Is our cat in want of company? If so, how do we pick a new cat?
October 2, 2014 8:18 AM Subscribe
We've been thinking about getting another cat to keep our current ~8 year old cat company, but we have a few complications, namely our current 3 year old human child, with another on the way, and our ~5 year old dog.
First note: pictures are forthcoming. I know the rules for pet questions :)
Our cat, Mumrah, is a tortoise shell cat, who is generally nice, but she has started asking for a lot of attention in a rather pushy and noisy way, often at times when we want to sleep, or get back to sleep. She was once one of three cats in the house, a boy cat named Rufus and his mother, Mama Kitty (she came with that name), both with similar coloring to this cat (not our cat, just an image I found).
Rufus and Mama Kitty were in our house before Mumrah, and before she joined us, Rufus and MK were calm lap cats. We got Mumrah when she was a kitten, and from the beginning she and Rufus were good friends, romping around, play-fighting and chasing each-other around the house. Mumrah was a pest to Mama Kitty, who is generally unperturbed by most things in life.
We gave MK to a family member, and then we had the two cats. Unfortunately, we had to put Rufus down, so Mumrah was then the only cat in the house, and the only pet, until we adopted a 2-4 year old mutt (probably a Australian sheep dog/pit bull mix, we have been told). The dog, Mei, was really hyper when we first brought her home in Spring 2013, but since then she's mellowed out a lot. She used to chase Mumrah on site, but now Mei will ignore Mumrah more often than not, and Mumrah is the one to instigate anything that happens.
Mumrah is an indoor cat (we live in the desert, and near a highway), while Mei is an indoor/outdoor dog, spending more time outside than in. We also have a 3 year old human boy-child, who is good to our pets, and both have been pretty good to him. Mumrah has even put up with our son treating her like a pillow, and sometimes sleeps at the foot of his bed. We are expecting our second son in late December.
We give Mumrah a decent amount of attention when we're home (we're out of the house from about 6-6:30 AM until 4-5:30 PM on weekdays, and at home most weekends), but she never seems to be content with all the scratching and petting we give her. She used to chase toys more, but is only interested in them for a minute or two now, and won't race after them and bat them around like she used to when Rufus was with us. I bought some more toys (things on sticks and strings, so we could get her to run around), and those don't interest her too much, either. She has a few scratching posts she uses around the house, and she can jump up on the furniture to wander around.
So with all that background, would it be a good idea to introduce a new cat to our house now, with the idea that it could get acclimated before kid #2 joins the household, and be company for Mumrah? If so, how do you pick out a new cat? I've read about acclimating new cats to an existing household with cats (creating safe spaces, making it a slow process, etc.), but we're not sure how to choose a cat. We figured we would go back to the local shelter with our son, but beyond that, we're at a loss. Ideas? Tips? Experiences? Thanks!
First note: pictures are forthcoming. I know the rules for pet questions :)
Our cat, Mumrah, is a tortoise shell cat, who is generally nice, but she has started asking for a lot of attention in a rather pushy and noisy way, often at times when we want to sleep, or get back to sleep. She was once one of three cats in the house, a boy cat named Rufus and his mother, Mama Kitty (she came with that name), both with similar coloring to this cat (not our cat, just an image I found).
Rufus and Mama Kitty were in our house before Mumrah, and before she joined us, Rufus and MK were calm lap cats. We got Mumrah when she was a kitten, and from the beginning she and Rufus were good friends, romping around, play-fighting and chasing each-other around the house. Mumrah was a pest to Mama Kitty, who is generally unperturbed by most things in life.
We gave MK to a family member, and then we had the two cats. Unfortunately, we had to put Rufus down, so Mumrah was then the only cat in the house, and the only pet, until we adopted a 2-4 year old mutt (probably a Australian sheep dog/pit bull mix, we have been told). The dog, Mei, was really hyper when we first brought her home in Spring 2013, but since then she's mellowed out a lot. She used to chase Mumrah on site, but now Mei will ignore Mumrah more often than not, and Mumrah is the one to instigate anything that happens.
