Decline request from colleague with minimum damage to relationship?
December 20, 2014 9:51 PM Subscribe
A couple of months ago a coworker asked me if I could help him, in exchange for a fee, write a rather lengthy research paper which he needs for career advancement. At the time I said I would be busy till January, but that I would probably be able to take up the assigment then. But things have changed...
I was flattered that he considered me up to the task, plus I could use some extra money, and said I might be interested. Later on we met and discussed my rates per hour/written page and agreed to discuss the topic again in more detail in the near future. The near future has arrived, my colleague wants to meet to start work on his project, but I now feel there are other projects of my own I would rather devote my scarce time to. How can I decline his request while minimizing damage to the relationship? We might be working together as a team in an educational initiative next year and I would like to remain in as good terms as possible.
I was flattered that he considered me up to the task, plus I could use some extra money, and said I might be interested. Later on we met and discussed my rates per hour/written page and agreed to discuss the topic again in more detail in the near future. The near future has arrived, my colleague wants to meet to start work on his project, but I now feel there are other projects of my own I would rather devote my scarce time to. How can I decline his request while minimizing damage to the relationship? We might be working together as a team in an educational initiative next year and I would like to remain in as good terms as possible.
I'm not sure I'm getting this right - he wanted to pay you to write a paper for him? And -
We might be working together as a team in an educational initiative next year
Do you really think alligning yourself with this person is a good academic/professional move?
As for salvaging the relationship. "Sorry, something's come up and it won't be possible. Good luck with your paper."
posted by pintapicasso at 10:26 PM on December 20, 2014 [5 favorites]
We might be working together as a team in an educational initiative next year
Do you really think alligning yourself with this person is a good academic/professional move?
As for salvaging the relationship. "Sorry, something's come up and it won't be possible. Good luck with your paper."
posted by pintapicasso at 10:26 PM on December 20, 2014 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: he wanted to pay you to write a paper for him? Yes.
Do you really think alligning yourself with this person is a good academic/professional move? Not sure about that one. I do know the educational system down here (South America) is rife with corruption. I can´t get too puritanical if the task (the educational initiative) seems rewarding and potentially useful to society. But I suppose that's a different issue. The point is I would not mind working with this guy in other assignments, and would like to communicate the "bad news" gracefully.
posted by Basque13 at 10:44 PM on December 20, 2014
Do you really think alligning yourself with this person is a good academic/professional move? Not sure about that one. I do know the educational system down here (South America) is rife with corruption. I can´t get too puritanical if the task (the educational initiative) seems rewarding and potentially useful to society. But I suppose that's a different issue. The point is I would not mind working with this guy in other assignments, and would like to communicate the "bad news" gracefully.
posted by Basque13 at 10:44 PM on December 20, 2014
Can you offer to introduce him to a few other names that "may not be as busy right now"?
posted by taff at 11:36 PM on December 20, 2014 [7 favorites]
posted by taff at 11:36 PM on December 20, 2014 [7 favorites]
I agree with the advice above: just tell him, straight out, asap, that other things have come up and you will not have the time that you thought you would. If you did any preliminary thinking on the project, it would be a nice gesture to share it with him, and if you know of anyone else who could help him, you could also pass on their contact info.
The key here is to tell him as soon as possible. The only thing worse than having a request for help turned down is thinking that you have a solution and then finding out, at the last minute, that you do not. If your colleague is reasonable, he will understand that things change.
posted by rpfields at 4:04 AM on December 21, 2014 [4 favorites]
The key here is to tell him as soon as possible. The only thing worse than having a request for help turned down is thinking that you have a solution and then finding out, at the last minute, that you do not. If your colleague is reasonable, he will understand that things change.
posted by rpfields at 4:04 AM on December 21, 2014 [4 favorites]
How about telling him you can't take on the whole problem, but can help him in a limited way. Maybe come up with an outline and/or recommend some sources.
posted by wryly at 10:24 AM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by wryly at 10:24 AM on December 21, 2014 [1 favorite]
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I don't know of any magic trick for this - I think I'd just tell him "things have changed and I don't have the time for this that I thought I'd have, I'm sorry" If he was really looking to you to assist as editor or something, perhaps you could find a couple of hours a month to review his work? Or perhaps you could help him find an alternative person to work for?
posted by doctor tough love at 10:21 PM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]