Funding a mental health driven life sabbatical
October 11, 2014 10:44 AM Subscribe
A dear friend of mine has had a super lousy couple of years, suffering assault and an abusive partner, multiple major physical health issues, and some family trauma. Additionally, she is suffering from a major depressive episode, and her formerly good job has become toxic. She has asked me and another friend to help her figure out how to take a life sabbatical to focus on getting out of the toxic job and back on her feet in terms of mental health. I, in turn, turn to your collective wisdom, because, wow, am I out of my area of expertise.
We're going to raise funds from our community. What's the best site to use for this? We have ethical concerns with PayPal, WePay, and GoFundMe, and we'd like to use whatever service will:
1. take the lowest percentage of gifts
2. allow for a visible "home page" for people to visit and donate
3. be as non-evil as possible
I don't even know what's out there; can you make suggestions? I also welcome general suggestions on funding such a sabbatical.
We're going to raise funds from our community. What's the best site to use for this? We have ethical concerns with PayPal, WePay, and GoFundMe, and we'd like to use whatever service will:
1. take the lowest percentage of gifts
2. allow for a visible "home page" for people to visit and donate
3. be as non-evil as possible
I don't even know what's out there; can you make suggestions? I also welcome general suggestions on funding such a sabbatical.
it is odd that you would try to define the fundraising before defining the sabbatical itself, because the location/details of the sabbatical would necessarily determine the amount of money to be raised, no? your friend also has at least a formerly good job, which puts her on a better footing than some in this economy. the short-term antidote to a toxic job is to stop caring, but continue drawing paychecks.
a sleepy little fishing village on the mexican coast, as yet undiscovered by tourists, might be just the ticket, with the added bonuses of inexpensiveness and the opportunity to master a new language; i've always wanted to do that, but...alternatively, a stint in a southwest desert diner, where she could explore and get paid (diddly) for the healing zen of pancakes, bacon, eggs and coffee.
good luck to her, and also, what saucysault said.
posted by bruce at 12:01 PM on October 11, 2014 [2 favorites]
a sleepy little fishing village on the mexican coast, as yet undiscovered by tourists, might be just the ticket, with the added bonuses of inexpensiveness and the opportunity to master a new language; i've always wanted to do that, but...alternatively, a stint in a southwest desert diner, where she could explore and get paid (diddly) for the healing zen of pancakes, bacon, eggs and coffee.
good luck to her, and also, what saucysault said.
posted by bruce at 12:01 PM on October 11, 2014 [2 favorites]
I can speak to this because I sort-of did this in the past 2 years, although the job-ending circumstances weren't exactly planned.
In the past two years, I was assaulted; I had a partner who I loved but he became abusive and also had physical and mental conditions that took a lot out of me (veteran w/ PTSD); we broke up and he killed himself two months later; I had a friend get stalker-y on me after Ex's funeral; I lost my career-job and then my p/t-job, and then my financial life imploded. I'm living on a poverty-level stipend and food stamps and the food bank right now. It sucked and I've cried a lot. The last thing she needs is to be financially destitute on top of everything else's she's been through, so she needs to figure out what her long-term goals and needs are, and she needs an exit plan. If I'd been taking care of myself and had something like AFLAC-type insurance available, I would not have ended up where I am now. I am trying so hard to get back on my feet but it's still a big hill to climb. I don't know if I will be able to get my career back to where it was, but I am trying.
I've been off of all work for a year and a half, and was part-time for 7 months before that in a career-unrelated job. It's been critical for me in terms of regaining my health, but the circumstances that led to my being unemployed for over a year were like a bomb going off on my career. I know it's not fair and it sucks, but she needs to take that into consideration.
My advice is that, above all, if she is determined to take extended time off, she must find a way to exit the job situation as gracefully as possible. Can she take FMLA for the time being? It would at least preserve her job history and "hide" the reasons behind her taking it. The last thing any of us can afford these days is a damaged professional reputation. I would tell her especially, don't make any sudden job-hops thinking that the next job will be what saves her. I made that mistake, and I flamed out hard in an ugly way that's really affected some of my professional opportunities, because everyone in my regional industry knows each other and people gossip. :(
Depending on what her financial situation is like, could she afford to take, say, 4-6 months off and just live very frugally from her savings? Maybe do something in the interim like work part-time in a little gift-shop or what-have-you? Do some volunteer work on the side to remain current?
For the mental health side, the best thing I did was to attend regularly weekly therapy, and I eventually participated in a partial hospitalization day-program. It's just like attending therapy "school" and she could go for as little as two weeks up to two or three months. I got a ton out of it, it really helped me to process a lot of what happened, and I can't recommend it enough. Other things that helped me were going on a lot of nature walks, gardening, and giving myself mental time and space to relax, sleep, cry, and just be.
I think it is great that your group of friends are wanting to help her, but I agree with saucysault that it would be better to keep it on the DL. Can you guys just band together and maybe do a cash donation, or help her out with gift cards for grocery stores and stuff like that? If you are collectively thinking that you can raise enough funds for her to live on for a year, even just at a poverty-wage level ($11-$12K), that is a chancey proposition. If she wants to quit, it might be better to stick it out until after any funds would be available, and that's assuming your group would be successful in meeting your fundraising goal.