Mumrah is an indoor cat (we live in the desert, and near a highway), while Mei is an indoor/outdoor dog, spending more time outside than in. We also have a 3 year old human boy-child, who is good to our pets, and both have been pretty good to him. Mumrah has even put up with our son treating her like a pillow, and sometimes sleeps at the foot of his bed. We are expecting our second son in late December.
We give Mumrah a decent amount of attention when we're home (we're out of the house from about 6-6:30 AM until 4-5:30 PM on weekdays, and at home most weekends), but she never seems to be content with all the scratching and petting we give her. She used to chase toys more, but is only interested in them for a minute or two now, and won't race after them and bat them around like she used to when Rufus was with us. I bought some more toys (things on sticks and strings, so we could get her to run around), and those don't interest her too much, either. She has a few scratching posts she uses around the house, and she can jump up on the furniture to wander around.
So with all that background, would it be a good idea to introduce a new cat to our house now, with the idea that it could get acclimated before kid #2 joins the household, and be company for Mumrah? If so, how do you pick out a new cat? I've read about acclimating new cats to an existing household with cats (creating safe spaces, making it a slow process, etc.), but we're not sure how to choose a cat. We figured we would go back to the local shelter with our son, but beyond that, we're at a loss. Ideas? Tips? Experiences? Thanks!
If you decide on a new cat: With a small child, a baby on the way, and a dog, you don't want a kitten. Kittens are utterly adorbs, yes, but they are cute little bundles of energy and destruction with needle-sharp claws. Your best bet for a compatible companion for Mumrah would be a young adult male cat with a mellow disposition. I have found that two female cats tend not to get along unless they are littermates or mother and daughter. Male/male and male/female pairs get along much better.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 8:24 AM on October 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 8:24 AM on October 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
Mumrah may be helping you prepare for your new kitten (baby) by being solicitous of you while you're pregnant. Is she hassling your partner or your son, or is she mostly hanging out with you? If it's everyone, all the time, she may want another cat around to help with grooming, patroling the perimeter. If she was a beta cat, she may be looking for someone to partner with on cat business. If she's an alpha cat, she needs someone to boss around.
If you do adopt another cat, I might steer clear of kittens. I agree with Rosie M Banks, you want a young male cat (not kitten) who is docile and easily bossed around.
But I'm all for getting another cat.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:26 AM on October 2, 2014 [1 favorite]
If you do adopt another cat, I might steer clear of kittens. I agree with Rosie M Banks, you want a young male cat (not kitten) who is docile and easily bossed around.
But I'm all for getting another cat.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 8:26 AM on October 2, 2014 [1 favorite]
Your current cat may be reacting to your pregnancy and not necessarily be lonely. I would wait it out. The last thing that you need right now is to adopt a cat that doesn't work out.
posted by myselfasme at 8:27 AM on October 2, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by myselfasme at 8:27 AM on October 2, 2014 [1 favorite]
In my opinion, that cat is too old to welcome a new cat into the mix.
posted by k8t at 8:29 AM on October 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by k8t at 8:29 AM on October 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
I disagree with k8t, we got a 4 month old male kitten when my cat was 8 and after a lot of wrestling, it went swimmingly. I wouldn't have gotten a kitten if there were small children, though, there was a fair amount of aggression and destruction before he settled down. It's been 6 years and they're BFFs.
Anyway, another vote for non-kitten male cat. My local humane society (of Professor PuddinPop fame) sorts them by personality type. I'd take your toddler into the local shelter and see which cat will sit calmly with him.
posted by desjardins at 8:36 AM on October 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
Anyway, another vote for non-kitten male cat. My local humane society (of Professor PuddinPop fame) sorts them by personality type. I'd take your toddler into the local shelter and see which cat will sit calmly with him.
posted by desjardins at 8:36 AM on October 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
I have read that cats don't actually care much whether or not there's another cat around; our perception that they want company is due to our own bias and assumptions.
