Everything looks very bleak
November 10, 2013 6:13 PM Subscribe
I am trying to fight low grade depression. Things haven't been going well on all fronts so I feel it's more circumstantial than anything. I have lately lost passion for life and I am not sure how to get it back.
I want to outline the reasons for why I feel this way:
1. My mum has a long standing illness that has gotten worse lately. She relies on me a lot for emotional support. That part doesn't bother me as I like being there for her. Seeing her suffer breaks my heart and the thought of possibly losing her is unbearable. I start crying as soon as I think about this.
2. I am close to completing my PhD. I am less than 2 months away from submitting my thesis. I know I should feel happy about it but I can't help but think of the next step which is getting a job. There are basically no ads that I can apply to and the prospect of not finding an academic position is weighing me down. I am also under financial pressure as my money is running out since I have to take care of my mum's medical bills as well. I am afraid that I will need to take a non-career job I hate just to make ends meet.
3. I am single and in my 30s. Over the last couple of years, I haven't met anyone I connected to. I have exhausted all avenues. I did OLD extensively and either I met guys I liked who didn't like me back or I met guys I didn't connect to at all. The prospect of staying single or settling is depressing me further.
The only thing that would make me feel better is resolving at least one of the three issues. So I feel that standard treatment for depression would be of not much use to me.
Any advice on coping with all this?
I want to outline the reasons for why I feel this way:
1. My mum has a long standing illness that has gotten worse lately. She relies on me a lot for emotional support. That part doesn't bother me as I like being there for her. Seeing her suffer breaks my heart and the thought of possibly losing her is unbearable. I start crying as soon as I think about this.
2. I am close to completing my PhD. I am less than 2 months away from submitting my thesis. I know I should feel happy about it but I can't help but think of the next step which is getting a job. There are basically no ads that I can apply to and the prospect of not finding an academic position is weighing me down. I am also under financial pressure as my money is running out since I have to take care of my mum's medical bills as well. I am afraid that I will need to take a non-career job I hate just to make ends meet.
3. I am single and in my 30s. Over the last couple of years, I haven't met anyone I connected to. I have exhausted all avenues. I did OLD extensively and either I met guys I liked who didn't like me back or I met guys I didn't connect to at all. The prospect of staying single or settling is depressing me further.
The only thing that would make me feel better is resolving at least one of the three issues. So I feel that standard treatment for depression would be of not much use to me.
Any advice on coping with all this?
This is probably simplistic, but I think that items one and two are natural and predictable reactions to these circumstances that most people who go through them experience. While knowing that--and reflecting on it--probably won't alleviate those feelings themselves, it might help to dispel any sense of fault or defect that follows from having those feelings.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:23 PM on November 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:23 PM on November 10, 2013 [1 favorite]
I know what you mean. I've been in a situation where it seemed that only solving a problem would improve my mood. Then I started exercising again, in this dance class that I used to really love. That got me eating better. Overall, I felt much better, but nothing had changed with my problem. So, maybe try exercise, a good sleep schedule, and healthy food?
posted by salvia at 6:26 PM on November 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
posted by salvia at 6:26 PM on November 10, 2013 [2 favorites]
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Take it from me though, you've got it backwards. You take care of the depression, then you can work on solving the problems. With the nasty depression gone, accomplishing other tasks is so much easier.
For the depression, I suggest seeing a doctor and inquiring about medicine after a full physical. If it's too daunting or expensive right now, that's OK. Try vitamin D, it is a miracle vitamin! My doctor put me on vitamins D, B6 and B12 and I began to feel the effects immediately.
As for problem solving, take baby steps.
1. Can you get yourself into some therapy, or maybe a caregiver's support group? There are groups online for many types of illnesses, or maybe ask her doctor if there's a group in your town. You need to take care of yourself, first. It's like an oxygen mask on an airplane, you've got to secure yours before you can help someone else.
2. Can you contact your university's financial department? Perhaps you are eligible for additional programs if your mother has become a financial dependent because of her medical bills. As for panic about jobs, put on some blinders. Just finish the thesis (and be proud of yourself!!) for now and worry about jobs once you've got the shiny PhD after your name.
3. This, I know, can suck. Right now, with Numbers 1 and 2, the stress of finding romance is bound to be an extra burden. Maybe tell yourself, "OK, I'm going to finish my thesis and when it's done I'll set up a profile on OKC (or whatever)." Romance is so frequently a bandaid or an easy distraction; right now you're under so much stress that the task of sifting through weirdos and whackjobs is going to leave you too exhausted to deal with 1 and 2. You're also emotionally and mentally zonked, which leaves you vulnerable to someone who might seem to fix all your problems but leaves you writing an how-to-DTMFA AskMe in six months and making everything worse. Focus on 1 and 2; 3 will fall in to place when there's more room in your tired mind and heart.
Good luck and please don't discount standard depression treatments. Depression is an evil nasty voice on your shoulder convincing you to do it all by yourself, but you really, really don't have to.
posted by mibo at 6:45 PM on November 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
For the depression, I suggest seeing a doctor and inquiring about medicine after a full physical. If it's too daunting or expensive right now, that's OK. Try vitamin D, it is a miracle vitamin! My doctor put me on vitamins D, B6 and B12 and I began to feel the effects immediately.
As for problem solving, take baby steps.
1. Can you get yourself into some therapy, or maybe a caregiver's support group? There are groups online for many types of illnesses, or maybe ask her doctor if there's a group in your town. You need to take care of yourself, first. It's like an oxygen mask on an airplane, you've got to secure yours before you can help someone else.
2. Can you contact your university's financial department? Perhaps you are eligible for additional programs if your mother has become a financial dependent because of her medical bills. As for panic about jobs, put on some blinders. Just finish the thesis (and be proud of yourself!!) for now and worry about jobs once you've got the shiny PhD after your name.
3. This, I know, can suck. Right now, with Numbers 1 and 2, the stress of finding romance is bound to be an extra burden. Maybe tell yourself, "OK, I'm going to finish my thesis and when it's done I'll set up a profile on OKC (or whatever)." Romance is so frequently a bandaid or an easy distraction; right now you're under so much stress that the task of sifting through weirdos and whackjobs is going to leave you too exhausted to deal with 1 and 2. You're also emotionally and mentally zonked, which leaves you vulnerable to someone who might seem to fix all your problems but leaves you writing an how-to-DTMFA AskMe in six months and making everything worse. Focus on 1 and 2; 3 will fall in to place when there's more room in your tired mind and heart.
