When to step in for a dog
October 22, 2014 6:07 AM Subscribe
I'm pretty sure my boyfriend's dog has an ear infection. How to proceed?
My boyfriend, Adam, has a dog who is about six years old. About a week ago she stopped jumping up on the furniture. She wants to, but appears unable to make the leap. Adam attributes it to "old age" or "sore muscles." I googled and learned this happens sometimes when dogs have ear infections.
She also has been constantly itching her left ear and licking her foot. Furthermore, her ear smells funky and bad. Her right ear gets a few cursory scratches but she's pretty focused on the left one. The right ear doesn't smell.
When I come over or he comes home she is not her usual self. She LOVES to greet visitors and has a little dance she does. Now she trembles and has a look on her face like she did something naughty when someone comes in the door. She doesn't do her normal HIHIHIOMIGODYOUHOMEYOUHEREYAY dance. Adam says she is just cold and that is why she is trembling, but it's not cold yet where we live and I don't think the dog is cold.
She has no other issues. She still wants to play fetch (her passion) and eat (her other passion) and sleep (her third passion). But she's not the same on the field - she is in love with fetch, but she's slow and seems tired when we play this week. I'm pretty sure she has an ear infection. She has all the symptoms.
Adam doesn't want to take her to the vet. I have mentioned it a few times and sent him a link about the ear scratching and paw licking and how that's a classic symptom. He says she will just get over it. Even if it's an infection it will clear up, he says. Part of the issue is he doesn't like his current vet - I use the same vet and I also don't like her. She misdiagnosed a serious problem with my own pet for over a year. He says he brought up her ears the last time they saw the vet and that she told him to clean them with vinegar, so he does that occasionally. I think this is beyond vinegar. I think he needs to go to a new vet (I recommended a better one) to get her antibiotics.
I'm worried she will go deaf or worse that the infection will spread to her bloodstream and kill her. She also seems more sensitive to sounds in general and is barking at phantom sounds a lot. She'll cock her head at the door and bark like she heard something even if there is no noise.
How can I deal with this? I love this dog. I love my boyfriend. What is the best way to tell him that I really think she needs to see the vet? This is almost a dealbreaker for me. I'm feeling angry that he doesn't take this seriously. Part of me feels like just taking her in myself, but she is not my dog, we don't live together, and I would be overstepping. What should I do? He would likely be amenable to something over the counter. Is there something that I can buy without seeing the vet that might help?
My boyfriend, Adam, has a dog who is about six years old. About a week ago she stopped jumping up on the furniture. She wants to, but appears unable to make the leap. Adam attributes it to "old age" or "sore muscles." I googled and learned this happens sometimes when dogs have ear infections.
She also has been constantly itching her left ear and licking her foot. Furthermore, her ear smells funky and bad. Her right ear gets a few cursory scratches but she's pretty focused on the left one. The right ear doesn't smell.
When I come over or he comes home she is not her usual self. She LOVES to greet visitors and has a little dance she does. Now she trembles and has a look on her face like she did something naughty when someone comes in the door. She doesn't do her normal HIHIHIOMIGODYOUHOMEYOUHEREYAY dance. Adam says she is just cold and that is why she is trembling, but it's not cold yet where we live and I don't think the dog is cold.
She has no other issues. She still wants to play fetch (her passion) and eat (her other passion) and sleep (her third passion). But she's not the same on the field - she is in love with fetch, but she's slow and seems tired when we play this week. I'm pretty sure she has an ear infection. She has all the symptoms.
Adam doesn't want to take her to the vet. I have mentioned it a few times and sent him a link about the ear scratching and paw licking and how that's a classic symptom. He says she will just get over it. Even if it's an infection it will clear up, he says. Part of the issue is he doesn't like his current vet - I use the same vet and I also don't like her. She misdiagnosed a serious problem with my own pet for over a year. He says he brought up her ears the last time they saw the vet and that she told him to clean them with vinegar, so he does that occasionally. I think this is beyond vinegar. I think he needs to go to a new vet (I recommended a better one) to get her antibiotics.