Whatever happens, I hope that she is able to find some peace and is able to regain her health and well-being.
posted by cardinality at 12:15 PM on October 11, 2014 [9 favorites]
In the past two years, I was assaulted; I had a partner who I loved but he became abusive and also had physical and mental conditions that took a lot out of me (veteran w/ PTSD); we broke up and he killed himself two months later; I had a friend get stalker-y on me after Ex's funeral; I lost my career-job and then my p/t-job, and then my financial life imploded. I'm living on a poverty-level stipend and food stamps and the food bank right now. It sucked and I've cried a lot. The last thing she needs is to be financially destitute on top of everything else's she's been through, so she needs to figure out what her long-term goals and needs are, and she needs an exit plan. If I'd been taking care of myself and had something like AFLAC-type insurance available, I would not have ended up where I am now. I am trying so hard to get back on my feet but it's still a big hill to climb. I don't know if I will be able to get my career back to where it was, but I am trying.
I've been off of all work for a year and a half, and was part-time for 7 months before that in a career-unrelated job. It's been critical for me in terms of regaining my health, but the circumstances that led to my being unemployed for over a year were like a bomb going off on my career. I know it's not fair and it sucks, but she needs to take that into consideration.
My advice is that, above all, if she is determined to take extended time off, she must find a way to exit the job situation as gracefully as possible. Can she take FMLA for the time being? It would at least preserve her job history and "hide" the reasons behind her taking it. The last thing any of us can afford these days is a damaged professional reputation. I would tell her especially, don't make any sudden job-hops thinking that the next job will be what saves her. I made that mistake, and I flamed out hard in an ugly way that's really affected some of my professional opportunities, because everyone in my regional industry knows each other and people gossip. :(
Depending on what her financial situation is like, could she afford to take, say, 4-6 months off and just live very frugally from her savings? Maybe do something in the interim like work part-time in a little gift-shop or what-have-you? Do some volunteer work on the side to remain current?
For the mental health side, the best thing I did was to attend regularly weekly therapy, and I eventually participated in a partial hospitalization day-program. It's just like attending therapy "school" and she could go for as little as two weeks up to two or three months. I got a ton out of it, it really helped me to process a lot of what happened, and I can't recommend it enough. Other things that helped me were going on a lot of nature walks, gardening, and giving myself mental time and space to relax, sleep, cry, and just be.
I think it is great that your group of friends are wanting to help her, but I agree with saucysault that it would be better to keep it on the DL. Can you guys just band together and maybe do a cash donation, or help her out with gift cards for grocery stores and stuff like that? If you are collectively thinking that you can raise enough funds for her to live on for a year, even just at a poverty-wage level ($11-$12K), that is a chancey proposition. If she wants to quit, it might be better to stick it out until after any funds would be available, and that's assuming your group would be successful in meeting your fundraising goal.
Whatever happens, I hope that she is able to find some peace and is able to regain her health and well-being.
posted by cardinality at 12:15 PM on October 11, 2014 [9 favorites]
I would be looking into short-term disability insurance, FMLA, SSDI, and other established ways of keeping her afloat while she solves or improves her mental and physical health issues.
posted by jaguar at 12:53 PM on October 11, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by jaguar at 12:53 PM on October 11, 2014 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks, all, for the thoughts so far. Our community is one where this kind of thing is broadly acceptable and supported. The budget of the sabbatical is largely sorted out. FMLA is not an option because of the size of her employer. Short term disability is an interesting thought and I'll look into it more.
The thing that I was really hoping to get input on is the simple question of best fundraising or money transfer options, and I'd love it if additional comments focus on that!
posted by spindrifter at 3:41 PM on October 11, 2014
The thing that I was really hoping to get input on is the simple question of best fundraising or money transfer options, and I'd love it if additional comments focus on that!
posted by spindrifter at 3:41 PM on October 11, 2014
Does your bank offer email transfers? In my area the fee is $1.50
posted by saucysault at 7:03 PM on October 11, 2014
posted by saucysault at 7:03 PM on October 11, 2014
I feel like you're probably already aware of IndieGoGo but I'll just throw that in. It's less commonly used for campaigns like the one you speak of, but not unheard of. You set a funding goal and they take 4% if you make it, or 9% if you don't (so you can make it low to make sure you reach it). There is also a processing fee of about 4% for credit cards I think. I'm pretty sure you're NOT required to use paypal with them, but it's an option. They have a lot of options for customizing your campaign "homepage" for visitors.
If you want a homepage without the fundraising service, maybe you could create a Google Site or Blogger blog with all the information for doing a bank transfer or where to send a check/how to donate.
posted by dahliachewswell at 12:14 PM on October 12, 2014
If you want a homepage without the fundraising service, maybe you could create a Google Site or Blogger blog with all the information for doing a bank transfer or where to send a check/how to donate.
posted by dahliachewswell at 12:14 PM on October 12, 2014
This thread is closed to new comments.
Adults with terminal illnesses that are judgement-free (like cancer, as opposed to AIDs or cirrhosis of the liver) have a hard time raising money; is this the norm in your social circle and does your social circle have a large amount of disposable income from which to donate? If not, you may engender more ill-will (and diminish her support circle) than actual cash benefit.
posted by saucysault at 11:10 AM on October 11, 2014 [16 favorites]