Help with ADD?

November 4, 2005 1:45 AM

I think that I have ADD. I'm an adult. I can't focus on getting anything constructive done. I'm fucking over my schooling and my work.

I've had people tell me that I have ADD for years. My parents used to ask me if I had ADD, but framed it as "Is there something wrong with you? Do you have ADD?" I never wanted to say yes, because I never wanted people to think there was something wrong with me. I'm a student. I have no job currently, and I have no insurance. I can't concentrate on anything, and when I try to work, I feel anxious and like I'm going to fail no matter what. I get behind on EVERYTHING because I can't manage my time. I'm afraid to find help because I don't want people to think I'm retarded. When I fall behind, I can't ever ask for help because I feel this gut level anxiety that just won't let me. I'm nearly in tears writing this, I don't know what to do. More and more frequently I've felt like killing myself is the only way out of all of the obligations that I have, even though I know that's wrong and deeply stupid. I fear that I'm deeply stupid. What can I do? How can I get free therapy or prescriptions? How can I get into control of my life? How can I stop succombing to the temptation to check my email every 10 minutes, or to watch tv for "just a few minutes" that turns into two hours or to, well, keep reading Metafilter when I should be working?
As a side question, I'm also worried that I'm losing my sight, and that this is a part of why I have so much trouble reading and writing anymore. But I can't afford glasses. I have absolutely no money.
I'm deeply, deeply embarrassed by having to ask for help on this website, so if you see this and think you know who I am, please don't mention it to me.
If you have something to say that you don't want to put here, send it to [e-mail]

posted by anonymous to Education (26 answers total)

Have you considered a counselor of some sort? You have highly anxious and paranoid feelings and definitely have bigger issues than ADHD.
posted by angry modem at 1:53 AM on November 4, 2005

Have you considered a counselor of some sort? You have highly anxious and paranoid feelings and definitely have bigger issues than ADHD.

Mmm dangerous advice.

I'm not saying it's not possible but assuming the worst from the start is not a hugely great idea. ADHD, ADD etc can easily be misdiagnosed, hell, there is debate about whether or not they are even real diseases.
posted by alexst at 2:57 AM on November 4, 2005

Additionally I have all the problems you do. My concentration sucks, my eyesight is getting worse, I check my email constantly, I waste time on Metafilter etc etc.

I just don't worry about it, or manage to ignore it. It does worry me at times though I admit. I am sure that if I stopped using the internet and/or computers and changed my diet it would drastically help. It might even let me go back to using them without wasting time constantly as well.

I'm just of the opinion that ADD esq symptoms are often caused by generally being swamped in easy to access information perhaps combined with other dietary and environmental factors. And is almost always controllable by the sufferer.
posted by alexst at 3:03 AM on November 4, 2005

If you're at a university look into whether there is a mental health clinic, that can surely help, I remember a doctor there gave free samples to students without insurance who couldn't cover the copay. There may also be free or cheap counseling done by learning doctoral or master's students.

I've definately gone through what you're feeling, and the absolute frustration is awful. So a couple of intermediate tips:

1) meditation, and by that I mean quiet, darkness, breathing, with the purpose trying to calm yourself. It's tough to start but positively helps. Concentrate on breathing In and Out. Just sitting there trying is meditating. Go Slow.

2) Baby steps, if you can't concentrate for 30 seconds you're not going to go for 15 minutes all at once without your mind wandering, Just like jogging it will take a while to build up endurance.

3) ENVIRONMENT MATTERS. if you absolutly cannot be productive in your room leave, you will never be. Find another room without distractions, go to the library. Go to the quiet room. You WILL have the urge to find a computer, wander around, etc.

4) don't be embarrased to ask a friend for some support. We're social animals and you might have to do your learning within a social context. Find a study partner who can yell at you, and seems to be able to do their work themselves. Not someone you think will distract you.

It will be hard, with or without medication, use these feelings and push yourself. Talk to a professor you think will sympathize, they will probably know about resources for you...

you've made the first move, make the second.
posted by stratastar at 3:08 AM on November 4, 2005

Read stratastars post again. Even Adderall isn't as effective, especially 3!
posted by Dean Keaton at 3:45 AM on November 4, 2005

You need practical help from someone who understands how the rules of your academic institution work, what free facilities are available and can help you to assess your options in a rational way, arrange for you to get extra time on your academic obligations etc.