Good luck and please don't discount standard depression treatments. Depression is an evil nasty voice on your shoulder convincing you to do it all by yourself, but you really, really don't have to.
posted by mibo at 6:45 PM on November 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Yeah that thing where your brain says, "only solving one or all of these currently-unsolvable problems will help, everything else is useless"?
That's depression. That's what depression does: tells you lies that make you think all solutions are worthless. So, first off, ignore that lie and treat your depression.
The common thread of all three of your major problems is that they are things you can't control. You cannot cure your mom's illness; you can't make jobs appear and you can't know whether you will get one or not until you finish your PhD, which is still in the future. And whether or not you meet someone to be in a relationship with is only halfway up to you.
So one way to cope with things you can't control is acceptance. Things are bad right now. Many things are not as you would wish them to be. And yet, you're alive, and things are basically okay. Your mom is still here with you; your PhD is almost done; you will be able to get SOME job, so as to eat and pay rent. Also, nothing is permanent. Every single one of the things you mention will change, because all things change. You can't know HOW they will change, but they will. If you keep waking up every day, eventually something will be different. But you have to stop focusing on the idea that "bad things will continue indefinitely or get worse." This is easier said than done.
Another way to cope is to throw yourself into what you CAN control. Making the time with your mom really high-quality. Eating well and sleeping enough. Exercising LOTS. And treating your depression.
posted by like_a_friend at 6:51 PM on November 10, 2013 [15 favorites]
That's depression. That's what depression does: tells you lies that make you think all solutions are worthless. So, first off, ignore that lie and treat your depression.
The common thread of all three of your major problems is that they are things you can't control. You cannot cure your mom's illness; you can't make jobs appear and you can't know whether you will get one or not until you finish your PhD, which is still in the future. And whether or not you meet someone to be in a relationship with is only halfway up to you.
So one way to cope with things you can't control is acceptance. Things are bad right now. Many things are not as you would wish them to be. And yet, you're alive, and things are basically okay. Your mom is still here with you; your PhD is almost done; you will be able to get SOME job, so as to eat and pay rent. Also, nothing is permanent. Every single one of the things you mention will change, because all things change. You can't know HOW they will change, but they will. If you keep waking up every day, eventually something will be different. But you have to stop focusing on the idea that "bad things will continue indefinitely or get worse." This is easier said than done.
Another way to cope is to throw yourself into what you CAN control. Making the time with your mom really high-quality. Eating well and sleeping enough. Exercising LOTS. And treating your depression.
posted by like_a_friend at 6:51 PM on November 10, 2013 [15 favorites]
When I was in a similar position, starting an effective dose of an antidepressant medication made it possible for me to do the things I needed to do to get my life in order. It's sort of a chicken-and-egg situation: are you depressed because things suck more than usual, or do things suck more than usual because you're depressed? For me (as for a lot of people, I suspect) it was a bit of both, but fixing the chemical imbalance made all of my problems seem less insurmountable and catastrophic. Finally, I could see a way out. And yes, it took YEARS and lots of tweaking to get my medication and the dosage right, but that's mostly because I had a hard time being honest with myself or my doctor regarding how well a particular drug/dosage was working. I didn't want to need medication so I insisted that the smallest dose of the first drug I tried worked fine, when actually I could have been trying other things that worked better for me.
I never talk about my depression, but to me it is like a voice in my head that constantly says, "Everything sure sucks, huh?" even when things are FINE. For me, SSRI medications weren't a magical panacea, but they did quiet that voice to the point where I can ignore it. I know a lot of people are afraid of starting antidepressants because they don't want to feel "numb," but I reached a point where even numb was preferable to feeling like I felt.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 6:56 PM on November 10, 2013
I never talk about my depression, but to me it is like a voice in my head that constantly says, "Everything sure sucks, huh?" even when things are FINE. For me, SSRI medications weren't a magical panacea, but they did quiet that voice to the point where I can ignore it. I know a lot of people are afraid of starting antidepressants because they don't want to feel "numb," but I reached a point where even numb was preferable to feeling like I felt.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 6:56 PM on November 10, 2013
I'm with mibo: you don't have the time or energy to look for love right now. I say this as someone who had a sick parent for 10 years--I especially was grateful to be single the last few years of my dad's life because I could not juggle another person in my load when I was already having to carry my mother. Sure, having love might be a happy thing or an ego boost or give you some emotional snuggles--but it's also adding someone else onto your burdens that has needs to be tended to, and that's if you catch a good one right off the bat, not just going through the usual string of losers on matchcupid.com. Plus going into a relationship with a giant emotional anvil hanging over your head like an ill parent also puts strains on a budding relationship. I'd recommend putting this one aside for now.
I second checking for a caregiver's support group--my university had one, and counseling programs at colleges are usually pretty easy to get into.
As for jobs: look, if you have to take a job that's not in your field, then you have to do it. It might happen, I won't lie. But you'll realize that any job at all is good on some level, if for nothing but the paycheck. It will be less of a worry on you to be getting paid for something rather than holding out and getting broker waiting for a "real" job. Given how the academic job market is slower than snails, I would actually say to get a non-"real"/career job when you have to while still applying for academic jobs.
I wish you luck.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:31 PM on November 10, 2013
I second checking for a caregiver's support group--my university had one, and counseling programs at colleges are usually pretty easy to get into.
As for jobs: look, if you have to take a job that's not in your field, then you have to do it. It might happen, I won't lie. But you'll realize that any job at all is good on some level, if for nothing but the paycheck. It will be less of a worry on you to be getting paid for something rather than holding out and getting broker waiting for a "real" job. Given how the academic job market is slower than snails, I would actually say to get a non-"real"/career job when you have to while still applying for academic jobs.
I wish you luck.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:31 PM on November 10, 2013
3. I am single and in my 30s. Over the last couple of years, I haven't met anyone I connected to. I have exhausted all avenues. I did OLD extensively and either I met guys I liked who didn't like me back or I met guys I didn't connect to at all. The prospect of staying single or settling is depressing me further.
This is all I feel i can address. If it helps, know that tons of ppl are going to be single whether they get divorced or just never find the right person. I think it'll matter less as we get older, because I'm seeing the first wave of divorces hitting those of my friends who married in their mid-20s.
