Questioning my gender, need resources.

September 14, 2014 9:39 AM

I'm questioning my (female) gender identity. I am looking for online resources, maybe a forum or online community that is specifically ftm or has specific ftm threads/conversations. I've combed reddit but the format of reddit feels less like a conversation and I don't feel comfortable posting there. Links I have found to specific resources are surprisingly mostly out of date or MtF specific.

Basically, I'd like to talk to ftm guys, and also people who are questioning their female-assigned sex or are living as genderqueer/passing/partially passing, etc.

FWIW, I'm in my mid-twenties and have been out as a lesbian for quite some time. I am not your typical "known since consciousness that I'm actually a dude" kind of questioner, so I would also like to know/know of trans* people who don't fit that specific criteria, because honestly it's making me question my authenticity.

Also, I would like to try passing as a guy for a few days to see how that would feel, but I don't see how that's even possible (I live with my parents, so even trying it out at home is a problem), so I feel like trying it out online first would give me a general idea.

I'm having a really hard time with not knowing what I am. I feel like I can't talk about it with anyone, not even my lgbtq friends, because I'm not even close to the point of opening up about it.

posted by anonymous to Grab Bag (17 answers total)

reddit.com/r/transgender has a fairly large active and safe community to talk to people who have been through what you are dealing with. *hugs*
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:41 AM on September 14, 2014

http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/

Still active (last updated the end of July this year) and specific to the needs of FtM.
posted by stubbehtail at 9:47 AM on September 14, 2014

I know Livejournal is mostly dead but it looks like this community is still somewhat active: http://ftm.livejournal.com. I imagine if you posted there you'd get some responses.

There are also a bunch of large, active FTM groups on Facebook. I am not a trans guy (just friends with enough that Facebook often suggests them to me) and am not a member of them so I wouldn't want to recommend any groups specifically, but if you do a search for "FTM" you'll find them.
posted by needs more cowbell at 10:01 AM on September 14, 2014

This site has a ton of links to online resources and organizations. This one has lots of links to local groups.
posted by desjardins at 10:06 AM on September 14, 2014

A tumblr search on "FTM Resources" brings up lots of stuff, might be good to browse through.
posted by ITheCosmos at 10:07 AM on September 14, 2014

You might also find helpful resources by googling/tumblr-searching "masculine of center."
posted by rtha at 10:36 AM on September 14, 2014

I found FTM UK a really helpful and informative forum, and although it's ostensibly UK-focussed, I think the guys there are generally very welcoming of non-UK posters. (I'm one of those "didn't always know they were a dude" ftm guys, by the way - feel free to MeMail me, OP, if you want to chat).
posted by RedRob at 10:58 AM on September 14, 2014

AFAIK, people still keep an eye on the LJ FTM community (and will respond) even though the posts are infrequent. r/ftm on reddit is not too bad, but it's not very searchable, so LJ remains the repository of knowledge. Honestly, I think the other trans subreddits range between 'not that helpful, especially to transmasculine people' and outright toxic depending on the day.

Also, me-mail me.
posted by hoyland at 11:46 AM on September 14, 2014

Also, if you're not aware of how LJ works, most of the community posts are only viewable to members, so you have to make an LJ account and then join the community.
posted by hoyland at 11:59 AM on September 14, 2014

Is there any way you can take a short trip? I suspect trying to sort this while living with the 'rents is going to be a problem. Hard to be in your head when you are in someone else's space.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 12:18 PM on September 14, 2014

This is an old reply of mine with a list of trans resources. They aren't properly formatted as links. You will need to copy and paste. It was a list I was given by an email list for trans folks. I am not personally familiar with most of them.
posted by Michele in California at 1:28 PM on September 14, 2014

Young queer and transgender people seem to overwhelmingly prefer tumblr nowdays; it's the only reason I joined. I'd follow a few aggregate tumblrs like fuckyeahftmguys or whatever, follow actual people who pop up in reblogs and seem interesting, and then unfollow the aggregate tumblrs as they get overwhelming/monotonous after a while. Off the top of my head, check out the tumblrs of: Original Plumbing, Samuel Shanahoy/Teevee Dinner (has years of FAQs many of which regard his femme transboy identity), King Texas, Brooklyn Boihood, Amos Mac.

I can't recommend Original Plumbing enough. They did a redesign a while back and now focus on the entire trans community (which is awesome!) but they originally had a focus on transgender dudes and so there will be a *lot* in the archives for you.
posted by Juliet Banana at 1:28 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

Also, I've assumed you'ved checked to see if there's anything good for you at the closest LGBT center, if you're lucky enough to live near one? For example, here in Chicago, Center at Halsted has both a genderqueer group and a transmasculine one, Mancave. Genderwork is another transmasculine discussion group.
posted by Juliet Banana at 1:31 PM on September 14, 2014

I can't offer any specific communities, as I never had any luck finding any that were very helpful, but I can offer myself. I was assigned female at birth (AFAB), identified as a lesbian through high school and college, and finally realized I was not-female at the age of 24. After a couple of years of trying to fit myself into a hypermasculine mold, I realized that also was not me, and at 31 have been very comfortable (and very "out") in my genderqueer-ness for the past several years.

I totally understand you are not ready to talk about it now. If that ever changes, you are welcome to MeMail me.
posted by zebra at 3:55 PM on September 14, 2014 [1 favorite]

Memail me if you'd like. I came out as trans (ftm) years ago, but I certainly didn't know I was a boy from the time I said my first word. Looking back, there are now "ah ha!" moments, but in the moment, I had no idea until right about when I came out.
posted by cheerwine at 6:24 PM on September 14, 2014

Seconding the recommendation for reddit — and I honestly never thought I'd recommend them for anything, but the trans advice subreddits are pretty good. (More specifically: they are Not Reliable on medical and legal stuff, but for personal and social advice and moral support they're solid.)

/r/asktransgender is majority trans women, though trans men are better represented there now than they have been in the past. A lot of the users there, male and female, are transitioning (or first contemplating transition) in their 20s or early 30s, and so it's a very hospitable place for people who don't fit the "known since age 4" narrative.

/r/ftm is specifically for trans men; I don't hang out there because I'm not in their target demographic, but I hear it's good too.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:36 PM on September 14, 2014

There are a lot of friendly trans people here on MetaFilter. Perhaps create a sockpuppet for $5 and post another question next week asking specifically for FTM resources / communities / contacts in your geographic area?
posted by Jacqueline at 7:40 PM on September 14, 2014