When I was in a similar situation I was not able to solve it without making some space for myself by taking time off. It was clear to me that the situation I was in was absolutely unacceptable and that it was time to put my immediate health and well-being first.

It does seem that we share a habit of overestimating the consequences of things going wrong. It is perhaps not a bad idea to start asking "what's _really_ the worst that could happen" and following it through to its natural conclusion. We install these ideas in ourselves like "The rest of my life will be a failure if I don't get this degree" or "If I don't do a good job of this assignment I will be _completely_ _humiliated_" in the hope that they will be motivating, but this kind of high-stakes thinking is fine for running away from immediate danger but not for motivating a long programme of study.

I feel like I'm rambling, so let me sum up: I think you're in a situation now where something has to give. I suggest that you take control of that process and decide how you're going to break this situation. You need practical advice as to how to mitigate the academic and financial consequences of breaking this situation. The second and more long-term step is to do something about your anxiety problem.
posted by teleskiving at 3:47 AM on November 4, 2005

First and foremost you probably should go and see a doctor, if only to rule out any other health problems.

I don't care what anyone says: you are in a state and you need some help now. Professional help. Possibly you can get yourself sorted out and will not need to see anyone afterwards. But for now, you need a pro.

You seem overwhelmed and it will help to have some one
help you untangle things and talk about what you are feeling.

I have ADD and there is a lot of help out there. I understand your unwillingness to let people know about your problem. Nevertheless, you have the power to control who knows and who doesn't. Fortunately, you aren't as obviously sick as you may feel you are. You can control who knows and who doesn't. I think you may find that there are some very understanding and caring people out
there.
posted by bat at 3:52 AM on November 4, 2005

I say look into counseling. There's nothing "dangerous" about finding someone to talk to about your troubles. The world is complicated and the human mind is fragmented. You have nothing to be ashamed about.

Check your school's psychology department -- sometimes they have free psychotherapy services for students.
posted by Laugh_track at 4:43 AM on November 4, 2005

Almost all colleges have counseling centers where students can get some free counseling. My counselor was able to get me a prescription for an antidepressant through the health center. There's no harm in checking it out.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:55 AM on November 4, 2005 [1 favorite]

Anon.

You managed to ask here. You have friends. Go ask for help. Asking strangers has anonimity.

You're likely not sleeping well, not thinking well.

You're overwhelmed. Clearly. stratastar hit it. Go to your university's health dept. They have counseling and health services. If you're under the age 25, you should talk to your parents - you may be able to be under their health care.

The message in this threat that is most vital is get out of the chair in front of the computer, right now, and seek someone, that can help you.

Nobody is going to think you're retarded You're suffering from the delusion that people out there will think different from you for whatever reason. Fuck 'em. Doesn't matter. Those people are there to help...and you'll make a difference in their day, because the best part of their lives is making a difference in others.

Do this go thing for yourself....utilize the resources around you.

You'd be stunned at how less complicated life feels after.
posted by filmgeek at 5:34 AM on November 4, 2005

Maybe this is shitty advice but I say buckle down and get to work. I have ADD (from my posts, its very obvious.) With a little Adderall and a little willpower, I find it easier to do school work and basic tasks then ever before.
posted by wheelieman at 5:35 AM on November 4, 2005

On the eyeglasses front, you might try going to a local Lion's Club or United Way center. They participate in the "Gift of Sight" program with LensCrafters (and other stores) which gives out free glasses to the poor. Your campus health center might also have ideas.

I also recommend a trip to your school's counseling center. They see people dealing with similar problems all the time, and they'll know what to do.
posted by hobbes103 at 5:38 AM on November 4, 2005

I'm just of the opinion that ADD esq symptoms are often caused by generally being swamped in easy to access information perhaps combined with other dietary and environmental factors. And is almost always controllable by the sufferer.

And depressed people simply need to smile more.

Yes, a lot of people are busy and stressed and this causes distraction. But ADD is a real thing and anyone who has spent their life with it has far more going on than just being busy.

Don't diagnose yourself. Go see a doctor. Try to find one who does more than hand you a prescription after ten minutes. Try to get some neuro-psych testing if you can. Meds are trial and error. I'm seeing some results after about a year of trying various things. More importantly, my wife is seeing results in me. They're not a magic on/off switch though. It also takes lifestyle changes, new ways of looking at daily tasks.