That said, I have always had two cats, and if you want another one you should get it. But I think Mumrah probably is doing fine on her own, and you should be prepared for introductions to go very, very poorly, especially given that she is an older female. She and the new potential cat will probably hate each other initially and there is no guarantee they'll end up being friends. I adopted both my current cats as kittens and, while they tolerate each other for the most part, it is more an incidental coexistence than a friendship.
posted by something something at 8:42 AM on October 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
That said, I have always had two cats, and if you want another one you should get it. But I think Mumrah probably is doing fine on her own, and you should be prepared for introductions to go very, very poorly, especially given that she is an older female. She and the new potential cat will probably hate each other initially and there is no guarantee they'll end up being friends. I adopted both my current cats as kittens and, while they tolerate each other for the most part, it is more an incidental coexistence than a friendship.
posted by something something at 8:42 AM on October 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
you're already juggling a lot of plates with the kitty, the doggie, the toddler and the incoming baby. mumrah will do fine in this milieu without any additional sources of complexity. if you want to add another kitty, do it for yourselves, not her.
posted by bruce at 8:44 AM on October 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by bruce at 8:44 AM on October 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
I would not get another cat at this time simply because you'll soon be overwhelmed with a new baby and if the cats don't get along, how will you have time or motivation to deal with that?
posted by Librarypt at 8:48 AM on October 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Librarypt at 8:48 AM on October 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
> I have read that cats don't actually care much whether or not there's another cat around; our perception that they want company is due to our own bias and assumptions.
Yeah, do not assume that your cat is feeling deprived of feline companionship, and remember that no matter how carefully you choose, Mumrah may resent the competition and never warm to the new cat. That said, it will probably be fine if you choose to add a cat to your (already crowded) household; I just want to emphasize that you shouldn't feel bad about not doing it.
posted by languagehat at 8:48 AM on October 2, 2014 [1 favorite]
Yeah, do not assume that your cat is feeling deprived of feline companionship, and remember that no matter how carefully you choose, Mumrah may resent the competition and never warm to the new cat. That said, it will probably be fine if you choose to add a cat to your (already crowded) household; I just want to emphasize that you shouldn't feel bad about not doing it.
posted by languagehat at 8:48 AM on October 2, 2014 [1 favorite]
I would start with playing with her more and see if that takes care of her.
If you do decide to get another cat, be super, super careful. We were concerned that our cat, Bonus Cat, was getting bored, so we got Dr. Wily ,who seemed like a great candidate. She was small, relaxed, and very friendly to us (humans) at the shelter. However, she was a relatively new arrival and had not been introduced to the common area to interact with other cats.
When we got her home, we slowly introduced her to Bonus Cat, who is a playful doofus, but she hated him and attacked him in a serious way at every opportunity. After a few months, we got a consultation from a vet specializing in behavior, got a prescription and started a long behavior modification program. During this time, we had to mostly keep the two cats separated, which was a hassle. We considered giving up several times, but Dr. Wily is a super charming cat, aside from her intercat aggression. So, we kept going.
After 1.5 years, they have reached a point at which they don't need to be separated and are generally friendly to each other. Which is a big relief because we just had a baby. About every other day, there's a grappling match that gets too intense and needs to be broken up, but we're not concerned about bloodshed anymore.
All of that work, however, could have (probably) been avoided by choosing a cat that has demonstrated that it is friendly to other cats for extended periods of time. This will save you a war.
posted by ignignokt at 8:49 AM on October 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
If you do decide to get another cat, be super, super careful. We were concerned that our cat, Bonus Cat, was getting bored, so we got Dr. Wily ,who seemed like a great candidate. She was small, relaxed, and very friendly to us (humans) at the shelter. However, she was a relatively new arrival and had not been introduced to the common area to interact with other cats.
When we got her home, we slowly introduced her to Bonus Cat, who is a playful doofus, but she hated him and attacked him in a serious way at every opportunity. After a few months, we got a consultation from a vet specializing in behavior, got a prescription and started a long behavior modification program. During this time, we had to mostly keep the two cats separated, which was a hassle. We considered giving up several times, but Dr. Wily is a super charming cat, aside from her intercat aggression. So, we kept going.
