Awful alternatives to procrastination! It's for a friend of mine

November 25, 2014 10:46 AM

I need some "punishments" to help a friend beat procrastination. Some snowflakes below.

A friend of mine (no, really!) has a hard time beating procrastination and what he usually does is to publicly ask one of his friends to come up with some creative "punishment" that he will have to carry out if he fails to meet a specific deadline:

If I don't finish [specific task] by [specific time and date] I will do whatever [friend] tells me to do

Now it's my turn to come up with something that will scare him out of procrastination, but I'm having a hard time thinking of something good. Help me!

Harm to his person and/or material possessions are completely out of the question. He's more of an extravert, so I fear the usual public shaming will not suffice. Physical exhaustion might do it, but I need something creative and scary but not actually harmful. Unfortunately, he's recently wiped almost all his Facebook archives and I can't see what others have suggested. I could ask, but I have 24 hours to issue a challenge.

(In retrospect, I've never had to think of a punishment of any kind to anyone in my whole life.)

posted by andycyca to Human Relations (20 answers total)

If you go the "physical exhaustion" route, I suggest burpees, stair-climbs and the pilates 100. All are miserable and grueling.

What about cleaning/chores? If he procrastinates, he has to clean your shower, organize your linen closet, scrub your floor, detail your car or weed your garden? Or, shovel the nice neighbor-lady's sidewalk, or offer to clean her gutters.
posted by Grandysaur at 10:55 AM on November 25, 2014 [2 favorites]

A classic: if he fails to do the thing, he has to donate money to a charity that he totally opposes. Whatever pisses him off the most -- the George W. Bush Presidential Library, the NRA, whatever.
posted by ostro at 10:56 AM on November 25, 2014 [16 favorites]

Donate $100 to [horrible group].

Eat at [horrible place] for every meal for 3 days.
posted by sparklemotion at 10:57 AM on November 25, 2014

Have a look at beeminder.com, in essence if he doesn't do what he says he will then he automatically looses money, and each time he procrastinates the amount of money he losses increases!
posted by DrRotcod at 10:59 AM on November 25, 2014

P. S. How does he feel about skydiving?
posted by ostro at 11:01 AM on November 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

He's more of an extravert, so I fear the usual public shaming will not suffice.

Solitary confinement/some sort of social isolation then? Sensory deprivation? People who need attention suffer when they do not get it.
posted by Michele in California at 11:04 AM on November 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

I was going to suggest since you say he's extroverted, he has to spend the next weekend (or whenever his days off are) in his house and he can't leave for any reason, and no human contact during this time (no calling, texting, email, Facebook etc.)
posted by Librarypt at 11:14 AM on November 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

A slight variation on Michele in California and Librarypt: If he lives near one, an hour in an isolation tank?
posted by gnomeloaf at 11:17 AM on November 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Instead of spending money on a group or food he hates, how about putting a little money into an index fund every time he procrastinates instead of using it on something he would have enjoyed? That way he is still depriving himself while doing something that will be beneficial in the long run. Bonus points for self punishment: actually read the prospectus and other investor reports for said fund. Most folks would find that a snooze.
posted by jazzbaby at 11:18 AM on November 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

He has to call his mother (or father, whoever is most critical) and 1) explain in detail why he set the goal in the first place, and the role he hoped it would play in his life and then 2) describe exactly what he did instead of working, minute by minute. He has to record that conversation and post it on Facebook for others to hear. (This may be too cruel, idk.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 11:19 AM on November 25, 2014 [9 favorites]

Best answer: Blenderized foods that arouse disgust, especially in combination. E.g. Spam, ice cubes, peanut butter, sardines, canned beets, overcooked Brussels sprouts, candy corn, liverwurst, licorice, and liquid Pepto-Bismal. You might throw in some edibility taboos there too, e.g. a pinch of freeze-dried worms (hardware stores market them as bird food).

*shudders, resolves never to request such a favor*
posted by feral_goldfish at 11:19 AM on November 25, 2014 [4 favorites]

For a full day, he has to take 1 step backward for every 2 steps forward that he takes, everywhere he walks.

Read a terrible book series in its entirety (within a certain time frame). There are lots of cheap, super terrible self-published series on Amazon. Not allowed to read any other books until this is done.

Watch an entire season of a TV show he hates, or watch a bunch of movies all in a row that star an actor he hates.
posted by Librarypt at 11:25 AM on November 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Response by poster:

Grandysaur: I suggest burpees, stair-climbs and the pilates 100. All are miserable and grueling.