Romantic relationships are pretty weird these days. I know a lot of ladies are pretty smug about being married or whatever, but I dated a lot this past summer (after the blessed end of a 6 yr cohabitating relationship) and even ended up as someone's girlfriend for a few months until the second month into grad school. the new relationship was something that was more effort than it was worth and it was depressing and stressful not being single and flirting with people who catch your eye because it wouldn't be a nice thing to do to a nice enough boyfriend, even though he was a lovely enough person in many ways but definitely not my cup of tea as a boyfriend.
So, I've hit 33 and am single and it's fine:-) I don't plan to do more than casually date for the rest of the year and say no to relationships (unless I fall in love and I really hope not since it'll screw everything up).
So know that you're not alone and I think most of us will be single anyhow, and it's fine. We can still have fun.
Memail me if you want to talk more through your worries about being single forever.
posted by discopolo at 7:49 PM on November 10, 2013
This is all I feel i can address. If it helps, know that tons of ppl are going to be single whether they get divorced or just never find the right person. I think it'll matter less as we get older, because I'm seeing the first wave of divorces hitting those of my friends who married in their mid-20s.
Romantic relationships are pretty weird these days. I know a lot of ladies are pretty smug about being married or whatever, but I dated a lot this past summer (after the blessed end of a 6 yr cohabitating relationship) and even ended up as someone's girlfriend for a few months until the second month into grad school. the new relationship was something that was more effort than it was worth and it was depressing and stressful not being single and flirting with people who catch your eye because it wouldn't be a nice thing to do to a nice enough boyfriend, even though he was a lovely enough person in many ways but definitely not my cup of tea as a boyfriend.
So, I've hit 33 and am single and it's fine:-) I don't plan to do more than casually date for the rest of the year and say no to relationships (unless I fall in love and I really hope not since it'll screw everything up).
So know that you're not alone and I think most of us will be single anyhow, and it's fine. We can still have fun.
Memail me if you want to talk more through your worries about being single forever.
posted by discopolo at 7:49 PM on November 10, 2013
Also, get enough rest, socialize with your girlfriends more, make sure you take a multivitamin, eat healthfully. Take care of yourself like you would your best friend if she was being stretched too thin.
And be nice to yourself. You are going through a lot and you have an enormous amount of stress on you emotionally. If you can get a therapist to talk to, do it. It helps a lot.
posted by discopolo at 7:57 PM on November 10, 2013
And be nice to yourself. You are going through a lot and you have an enormous amount of stress on you emotionally. If you can get a therapist to talk to, do it. It helps a lot.
posted by discopolo at 7:57 PM on November 10, 2013
Situational depression is still depression, and therefore an irrational subversion of your mind's normal decision-making apparatus. I'm going to attempt to lay out a step-by-step plan for beating it, or at least learning to cope until you can get through to a better time. The following advice is a distillation of my personal experience with chronic depression, and it is up to you to decide to what extent it applies in your situation. I will be speaking as if I am delivering concrete truths, but please keep in mind while reading this that depression is highly variable, people are highly variable, and what is true in one case is not necessarily true in another. The following stuff is true for me.
Step One: It is important, first off, to recognize that your inability to "get your life together" is down to a pathology in your decision-making and decision-executing, caused by a mental disorder that is rooted much deeper in your mind than where your decide-and-execute processes happen, and which is not directly accessible to you. Understanding this makes it much easier to tackle the problem, because it helps one envision the issue as a disorder rather than as a character flaw or lack of will or a normal symptom of being overwhelmed by stress.
Step Two: Next, you need to work on developing some basic coping mechanisms. These will give you the foundation you need to get to a place where you can start working on mitigation, advanced coping, and life changes. The first and most important coping mechanism is forgiveness. That is to say, when you find yourself crushed by depression and unable to function as well as you'd like, you need to forgive yourself. Relax. Don't let frustration and anxiety have their way. Instead, employ your second foundational coping mechanism: self-care. When you are feeling crushed, or anytime you think you might start to feel crushed soon, engage in some self-care. What this is is up to you, but it should be something immediate and relatively harmless that makes you feel good. It can be taking a nap, or eating a treat, or masturbating, or going for a walk, or calling a friend, or anything. Something simple that breaks you out of your dark place and makes you feel better, recharged, more in control. Third is what I call "moving forward". That means that after you forgive yourself and do some self-care to help yourself feel better, you need to mentally put the episode behind you, put it in the past, and get on with things. Don't dwell on it, don't mentally berate yourself, don't obsess about the lost time -- just pick up where you left off, and move forward.
Step Three: Once you have a basic handle on forgiveness, self-care and moving forward, it's time to start looking into mitigation strategies. There are a few things that are well-known to help with depression which almost anybody can employ. Getting more physical activity is one. Employing good sleep discipline and sleep hygiene is another. Eating nutritious food in appropriate amounts is a third. Taking care of your physical appearance and your living space is a fourth. Spending more time outside, especially in daylight, and especially in green spaces, is a fifth well-recognized way of mitigating depression. Start incorporating these mitigation strategies into your life, ideally in an organized and systematic way. If you fall down from time to time don't beat yourself up -- instead, fall back on your coping mechanisms. Forgive, take care of yourself, and move forward.
Step Four: Hopefully by now your depression will be under much better control! It won't be gone, but with any luck you'll now have the energy and skills to start taking bigger steps toward combating the root problem. Since your depression is situational, this is a bit easier than it is for the chronically depressed. You've done a great job of identifying three major causes of your depression: your mother's ill health, your anxiety over finding a job after you graduate, and your singledom. Start making plans for how to deal with these! Think about the future as it relates to your mother (cry if you have to). Come up with some ideas for how you can improve her quality of life and the quality of your relationship with her while she's still here, and begin planning how you will deal with her passing. Implement these plans as appropriate. Make plans for your job search, including contingency plans for if you can't find the job you want. Is a postdoctoral position an option in your field? Are there non-academic posts that you might look for, which would be satisfying at least in the medium term and leave the door open for an academic position later? Reorganize your job search in a realistic fashion and then start doing it. As far as being single, well, that's a little harder. You need to face the fact that you're probably not going to be a good partner unless your depression is reasonably controlled, but since by now you're well on the way to controlling it you might start taking some steps that will increase your chances of finding a partner. Find some interest groups that you can start attending. Get on OKCupid. Start asking people out and going on dates. Don't rush it though, when you're depressed you're vulnerable to falling into the trap of thinking that everything will be all better if you can only find a partner. It doesn't work that way. Be extra careful in order to compensate.
