What's wrong with my bum?
November 10, 2005 1:53 PM   Subscribe

I'm having troubles with my tushy!

So, I drop the kids off at the pool, as it were, and wipe, and I often see blood on the tissue (a small bit; slightly more when I use more pressure while wiping.) A digital examination reveals a slight bump at the edge of tush-hole, like a skin tag or something. Rectal itching sporadically but chronically. Note - I've had this problem for years. Is this a hemorrhoid? Has anyone else had such a thing? There's never any pain, but it's quite annoying. I use wipes now to keep clean and the occasional cortisone cream to control itching.

I will be going to a tush-ologist, don't worry.
posted by By The Grace of God to Health & Fitness (25 answers total)
Sounds like a hemorrhoid.
posted by goatdog at 1:55 PM on November 10, 2005

Best answer: That is, indeed, a hemorrhoid. Welcome to the aging process!
posted by notsnot at 1:56 PM on November 10, 2005

Best answer: Enjoy.
posted by tristeza at 2:07 PM on November 10, 2005

Sometimes they can flare and be painful. Eating right helps, there are also laser-surgery options.

And they suck. Ass pain is often worse than a death-praying-hangover.
posted by TeamBilly at 2:10 PM on November 10, 2005

Could be a colon polyp. Sometimes they occur right at the business end off the colon. More likely a hemorrhoid.
posted by GuyZero at 2:11 PM on November 10, 2005

Sounds like a case of the H's. For me, I sometimes bleed without being aware of a flare up. Nevertheless, go to the doc as planned.

PS it helps if you make sure the area is dry after a shower.
posted by captainscared at 2:46 PM on November 10, 2005

Best answer: It could be a polyp - if you're in the "right" demographic it's a good idea to get it checked. Heck, get it checked even if you aren't 30 or >= 40 y.o. male.

Are you getting enough (or too much) fibre? Do you notice it after different kinds of meals from the night before?

I see that every so often, myself, and I think super-high fibre foods + not chewing well enough + not enough water = a little blood the next day.

One thing you might worry about is sepsis from endotoxin (endotoxin - bits of bacteria that your inate immune system recognizes as danger and thus goes all "Danger Will Robinson, Danger!" - similar stuff to what causes food poisoning) entering your bloodstream. Not much you can do other than to shower and clean the area soon after you 'drop the kids off' (nice phrase!).
posted by PurplePorpoise at 2:49 PM on November 10, 2005

IANAD (but studying to be one), and it sure sounds like external hemorrhoids to me. Got talk to your doctor as soon as you can.
posted by ruwan at 2:52 PM on November 10, 2005

After, ahem, doing your business and wiping, squirt some witch hazel on some TP and wipe again. The witch hazel is very soothing, and it doesn't sting. I've seen pre-moistened towellettes at the drug store if you want to keep some always on hand, but for home use, I just keep a bottle of the stuff on the sink.

A word of caution...be careful not to confuse the bottle of generic witch hazel with the bottle of generic isopropyl alcohol...
posted by luneray at 3:42 PM on November 10, 2005

sigh . . . that really brings back memories.

Yeah, I came in here to post exactly (down to the punctuation) what notsnot said. When I was married before, I had the same thing. Then I got divorced, and the, um, issue disappeared. Now I'm married again (to someone else), and the issue has not returned. Might you be under unusual stress recently?

Yes, go see a doctor, sure, but I agree that it's probably the heartbreak of hemorrhoids. Not scary or fatal or anything, but not exactly fun, either.
posted by MrMoonPie at 3:44 PM on November 10, 2005

You have what is known as "assteroids" in my household. Prep H is your friend.
posted by ramix at 4:01 PM on November 10, 2005

is it really a 'rrhoid? i always thought they were more like varicose veins or something, all around the bunghole but not necessarily on the sphincter itself.
posted by joeblough at 4:17 PM on November 10, 2005

Probably hemorrhoid (external if it hurts, internal if it doesn't). Eat more fiber in your diet. Don't think you need to go to a tush-ologist, your primary care doctor should be fine. Could be exacerbated from chronic straining, coughing, laughing, or liver problems.
posted by gramcracker at 4:48 PM on November 10, 2005

Chronic laughing. Whoa. There's a diagnosis for ya.
posted by nebulawindphone at 5:18 PM on November 10, 2005 [1 favorite]

It could be an anal fissure as opposed to an all out hemmie. Fissures are more like a tear on the outside of the actual opening, not something that comes out from the inside like a full on roid.

Fissures often bleed because every time you poop or wipe, they get re-opened or irritated. Think of it as a papercut on your bumhole.

They are often chronic because it's hard to get something in a spot that's always opening and contracting and getting messy to heal. They usually get better on their own (witch hazel helps with any discomfort, swelling and helps keep it clean) but generally will reappear sometime down the line after a big or crunchy dump (sorry for my descriptive language, but how else am I gonna say it?!).
posted by RoseovSharon at 5:42 PM on November 10, 2005

Probably just a fissure. Wipe less, wash more, eat lots of fiber, and it'll be happier.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:09 PM on November 10, 2005

Hrrmm I've had an anal fissure and they hurt like hell. Like splitting yourself open hell. Crying sitting on the toilet seat hell. If there's no pain, it's probably just an external hemorrhoid. Third (fourth?) the witch hazel.
posted by gaspode at 7:23 PM on November 10, 2005

Could be exacerbated from chronic straining, coughing, laughing, or liver problems.

That explains why mine appeared a couple weeks ago, shortly after I pulled a rib/chest muscle pretty badly while coughing.
posted by mrbill at 7:54 PM on November 10, 2005

Completely definitely categorically NOT a pilonidal cyst.
posted by Sallyfur at 9:59 PM on November 10, 2005

Wow, possibly a hemorrhoid, colon polyp, pilonidal cyst, anal fissure.* Sen. Dr. Frist has nothing on you MeFites -- awful lot of distant diagnosing going on!
*Wasn't he married to Elizabeth Taylor?
posted by rob511 at 1:33 AM on November 11, 2005

Yeah, could very well be just a fissure. I had the same symptoms and it was nothing but that and passed when I stopped poking and wiping it. What you need to do is to take a picture of yourself spreading your bumhole wide open with your hands and then post the picture here so we can give you a completely accurate personal internet diagnosis.
posted by lazy-ville at 2:33 AM on November 11, 2005

quick tip if you're in the UK. To save yourself some embarressment when asking for Anusol cream at the chemist - it's pronounced "anyoosol" and not "anus-ole".
posted by tnai at 5:04 AM on November 11, 2005

Response by poster: Thanks tristeza for pointing me to a hilarious and well written blog!!
posted by By The Grace of God at 5:40 AM on November 11, 2005

Now I know way more about you people than I ever wanted to know.
posted by matildaben at 6:21 AM on November 11, 2005

Sounds like the piles to me. Definitely go see your doctor. Take a hot bath if it starts getting hurty, as everyone else here said, eat more fiber (and drink more water!) and no matter what, you absolutely must never ever again read on the can!
posted by pazazygeek at 8:17 AM on November 11, 2005

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