I'm worried she will go deaf or worse that the infection will spread to her bloodstream and kill her. She also seems more sensitive to sounds in general and is barking at phantom sounds a lot. She'll cock her head at the door and bark like she heard something even if there is no noise.
How can I deal with this? I love this dog. I love my boyfriend. What is the best way to tell him that I really think she needs to see the vet? This is almost a dealbreaker for me. I'm feeling angry that he doesn't take this seriously. Part of me feels like just taking her in myself, but she is not my dog, we don't live together, and I would be overstepping. What should I do? He would likely be amenable to something over the counter. Is there something that I can buy without seeing the vet that might help?
Take the dog to the vet.
You're already thinking that his lack of consideration for another living being is nearly a deal breaker. If he flips out at you for dealing with it when he won't, maybe that's an actual deal breaker, and maybe that's okay.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:22 AM on October 22, 2014 [20 favorites]
You're already thinking that his lack of consideration for another living being is nearly a deal breaker. If he flips out at you for dealing with it when he won't, maybe that's an actual deal breaker, and maybe that's okay.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:22 AM on October 22, 2014 [20 favorites]
Have you suggested to him that you could find a new vet and handle it all yourself? It might be as simple as that.
If it's not, you'll have to think about what it means to be with someone who'd let a pet suffer.
posted by hollyholly at 6:26 AM on October 22, 2014 [13 favorites]
If it's not, you'll have to think about what it means to be with someone who'd let a pet suffer.
posted by hollyholly at 6:26 AM on October 22, 2014 [13 favorites]
Find a different vet and take the dog in. Is it money that's the problem? Otherwise, I'm baffled. Ear infections are painful and I'd seriously think and re-think a man who would let his animal be in pain.
I would flat out say to him, "Norman, I love you, but you're not doing right by Cecily. She's clearly in pain and it's not getting better. It makes me think less of you that you'd let her suffer. If the issue is money, I'll pay for her, and you can pay me back in the future."
If that doesn't get him off his ass, it's time to think about DTMFA.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:29 AM on October 22, 2014 [14 favorites]
I would flat out say to him, "Norman, I love you, but you're not doing right by Cecily. She's clearly in pain and it's not getting better. It makes me think less of you that you'd let her suffer. If the issue is money, I'll pay for her, and you can pay me back in the future."
If that doesn't get him off his ass, it's time to think about DTMFA.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:29 AM on October 22, 2014 [14 favorites]
This definitely sounds like an ear infection that hasn't cleared up on its own. She needs a vet visit. The vet will probably give you OtoMax to put in her ears and/or a cleaning solution like EpiOtic that you wash her ears with. (Experience level: Two dogs of a breed that is especially prone to ear infections.)
Unfortunately, she's not your dog (I'm assuming you and Adam don't live together), so anything you do will have to be done with permission. If you both don't like the vet you currently use, ask around for recommendations for another vet in the area. Volunteer to do the research with Adam's involvement. Volunteer also to pay for it if you can afford it and he can't.
posted by tckma at 6:43 AM on October 22, 2014
Unfortunately, she's not your dog (I'm assuming you and Adam don't live together), so anything you do will have to be done with permission. If you both don't like the vet you currently use, ask around for recommendations for another vet in the area. Volunteer to do the research with Adam's involvement. Volunteer also to pay for it if you can afford it and he can't.
posted by tckma at 6:43 AM on October 22, 2014
You love this dog and this dog has done no wrong. While vet trips can be costly, Adam needs to be an adult and take care of this. This isn't like a "oh man, I should get this thing done sometime, but I just keep forgetting" situation-- this is a living, breathing animal who is in pain and whose quality of life is affected. Take the dog to the vet yourself and then re-consider this guy.
posted by thefang at 6:51 AM on October 22, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by thefang at 6:51 AM on October 22, 2014 [6 favorites]
By the way, "ear smells funky" is a telltale diagnosis of ear infection in dogs. Scratching the ear is a sign that the ear might be causing the dog pain from the ear infection. (It could also mean other things, like merely an itchy ear, so "ear smells funky" is a better symptom for ear infection diagnosis.)