Step Five: At this point, or perhaps concurrently with the previous step, it should be worth taking some further action. You should continue working on developing more advanced, more personal coping mechanisms. Practice introspection and self-examination, and look for the patterns of behavior or thought that allow your depression to go from nagging to crushing. Find ways to break those patterns. Find additional self-care strategies, ones that are less immediate but which have a more pervasive effect. Look for sources of stress in your life that you can safely cut out -- a job responsibility that you can drop, a bad friendship that you can end, an unpaid bill or speeding ticket that you can pay off, etc. On the flip side, look into adopting behaviors and patterns that reduce your stress -- like a yoga class, or a revamped social life, or a new hobby. (If you think it's appropriate for your life circumstances, consider adopting a cat. Having a weird little animal at home who loves me and depends on me does wonders for keeping me on a straight track.) And keep working on steps one through four -- these steps are things that get layered on, you don't stop practicing forgiveness just because you've got a job plan figured out.
Step Six: If you've done all of that and it's still not helping enough, it's time to get a bit more drastic. Talk therapy is something that you should probably be engaged in from Day One if you can easily afford it, but even if it's difficult you might want to make a real effort to find a therapist at this point. Check your school's counseling center, for a start. There's also medication. Antidepressants are serious meds and discussion of all the pros and cons would be a post in itself (or a postgraduate career in itself) but if you're at this point then there are lots of good AskMes out there on MetaFilter about the subject. I also highly recommend crazymeds.org as a source of down-to-earth, researched, no-nonsense advice about psychiatric medication. Obviously you will also want to talk to your doctor if you come to this pass.
So, to sum up: start by recognizing the nature of your depression. Next, begin practicing forgiveness, self-care, and moving forward. Third, start employing mitigation strategies. Fourth, address the root causes. Fifth, work on advanced coping, cut out stressors, and adopt behaviors that promote your mental health. Finally, if you still aren't getting enough relief, look hard at professional therapy and/or medication.
That's more or less what worked for me. As I said at the beginning, you'll need to think about how the above advice applies to you and in what ways. Remember, you apply these steps in layers. It's not going to be easy -- there's going to be a lot of one-step-forward-two-steps-back type stuff happening. What you are looking for is gradual, incremental progress such that each week or month is, on average, a little better than the last. Celebrate your victories when they come, even if they're small ones. Learn to recognize your progress and praise yourself for it. And don't take any shit from assholes who will tell you that you just need to "try harder". Depression doesn't work that way.
Peace and love.
posted by Scientist at 8:14 PM on November 10, 2013 [20 favorites]
Step One: It is important, first off, to recognize that your inability to "get your life together" is down to a pathology in your decision-making and decision-executing, caused by a mental disorder that is rooted much deeper in your mind than where your decide-and-execute processes happen, and which is not directly accessible to you. Understanding this makes it much easier to tackle the problem, because it helps one envision the issue as a disorder rather than as a character flaw or lack of will or a normal symptom of being overwhelmed by stress.
Step Two: Next, you need to work on developing some basic coping mechanisms. These will give you the foundation you need to get to a place where you can start working on mitigation, advanced coping, and life changes. The first and most important coping mechanism is forgiveness. That is to say, when you find yourself crushed by depression and unable to function as well as you'd like, you need to forgive yourself. Relax. Don't let frustration and anxiety have their way. Instead, employ your second foundational coping mechanism: self-care. When you are feeling crushed, or anytime you think you might start to feel crushed soon, engage in some self-care. What this is is up to you, but it should be something immediate and relatively harmless that makes you feel good. It can be taking a nap, or eating a treat, or masturbating, or going for a walk, or calling a friend, or anything. Something simple that breaks you out of your dark place and makes you feel better, recharged, more in control. Third is what I call "moving forward". That means that after you forgive yourself and do some self-care to help yourself feel better, you need to mentally put the episode behind you, put it in the past, and get on with things. Don't dwell on it, don't mentally berate yourself, don't obsess about the lost time -- just pick up where you left off, and move forward.
Step Three: Once you have a basic handle on forgiveness, self-care and moving forward, it's time to start looking into mitigation strategies. There are a few things that are well-known to help with depression which almost anybody can employ. Getting more physical activity is one. Employing good sleep discipline and sleep hygiene is another. Eating nutritious food in appropriate amounts is a third. Taking care of your physical appearance and your living space is a fourth. Spending more time outside, especially in daylight, and especially in green spaces, is a fifth well-recognized way of mitigating depression. Start incorporating these mitigation strategies into your life, ideally in an organized and systematic way. If you fall down from time to time don't beat yourself up -- instead, fall back on your coping mechanisms. Forgive, take care of yourself, and move forward.
Step Four: Hopefully by now your depression will be under much better control! It won't be gone, but with any luck you'll now have the energy and skills to start taking bigger steps toward combating the root problem. Since your depression is situational, this is a bit easier than it is for the chronically depressed. You've done a great job of identifying three major causes of your depression: your mother's ill health, your anxiety over finding a job after you graduate, and your singledom. Start making plans for how to deal with these! Think about the future as it relates to your mother (cry if you have to). Come up with some ideas for how you can improve her quality of life and the quality of your relationship with her while she's still here, and begin planning how you will deal with her passing. Implement these plans as appropriate. Make plans for your job search, including contingency plans for if you can't find the job you want. Is a postdoctoral position an option in your field? Are there non-academic posts that you might look for, which would be satisfying at least in the medium term and leave the door open for an academic position later? Reorganize your job search in a realistic fashion and then start doing it. As far as being single, well, that's a little harder. You need to face the fact that you're probably not going to be a good partner unless your depression is reasonably controlled, but since by now you're well on the way to controlling it you might start taking some steps that will increase your chances of finding a partner. Find some interest groups that you can start attending. Get on OKCupid. Start asking people out and going on dates. Don't rush it though, when you're depressed you're vulnerable to falling into the trap of thinking that everything will be all better if you can only find a partner. It doesn't work that way. Be extra careful in order to compensate.