Getting diagnosed is probably one of the five most significant things that ever happened to me. It's not often one finds an answer to life.

It is true that it's often over diagnosed, that a lot of kids who just need some structure in their life get put on meds. But it's also undiagnosed in a lot of areas.

Diet and exercise will help to some degree. For some folks that's all they need. It's like insomnia, some people just need to do 50 push ups before bed to cure it and they'll tell everyone else that it's The cure for insomnia. Others have serious problems that need to be handled by experts.
posted by bondcliff at 5:48 AM on November 4, 2005

I'm a Psychologist. I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 8. It's how I got into the biz! I've had a number of friends ask my my thoughts about ADD. I ended up writing a long blog post about it. Check it out. It may be helpful.

Abby's Thoughts About ADD/ADHD

Please don't be "deeply embarrassed." There is no need.
posted by abbyladybug at 5:57 AM on November 4, 2005

I have ADD. I've never been medicated. I want to reinforce some things some other folks are saying, and I want to give you some other tips. First, let me reinforce everything stratastar said. Environment matters, and meditation can and will help you IMMENSELY. Don't ignore the value of learning to quiet your own mind down, breathe deeply, and think through problems. Some people make quite a bit of progress with medication, and some do not. ADD (ADHD) can be a chemical problem or it can be an environmental problem. Some people seem to be able to do very well in managing it without medication or therapy, but there is nothing wrong with getting on either medication or therapy. The fact that you don't have insurance and/or are poor is not a barrier necessarily, this is a problem your friends and family should be more than willing to help you out with.

To move to another related topic, you talk in depth about time management. Have you spent any time looking at the 43 Folders Wiki, or the Getting Things Done System, or the lifehacking craze that is sweeping the Internet? There is a ton of good advice about this selfsame problem and by applying the advice you will find you are hugely more in control. It is really a very lifechanging thing, and you can pretty much get everything you need accomplished with a pencil, a piece of paper, and the Internet.

It's easy to focus on the overwhelming nature of your problem, but one thing I am certain you will find is that by breaking the problem into meaningful small chunks it becomes much easier to deal with. You seem to have the same problem I had: Too much is in your head and your brain is overwhelmed. You need to put this stuff outboard and focus on the next action and the next action only. And the next action, for you, right now, is to get evaluated by a psych professional and evaluate whether you need to be medicated or not. If that is not an acceptable next action, then you need to do some reading on meditation and begin to adopt some practice of meditation that will give you some balance.
posted by arimathea at 5:58 AM on November 4, 2005

Yeah, me too.

I also don't have insurance.
What's helped me is meditating every morning, after a quick yoga session, turning off the internet at home, and generally trying to be more active.

Also, I have this taped to my fridge:

My Heart Burns Like Fire

Soyen Shaku, the first Zen teacher to come to America, said: "My heart burns like fire but my eyes are as cold as dead ashes." He made the following rules which he practiced every day of his life.

* In the morning before dressing, light incense and meditate.

* Retire at a regular hour. Partake of food at regular intervals. Eat with moderation and never to the point of satisfaction.

* Receive a guest with the same attitude you have when alone. When alone, maintain the same attitude you have in receiving guests.

* Watch what you say, and whatever you say, practice it.

* When an opportunity comes do not let it pass you by, yet always think twice before acting.

* Do not regret the past. Look to the future.

* Have the fearless attitude of a hero and the loving heart of a child.

* Upon retiring, sleep as if you had entered your last sleep. Upon awakening, leave your bed behind you instantly as if you had cast away a pair of old shoes.
posted by Espoo2 at 6:36 AM on November 4, 2005 [2 favorites]

I am an adult with ADHD as well. Similar story: friends and family told me for years I had ADD but I never did anything about it. I went off to college just to fail all my classes. I kept screwing up at work.

Finally, when I was 26 I saw a doctor. She diagnosed me with ADHD and gave me a prescription (inexpensive generics are available) and I'm doing a lot better.

Resources for low income individuals are out there. Your school probably has a counselor you can speak to who can refer you to resources in your area. The fact that you are having suicidal thoughts is a clear indication you should speak to a professional.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you're not retarded. Undiagnosed ADHD is quite common.
posted by peppermint22 at 7:55 AM on November 4, 2005

I'm just of the opinion that ADD esq symptoms are often caused by generally being swamped in easy to access information perhaps combined with other dietary and environmental factors. And is almost always controllable by the sufferer.