I'll sometimes notice an ear infection when one of my dogs won't stop sniffing and licking the other dog's ear -- but there aren't other dogs around in this case.
posted by tckma at 7:09 AM on October 22, 2014
I'll sometimes notice an ear infection when one of my dogs won't stop sniffing and licking the other dog's ear -- but there aren't other dogs around in this case.
posted by tckma at 7:09 AM on October 22, 2014
This is cruel to the dog. She needs to go to the vet, and if Adam won't take her, I'd call the animal shelter and ask what you can do - not to take her to the animal shelter, but they probably know what rights/recourse you have taking an animal who's not yours to the vet.
posted by Ms Vegetable at 7:09 AM on October 22, 2014
posted by Ms Vegetable at 7:09 AM on October 22, 2014
Take the dog to the vet. Take the Adam to the curb. Keep the dog.
posted by oflinkey at 7:13 AM on October 22, 2014 [14 favorites]
posted by oflinkey at 7:13 AM on October 22, 2014 [14 favorites]
It sounds like Adam is in some weird kind of denial. He may well not be a monster or anything like that, but just having trouble managing his emotions. Maybe he's afraid of being judged, maybe he can't stand to think about his dog being in pain, maybe he's overly worried that it's something more serious, maybe he's worried about money or something. I dunno, and all that stuff is important later, after the dog gets treated and is feeling better.
Right now, put your foot down. Get him to take the dog to the new vet right away, or failing that, if there's any way you could do it logistically, just pack her up and take her yourself.
Then, talk to him and see if you can't figure out what the hell was with him being so resistant. If he is otherwise a decent and empathetic kind of guy, there's a possibility that he's got some weird but resolvable issue going on.
posted by ernielundquist at 8:08 AM on October 22, 2014
Right now, put your foot down. Get him to take the dog to the new vet right away, or failing that, if there's any way you could do it logistically, just pack her up and take her yourself.
Then, talk to him and see if you can't figure out what the hell was with him being so resistant. If he is otherwise a decent and empathetic kind of guy, there's a possibility that he's got some weird but resolvable issue going on.
posted by ernielundquist at 8:08 AM on October 22, 2014
About a week ago she stopped jumping up on the furniture. She wants to, but appears unable to make the leap. Adam attributes it to "old age" or "sore muscles."
This could also be a symptom of Lyme disease. When our dog was about 7 she started having trouble with the stairs. I initially thought it was just old age setting in too, but a visit to the vet proved otherwise and soon enough she was back to her very active ways.
Take the dog to a new vet and let them run the usual tests.
posted by mikepop at 8:17 AM on October 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
This could also be a symptom of Lyme disease. When our dog was about 7 she started having trouble with the stairs. I initially thought it was just old age setting in too, but a visit to the vet proved otherwise and soon enough she was back to her very active ways.
Take the dog to a new vet and let them run the usual tests.
posted by mikepop at 8:17 AM on October 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
First off, dogs are not considered seniors til about age 8.
The dog is clearly suffering, and has done for long enough. For the love of God, please take the dog to the vet. Or make Adam take the dog, go with him, and offer to pay if money is the issue. If Adam won't, or won't allow it, tell him you are going to call Animal Services.
Adam is being a shithead and I would seriously reconsider whether I'd want to be with someone who would let a living, breathing creature for whom he is responsible suffer like that.
posted by violetk at 8:22 AM on October 22, 2014 [8 favorites]
The dog is clearly suffering, and has done for long enough. For the love of God, please take the dog to the vet. Or make Adam take the dog, go with him, and offer to pay if money is the issue. If Adam won't, or won't allow it, tell him you are going to call Animal Services.
Adam is being a shithead and I would seriously reconsider whether I'd want to be with someone who would let a living, breathing creature for whom he is responsible suffer like that.
posted by violetk at 8:22 AM on October 22, 2014 [8 favorites]
Ear infections are painful for dogs and get more painful the longer it's not treated. Hence the scratching, inflammation, and head shaking. The dog can also lose its hearing if not treated. Ask him if it's worth a hundred bucks to get his dog out of pain and save its hearing. He sucks royally as a dog parent.
posted by cecic at 8:23 AM on October 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by cecic at 8:23 AM on October 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
Step one: take the dog to the vet. I go to a kind of bougie vet where things tend to be on the slightly more expensive side of average pricing; when my dog had an ear infection I believe it cost about $120 between diagnosis and the drops, and we were also in there getting a routine vaccination that day. His ear infection was completely cleared up in less than a week, $120 isn't an insurmountable amount of money, and my dog was so much happier.
