(Funny) punishment idea for being a bad boyfriend
September 8, 2014 1:06 PM Subscribe
I withheld information about me from my GF, who now wants me to find an appropriate punishment for myself. It doesn't have to be anything serious, just something to acknowledge that what I did was not cool while trying not to make too big of a deal out of it.
We just need some ideas for something which is light but meaningful. I'm in my thirties and she's in her late twenties, and we have been dating for a few months.
We just need some ideas for something which is light but meaningful. I'm in my thirties and she's in her late twenties, and we have been dating for a few months.
A playful punishment, you mean?
I guess it depends on what you withheld. It should have some reference.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:09 PM on September 8, 2014
I guess it depends on what you withheld. It should have some reference.
posted by Omnomnom at 1:09 PM on September 8, 2014
Maybe take a video or series of pictures with your phone, where you hold up signs saying "I'M SORRY," "IT WASN'T COOL," "I'M GOING TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME" or "DON'T WORRY, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN"? You can have a silly-sheepish look on your face, too.
Then text her or email her the video/pictures.
posted by like_a_friend at 1:09 PM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
Then text her or email her the video/pictures.
posted by like_a_friend at 1:09 PM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]
Coming clean matters. You get dish duty (including drying and putting away) for 30 days.
posted by MonkeyToes at 1:09 PM on September 8, 2014 [27 favorites]
posted by MonkeyToes at 1:09 PM on September 8, 2014 [27 favorites]
Clearly you need to make a video of yourself singing an acapella version of Katy Perry's Roar and post it on whatever social media site you frequent the most, you naughty, naughty person, you.
posted by bondcliff at 1:18 PM on September 8, 2014 [8 favorites]
posted by bondcliff at 1:18 PM on September 8, 2014 [8 favorites]
Let the punishment fit the crime - 1 week of you telling her something new about yourself every day.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 1:23 PM on September 8, 2014 [44 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 1:23 PM on September 8, 2014 [44 favorites]
Print out some coupons which she can then use to make you do stuff like washing dishes, watching a movie you hate, etc. Best part is you never know when she's gonna pull out the coupon. Unless what you held back was something really serious then, never mind.
posted by pibeandres at 2:05 PM on September 8, 2014
posted by pibeandres at 2:05 PM on September 8, 2014
Some friends of mine do "apology pie" -- the one who fucked up has to bake a pie for the other one, and then it's forgiven.
posted by fiercecupcake at 2:21 PM on September 8, 2014 [17 favorites]
posted by fiercecupcake at 2:21 PM on September 8, 2014 [17 favorites]
my boyfriend and I call this hurt feelings tax. I was once late for a movie and was taxed a cheeseburger and a pitcher of beer.
I think the coupons idea above is amazing! you could print out a bunch of blank coupon forms then sit down with her and have her fill in what tasks she wants, and you sign them to seal the agreement.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 2:23 PM on September 8, 2014 [5 favorites]
I think the coupons idea above is amazing! you could print out a bunch of blank coupon forms then sit down with her and have her fill in what tasks she wants, and you sign them to seal the agreement.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 2:23 PM on September 8, 2014 [5 favorites]
I guess I'll have to be this person:
I don't think this is a good way to have a healthy relationship. At all.
I'm not sure exactly what happened, but "withholding information about yourself" is something that is totally, 100% within your rights. Unless it directly affects your partner (like "Hey I have an STD!"), you get to choose what you're comfortable revealing and when.
I realize she's presenting it as "funny" and "silly," but it sets a tremendously bad precedent: That your partner is allowed to "punish" you for not telling her literally everything. I'd say "No thanks" to the whole thing.
posted by drjimmy11 at 2:25 PM on September 8, 2014 [61 favorites]
I don't think this is a good way to have a healthy relationship. At all.
I'm not sure exactly what happened, but "withholding information about yourself" is something that is totally, 100% within your rights. Unless it directly affects your partner (like "Hey I have an STD!"), you get to choose what you're comfortable revealing and when.
I realize she's presenting it as "funny" and "silly," but it sets a tremendously bad precedent: That your partner is allowed to "punish" you for not telling her literally everything. I'd say "No thanks" to the whole thing.
posted by drjimmy11 at 2:25 PM on September 8, 2014 [61 favorites]
just something to acknowledge that what I did was not cool while trying not to make too big of a deal out of it
If it wasn't a big deal, then a proper apology (statement of what you did wrong; statement of why it impacted your GF negatively; statement that it won't happen again), is sufficient.