Please make sure you differentiate between the continuous partial attention that manifests in "ADD-like symptoms" and ADD or ADHD that appears to have organic manifestations. They're different, and proper diagnosis can really make a huge difference.

That said, my partner has ADD, is unmedicated and very clearly doesn't have control over his symptoms in a general sense [that is he can't "will his way" to being more focussed]. The example that I've read that typifies ADD is "let's say someone held a gun to your head and said they would shoot you if you moved. Most of us would be able to sit still as long as we had to. Someone with ADD would do that for a while and then basically forget the gun was there and start to fidget/move/whatever no matter how serious the consequences." It's sort of overblown, but you get the idea.

There are upsides and downsides to ADD but if you've never been diagnosed and had to basically go through life feeling like you were retarded or unable to fit in, it's probably more down than up for you. The good news is there are many things that can help, many supportive people who have good ideas, and good things that can happen when you're able to channel and control your ADD, if this is what you have.

So, my advice in a few lines. Email me if you'd like to talk more. I am not a doctor.

1. get diagnosed. There are a lot of online diagnistic tools but I'd recommend seeing a professional. ADD has a tendency to manifest with other sysmptoms [depression, hperactivity &c.] some of which need their own attention.
2. read. Books like Driven to Distraction offer positive ways to work with ADD and learn about it. The main author is a doctor with ADD and he has a lot of good advice and case studies that can help you learn more about it.
3. talk to others. ADD can be isolating because you have a tendency to see everyone else as "normal" It's also exacerbated by stress, badly. There are online forums where you can learn more but you may also want to talk to a trusted friend, relative, clergyman, counselor. There are two problems: you have a hard time focusing, and you feel badly about that. Pay attention to both.
4. Exercise/relax/eat well. In our house, aggressive exercise can really help. My SO bikes 10-15 miles a day and he feels that it really helps him calm down. This can also work with meditation, or just getting out for a walk. Eating and nutrition can also play a large role. Less caffeine and sugar, more veggies, etc My SO puts flax seeds on everything and thinks it's helpful for him
5. schedule the living hell out of your day. Seriously. Walk around with a timer in your pocket and set it for 10 minutes when you sit down at the TV, or set it for 30 minutes when you're studying and then switch to something else. Have a big calendar where everything is organized visually and use highlighter pens to show you what is what. Carry a calendar with you in the same way. The more structure you have going for you, the less you are likely to lose time to distractions. It will still happen, but you can work on willpower to do what the structure is telling you, which is easier than having to tell yourself to stop doing somethng and start doing something else.

And, in short, give yourself some time to work this out. You've likely been living with it all of your life and it's not easy to start doing things differently.
posted by jessamyn at 7:56 AM on November 4, 2005 [5 favorites]

Whether or not you have ADD, at this point you are grasping for some pathology that can explain what is wrong with you.

There are people who do this for a living. If you are in university, you probably have people who will listen to your problems and even diagnose you for free. They can help you sort through your organizational and time management issues and help you deal with the deep seated anxiety and guilt you are feeling. Go to them. They are there to help you. It may feel like a copout - it's not. Swallow your pride and go for help. Do it today - these services often have waiting lists, and you sound like you need immediate aid.

In the mean time, try to follow the above advice about eating/sleeping/exercising. When you are pressed for time, they can seem like luxuries - they're not. As a procrastinator, you need to recognize that you will probably spend as much time wasting time trying to get something done as you will exercising, eating, and sleeping. Adding some structure to your life can do wonders to your time management skills.
posted by sid at 8:03 AM on November 4, 2005

Dunno what to say, but I had that problem 2 years before I finished (ok, gave up on) college. It turned around after I had a nervous breakdown. It scared the hell out of my parents, whom I was living with at the time.

My suggestion: Talk to a REAL PERSON who you trust completely about this problem and you'll feel loads better.
posted by shepd at 9:16 AM on November 4, 2005

Have you considered a counselor of some sort? You have highly anxious and paranoid feelings and definitely have bigger issues than ADHD.