What about cleaning/chores?

Pilates sounds interesting, paired with something a bit embarrassing (say, live-broadcasting the whole thing). Chores are difficult due to distance, but doable.

ostro: he has to donate money to a charity that he totally opposes.

I never thought of that! It will have to be something non-political, but I'm sure I could find something...

sparklemotion: Eat at [horrible place] for every meal for 3 days.

For this particular person, this might not be it. He's the kind of person that will order the most disgusting thing on the menu just for kicks.

DrRotcod: Have a look at beeminder.com

This is perfect for me!

ostro: P. S. How does he feel about skydiving?

He'd procrastinate on everything to go skydiving.

Michele in California: Solitary confinement/some sort of social isolation then?

Librarypt: he has to spend the next weekend (or whenever his days off are) in his house and he can't leave for any reason, and no human contact

I... don't know. It's hard to enforce this one, but would probably work.
posted by andycyca at 11:28 AM on November 25, 2014

Maybe a more do-able variation:

You (or someone) takes his smart phone/tablet/laptop/whatever hostage for x period of time? I mean if he is the kind of person whose phone is glued to one ear at all times, this is enforceable as a type of deprivation and potentially a "oh, gawd no" thing for some people.
posted by Michele in California at 11:33 AM on November 25, 2014

Best answer: If he's a sports-following kind of guy, he could donate the money to his favorite team's archrival's fan club. Or just show up to the game completely decked out in the archrival's colors. And record it for posterity.
posted by ostro at 11:38 AM on November 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thank you for your answers people! I'm liking pretty much all of them, I'll pitch these ideas to the group for future challenges!

gnomeloaf: an hour in an isolation tank?

I don't know of any near us. Then again, I haven't actually looked. Although I don't know how much this would "scare" him. It's a neat concept.

jazzbaby: how about putting a little money into an index fund every time he procrastinates instead of using it on something he would have enjoyed?

Now this, I like this... maybe not this exact idea, but this line of reasoning. This sounds optimal for a long-term strategy, but I'm looking for more of a one-shot right now. I'll discuss this idea with the rest of the challengers to figure this one out

cotton dress sock: He has to call his mother (or father, whoever is most critical)

Interesting! I don't know his relation to his parents, I'll have to dig deeper on this one.

feral_goldfish: Blenderized foods that arouse disgust, especially in combination

Now this is the kind of thing I was looking for! So far this is the best answer :D

Librarypt: For a full day, he has to take 1 step backward for every 2 steps forward that he takes, everywhere he walks.

Read a terrible book series in its entirety (within a certain time frame). There are lots of cheap, super terrible self-published series on Amazon. Not allowed to read any other books until this is done.

Watch an entire season of a TV show he hates, or watch a bunch of movies all in a row that star an actor he hates.

I like the marathon idea better. Our group constantly makes fun of him for hating Disney movies *Maniacal laughter*
posted by andycyca at 11:42 AM on November 25, 2014

Give up coffee/booze/some other favorite beverage for a month. If that won't work, become vegetarian for a month (if he's not already).

For a month, while he's driving he has to listen to the same album over and over by a musician/band he hates.
posted by Librarypt at 11:47 AM on November 25, 2014

Response by poster:

Michele in California: take his smart phone/tablet/laptop/whatever hostage for x period of time?

Now that you mention it, he just bought a WiiU with the new Smash Bros...

ostro: Or just show up to the game completely decked out in the archrival's colors. And record it for posterity.

Why didn't I think of this before? :D

Librarypt: Give up coffee/booze/some other favorite beverage for a month. If that won't work, become vegetarian for a month (if he's not already).

Hard to enforce on weekdays because of different schedules, but maybe this could work if we all go out on an epic party and he's not allowed to take any alcohol :D
posted by andycyca at 11:58 AM on November 25, 2014

Make him change his outgoing voicemail message to something embarrassing for a set period of time. You decide how embarrassing and the content (as the one that knows him). Is it the refrain from Creed's With Arms Wide Open, context-free, leave a message after the beep? Is it him confessing that he can't come to the phone because he failed to [do whatever task]? The reasons someone should Call Him, Maybe if he fails to return their message? I'm sure you and your friends can think up some good ones.
posted by deludingmyself at 12:04 PM on November 25, 2014 [1 favorite]

How about a nice jazzercize or zumba class? Even better, aqua aerobics...cold, wet, no other guys, mostly older women. If that's not bad enough he could be required to wear some sort of humiliating bathing attire.
posted by BoscosMom at 9:49 PM on November 25, 2014