After 1.5 years, they have reached a point at which they don't need to be separated and are generally friendly to each other. Which is a big relief because we just had a baby. About every other day, there's a grappling match that gets too intense and needs to be broken up, but we're not concerned about bloodshed anymore.
All of that work, however, could have (probably) been avoided by choosing a cat that has demonstrated that it is friendly to other cats for extended periods of time. This will save you a war.
posted by ignignokt at 8:49 AM on October 2, 2014 [3 favorites]
In my experience, and in contrast to dogs, adult cats don't generally "keep each other company" in a positive way. Mumrah wants human attention, which has become an increasingly scarce resource as more members have been added to the household. From Mumrah's point of view, another cat is only going to be one more thing competing for your time and affection.
posted by drlith at 9:05 AM on October 2, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by drlith at 9:05 AM on October 2, 2014 [6 favorites]
I want to add, of course it's fine if you don't want to get a companion for Mumrah. Female cats are more likely to like being only cats, in my experience. (OTOH I've never had a male cat who didn't like a compatible kitty companion.)
Could you set aside 15 minutes or so every day to play with Mumrah, with Da Bird or a similar toy? You and your wife could take turns devoting some play time to Mumrah so that she knows she can rely on someone's attention and doesn't have to pester you for it. If Mumrah likes to be brushed, you might try brushing her with a Zoom Groom, which feels like a kitty massage to cats (I've had cats who don't like to be brushed love the Zoom Groom).
To keep Mumrah entertained when you can't play with her, try setting up a kitty condo next to a window or sliding glass door which looks out on a bird feeder or a garden that attracts butterflies or hummingbirds. My cats love their "Kitty TV" set-up - a cat condo next to my family-room door which looks out on my backyard bird feeders. They get the Bird Channel as well as the Squirrel Channel, and both are prime kitty entertainment.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 9:22 AM on October 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
Could you set aside 15 minutes or so every day to play with Mumrah, with Da Bird or a similar toy? You and your wife could take turns devoting some play time to Mumrah so that she knows she can rely on someone's attention and doesn't have to pester you for it. If Mumrah likes to be brushed, you might try brushing her with a Zoom Groom, which feels like a kitty massage to cats (I've had cats who don't like to be brushed love the Zoom Groom).
To keep Mumrah entertained when you can't play with her, try setting up a kitty condo next to a window or sliding glass door which looks out on a bird feeder or a garden that attracts butterflies or hummingbirds. My cats love their "Kitty TV" set-up - a cat condo next to my family-room door which looks out on my backyard bird feeders. They get the Bird Channel as well as the Squirrel Channel, and both are prime kitty entertainment.
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 9:22 AM on October 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
I missed that Mumrah is a female and I retract my advice. If you do get a cat, get a male one, but Mumrah is more likely to perceive a new cat as competition for human affection and not as a fun playmate. Play with her more when you're around.
posted by desjardins at 9:31 AM on October 2, 2014
posted by desjardins at 9:31 AM on October 2, 2014
If you just can't play with her enough, why not get an occasional petsitter? Like 2-3x a week, someone to come in, feed, clean the litter box, and play with her? (and maybe let the dog out for a run too, whatever) In terms of cost, it probably wouldn't be more than new kitty + extra litter + extra food + extra vet bills.
Even then I would wait till after new baby..I assume you are going to be home for a while then anyway.
It might be tricky if she is really shy of non-family but otherwise she might really dig it.
I agree that another cat plus new baby is just asking for a bad situation. It's risky.
posted by emjaybee at 10:03 AM on October 2, 2014
Even then I would wait till after new baby..I assume you are going to be home for a while then anyway.
It might be tricky if she is really shy of non-family but otherwise she might really dig it.
I agree that another cat plus new baby is just asking for a bad situation. It's risky.
posted by emjaybee at 10:03 AM on October 2, 2014
Nthing that the Mumrah may know you're pregnant.