Step Five: At this point, or perhaps concurrently with the previous step, it should be worth taking some further action. You should continue working on developing more advanced, more personal coping mechanisms. Practice introspection and self-examination, and look for the patterns of behavior or thought that allow your depression to go from nagging to crushing. Find ways to break those patterns. Find additional self-care strategies, ones that are less immediate but which have a more pervasive effect. Look for sources of stress in your life that you can safely cut out -- a job responsibility that you can drop, a bad friendship that you can end, an unpaid bill or speeding ticket that you can pay off, etc. On the flip side, look into adopting behaviors and patterns that reduce your stress -- like a yoga class, or a revamped social life, or a new hobby. (If you think it's appropriate for your life circumstances, consider adopting a cat. Having a weird little animal at home who loves me and depends on me does wonders for keeping me on a straight track.) And keep working on steps one through four -- these steps are things that get layered on, you don't stop practicing forgiveness just because you've got a job plan figured out.
Step Six: If you've done all of that and it's still not helping enough, it's time to get a bit more drastic. Talk therapy is something that you should probably be engaged in from Day One if you can easily afford it, but even if it's difficult you might want to make a real effort to find a therapist at this point. Check your school's counseling center, for a start. There's also medication. Antidepressants are serious meds and discussion of all the pros and cons would be a post in itself (or a postgraduate career in itself) but if you're at this point then there are lots of good AskMes out there on MetaFilter about the subject. I also highly recommend crazymeds.org as a source of down-to-earth, researched, no-nonsense advice about psychiatric medication. Obviously you will also want to talk to your doctor if you come to this pass.
So, to sum up: start by recognizing the nature of your depression. Next, begin practicing forgiveness, self-care, and moving forward. Third, start employing mitigation strategies. Fourth, address the root causes. Fifth, work on advanced coping, cut out stressors, and adopt behaviors that promote your mental health. Finally, if you still aren't getting enough relief, look hard at professional therapy and/or medication.
That's more or less what worked for me. As I said at the beginning, you'll need to think about how the above advice applies to you and in what ways. Remember, you apply these steps in layers. It's not going to be easy -- there's going to be a lot of one-step-forward-two-steps-back type stuff happening. What you are looking for is gradual, incremental progress such that each week or month is, on average, a little better than the last. Celebrate your victories when they come, even if they're small ones. Learn to recognize your progress and praise yourself for it. And don't take any shit from assholes who will tell you that you just need to "try harder". Depression doesn't work that way.
Peace and love.
posted by Scientist at 8:14 PM on November 10, 2013 [20 favorites]
Feeling sad about one's mother's illness, or stressed out about career issues, or worried that you will grow old alone, are normal emotions, and we should not automatically rush to label such emotions as disordered or indicative of depression.
IANAP (I am not a psychologist!) but my BA is in psych, I worked in the field, I volunteered on a suicide hotline, I am a depressed person myself, have had depressed loved ones, have read a lot, and am very familiar with depression. You may have it, but nothing you've written in your post makes me particularly think you do.
So, first thing is to determine if you actually do have depression. You can't treat something you don't have. If you really think you may have it, get thee to a competent psychiatrist or psychologist and get diagnosed.
The suggestions about self-care are good whether you do or don't have depression. Eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, getting enough vitamin D, can make a dramatic difference in one's happiness level.
The suggestions about foregoing love for now are not good. You are not promised tomorrow. If you "put off" looking for a romantic partner (or at least being *open* to finding one should they appear) until some magical far-off time when the rest of your life is easier (as some responders here seem to recommend), it is less likely to happen. You could become ill tomorrow and die. Do not assume you "have time" to do something later that is important to you. I notice that no one is suggesting you put off your career or put off caring for your mother. And you shouldn't, because these are important things that need doing. For many people, a romantic life is also very important to their happiness, and nothing is wrong with that.
I don't know what OLD is, but surely it can't be the only way to meet people. Try something different. Ask friends to set you up. Look online. Join a support group for caregivers. Or 101 other ideas that you can find by brainstorming, asking around or looking online. Obviously you can't devote a tremendous amount of time to it right now, but keeping the hope alive and the possibilities open is life-affirming.
But my biggest suggestion is to feel the feelings that you are feeling. Don't rush in to fix them. Don't cover them over with rationalizations ("well, lots of people are single"). Sit with them. Journal about them. Talk about them with a friend who will not invalidate the way you feel. Often, feeling your feelings, talking them through, and getting them out is what helps you work through them and eventually move on to other feelings.
If you have any room to add to your reading list, I'd recommend "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron.
posted by parrot_person at 9:41 PM on November 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
IANAP (I am not a psychologist!) but my BA is in psych, I worked in the field, I volunteered on a suicide hotline, I am a depressed person myself, have had depressed loved ones, have read a lot, and am very familiar with depression. You may have it, but nothing you've written in your post makes me particularly think you do.
So, first thing is to determine if you actually do have depression. You can't treat something you don't have. If you really think you may have it, get thee to a competent psychiatrist or psychologist and get diagnosed.
The suggestions about self-care are good whether you do or don't have depression. Eating well, exercising, getting enough sleep, getting enough vitamin D, can make a dramatic difference in one's happiness level.
The suggestions about foregoing love for now are not good. You are not promised tomorrow. If you "put off" looking for a romantic partner (or at least being *open* to finding one should they appear) until some magical far-off time when the rest of your life is easier (as some responders here seem to recommend), it is less likely to happen. You could become ill tomorrow and die. Do not assume you "have time" to do something later that is important to you. I notice that no one is suggesting you put off your career or put off caring for your mother. And you shouldn't, because these are important things that need doing. For many people, a romantic life is also very important to their happiness, and nothing is wrong with that.
I don't know what OLD is, but surely it can't be the only way to meet people. Try something different. Ask friends to set you up. Look online. Join a support group for caregivers. Or 101 other ideas that you can find by brainstorming, asking around or looking online. Obviously you can't devote a tremendous amount of time to it right now, but keeping the hope alive and the possibilities open is life-affirming.
But my biggest suggestion is to feel the feelings that you are feeling. Don't rush in to fix them. Don't cover them over with rationalizations ("well, lots of people are single"). Sit with them. Journal about them. Talk about them with a friend who will not invalidate the way you feel. Often, feeling your feelings, talking them through, and getting them out is what helps you work through them and eventually move on to other feelings.
