Best Man Alternative Titles
February 28, 2014 2:52 PM   Subscribe

I have a great best man. I do not want to have a "co" best man at my wedding. I have another friend who is very close to me, and I want to give him a title that signifies he isn't simply a groomsmen but is one of my very closest friends. Is there another title I can give him which will make him feel important and that's not BS. Thanks, Z
posted by quiverandquill to Society & Culture (21 answers total)
Head Usher? or even Head Groomsman even though that title basically means Best Man. Then possibly he and the Best Man could share some duties.
posted by magnetsphere at 2:58 PM on February 28, 2014

I guess that depends on your definition of BS. I don't think there is any traditional way to designate a "special groomsman who is not the best man."

You could borrow something from the traditional names for bride's attendants and call him a "Groomsman of Honor."
posted by muddgirl at 2:58 PM on February 28, 2014

Head Groomsman? Man of Honor (corresponds with Maid of Honor)?

On some level, all wedding titles are BS, in that they don't come with universal meanings or responsibilities, so don't worry about that.
posted by donajo at 2:59 PM on February 28, 2014 [2 favorites]

Head/Senior Groomsman

Assistant/Associate Best Man (or Best Man in Waiting, if you're into college football)

Best Boy (not if you know any film people, though)
posted by Etrigan at 3:00 PM on February 28, 2014

posted by anonymisc at 3:00 PM on February 28, 2014 [2 favorites]

Vice Best Man
posted by The World Famous at 3:02 PM on February 28, 2014 [3 favorites]

Is it possible to give him some additional responsibility that elevates him from the other groomsmen and a name that goes along with it? For example, maybe he could do a reading during the ceremony? Or play a song or what have you, depending on his skillset. That would indicate his specialness and actually involve him a bit more.
posted by chatongriffes at 3:22 PM on February 28, 2014 [4 favorites]

So, I would be a bit careful about creating a complex ranking system for your group of friends. Being a groomsman is already a lovely and non-BS honor.

To elaborate, "Best Man" and "Groomsman" are established titles with distinct wedding responsibilities. The act of inventing a title "upgrade" for your friend may actually imply a downgrade to those other friends who are happily honored to "simply" be your groomsmen.

Finally, just to give a little perspective, this is the kind of thing that is very easy to get caught up in during wedding planning but that almost no one else actually cares about.
posted by lalex at 3:25 PM on February 28, 2014 [36 favorites]

Don't talk to the best man guy about him being the best man; just let them all know that they're 'groomsmen', or even skip the titles and just let them know what you need from them. They'll all be happy to help, it's a big day for you.
posted by ftm at 3:40 PM on February 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

Does he actually have any responsibilities at your wedding? I've been to a few where there were family members in the traditional attendant positions, and actual best friends were just there to be the lives of the party, had already been in charge of the bachelor/bachelorette festivities, etc. In that case those friends were referred to as "Bride's/Groom's Best Friend" when they were asked to come up and give a toast. If your friend actually has a job to do at the wedding, call him by that job. Like, Toast Organizer or Emotional Support or Party Planner or something.
posted by Mizu at 4:04 PM on February 28, 2014

Lalex is right. The titles are about duties, not about ranking how close people are to you. I'm sure he's honored to be in your wedding and already knows how close you are.

He might appreciate being asked to help with something meaningful - giving a toast at the rehersal dinner, helping your Best Man plan the bachelor party, doing a reading, etc. If you ask him to do one of these things, you could just tell him that you want to involve him because you feel particularly close to him. Another idea - if you're getting your groomsmen gifts, it might be nice to include individual notes. In your note to him, you could tell him why he's so important to you and such (include enough jokes and it doesn't even have to be cheesy).
posted by leitmotif at 4:32 PM on February 28, 2014

What about "witness"? Usually the best man and maid of honour serve as witnesses (i.e. the ones who sign the register), but there's no reason you couldn't have two men do that instead.
posted by lollusc at 4:32 PM on February 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

instruct him to wear a tuxedo vest and have him be your Vest Man.

have him officiate the ceremony in some vaguely religious way and he can be your Blessed Man.

ask him to seek out various items you might need during the wedding etc and he can be your Quest Man.

if he is the comedic type who will give a humorous toast he can be your Jest Man.

posted by ghostbikes at 5:55 PM on February 28, 2014 [5 favorites]

I don't know how traditional you wedding is, but does anyone need to have official titles? I know exactly what you mean when you say your friends are that close to you that picking one isn't easy.
Captain of the Guard
Chief Engineer
Official Sock Pairer
Official Time keeper
Master Brick Layer
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:58 PM on February 28, 2014 [1 favorite]

Maybe ask him to do a reading?
posted by pineappleheart at 6:14 PM on February 28, 2014

Deputy Best Man
In the event that the Best Man is unable to perform his duties, the 1st Runner-up Best Man will step in.
posted by theora55 at 7:23 PM on February 28, 2014 [2 favorites]

pineappleheart: "Maybe ask him to do a reading?"

That's what we did. We had only two attendants each, so we asked several friends we wanted to include to do readings. We also had a friend officiate, in case that's a possibility of interest for you.
posted by Lexica at 7:24 PM on February 28, 2014

I was in a wedding where I wasn't a bridesmaid but I was the guestbook attendant. That was cool. It gave me a role without making me a part of the ceremony.

At my brother's wedding, I was in his wife's bridal party (but her maid of honor was a man so it wasn't so much traditional) but I did a reading that my brother picked out. That was great.

Depending on who the other best man is and/or how close all of you are (like if you're three friends who all go way back, or your best man is your brother or cousin/etc. and the other is your friend), I'd just say they're both the best man. Not "co-best men" Just "Best man A" and "Best man B." It's your wedding, after all.

But depending on how traditional/not traditional you are, do you want one to plan the bachelor party and one to plan the after-rehearsal dinner get-together? Do you want him to do a toast too? Or DJ or something else? I think you're probably over-thinking this. You don't even need a "best man." You can just have a wedding party.
posted by darksong at 8:48 PM on February 28, 2014

When we got married, since we were both the groom, there would be no bridesmaids. My husband wanted his best friend on his side, so I had my Best Man, and he had his Best Karen.
posted by xedrik at 11:13 PM on February 28, 2014 [5 favorites]

I simply had three "Best Men". Worked out just fine :-)
posted by ZipRibbons at 4:27 AM on March 1, 2014

Hype man
posted by wemayfreeze at 1:44 PM on March 1, 2014 [1 favorite]

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