Step two: find a new vet.
Most important thing is to get this poor dog some treatment for what has obviously become a problem. Second most important thing is to make sure you're happy with the medical care your dog is receiving. There's no reason to see a vet you hate. Unless you're living in a town of ~500 people there has to be another vet available.
Your boyfriend is being unreasonable about this.
posted by phunniemee at 8:30 AM on October 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
Step two: find a new vet.
Most important thing is to get this poor dog some treatment for what has obviously become a problem. Second most important thing is to make sure you're happy with the medical care your dog is receiving. There's no reason to see a vet you hate. Unless you're living in a town of ~500 people there has to be another vet available.
Your boyfriend is being unreasonable about this.
posted by phunniemee at 8:30 AM on October 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
He would likely be amenable to something over the counter.
There are all kinds of things that could be going on. Could be a simple yeast infection. Could be bacterial but only require something topical. Could have gone on so long at this point it might require a systemic antibiotic. There's really just no way to know. Is Adam a dog ear scientist? Probably not, right? No way to know. Need to go to the vet.
posted by phunniemee at 8:35 AM on October 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
There are all kinds of things that could be going on. Could be a simple yeast infection. Could be bacterial but only require something topical. Could have gone on so long at this point it might require a systemic antibiotic. There's really just no way to know. Is Adam a dog ear scientist? Probably not, right? No way to know. Need to go to the vet.
posted by phunniemee at 8:35 AM on October 22, 2014 [1 favorite]
Adam may just not want to or be able to handle the time and expense of taking the dog to the vet right now. You could volunteer to take the dog to the new, better vet and pay for the appointment and see what he says to that.
posted by Jacqueline at 9:21 AM on October 22, 2014
posted by Jacqueline at 9:21 AM on October 22, 2014
Has he ever had an ear infection? The dog could be in real pain, and it's bad pain. If your bf has never had an ear infection, though, he just might not understand this, or not be able to really get the severity of it.
Taking care of other beings is hard, especially when they can't talk. I've had this kind of problem, too. We fostered kittens, and an experienced kitten-carer had to lecture me a bit to get me to understand that a particular mild-seeming health issue could be really painful for them. I'm grateful to her for doing this, because I really didn't understand, although it could have been embarrassing for me in that moment.
If you both agree that your current vet isn't a good one, you need to find a new one. Please be firm with Adam. He may also feel odd about taking better care of this dog than he thinks his parents would have with their own dog, or about spending resources and time when there are other needs in the world. However, this dog, now, is his responsibility, and he will have a very hard time forgiving himself if she suffers more than necessary.
posted by amtho at 11:16 AM on October 22, 2014
Taking care of other beings is hard, especially when they can't talk. I've had this kind of problem, too. We fostered kittens, and an experienced kitten-carer had to lecture me a bit to get me to understand that a particular mild-seeming health issue could be really painful for them. I'm grateful to her for doing this, because I really didn't understand, although it could have been embarrassing for me in that moment.
If you both agree that your current vet isn't a good one, you need to find a new one. Please be firm with Adam. He may also feel odd about taking better care of this dog than he thinks his parents would have with their own dog, or about spending resources and time when there are other needs in the world. However, this dog, now, is his responsibility, and he will have a very hard time forgiving himself if she suffers more than necessary.
posted by amtho at 11:16 AM on October 22, 2014
Agree with everyone above that the dog needs medical attention. I think you know that.