If you have any room to add to your reading list, I'd recommend "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron.
posted by parrot_person at 9:41 PM on November 10, 2013 [3 favorites]
Along with better self care (and possibly treatment for depression), I wonder about your mom leaning on only you for emotional support. I understand needing to do a lot of the care for her, but she should have a wider base of support. Does she have friends who could visit more often or who could have regular phone dates with? Even if they aren't doing any physical help, being there emotionally could help immensely. If she's fallen out of touch with friends but you could reach out to them, I think it's worth spending some time to figure out. (Or if she has a religion, reaching out to see if there is local outreach/visiting committees, could be another social outlet for her.) All of her needs shouldn't be falling on you alone; it's just too much. Get some help for her and you. (And while you're looking for a support group for yourself, maybe there's one for her as well?)
posted by Margalo Epps at 10:10 PM on November 10, 2013
posted by Margalo Epps at 10:10 PM on November 10, 2013
You know, just as an example, the death of a spouse is a situational rather than an organic trigger for depression, but that doesn't mean that Prozac and talk therapy don't help. They do. You have a lot on your plate; don't reject the standard treatments for depression out of hand. Please talk to your GP.
posted by DarlingBri at 12:37 AM on November 11, 2013
posted by DarlingBri at 12:37 AM on November 11, 2013
The only thing that would make me feel better is resolving at least one of the three issues. So I feel that standard treatment for depression would be of not much use to me.
For me, that line of thinking was a symptom of depression that kept me out of treatment for a long time. Depression is like a parasite that will do anything to stay in the nice, comfy home it's built itself inside our brains.
It may be worth a try to see if some kind of treatment for depression (be it what you perceive as the standard kind or some other) will help you resolve one of the three issues. It's the old switcheroo. Feeling stronger, and having more confidence, and not being stuck in loops of negative self-messages could increase your chances of being able to help your parent without being dragged down yourself; of thinking of creative ways to search for employment in your field; and of being ready for whatever comes along in your romantic life.
In the emotional state you're in right now, would you be able to recognize and cope with the perfect job and romantic partner if they fell into your lap tomorrow?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:11 AM on November 11, 2013
For me, that line of thinking was a symptom of depression that kept me out of treatment for a long time. Depression is like a parasite that will do anything to stay in the nice, comfy home it's built itself inside our brains.
It may be worth a try to see if some kind of treatment for depression (be it what you perceive as the standard kind or some other) will help you resolve one of the three issues. It's the old switcheroo. Feeling stronger, and having more confidence, and not being stuck in loops of negative self-messages could increase your chances of being able to help your parent without being dragged down yourself; of thinking of creative ways to search for employment in your field; and of being ready for whatever comes along in your romantic life.
In the emotional state you're in right now, would you be able to recognize and cope with the perfect job and romantic partner if they fell into your lap tomorrow?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:11 AM on November 11, 2013
Feeling sad about one's mother's illness, or stressed out about career issues, or worried that you will grow old alone, are normal emotions, and we should not automatically rush to label such emotions as disordered or indicative of depression.
I thought this was worth addressing, since it's a common criticism leveled at sufferers of situational depression. I'll try to keep it in the context of your question, sabina_r.
People who are suffering from situational depression often believe, or are told by others who believe, that what they are going through is just a normal reaction to the problems in their life and not something that merits any special attention. Sometimes they are even told that they are being weak, or melodramatic, or that they need to learn to "get over it". After all it's normal to be sad that your mother is sick, to feel stressed and anxious about a difficult job search, and to feel lonely when you are single and don't want to be. All that is true.
However, there are normal responses and then there are pathological responses. I'm not a doctor either, and in any case there's not really enough information in your question to make an educated guess as to whether your response is pathological or not. However, you have characterized your response as depression, and what descriptions you give of your experience are statements like "I have lately lost passion for life" and "everything looks very bleak". I feel like that's enough that for the purposes of this question, we can assume that what you're going through is a pathological response rather than normal grieving/anxiety/loneliness.
Situational depression is a real thing, and unlike normal stress responses it involves a subversion of your normal stress-coping mechanisms and of your ability to take charge and either power through your problems or else make the necessary changes to improve your situation. It affects your whole life, expanding beyond the original problem sites, sucking the joy out of life, and making you feel worthless and powerless. The primary predictor is not the severity of the stressor (though stronger stressors are more likely to cause it) but rather the quality and nature of the response. Something that is merely stressful to one person could easily be a trigger for depression to another person.
Depression requires a very different plan of attack than normal stress response. It's rooted much deeper in the psyche and it undermines the very coping abilities that we normally use to deal with stress. We can't tell from here whether your response is normal or pathological, but you probably can if you examine your experience. A therapist or psychiatrist could probably tell too, assuming that you are able to communicate clearly to them in language they understand and assuming that they don't let their personal and/or professional biases override their medical judgement.
The good news is that while attacking depression as if it were normal anxiety/sadness/loneliness doesn't work very well, attacking normal anxiety/sadness/loneliness as if it were depression does work. Dealing with depression (medication aside, for now) involves putting yourself in a position where you can start effectively dealing with whatever parts of your life are causing you pain and stress in the first place. It also involves employing mitigation strategies that help to effectively combat stress even if you can't attack the root problem, so that you will can get yourself to a place where your stress response is less pathological. So even if you aren't technically depressed in a way that would satisfy a doctor's diagnosis, much of the advice you are getting in this thread is likely to still be helpful for you.
You are going to encounter many people who will tell you that what you are going through is normal and that you are just being over-dramatic about it (with the implication that you are being selfish, or weak, or that you are just looking for attention). Always remember that what you feel is what you feel. I trust that you aren't asking this question simply because you want attention or sympathy -- that would be deeply uncharitable, and you've given no reason for me to feel that that's what you're doing. Only you can judge whether your experience is real or not, and others have no place invalidating your own lived experience. A psychiatric professional might be able to help you classify your experience as either pathological or normal and point you toward the therapies that will be most effective for the former or the latter, but regardless you feel what you feel and nobody can justifiably deny that.
Let yourself be the ultimate judge of your own mental and emotional state, and always remember that different people respond very differently to similar situations. Just because not everybody who goes through an experience like yours ends up depressed doesn't mean you are weak or broken -- it just means that you are more prone to situational depression than some other people, in the same way that some people are more prone to catch colds, or to develop breast cancer, or to dislocate a shoulder. Learn to carefully evaluate your own lived experience (and enlist the help of a good psychiatric professional if you feel you need it, but don't accept their assessment over your own if you feel it really doesn't mesh with what you are feeling) and act accordingly. If your evaluation indicates a pathological response, an irrational response that is undermining your usual ability to cope with life's stresses, then act accordingly.