If it WAS a big deal, then this self-designed punishment is just...a strange way to sweep a serious problem under the rug. It also creates a peculiar power/control dynamic. I'd opt out if I were you in favor of a good ol' fashioned sit-down conversation where any lingering resentments are hashed out.
posted by nacho fries at 2:43 PM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
If it wasn't a big deal, then a proper apology (statement of what you did wrong; statement of why it impacted your GF negatively; statement that it won't happen again), is sufficient.
If it WAS a big deal, then this self-designed punishment is just...a strange way to sweep a serious problem under the rug. It also creates a peculiar power/control dynamic. I'd opt out if I were you in favor of a good ol' fashioned sit-down conversation where any lingering resentments are hashed out.
posted by nacho fries at 2:43 PM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
Given that we don't know what he did wrong, speculation that they are handling it incorrectly and that their relationship is unhealthy is really premature. Can we just assume that they've already had a mature adult discussion between them - it certainly sounds like they have - and between them have agreed that this is how they'd like to handle it? The OP is clearly on board with this and given that it's light hearted, we seem to be turning it into a far bigger deal than the couple themselves. I'm just sayin'...
posted by Jubey at 3:25 PM on September 8, 2014 [9 favorites]
posted by Jubey at 3:25 PM on September 8, 2014 [9 favorites]
I think being told that "withholding somerhing" is a punishable offense is a big deal.
Possibly OP withheld a serious mistake (such as a crime or cheating scandal) that should be mentioned in a serious relationship.
OP says OP did something not cool but it's not clear if the withholding or the thing withheld is the "not cool."
posted by Lesser Shrew at 3:34 PM on September 8, 2014
Possibly OP withheld a serious mistake (such as a crime or cheating scandal) that should be mentioned in a serious relationship.
OP says OP did something not cool but it's not clear if the withholding or the thing withheld is the "not cool."
posted by Lesser Shrew at 3:34 PM on September 8, 2014
Vouchers for behaviours that she can use whenever, as suggested up thread. These can be as mundane or as whacky as your relationship allows/requires.
Speculation about problematic relationship issues are completely unwarranted given the question imo.
posted by Sebmojo at 3:36 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
Speculation about problematic relationship issues are completely unwarranted given the question imo.
posted by Sebmojo at 3:36 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
I would not do anything that involves photos, videos or other activity on social media. You've only been dating for a few months and don't yet know if this is a long term relationship or not. If it doesn't work out, I don't think you'll want embarrassing photos/videos out there.
posted by brookeb at 4:12 PM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by brookeb at 4:12 PM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
I withheld information about me from my GF, who now wants me to find an appropriate punishment for myself.
I'm studying under Dr Jimmy. This is kind of creepy, passive-aggressive, all that kind of psychology stuff.
Test answer is, never apologize, never explain, least said, soonest mended.
(Granted, I might suggest otherwise if I knew either one or both of you personally, but just a few months - not a good precedent. Switch genders and see how nasty this comes off.)
posted by IndigoJones at 4:21 PM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]
I'm studying under Dr Jimmy. This is kind of creepy, passive-aggressive, all that kind of psychology stuff.
Test answer is, never apologize, never explain, least said, soonest mended.
(Granted, I might suggest otherwise if I knew either one or both of you personally, but just a few months - not a good precedent. Switch genders and see how nasty this comes off.)
posted by IndigoJones at 4:21 PM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]
Make her a romantic apology dinner. Set the table, candles, music...
If you need it to be comedic/fun, you can cook and serve the dinner wearing nothing but an apron.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:25 PM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
If you need it to be comedic/fun, you can cook and serve the dinner wearing nothing but an apron.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:25 PM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
Okay, I'll be the asshole. WHY is this even a thing? Shouldn't your GF be able to forgive you wholeheartedly without having to do a skit?