It sounds like your boyfriend might be in some sort of anxiety/shame spiral about going to the vet - maybe he feels like they will judge him for not bringing her in sooner? Can you be empathetic but firm? You could make the appointment and go with him.
posted by radioamy at 11:20 AM on October 22, 2014
It sounds like your boyfriend might be in some sort of anxiety/shame spiral about going to the vet - maybe he feels like they will judge him for not bringing her in sooner? Can you be empathetic but firm? You could make the appointment and go with him.
posted by radioamy at 11:20 AM on October 22, 2014
Buy Zymox. It's fantastic. I get the one without cortisone, on Amazon. My dog, who is very prone to ear infections, usually hates having her ears cleaned or treated. Ever since I bought this stuff, she does not put up a fight anymore, just sits there patiently while I apply it. If anything, she'll even point her snout towards the bottle then shake her head when it starts bothering her.
posted by Neekee at 11:23 AM on October 22, 2014
posted by Neekee at 11:23 AM on October 22, 2014
Go to the vet because the dog will need to have the fluid/goop in its ears tested, and then treatment assigned depending on what is present in the goop scrape. The dog's eardrum can rupture, causing hearing and balance loss, and the possibility of systemic infection.
posted by poffin boffin at 12:04 PM on October 22, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 12:04 PM on October 22, 2014 [2 favorites]
Take the dog to the vet and have the vet take a good look at the dog and the ear.
Take a hard look at your boyfriend to evaluate if you're okay wth a future of possibly more of this nonsense.
posted by SillyShepherd at 12:09 PM on October 22, 2014
Take a hard look at your boyfriend to evaluate if you're okay wth a future of possibly more of this nonsense.
posted by SillyShepherd at 12:09 PM on October 22, 2014
If money is an issue and you can't swing it either, many vets take Care Credit, which would allow him a 0% loan to pay it back over several months.
I recently took my dog in for a double(!) ear infection. I felt horrible that I missed the signs and let her suffer needlessly. For mine, it was about $40 to have her checked and treated, but my vet is pretty cheap.
Whatever it takes, the pup needs to see a vet.
posted by bookdragoness at 3:00 PM on October 22, 2014
I recently took my dog in for a double(!) ear infection. I felt horrible that I missed the signs and let her suffer needlessly. For mine, it was about $40 to have her checked and treated, but my vet is pretty cheap.
Whatever it takes, the pup needs to see a vet.
posted by bookdragoness at 3:00 PM on October 22, 2014
I had a similar problem with my dog - same symptoms and it was definitely an ear infection and quite painful from the sound of it. I think it is utterly deplorable that your boyfriend doesn't care enough about the helpless animal in his "care" to actually be a decent owner and take the poor dog for a vet visit. If he doesn't like his current vet, FIND ANOTHER ONE.
Overstepping be damned. Take the dog to the vet. She/he is in pain. Have you ever had a very severe earache? The animal needs help.
To be blunt, he sounds like a piece of shit. I'd never want to be with someone like that. If I knew the specifics I would call animal cruelty hotline on him right now.
posted by thegoldfish at 7:13 PM on October 22, 2014
Overstepping be damned. Take the dog to the vet. She/he is in pain. Have you ever had a very severe earache? The animal needs help.
To be blunt, he sounds like a piece of shit. I'd never want to be with someone like that. If I knew the specifics I would call animal cruelty hotline on him right now.
posted by thegoldfish at 7:13 PM on October 22, 2014
Ditto, vet, stat. Double-ditto on "rethink the boyfriend"... what if it was your child he was this irresponsible about?
posted by stormyteal at 7:14 PM on October 22, 2014
posted by stormyteal at 7:14 PM on October 22, 2014
This thread is closed to new comments.
Generally, ear infections will clear themselves up. That's true. But, often enough, they do not. This one has not. If this is a dog with floppy ears, they are far more prone to chronic ear infections and it is especially important that you stay on top of it - as you've surmised deafness or worse can result.
You can buy some ear wash at any Petco or some such. The dog won't like it much, but that alone might do the trick.
Most likely though, yeah, the dog needs some antibiotics and prescription ear cleaner. Get her to a vet. If you don't like your old vet, find a new vet. That being said, even a vet that wasn't very good should be able to handle helping you resolve an ear infection.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 6:21 AM on October 22, 2014 [1 favorite]