Either way, there's a lot of good advice for you in this thread. You are unquestionably going through a difficult time. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Take care of yourself. And keep moving forward.
posted by Scientist at 7:52 AM on November 11, 2013 [3 favorites]
I thought this was worth addressing, since it's a common criticism leveled at sufferers of situational depression. I'll try to keep it in the context of your question, sabina_r.
People who are suffering from situational depression often believe, or are told by others who believe, that what they are going through is just a normal reaction to the problems in their life and not something that merits any special attention. Sometimes they are even told that they are being weak, or melodramatic, or that they need to learn to "get over it". After all it's normal to be sad that your mother is sick, to feel stressed and anxious about a difficult job search, and to feel lonely when you are single and don't want to be. All that is true.
However, there are normal responses and then there are pathological responses. I'm not a doctor either, and in any case there's not really enough information in your question to make an educated guess as to whether your response is pathological or not. However, you have characterized your response as depression, and what descriptions you give of your experience are statements like "I have lately lost passion for life" and "everything looks very bleak". I feel like that's enough that for the purposes of this question, we can assume that what you're going through is a pathological response rather than normal grieving/anxiety/loneliness.
Situational depression is a real thing, and unlike normal stress responses it involves a subversion of your normal stress-coping mechanisms and of your ability to take charge and either power through your problems or else make the necessary changes to improve your situation. It affects your whole life, expanding beyond the original problem sites, sucking the joy out of life, and making you feel worthless and powerless. The primary predictor is not the severity of the stressor (though stronger stressors are more likely to cause it) but rather the quality and nature of the response. Something that is merely stressful to one person could easily be a trigger for depression to another person.
Depression requires a very different plan of attack than normal stress response. It's rooted much deeper in the psyche and it undermines the very coping abilities that we normally use to deal with stress. We can't tell from here whether your response is normal or pathological, but you probably can if you examine your experience. A therapist or psychiatrist could probably tell too, assuming that you are able to communicate clearly to them in language they understand and assuming that they don't let their personal and/or professional biases override their medical judgement.
The good news is that while attacking depression as if it were normal anxiety/sadness/loneliness doesn't work very well, attacking normal anxiety/sadness/loneliness as if it were depression does work. Dealing with depression (medication aside, for now) involves putting yourself in a position where you can start effectively dealing with whatever parts of your life are causing you pain and stress in the first place. It also involves employing mitigation strategies that help to effectively combat stress even if you can't attack the root problem, so that you will can get yourself to a place where your stress response is less pathological. So even if you aren't technically depressed in a way that would satisfy a doctor's diagnosis, much of the advice you are getting in this thread is likely to still be helpful for you.
You are going to encounter many people who will tell you that what you are going through is normal and that you are just being over-dramatic about it (with the implication that you are being selfish, or weak, or that you are just looking for attention). Always remember that what you feel is what you feel. I trust that you aren't asking this question simply because you want attention or sympathy -- that would be deeply uncharitable, and you've given no reason for me to feel that that's what you're doing. Only you can judge whether your experience is real or not, and others have no place invalidating your own lived experience. A psychiatric professional might be able to help you classify your experience as either pathological or normal and point you toward the therapies that will be most effective for the former or the latter, but regardless you feel what you feel and nobody can justifiably deny that.
Let yourself be the ultimate judge of your own mental and emotional state, and always remember that different people respond very differently to similar situations. Just because not everybody who goes through an experience like yours ends up depressed doesn't mean you are weak or broken -- it just means that you are more prone to situational depression than some other people, in the same way that some people are more prone to catch colds, or to develop breast cancer, or to dislocate a shoulder. Learn to carefully evaluate your own lived experience (and enlist the help of a good psychiatric professional if you feel you need it, but don't accept their assessment over your own if you feel it really doesn't mesh with what you are feeling) and act accordingly. If your evaluation indicates a pathological response, an irrational response that is undermining your usual ability to cope with life's stresses, then act accordingly.
Either way, there's a lot of good advice for you in this thread. You are unquestionably going through a difficult time. Love yourself. Forgive yourself. Take care of yourself. And keep moving forward.
posted by Scientist at 7:52 AM on November 11, 2013 [3 favorites]
Just as a heads-up, OLD stands for "online dating," so telling sabina_r to "try looking on OKCupid" as dating advice is telling her something she already knows.
Sabina_r, my advice for your issue #3 is to think of things you would like to try or are interested in that would be difficult to do if partnered—places you want to travel (why do people always act like traveling is something you should do with a partner? I love traveling alone, nobody can make me go do anything I don't want to, and I can do all kinds of weird stuff without worrying about what anyone will think), weird hobbies you want to get really into (camping? rugby? glassblowing? fishing? who cares what anybody else thinks of your hobby, it's yours!), maybe even different places you've always wanted to live—and do some of those things. I'm a lifelong single person, and I am actually looking forward to doing even more of this later in my life (I kind of want a motorcycle…). Like, to the point where if I do meet someone, I'll be a little bit like, "Wait, what about the weird stuff I wanted to do, though?!"
My other advice is to find other ways to be fruitful, à la this totally awesome comment by Eyebrows McGee.
posted by honey wheat at 1:16 PM on November 11, 2013
Sabina_r, my advice for your issue #3 is to think of things you would like to try or are interested in that would be difficult to do if partnered—places you want to travel (why do people always act like traveling is something you should do with a partner? I love traveling alone, nobody can make me go do anything I don't want to, and I can do all kinds of weird stuff without worrying about what anyone will think), weird hobbies you want to get really into (camping? rugby? glassblowing? fishing? who cares what anybody else thinks of your hobby, it's yours!), maybe even different places you've always wanted to live—and do some of those things. I'm a lifelong single person, and I am actually looking forward to doing even more of this later in my life (I kind of want a motorcycle…). Like, to the point where if I do meet someone, I'll be a little bit like, "Wait, what about the weird stuff I wanted to do, though?!"
My other advice is to find other ways to be fruitful, à la this totally awesome comment by Eyebrows McGee.
posted by honey wheat at 1:16 PM on November 11, 2013
Here are two things that helped me a lot - Getting a Genomind Test and being prescribed Deplin.
posted by speedoavenger at 5:51 PM on November 11, 2013
posted by speedoavenger at 5:51 PM on November 11, 2013
IANAMHP (mental health professional), but more first- and second-hand experience with depression than I'd like, so a few thoughts...
