What are some phrases to eliminate from your vocabulary?
February 11, 2014 2:41 AM Subscribe
I'm trying to make a list of phrases that I should eliminate from my vocabulary. For example, I've never seen "Calm down" have the desired effect. "You shouldn't feel that way" and "I understand how you feel" generally don't work very well either.
So what are some phrases I should eliminate from my vocabulary, bonus points if you can suggest what to say instead?
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"So, what do you do for a living?"
Replace with:
"So, what do you like to spend your time doing?" or "So, what are you interested in these days?"
posted by Mizu at 3:06 AM on February 11, 2014
Replace with:
"So, what do you like to spend your time doing?" or "So, what are you interested in these days?"
posted by Mizu at 3:06 AM on February 11, 2014
Special snowflake anything.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 3:12 AM on February 11, 2014
posted by Admiral Haddock at 3:12 AM on February 11, 2014
'It is what it is.'
(*stabs somebody*)
posted by Salamander at 3:15 AM on February 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
(*stabs somebody*)
posted by Salamander at 3:15 AM on February 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
Unless you know for a fact that the person you're speaking to is religious and finds comfort in religion, I can't advise strongly enough against "God has a plan" or "God never gives you more than you can handle." Replace it with "I'm so sorry that [terrible thing happened]; please let me know if I can do anything to help you."
Actually, I'd say that any platitude should be replaced, if possible, with sympathy and a concrete offer of help. Instead of "Everything happens for a reason" or "There's always a silver lining" or "At least they're at peace now," try "I'm so sorry--please let me know if you'd like company, or if I can make you supper some night."
posted by MeghanC at 3:29 AM on February 11, 2014
Actually, I'd say that any platitude should be replaced, if possible, with sympathy and a concrete offer of help. Instead of "Everything happens for a reason" or "There's always a silver lining" or "At least they're at peace now," try "I'm so sorry--please let me know if you'd like company, or if I can make you supper some night."
posted by MeghanC at 3:29 AM on February 11, 2014
"Just sayin'"
Don't replace it with anything. Just stop before saying it.
posted by dayintoday at 3:51 AM on February 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
Don't replace it with anything. Just stop before saying it.
posted by dayintoday at 3:51 AM on February 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
"You shouldn't feel that way" --> "I didn't mean to make you feel that way" with a genuine apology.
"I understand how you feel" --> "I don't understand. Please tell me what I did wrong so I won't do it again" followed by listening.
"Calm down" --> "I didn't mean to upset you, what can I do to help?"
posted by mibo at 3:54 AM on February 11, 2014
"I understand how you feel" --> "I don't understand. Please tell me what I did wrong so I won't do it again" followed by listening.
"Calm down" --> "I didn't mean to upset you, what can I do to help?"
posted by mibo at 3:54 AM on February 11, 2014
"I'm sorry for your loss" sounds uncaring and robotic.
posted by gorcha at 3:56 AM on February 11, 2014
posted by gorcha at 3:56 AM on February 11, 2014
"I was just joking" should be replaced with "I didn't realize that would hurt you" (If true) or "I'm sorry" (Ditto all variations on that like, "What, you can't take a joke" and "Man, you have no sense of humor")
"You're so...smart/pretty/tall/stupid" would be well replaced with comments like hard working/empathetic/considerate/persistent, especially for children. Smart pretty (let's not have this argument here, I know that people can "make an effort) and tall are things that people have little control over, and aren't well served by being rewarded for (yes, I know that our culture pervasively rewards beauty. That's why I'm saying we should not focus on it. Be the change we want to see, rather than perpetuating this.). Work ethic, consideration, etc are things we can work on and definitely want to see more of.
Let's come back around to "you're so stupid" first, it's insulting. Stop insulting people even if it's couched as "helpful" or "honest." (You probably aren't, but future readers of this question might be.) These kinds of barbs are not helpful.
Any phrase that begins with "At least" in response to someone sharing a trouble with you. It's minimizing. See Brene Brown's work on empathy.
Replace "Can I do anything?" with "Can I bring over a meal?" when someone is going through something tough. Replace "Let me know if you need anything" with "I can play with your kid for an hour or I can do some yard work (obviously tailor this to fit the actual situation). What works better for you?"
posted by bilabial at 3:59 AM on February 11, 2014
"You're so...smart/pretty/tall/stupid" would be well replaced with comments like hard working/empathetic/considerate/persistent, especially for children. Smart pretty (let's not have this argument here, I know that people can "make an effort) and tall are things that people have little control over, and aren't well served by being rewarded for (yes, I know that our culture pervasively rewards beauty. That's why I'm saying we should not focus on it. Be the change we want to see, rather than perpetuating this.). Work ethic, consideration, etc are things we can work on and definitely want to see more of.
Let's come back around to "you're so stupid" first, it's insulting. Stop insulting people even if it's couched as "helpful" or "honest." (You probably aren't, but future readers of this question might be.) These kinds of barbs are not helpful.
Any phrase that begins with "At least" in response to someone sharing a trouble with you. It's minimizing. See Brene Brown's work on empathy.
Replace "Can I do anything?" with "Can I bring over a meal?" when someone is going through something tough. Replace "Let me know if you need anything" with "I can play with your kid for an hour or I can do some yard work (obviously tailor this to fit the actual situation). What works better for you?"
posted by bilabial at 3:59 AM on February 11, 2014
This thread is closed to new comments.
"Smile!"
"Cheer up!"
"Turn that frown upside down."
"I'm listening."
"I'm fine/nothing's wrong."
"I'm just being honest."
"I'm just trying to help."
"You/I always/never....(anything)"
"Be you/just be yourself."
"Just breathe/relax."
"Stop worrying."
posted by quincunx at 2:52 AM on February 11, 2014