Either you're forgiven, or you're not.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:54 PM on September 8, 2014 [15 favorites]
Either you're forgiven, or you're not.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 4:54 PM on September 8, 2014 [15 favorites]
Wash/ detail her car, bring her flowers, write her love letters telling her in exquisite detail why she is so perfect, clean the refrigerator and the stove, take out the trash, vacuum incredibly thoroughly, and bring her her preferred beverage the moment she gets home, letting her watch the news/ relax/ pet the cat while you finish making dinner. And do that stuff without being required, because, sometimes, it's awesome to be incredible to your sweetie.
posted by theora55 at 5:13 PM on September 8, 2014
posted by theora55 at 5:13 PM on September 8, 2014
In my last relationship we had a rule that whenever someone was bad the other person was allowed to tickle them and they couldn't fight back. It really lightened up potentially awkward situations.
posted by ad4pt at 5:15 PM on September 8, 2014
posted by ad4pt at 5:15 PM on September 8, 2014
Yes, sorry, but I agree this is a bad idea. I think it is a bad idea no matter what the information you withheld from her was, so I feel comfortable saying that it feels like some weird passive-agressive head game she is playing with you and that's not really okay.
Let's say what you withheld was that you used to date the woman who waited on you and your new girlfriend last night at dinner in the fancy restaurant. Silly, right?
So, you talk about why she feels like that is something she would want to know, and why you feel like it was something you didn't feel comfortable sharing, and together you agree on how to handle similar situations in the future. No punishment needed.
Let's say what you withheld is that you murdered your last girlfriend in your sleep.
In that case she should just get the hell away from you and call the police. So, okay, technically, punishment may be needed, yes, but NOT the kind you could outsource to the internet like you are doing here, and not her responsibility either.
Anything in-between merits a discussion/argument, and possibly an apology.
Since you've indicated it is a minor issue (so no ex-girlfriends' heads in your closet), well, I just can't come up with an instance where anything more than an apology would be needed.
For me, the whole idea of punishment in a relationship is just...ewww. Yeah, nothing more than nasty head games.
posted by misha at 5:17 PM on September 8, 2014 [8 favorites]
Let's say what you withheld was that you used to date the woman who waited on you and your new girlfriend last night at dinner in the fancy restaurant. Silly, right?
So, you talk about why she feels like that is something she would want to know, and why you feel like it was something you didn't feel comfortable sharing, and together you agree on how to handle similar situations in the future. No punishment needed.
Let's say what you withheld is that you murdered your last girlfriend in your sleep.
In that case she should just get the hell away from you and call the police. So, okay, technically, punishment may be needed, yes, but NOT the kind you could outsource to the internet like you are doing here, and not her responsibility either.
Anything in-between merits a discussion/argument, and possibly an apology.
Since you've indicated it is a minor issue (so no ex-girlfriends' heads in your closet), well, I just can't come up with an instance where anything more than an apology would be needed.
For me, the whole idea of punishment in a relationship is just...ewww. Yeah, nothing more than nasty head games.
posted by misha at 5:17 PM on September 8, 2014 [8 favorites]
Wear your shirt inside out for one date.
posted by michaelh at 5:56 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by michaelh at 5:56 PM on September 8, 2014 [1 favorite]
Breakfast in bed with an apology card and single rose or whatever equivalent she wants.
posted by RainyJay at 6:12 PM on September 8, 2014
posted by RainyJay at 6:12 PM on September 8, 2014
Mod note: Folks, I feel like "this idea is flawed" is pretty well covered at this point; barring some update from the asker wanting more detail on that, maybe let's try and keep it to either offering suggestions per the question or giving the thread a pass at this point.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:43 PM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:43 PM on September 8, 2014 [3 favorites]
If you're both up for it, why not a spanking?
I mean an old school, go over her knee and get your pants pulled down spanking. A little humiliating, a little silly, a little hot.
negotiation, safe words, after care etc. all apply.
posted by Mistress at 11:44 PM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]
I mean an old school, go over her knee and get your pants pulled down spanking. A little humiliating, a little silly, a little hot.
negotiation, safe words, after care etc. all apply.
posted by Mistress at 11:44 PM on September 8, 2014 [4 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
If it's the latter, maybe make yourself a little sign to wear around your neck and put it on for an agreed-upon period. "I IGNORED THE PHONE BILL SO LONG THAT I GOT CUT OFF AND HAD TO USE PHONE BOOTHS FOR A WEEK."
posted by vickyverky at 1:08 PM on September 8, 2014 [2 favorites]