens Energy provides fuel oil to the poor and elderly across the Northeast (when I still lived in MA I used to hear their Joe-4-Oil radio commercials all the time).
posted by Wretch729 at 9:15 AM on January 30, 2015
posted by Wretch729 at 9:15 AM on January 30, 2015
If his options truly become "accept help or freeze to death" he is likely going to accept some help eventually, but he's the one who has to make that decision. On days where it is below freezing, and you don't see him, it would be both kind and prudent to call your local 211 for a well-being check, which is pretty common. It's okay to do this every time it is below freezing and you don't see him for a bit, that's what well-being checks are for, they will not get annoyed with your constant calling. If they determine that he is endangering himself, those folks will help him either figure out a sustainable solution that respects his independence or figure out a new stable safe living situation.
posted by juniperesque at 9:25 AM on January 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by juniperesque at 9:25 AM on January 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
If he has a house, what about helping him find a roommate (or two)?
I know winters are tough, but a number of vermonters I know ride their bikes all winter. If he's interested in this, and you want to invest in it, a decent beater bike could be had for less than $100. Also, there are places like Bike Recycle Vermont who will give people who need them bikes (and help fix them).
posted by arnicae at 10:09 AM on January 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
I know winters are tough, but a number of vermonters I know ride their bikes all winter. If he's interested in this, and you want to invest in it, a decent beater bike could be had for less than $100. Also, there are places like Bike Recycle Vermont who will give people who need them bikes (and help fix them).
posted by arnicae at 10:09 AM on January 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
I recall hearing about a program where you do 2 hours of volunteer work a month and get a big box of cheap, fresh groceries (meat, produce, etc). I don't recall the name. I have done some googling (and will list a couple of links I did find that might help) but can't quite identify the thing I was thinking of. If anyone has any idea what I am talking about, please post. It is not "charity." You pay for the food with 2 hours of labor and a little cash. But it does help you stay better fed for what money you do have.
In looking around, I did find these two things in Vermont:
Farm Share
Lamoille Community Food Share
You might also see if you can come up with local resources to help either add homegrown energy to his home (solar, wind, whatever -- sometimes, there are subsidies to promote such things) or refit the house to be more in line with passive solar design so it stays comfortable without adding much energy to the system. If he has free time and is willing to do labor himself, you might be able to just chat up the idea and get him connected to information and he might be able to implement it himself.
For example, a google of "vermont homeowners energy incentives" turns up a few programs, including:
Efficiency Vermont
The Vermont Solar & Small Wind Incentive Program
Home Improvement Incentives - Building Energy Vermont ...
and more.
Also maybe ask if he is interested in starting a garden to help feed himself? It isn't a short term solution, but it is a long term one. You don't end a crisis by doing crisis management. You just survive it. Actually resolving it usually requires long term planning.
Best of luck.
posted by Michele in California at 10:45 AM on January 30, 2015
In looking around, I did find these two things in Vermont:
Farm Share
Lamoille Community Food Share
You might also see if you can come up with local resources to help either add homegrown energy to his home (solar, wind, whatever -- sometimes, there are subsidies to promote such things) or refit the house to be more in line with passive solar design so it stays comfortable without adding much energy to the system. If he has free time and is willing to do labor himself, you might be able to just chat up the idea and get him connected to information and he might be able to implement it himself.
For example, a google of "vermont homeowners energy incentives" turns up a few programs, including:
Efficiency Vermont
The Vermont Solar & Small Wind Incentive Program
Home Improvement Incentives - Building Energy Vermont ...
and more.
Also maybe ask if he is interested in starting a garden to help feed himself? It isn't a short term solution, but it is a long term one. You don't end a crisis by doing crisis management. You just survive it. Actually resolving it usually requires long term planning.
Best of luck.
posted by Michele in California at 10:45 AM on January 30, 2015
Best answer: If his mother just died he's still grieving. I think the kindest and best thing to do would be to support him through this time and not make a bunch of demands on him. He needs time to grieve and move on. It sounds like a charity or group of neighbors that would help him for a few months would be the most respectful way to deal with this situation.
His brother sounds like a total dick so I'd expect no help there, in fact he might need a lawyer to protect his interests from the brother and you should stop discussing your neighbors situation with him. He spends years taking care of their mother, then gets booted to a shelter while his brother inherits the family home free and clear? Don't give this guy ammunition to use against his sibling.
Does he have a wood stove and a woodlot? It would help supplement his heat and there are charities like the Boy Scouts that will deliver wood to people in need.
posted by fshgrl at 11:56 AM on January 30, 2015 [4 favorites]
His brother sounds like a total dick so I'd expect no help there, in fact he might need a lawyer to protect his interests from the brother and you should stop discussing your neighbors situation with him. He spends years taking care of their mother, then gets booted to a shelter while his brother inherits the family home free and clear? Don't give this guy ammunition to use against his sibling.
Does he have a wood stove and a woodlot? It would help supplement his heat and there are charities like the Boy Scouts that will deliver wood to people in need.
posted by fshgrl at 11:56 AM on January 30, 2015 [4 favorites]
Invite him to dinner once a week. Over time, as you get to understand how he ticks, you might be able to figure out how to help him.
posted by metasarah at 12:49 PM on January 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by metasarah at 12:49 PM on January 30, 2015 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks for the answers. VT 211 was unhelpful and referred me to VT adult protection which is not the way to go. His wood stove is broken. Yes he is still grieving and may not be able at this time to recognize the scope of his situation. Most of the people on this road keep very much to themselves and do not interact with anyone. There is no community here as such, which is why we feel the respomsibity and the load of watching out for him. Yes, the brother is a dick but it might be the result of sibling stuff going back a lifetime. My next siep is for my wife and I to iniate a conversation with him to express our real concern and to communicate the upcoming consequences of his situation.
posted by Xurando at 2:01 PM on January 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Xurando at 2:01 PM on January 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
Did his mother belong to a church or social club? If so call them, even if she hasn't attended in a while they will probably help.
posted by fshgrl at 3:40 PM on January 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by fshgrl at 3:40 PM on January 30, 2015 [1 favorite]
Perhaps he has a trusted doctor that he could visit, and get some advice there. Perhaps talk to the principal at the school where he works and see if he/she has any advice - maybe coworkers could take turns providing a meal to take home or a ride to work.
posted by Sukey Says at 4:53 AM on January 31, 2015
posted by Sukey Says at 4:53 AM on January 31, 2015
« Older Help me see the bright sides of parenting an only... | Examples of colonialists or outsiders using... Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
That said, here are some thoughts off the top of my head:
--You said he isn't open to government assistance, but is he part of a faith community, fraternal organization, or something like that? Churches or other community oriented groups often have funds for assisting people who are in need, and maybe he would be more open to accepting help from an organization not funded by the government.
--Does he have a physically or mentally disabling condition? Even a chronic illness like diabetes might count here. If he does, it might be worth calling the Vermont Department of Disabilities, Aging & Independent Living and explaining the situation. They may intervene if he is at serious risk of harm from exposure or starvation, and it's possible that he is in a situation of neglect.
--Even if he doesn't qualify for those sorts of services, I would encourage you to call Vermont 211 for advice. I'm not from Vermont, and am not familiar with the resources available, but I've had good luck calling 211 services in other states in situations similar to this.
posted by cimton at 8:25 AM on January 30, 2015 [2 favorites]