(Anecdata: our male cat Scout, who lolls in the corridor waiting to be pet by everyone in the building, ceased showing affection to two of our neighbors. Who later turned out to be pregnant. Possibly relevant: the only people Scout has ever hidden from are small children. (Pretty much on sight.) Mumrah is clearly into kids, though, and is also extra into you right now. Our sample size is 2, but you see what hypothesis can be generated. MORE RESEARCH IS NEEDED PLEASE SEND FUNDING AND CHEESEBURGERS.)
Also, Mumrah's apparent lack of interest in play might partly signal an age-related shift in strategy: more lurking, less energy expenditure. You say you live in the desert -- is there any wildlife outside the window? Could you get a birdfeeder, or something? When Scout was temporarily an only cat, he became really involved in YouTube Cat TV. Our friends who moved their mighty hunting cat to a Brooklyn apartment coaxed him out of depression with the aid of an iBook app. If Mumrah becomes agitated by Cat TV, chittering and swiping at the screen, that's when you whip out the wand toys to, uh, give her a happy ending.
If you do decide to go pick out a second cat, you may want to bring nail-clippers with you: with their handlers' permission, attempt to trim claws of all likely candidates (yes, we have actually done this). Pick a cat who will let you trim at least one or two claws. Claw-trimmability helps your cat not injure other household members (at least, not by accident), and also indexes other pet-handling issues, e.g. medication.
posted by feral_goldfish at 10:24 AM on October 2, 2014
(Anecdata: our male cat Scout, who lolls in the corridor waiting to be pet by everyone in the building, ceased showing affection to two of our neighbors. Who later turned out to be pregnant. Possibly relevant: the only people Scout has ever hidden from are small children. (Pretty much on sight.) Mumrah is clearly into kids, though, and is also extra into you right now. Our sample size is 2, but you see what hypothesis can be generated. MORE RESEARCH IS NEEDED PLEASE SEND FUNDING AND CHEESEBURGERS.)
Also, Mumrah's apparent lack of interest in play might partly signal an age-related shift in strategy: more lurking, less energy expenditure. You say you live in the desert -- is there any wildlife outside the window? Could you get a birdfeeder, or something? When Scout was temporarily an only cat, he became really involved in YouTube Cat TV. Our friends who moved their mighty hunting cat to a Brooklyn apartment coaxed him out of depression with the aid of an iBook app. If Mumrah becomes agitated by Cat TV, chittering and swiping at the screen, that's when you whip out the wand toys to, uh, give her a happy ending.
If you do decide to go pick out a second cat, you may want to bring nail-clippers with you: with their handlers' permission, attempt to trim claws of all likely candidates (yes, we have actually done this). Pick a cat who will let you trim at least one or two claws. Claw-trimmability helps your cat not injure other household members (at least, not by accident), and also indexes other pet-handling issues, e.g. medication.
posted by feral_goldfish at 10:24 AM on October 2, 2014
Cats really aren't social in the way that dogs and humans are. They'll tolerate and even enjoy the company of other cats they were raised with from kittenhood, but other than that.. nope. Nthing the cat is picking up on the pregnancy.
posted by zug at 11:03 AM on October 2, 2014
posted by zug at 11:03 AM on October 2, 2014
Response by poster: Personal anecdotes from Mumrah and Rufus - perhaps we were projecting, but my wife and I (and friends and family) generally agreed that those two cats were as close as you get to friends, with lots of back-and-forth play, followed by lulls of co-grooming and then laying around the house together.
On the other hand, my parents-in-law had two cats that tolerated the presence of each-other at best, and would hiss and swat at worst, so we are also familiar with cats who are not friendly to each-other.
I'll as my wife, but I think Mumrah was getting meowly well before my wife got pregnant. Our cat, nicknamed Meowsdower, will perk up whenever we shift significantly in bed, or will bound up when someone (usually my wife) gets up for a late night/early morning bathroom visit, then come over and meow, meow, meow for attention, rubbing against your legs and playfully nibbling on your fingers or swatting your hand if you leave your hands near the floor. We give her attention daily, and if I'm awake enough, I'll pet and scratch her when I get up in the middle of the night or if I turn over in bed and find her by my hand. But she's never content with scratching, and is not shy to tell us that.