This is good advice.
posted by xammerboy at 10:07 AM on November 4, 2005

I've got ADD. (<-- first public coming out with it.) It was obvious to me when it first became big news in the early to mid '90's that I'd be diagnosed with ADD if I sought such a diagnosis. But I was adamant that it wasn't a disorder. I mean, with depression, the depressed person is, by definition, feeling bad, so it's not too hard to get behind considering that an illness. But ADD? That's just a "disorder" inasmuch as it makes it more difficult to meet society's expectations. Who's to say the "ADD" people aren't fine and society's expectations are screwed up? Clearly, it was just the result of an oppressive, homogenizing society that all these people were being labelled as having a disorder and medicated to fit in better.

But as I approached 40, and was increasingly surrounded by the detritus of literally decades of unfinished products, I realized that I was personally suffering from the ADD. And the stakes of screwing up are higher (married, mortgaged, my job the sole source of health benefits for me and my wife.) I finally sought medication.

Here are some things that are generally agreed can only help: meditate, get regular aerobic exercise, eat well (make sure to get enough Omega-3 fatty acids, and avoid sugar and refined carbs), get enough sleep. I've done all these things. They helped. I recommend them. Implementing Getting Things Done, too. But those things made a difference in degree. Being on methylphenidate (the active ingredient of Ritalin) has made a difference in kind. (This is no guarantee of what effect it or any other drug might have on you, of course -- that can only be sorted out by you, qualified professionals, and trying them.)

I'm glad that I came to the decision to seek medication of my own volition, as an adult, having had the chance to know thoroughly who I am off the drugs. At the same time, I wish I'd done it sooner.

Anyway, forget beating yourself up. Forget the "disorder" word. If you're... differently attentioned, that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Your brain's just wired that way. It doesn't mean you're any less responsible for your commitments, or unable to live up to the ones you make. It does means you're going to have some extra challenges doing so.

Listen to everyone suggesting you see if your school offers anything in the way of free counseling or health services. Check if your town has any sort of free clinic, or if there are charities giving away glasses (you've seen boxes collecting used glasses, right? See who put it there and call them.) But do seek help. You may not have ADD. You may have ADD in conjunction with something else. We can't diagnose you here.

I'm currently reading the ten-years-later follow-up to Driven to Distraction, called Delivered from Distraction. You might want to check the library for it.

Best of luck.
posted by Zed_Lopez at 10:51 AM on November 4, 2005

I can't recommend Driven to Distraction enough.

Look: if you DO have ADD, getting treated will really, really help. The drugs won't make you a different person, they'll just help you be the person you know you can be. Drugs aren't enough, though--counseling helps quite a bit, both for the symptoms of ADD and the often wide impact that ADD has had on your life.

I don't understand why people counsel AGAINST taking drugs for treatment. Damn, if you have an infection, you take antibiotics, right? ADD is a real disease, with chemical and physical impacts on the brain.

My life has changed dramatically for the better since I started and continues to do so, both from reduced symptoms and from progressive progress on dealing with how ADD has affected my life: relationships, jobs, etc.

Don't despair! Read the book, then if you still think you have ADD--GET EVALUATED! Zed_lopez shares wisdom...
posted by lrivers at 11:32 AM on November 4, 2005

You've posted a lot about what you don't have - a job, health insurance, the capacity to get things done.

What do you have that you can rely on? Might be good to make a list.

Are your parents still around? They used to care. If they are not dead, I am sure they still do care and will be there to help you. I suggest that you let them know what is going on with you and that you are getting to your wit's end. They may be able to help you identify some resources or plans to help you get the help you need.

You may be surprised at how understanding they can be, too.
posted by ikkyu2 at 12:34 PM on November 4, 2005

Without insurance, you might want to set up some systematic coping strategies with help from your local bookstore or library. Getting Things Done has been mentioned a bunch of times on the blue and the green. I strongly suspect that the reason people get evangelical about the GTD system is that it helps overcome a lot of the things you've expressed concerns about: managing your time, completing projects, controlling your life.

IIRC, there are also plenty of book recommendations for AD(H)D on ask.mefi as well, plus you can check reviews on Amazon.
posted by kimota at 2:18 PM on November 4, 2005

Whether it is ADD or not, it does sound as if you are having some level of executive dysfunction.

This page suggests coping strategies that might help. It is targeting autistic/Asperger's people, but the strategies might also help anyone else with executive dysfunction, I think.

And do make use of any free counseling services at your school. I know it is hard to do.
posted by litlnemo at 2:44 PM on November 4, 2005