First, if you are beating yourself up about feeling this way, I'll add myself as another a random person you don't know on the Internet giving you permission to stop.
More seriously, though, it's really common to be depressed about every single one of the 3 issues you list, even one at a time. Would everyone be? Maybe not, but I think a lot of people would, and you should not feel guilty or weak or anything like that for feeling how you do.
And in some ways I think it doesn't actually matter what the circumstances are or how other people would feel in your situation. What matters so much more is how you feel about yourself and your situation. Whatever label should be applied, it sounds like you feel terrible and you need to change something and/or get help from other people. As for what to do, here are some relatively concrete ideas:
* Read Feeling Good Handbook and do the exercises. I found it a bit cheesy, but also helpful for depression.
* Listen to Mental Illness Happy Hour. Maybe not your thing, but definitely worth trying out.
* You are far from the only PhD student at your university stressed out about finishing and finding a job. (I can't remember the citation right now, but I'm pretty sure there was a study showing PhD students near graduation are some of the most depressed people out there.) There may be inexpensive counseling or support groups available on campus. I understand that depending on what's available, money may be a factor, but I would strongly encourage you not to let time be one. I have great confidence that any time you put into your mental health at this stage will be repaid many times over in increased productivity (not to mention feeling better).
* Consider keeping a journal. I didn't see the point for years, but have been really surprised at how much insight I've gained just by putting on paper what was already in my own head. It's still weird to me that it actually works, but it does.
* Don't rule out drugs. Not needed or helpful for everyone with depression, but for some people really life changing.
Congrats on reaching out for help. Lots of people who need it never do.
posted by at home in my head at 8:40 PM on November 11, 2013
First, if you are beating yourself up about feeling this way, I'll add myself as another a random person you don't know on the Internet giving you permission to stop.
More seriously, though, it's really common to be depressed about every single one of the 3 issues you list, even one at a time. Would everyone be? Maybe not, but I think a lot of people would, and you should not feel guilty or weak or anything like that for feeling how you do.
And in some ways I think it doesn't actually matter what the circumstances are or how other people would feel in your situation. What matters so much more is how you feel about yourself and your situation. Whatever label should be applied, it sounds like you feel terrible and you need to change something and/or get help from other people. As for what to do, here are some relatively concrete ideas:
* Read Feeling Good Handbook and do the exercises. I found it a bit cheesy, but also helpful for depression.
* Listen to Mental Illness Happy Hour. Maybe not your thing, but definitely worth trying out.
* You are far from the only PhD student at your university stressed out about finishing and finding a job. (I can't remember the citation right now, but I'm pretty sure there was a study showing PhD students near graduation are some of the most depressed people out there.) There may be inexpensive counseling or support groups available on campus. I understand that depending on what's available, money may be a factor, but I would strongly encourage you not to let time be one. I have great confidence that any time you put into your mental health at this stage will be repaid many times over in increased productivity (not to mention feeling better).
* Consider keeping a journal. I didn't see the point for years, but have been really surprised at how much insight I've gained just by putting on paper what was already in my own head. It's still weird to me that it actually works, but it does.
* Don't rule out drugs. Not needed or helpful for everyone with depression, but for some people really life changing.
Congrats on reaching out for help. Lots of people who need it never do.
posted by at home in my head at 8:40 PM on November 11, 2013
You know, just as an example, the death of a spouse is a situational rather than an organic trigger for depression, but that doesn't mean that Prozac and talk therapy don't help. They do.
Talk therapy is helpful for some people, sure. Anti-depressants (such as Prozac) for normal grief? Very inappropriate.
You are going to encounter many people who will tell you that what you are going through is normal and that you are just being over-dramatic about it (with the implication that you are being selfish, or weak, or that you are just looking for attention).
Hmmm, where are these people? I don't see any of them in this thread. Although what the poster is going through would seem to be "normal" as far as I can tell, I would certainly never tell her she's being overly dramatic about it. And I don't adore how you seem to be conflating those two viewpoints.
posted by parrot_person at 12:53 AM on November 14, 2013
Talk therapy is helpful for some people, sure. Anti-depressants (such as Prozac) for normal grief? Very inappropriate.
You are going to encounter many people who will tell you that what you are going through is normal and that you are just being over-dramatic about it (with the implication that you are being selfish, or weak, or that you are just looking for attention).
Hmmm, where are these people? I don't see any of them in this thread. Although what the poster is going through would seem to be "normal" as far as I can tell, I would certainly never tell her she's being overly dramatic about it. And I don't adore how you seem to be conflating those two viewpoints.
posted by parrot_person at 12:53 AM on November 14, 2013
parrot_person, I am a therapist, have worked a lot with people dealing with grief and depression, and you're making a lot of categorical statements in this thread that seem well-intentioned but are fairly misinformed, and you may want to back off a bit.
Especially for people who have had depression in the past (diagnosed or not), situational triggers can very much, well, trigger full-on depressive episodes. It's dangerous and cruel to tell people who are suffering that they shouldn't seek out effective treatment simply because the situation that triggered the suffering is transient, because the suffering may not be so temporary (and the DSM-V changes the diagnostic criteria for bereavement specifically to address such a situation).
posted by jaguar at 9:14 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
Especially for people who have had depression in the past (diagnosed or not), situational triggers can very much, well, trigger full-on depressive episodes. It's dangerous and cruel to tell people who are suffering that they shouldn't seek out effective treatment simply because the situation that triggered the suffering is transient, because the suffering may not be so temporary (and the DSM-V changes the diagnostic criteria for bereavement specifically to address such a situation).
posted by jaguar at 9:14 AM on November 14, 2013 [1 favorite]
Mod note: Answers need to be directed towards the OP who is not anon, feel free to take sidebar discussions with others to MeMail.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:54 AM on December 17, 2013
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:54 AM on December 17, 2013
This thread is closed to new comments.
You're dealing with a lot of transitions. Transitions tend to cause a lot of stress, even if they're good transitions. Therapy is an awesome place for dealing with that stress, and especially if you've previously been on medication for depression, medication may also be indicated at such stressful times.
Basically, "standard treatment for depression" is pretty much "what you should do when you're dealing with a lot of stress and feeling overwhelmed," and is effective in both situations.
posted by jaguar at 6:18 PM on November 10, 2013