We'll try some more things with Mumrah before looking into getting a second cat, which will definitely not be a kitten. I have distinct memories of a little Mumrah leaping from the bed to crawl my back before I had put a shirt on (luckily, that only happened once), and climbing up the screens. When we got our dog, there were plenty of older cats to adopt.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:08 PM on October 2, 2014 [1 favorite]
On the other hand, my parents-in-law had two cats that tolerated the presence of each-other at best, and would hiss and swat at worst, so we are also familiar with cats who are not friendly to each-other.
I'll as my wife, but I think Mumrah was getting meowly well before my wife got pregnant. Our cat, nicknamed Meowsdower, will perk up whenever we shift significantly in bed, or will bound up when someone (usually my wife) gets up for a late night/early morning bathroom visit, then come over and meow, meow, meow for attention, rubbing against your legs and playfully nibbling on your fingers or swatting your hand if you leave your hands near the floor. We give her attention daily, and if I'm awake enough, I'll pet and scratch her when I get up in the middle of the night or if I turn over in bed and find her by my hand. But she's never content with scratching, and is not shy to tell us that.
We'll try some more things with Mumrah before looking into getting a second cat, which will definitely not be a kitten. I have distinct memories of a little Mumrah leaping from the bed to crawl my back before I had put a shirt on (luckily, that only happened once), and climbing up the screens. When we got our dog, there were plenty of older cats to adopt.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:08 PM on October 2, 2014 [1 favorite]
This interview may help. link The relevant part is at about the halfway mark.
posted by H21 at 1:02 PM on October 2, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by H21 at 1:02 PM on October 2, 2014 [1 favorite]
An 8 year old cat who has lived with and enjoyed living with other cats in the past will be fine. Last fall I introduced Lucy (maybe 1ish) to Conrad, and they get along very well, though she has a bit too much energy for him sometimes. Conrad has always liked having other cats around, and he continues to like this. My 12 year old cat has always liked not having other cats around, and she continues to want to be alone. (I get a third cat to keep Conrad's focus away from Matilda, which more or less works.)
posted by jeather at 1:07 PM on October 2, 2014
posted by jeather at 1:07 PM on October 2, 2014
Yes, there are loads of terrific older cats who need homes! A young adult male with a mellow disposition is the way to go. Many shelters now foster and temperament-test their cats, so you can get one that likes kids, dogs and other cats. (Bonus: laid-back male cats are often the best with kids.)
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 5:19 PM on October 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Rosie M. Banks at 5:19 PM on October 2, 2014 [2 favorites]
8 yrs might be the natural point for Mumrah to slow down. Generally, as cats get older they engage less in play and become more affectionate or aloof, depending on personality. (I've had older cats develop such a need for my attention that they'd follow me around the house, like a dog...even to the bathroom!)
But the spontaneous crazy games, jumping on furniture, chasing who-knows-what become less and less with age. That is normal and nothing worrisome.
For your new cat, I would pick one that is fairly close in age - say 5 - 10 - to match Mumrah's energy levels and need for snuggles. Make sure the cat was tested for human-child, dog and cat compatibility. Next step: Enjoy feline friends! Good luck for your growing family!
posted by travelwithcats at 3:06 AM on October 3, 2014 [1 favorite]
But the spontaneous crazy games, jumping on furniture, chasing who-knows-what become less and less with age. That is normal and nothing worrisome.
For your new cat, I would pick one that is fairly close in age - say 5 - 10 - to match Mumrah's energy levels and need for snuggles. Make sure the cat was tested for human-child, dog and cat compatibility. Next step: Enjoy feline friends! Good luck for your growing family!
posted by travelwithcats at 3:06 AM on October 3, 2014 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:19 AM on October 2, 2014